How important is a woman's income to a guy when she's dating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, you'll find men who are into all sorts of things, but 99% of the men I know care only how pretty women are.

Lose some weight, put on lipstick and eyeliner and make your hair look cared for in some way, and you'll do better in the dating market than someone earning 6 figures who doesn't.

Really, are you serious?

So, highly educated men like surgeons, professors, attorneys, etc, would rather date pretty women than highly educated women with a 6 figure salary?

They're largely dating and marrying highly educated women with 6 figure salaries who are also pretty. It's called assortative mating and it is more engrained now than it ever has been. It's part of why class lines have grown deeper and harder to cross. There are exceptions, but the surgeons, professors, attorneys, etc. are largely dating women like them. They're marrying (pretty! that still matters) women they met in school, at professional events, etc. Sure, there are some that are marrying the secretary, but that is increasingly uncommon. So will the pretty woman with a GED who tries may do better than an educated, obese slob, there are TONS of good looking women who tick all of the attractive boxes.

*while

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, you'll find men who are into all sorts of things, but 99% of the men I know care only how pretty women are.

Lose some weight, put on lipstick and eyeliner and make your hair look cared for in some way, and you'll do better in the dating market than someone earning 6 figures who doesn't.

Really, are you serious?

So, highly educated men like surgeons, professors, attorneys, etc, would rather date pretty women than highly educated women with a 6 figure salary?

They're largely dating and marrying highly educated women with 6 figure salaries who are also pretty. It's called assortative mating and it is more engrained now than it ever has been. It's part of why class lines have grown deeper and harder to cross. There are exceptions, but the surgeons, professors, attorneys, etc. are largely dating women like them. They're marrying (pretty! that still matters) women they met in school, at professional events, etc. Sure, there are some that are marrying the secretary, but that is increasingly uncommon. So will the pretty woman with a GED who tries may do better than an educated, obese slob, there are TONS of good looking women who tick all of the attractive boxes.

I largely agree with this. I went to a top 3 law school and am about ten years out. About 1/3 to 1/2 of my classmates married another classmate. Although I do not know of more than 1-2 female classmates who have become SAHMs, many of them did stints in biglaw and then left for in house/gov't/nonprofit sector jobs that offer much better work life balance so that they can be the primary caretakers, while many of my male classmates are now biglaw partners (some of my female classmates are too, but at a much, much lower proportion). But this PP is right, pretty definitely still matters. My female classmates who made an effort with their appearance (slim, well dressed, at least some attention to makeup/hair) were definitely widely sought after by the most successful guys in my class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not so sure of that. Lots of divorced men do care. Divorce is not only costly but I think they’re emerging as not wanting to foot the bill for another person. Of course there are exceptions to this.

My dad said this after his divorce. He mentioned that he had enough money to support himself, but not another person. He wasn't being money-hungry at all but realistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My DH makes slightly more than that range now, and I make about 200K. Even though we could theoretically live off of his income alone, he's always been very clear that he wants me to continue working and thinks it's risky to be relying on just one income.

Sure, but if he lost his job, how long could the family get by on just yours? If you couldn’t then how much risk are you really mitigating by working?

Well, together, they earn enough to have savings. If the job loss lasts too long, they can move to a smaller place. A smaller place is better than being homeless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, you'll find men who are into all sorts of things, but 99% of the men I know care only how pretty women are.

Lose some weight, put on lipstick and eyeliner and make your hair look cared for in some way, and you'll do better in the dating market than someone earning 6 figures who doesn't.

Really, are you serious?

So, highly educated men like surgeons, professors, attorneys, etc, would rather date pretty women than highly educated women with a 6 figure salary?

Ummm. Are you new to life? Or just listening to too many women’s studies majors?
Yes. This is serious. Men are uncomplicated creatures at a basic biological level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, you'll find men who are into all sorts of things, but 99% of the men I know care only how pretty women are.

Lose some weight, put on lipstick and eyeliner and make your hair look cared for in some way, and you'll do better in the dating market than someone earning 6 figures who doesn't.

Really, are you serious?

So, highly educated men like surgeons, professors, attorneys, etc, would rather date pretty women than highly educated women with a 6 figure salary?

They're largely dating and marrying highly educated women with 6 figure salaries who are also pretty. It's called assortative mating and it is more engrained now than it ever has been. It's part of why class lines have grown deeper and harder to cross. There are exceptions, but the surgeons, professors, attorneys, etc. are largely dating women like them. They're marrying (pretty! that still matters) women they met in school, at professional events, etc. Sure, there are some that are marrying the secretary, but that is increasingly uncommon. So will the pretty woman with a GED who tries may do better than an educated, obese slob, there are TONS of good looking women who tick all of the attractive boxes.

I largely agree with this. I went to a top 3 law school and am about ten years out. About 1/3 to 1/2 of my classmates married another classmate. Although I do not know of more than 1-2 female classmates who have become SAHMs, many of them did stints in biglaw and then left for in house/gov't/nonprofit sector jobs that offer much better work life balance so that they can be the primary caretakers, while many of my male classmates are now biglaw partners (some of my female classmates are too, but at a much, much lower proportion). But this PP is right, pretty definitely still matters. My female classmates who made an effort with their appearance (slim, well dressed, at least some attention to makeup/hair) were definitely widely sought after by the most successful guys in my class.

The stats bear this out. DCUM has a weird male contingent that is like, "I don't care if she comes from a family of three headed monkeys, is a paranoid Schizophrenic with 6 kids by 6 dads with a 6th grade education and a part time interest in meth. IS SHE HOT? Is she thin and would I want to bone that bod? That's all that matters!" By and large, no, that is not how people date or marry.

[Anonymous]

That's not what PP was saying though. Obviously Ivanka Trump has an advantage on an equally pretty woman without.money. but for most men, beauty is the first filter, then personality/brains, then money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, you'll find men who are into all sorts of things, but 99% of the men I know care only how pretty women are.

Lose some weight, put on lipstick and eyeliner and make your hair look cared for in some way, and you'll do better in the dating market than someone earning 6 figures who doesn't.

Really, are you serious?

So, highly educated men like surgeons, professors, attorneys, etc, would rather date pretty women than highly educated women with a 6 figure salary?

They're largely dating and marrying highly educated women with 6 figure salaries who are also pretty. It's called assortative mating and it is more engrained now than it ever has been. It's part of why class lines have grown deeper and harder to cross. There are exceptions, but the surgeons, professors, attorneys, etc. are largely dating women like them. They're marrying (pretty! that still matters) women they met in school, at professional events, etc. Sure, there are some that are marrying the secretary, but that is increasingly uncommon. So will the pretty woman with a GED who tries may do better than an educated, obese slob, there are TONS of good looking women who tick all of the attractive boxes.

I largely agree with this. I went to a top 3 law school and am about ten years out. About 1/3 to 1/2 of my classmates married another classmate. Although I do not know of more than 1-2 female classmates who have become SAHMs, many of them did stints in biglaw and then left for in house/gov't/nonprofit sector jobs that offer much better work life balance so that they can be the primary caretakers, while many of my male classmates are now biglaw partners (some of my female classmates are too, but at a much, much lower proportion). But this PP is right, pretty definitely still matters. My female classmates who made an effort with their appearance (slim, well dressed, at least some attention to makeup/hair) were definitely widely sought after by the most successful guys in my class.

The stats bear this out. DCUM has a weird male contingent that is like, "I don't care if she comes from a family of three headed monkeys, is a paranoid Schizophrenic with 6 kids by 6 dads with a 6th grade education and a part time interest in meth. IS SHE HOT? Is she thin and would I want to bone that bod? That's all that matters!" By and large, no, that is not how people date or marry.

Trust me, every guy maxes out on the attractiveness scale first and then if she is crazy/stupid/lazy then that's a knock against her. No way a guy is going to trade off a 9 who is a little ditzy for a 6 who is a corporate wage slave making 150k. Is there SOME tradeoff, yes. A 7 who is smart, nice, great at sex is probably better than a 9 who is crazy, an idiot, and bad in bed. But you have to get really extreme differences to justify moving down the attractiveness scale.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, you'll find men who are into all sorts of things, but 99% of the men I know care only how pretty women are.

Lose some weight, put on lipstick and eyeliner and make your hair look cared for in some way, and you'll do better in the dating market than someone earning 6 figures who doesn't.

Really, are you serious?

So, highly educated men like surgeons, professors, attorneys, etc, would rather date pretty women than highly educated women with a 6 figure salary?

They're largely dating and marrying highly educated women with 6 figure salaries who are also pretty. It's called assortative mating and it is more engrained now than it ever has been. It's part of why class lines have grown deeper and harder to cross. There are exceptions, but the surgeons, professors, attorneys, etc. are largely dating women like them. They're marrying (pretty! that still matters) women they met in school, at professional events, etc. Sure, there are some that are marrying the secretary, but that is increasingly uncommon. So will the pretty woman with a GED who tries may do better than an educated, obese slob, there are TONS of good looking women who tick all of the attractive boxes.

I largely agree with this. I went to a top 3 law school and am about ten years out. About 1/3 to 1/2 of my classmates married another classmate. Although I do not know of more than 1-2 female classmates who have become SAHMs, many of them did stints in biglaw and then left for in house/gov't/nonprofit sector jobs that offer much better work life balance so that they can be the primary caretakers, while many of my male classmates are now biglaw partners (some of my female classmates are too, but at a much, much lower proportion). But this PP is right, pretty definitely still matters. My female classmates who made an effort with their appearance (slim, well dressed, at least some attention to makeup/hair) were definitely widely sought after by the most successful guys in my class.

The stats bear this out. DCUM has a weird male contingent that is like, "I don't care if she comes from a family of three headed monkeys, is a paranoid Schizophrenic with 6 kids by 6 dads with a 6th grade education and a part time interest in meth. IS SHE HOT? Is she thin and would I want to bone that bod? That's all that matters!" By and large, no, that is not how people date or marry.

Trust me, every guy maxes out on the attractiveness scale first and then if she is crazy/stupid/lazy then that's a knock against her. No way a guy is going to trade off a 9 who is a little ditzy for a 6 who is a corporate wage slave making 150k. Is there SOME tradeoff, yes. A 7 who is smart, nice, great at sex is probably better than a 9 who is crazy, an idiot, and bad in bed. But you have to get really extreme differences to justify moving down the attractiveness scale.

+ A million. I think it pretty well summarizes how most men feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, you'll find men who are into all sorts of things, but 99% of the men I know care only how pretty women are.

Lose some weight, put on lipstick and eyeliner and make your hair look cared for in some way, and you'll do better in the dating market than someone earning 6 figures who doesn't.

Really, are you serious?

So, highly educated men like surgeons, professors, attorneys, etc, would rather date pretty women than highly educated women with a 6 figure salary?

They're largely dating and marrying highly educated women with 6 figure salaries who are also pretty. It's called assortative mating and it is more engrained now than it ever has been. It's part of why class lines have grown deeper and harder to cross. There are exceptions, but the surgeons, professors, attorneys, etc. are largely dating women like them. They're marrying (pretty! that still matters) women they met in school, at professional events, etc. Sure, there are some that are marrying the secretary, but that is increasingly uncommon. So will the pretty woman with a GED who tries may do better than an educated, obese slob, there are TONS of good looking women who tick all of the attractive boxes.

I largely agree with this. I went to a top 3 law school and am about ten years out. About 1/3 to 1/2 of my classmates married another classmate. Although I do not know of more than 1-2 female classmates who have become SAHMs, many of them did stints in biglaw and then left for in house/gov't/nonprofit sector jobs that offer much better work life balance so that they can be the primary caretakers, while many of my male classmates are now biglaw partners (some of my female classmates are too, but at a much, much lower proportion). But this PP is right, pretty definitely still matters. My female classmates who made an effort with their appearance (slim, well dressed, at least some attention to makeup/hair) were definitely widely sought after by the most successful guys in my class.

The stats bear this out. DCUM has a weird male contingent that is like, "I don't care if she comes from a family of three headed monkeys, is a paranoid Schizophrenic with 6 kids by 6 dads with a 6th grade education and a part time interest in meth. IS SHE HOT? Is she thin and would I want to bone that bod? That's all that matters!" By and large, no, that is not how people date or marry.

Says a low earning man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, you'll find men who are into all sorts of things, but 99% of the men I know care only how pretty women are.

Lose some weight, put on lipstick and eyeliner and make your hair look cared for in some way, and you'll do better in the dating market than someone earning 6 figures who doesn't.

Really, are you serious?

So, highly educated men like surgeons, professors, attorneys, etc, would rather date pretty women than highly educated women with a 6 figure salary?

They're largely dating and marrying highly educated women with 6 figure salaries who are also pretty. It's called assortative mating and it is more engrained now than it ever has been. It's part of why class lines have grown deeper and harder to cross. There are exceptions, but the surgeons, professors, attorneys, etc. are largely dating women like them. They're marrying (pretty! that still matters) women they met in school, at professional events, etc. Sure, there are some that are marrying the secretary, but that is increasingly uncommon. So will the pretty woman with a GED who tries may do better than an educated, obese slob, there are TONS of good looking women who tick all of the attractive boxes.

I largely agree with this. I went to a top 3 law school and am about ten years out. About 1/3 to 1/2 of my classmates married another classmate. Although I do not know of more than 1-2 female classmates who have become SAHMs, many of them did stints in biglaw and then left for in house/gov't/nonprofit sector jobs that offer much better work life balance so that they can be the primary caretakers, while many of my male classmates are now biglaw partners (some of my female classmates are too, but at a much, much lower proportion). But this PP is right, pretty definitely still matters. My female classmates who made an effort with their appearance (slim, well dressed, at least some attention to makeup/hair) were definitely widely sought after by the most successful guys in my class.

The stats bear this out. DCUM has a weird male contingent that is like, "I don't care if she comes from a family of three headed monkeys, is a paranoid Schizophrenic with 6 kids by 6 dads with a 6th grade education and a part time interest in meth. IS SHE HOT? Is she thin and would I want to bone that bod? That's all that matters!" By and large, no, that is not how people date or marry.

+1. Funny too, pp! Out of all my friends and DH's friends, I know exactly one college educated male who married a woman who didn't graduate from college. But even this woman has a great career in sales and earns a good living. The odd thing is that both of her parents are college graduates. Most of the men I know need a woman to at least be attractive enough *to them*, but once they hit that mark then they're just looking at compatibility. It's ridiculous to think that men just marry the hottest woman they can get. We also know lots of successful men who married successful women who aren't very pretty, but they're compatible. Most guys are looking to marry someone who they think will be a good partner and mother to their future children, not the hottest beach bod they can score.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, you'll find men who are into all sorts of things, but 99% of the men I know care only how pretty women are.

Lose some weight, put on lipstick and eyeliner and make your hair look cared for in some way, and you'll do better in the dating market than someone earning 6 figures who doesn't.

Really, are you serious?

So, highly educated men like surgeons, professors, attorneys, etc, would rather date pretty women than highly educated women with a 6 figure salary?

They're largely dating and marrying highly educated women with 6 figure salaries who are also pretty. It's called assortative mating and it is more engrained now than it ever has been. It's part of why class lines have grown deeper and harder to cross. There are exceptions, but the surgeons, professors, attorneys, etc. are largely dating women like them. They're marrying (pretty! that still matters) women they met in school, at professional events, etc. Sure, there are some that are marrying the secretary, but that is increasingly uncommon. So will the pretty woman with a GED who tries may do better than an educated, obese slob, there are TONS of good looking women who tick all of the attractive boxes.

I largely agree with this. I went to a top 3 law school and am about ten years out. About 1/3 to 1/2 of my classmates married another classmate. Although I do not know of more than 1-2 female classmates who have become SAHMs, many of them did stints in biglaw and then left for in house/gov't/nonprofit sector jobs that offer much better work life balance so that they can be the primary caretakers, while many of my male classmates are now biglaw partners (some of my female classmates are too, but at a much, much lower proportion). But this PP is right, pretty definitely still matters. My female classmates who made an effort with their appearance (slim, well dressed, at least some attention to makeup/hair) were definitely widely sought after by the most successful guys in my class.

The stats bear this out. DCUM has a weird male contingent that is like, "I don't care if she comes from a family of three headed monkeys, is a paranoid Schizophrenic with 6 kids by 6 dads with a 6th grade education and a part time interest in meth. IS SHE HOT? Is she thin and would I want to bone that bod? That's all that matters!" By and large, no, that is not how people date or marry.

Says a low earning man.

Says a low earning woman.

[Anonymous]

Some of these shallow men may not care about their partner’s earning potential but women sure should. Financial reliance on a partner has a lot of risks - just make sure your lifestyle is such that if you needed, you would be okay with the kids if your spouse got sick, went crazy, was brain damaged in an accident, had a mid-life crisis and left you for a younger woman, etc etc. The data is pretty clear that divorce hurts most women financially way more than the man because no one thinks it will happen to them. DH makes 7 figures but my $400k job makes me feel really good about the future even if something happens to him (we’ve been happily married for 20 years and expect to do so for even more).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, you'll find men who are into all sorts of things, but 99% of the men I know care only how pretty women are.

Lose some weight, put on lipstick and eyeliner and make your hair look cared for in some way, and you'll do better in the dating market than someone earning 6 figures who doesn't.

Really, are you serious?

So, highly educated men like surgeons, professors, attorneys, etc, would rather date pretty women than highly educated women with a 6 figure salary?

Is this really news to you? Do you think Jeff Bezos is dating Lauren Sanchez because she's a great conversationalist who plays the cello?

LOOOOOOOOOOOOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d be very suspicious of a man who wanted his partner to earn a lot.

I remember Freakonomics had a section about this, and determined that a woman’s income was practically irrelevant when it came characteristics men found attractive.