How important is a woman's income to a guy when she's dating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My DH makes slightly more than that range now, and I make about 200K. Even though we could theoretically live off of his income alone, he's always been very clear that he wants me to continue working and thinks it's risky to be relying on just one income.

Sure, but if he lost his job, how long could the family get by on just yours? If you couldn’t then how much risk are you really mitigating by working?

I'm not the PP and we do not earn as much, but we have based our financial decisions (such as buying our house) on being able to get by on the lower earner's salary alone. My husband's job is facing some uncertainty right now (series of company-wide layoffs) and it's stressful of course, but we know that we can pay the bills on my salary.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the guy. Some guys I know absolutely did not want their wives working outside of the home, particularly with small kids. So income while dating didn't matter at all. However, with our wealthier friends, they dated all sorts of women but married within their own socioeconomic circle only - daughters of family friends or Hamptons house neighbors, old girlfriends from boarding school...

My husband did not care how much I earned and was ok being the breadwinner, but did not feel comfortable being the sole provider, and we were and are on the same page.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Normal men don't care how much a woman earns. Least important characteristic of a woman

That's not completely true. Guys do care about how much a woman makes, just not as much as a woman cares about a guy she is dating. Women, in general, are more into having finer things in life.

I am a man and I could care less. Least important thing for me.

But how much do you make? Are you content with your lifestyle with only your salary?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My DH makes slightly more than that range now, and I make about 200K. Even though we could theoretically live off of his income alone, he's always been very clear that he wants me to continue working and thinks it's risky to be relying on just one income.

Sure, but if he lost his job, how long could the family get by on just yours? If you couldn’t then how much risk are you really mitigating by working?

I'm not the PP and we do not earn as much, but we have based our financial decisions (such as buying our house) on being able to get by on the lower earner's salary alone. My husband's job is facing some uncertainty right now (series of company-wide layoffs) and it's stressful of course, but we know that we can pay the bills on my salary.

I am the original PP (DH makes a little under 400K, I make 200K) and this is how we made our major financial decisions as well - when we bought our house last year we wanted to make sure we could pay our mortgage etc on my salary alone (which is very stable b/c it is a gov't job) if something happened with DH's job. To be sure, if he lost his job outright, we would not be able to save much (if at all) but we could still get by month to month. I think his concern is less about losing his job entirely (which is unlikely) but more about what would happen if he made less money at some point (which is entirely possible now thanks to COVID - for sure he will make less this year than last). In order to hedge against that, he believes strongly I should continue working. As I said, I have no interest in being an SAHM anyway, but I did not expect him to be so insistent about it.

[Anonymous]

Whoever made the comment about men making 100-300k care the most is right. In my experience, men making over 700k don't care at all. They care that you are attractive and educated and can mingle well socially if necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My DH makes slightly more than that range now, and I make about 200K. Even though we could theoretically live off of his income alone, he's always been very clear that he wants me to continue working and thinks it's risky to be relying on just one income.

Sure, but if he lost his job, how long could the family get by on just yours? If you couldn’t then how much risk are you really mitigating by working?

I'm not the PP and we do not earn as much, but we have based our financial decisions (such as buying our house) on being able to get by on the lower earner's salary alone. My husband's job is facing some uncertainty right now (series of company-wide layoffs) and it's stressful of course, but we know that we can pay the bills on my salary.

I am the original PP (DH makes a little under 400K, I make 200K) and this is how we made our major financial decisions as well - when we bought our house last year we wanted to make sure we could pay our mortgage etc on my salary alone (which is very stable b/c it is a gov't job) if something happened with DH's job. To be sure, if he lost his job outright, we would not be able to save much (if at all) but we could still get by month to month. I think his concern is less about losing his job entirely (which is unlikely) but more about what would happen if he made less money at some point (which is entirely possible now thanks to COVID - for sure he will make less this year than last). In order to hedge against that, he believes strongly I should continue working. As I said, I have no interest in being an SAHM anyway, but I did not expect him to be so insistent about it.

Smart. I make $200k and have great Fed health benefits. DH makes 350-500k depending on project or year.

We always based everything on lower salary. Two homes in two hot neighborhoods paid off and $3.6 million now.

Neither of us really respect people with zero desire to earn a living or equivalent in volunteer/social work. Physical attraction is what got us together in our 20s—but perfect credit scores and good careers sealed the deal. I would never give up my salary or retirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my experience it varies by age of the guy and also how much he is making. Don't hold me to the numbers strictly, but to generalize, a guy making 70k doesn't really care if the woman makes 40k and may be intimidated by someone making significantly more than him. The guy making 700k doesn't really care if the woman doesn't make much because they make enough where her income doesn't matter. The guys who make +/- 125k-300k care the most. This is prime dual income territory where your lifestyle is going to look a lot different if both people are working and making in that range vs. one medium income earner and one low. I've observed that the younger the guy, the more likely they are to care. Partially for the pure money alone, but they seem to be put off by women who don't attempt to build a career in their 20s who want to be supported. They seem to like the "power couple" ideal more than being valued primarily as breadwinners.

When DH and I married, I was 28, making around $50K at a nonprofit with a ton of student loan debt (dumb.). He was 36 and making around $200k and while he wasn't crazy about the debt, he really didn't seem to mind the income disparity. But I wasn't comfortable with him making so much more than me so I switched industries and hit low 6-figures about 3 years after we got married, it's made me much more confident in making money decisions and holding financial conversations with DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My DH makes slightly more than that range now, and I make about 200K. Even though we could theoretically live off of his income alone, he's always been very clear that he wants me to continue working and thinks it's risky to be relying on just one income.

Sure, but if he lost his job, how long could the family get by on just yours? If you couldn’t then how much risk are you really mitigating by working?

I'm not the PP and we do not earn as much, but we have based our financial decisions (such as buying our house) on being able to get by on the lower earner's salary alone. My husband's job is facing some uncertainty right now (series of company-wide layoffs) and it's stressful of course, but we know that we can pay the bills on my salary.

I am the original PP (DH makes a little under 400K, I make 200K) and this is how we made our major financial decisions as well - when we bought our house last year we wanted to make sure we could pay our mortgage etc on my salary alone (which is very stable b/c it is a gov't job) if something happened with DH's job. To be sure, if he lost his job outright, we would not be able to save much (if at all) but we could still get by month to month. I think his concern is less about losing his job entirely (which is unlikely) but more about what would happen if he made less money at some point (which is entirely possible now thanks to COVID - for sure he will make less this year than last). In order to hedge against that, he believes strongly I should continue working. As I said, I have no interest in being an SAHM anyway, but I did not expect him to be so insistent about it.

Smart. I make $200k and have great Fed health benefits. DH makes 350-500k depending on project or year.

We always based everything on lower salary. Two homes in two hot neighborhoods paid off and $3.6 million now.

Neither of us really respect people with zero desire to earn a living or equivalent in volunteer/social work. Physical attraction is what got us together in our 20s—but perfect credit scores and good careers sealed the deal. I would never give up my salary or retirement.

Wait, am I reading this right? You don't respect people who do social work? Wtf?

[Anonymous]

Wait, am I reading this right? You don't respect people who do social work? Wtf?

LOL they have a HHI of 550k and it surprises you that they look down on social work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My DH makes slightly more than that range now, and I make about 200K. Even though we could theoretically live off of his income alone, he's always been very clear that he wants me to continue working and thinks it's risky to be relying on just one income.

Sure, but if he lost his job, how long could the family get by on just yours? If you couldn’t then how much risk are you really mitigating by working?

I'm not the PP and we do not earn as much, but we have based our financial decisions (such as buying our house) on being able to get by on the lower earner's salary alone. My husband's job is facing some uncertainty right now (series of company-wide layoffs) and it's stressful of course, but we know that we can pay the bills on my salary.

I am the original PP (DH makes a little under 400K, I make 200K) and this is how we made our major financial decisions as well - when we bought our house last year we wanted to make sure we could pay our mortgage etc on my salary alone (which is very stable b/c it is a gov't job) if something happened with DH's job. To be sure, if he lost his job outright, we would not be able to save much (if at all) but we could still get by month to month. I think his concern is less about losing his job entirely (which is unlikely) but more about what would happen if he made less money at some point (which is entirely possible now thanks to COVID - for sure he will make less this year than last). In order to hedge against that, he believes strongly I should continue working. As I said, I have no interest in being an SAHM anyway, but I did not expect him to be so insistent about it.

Smart. I make $200k and have great Fed health benefits. DH makes 350-500k depending on project or year.

We always based everything on lower salary. Two homes in two hot neighborhoods paid off and $3.6 million now.

Neither of us really respect people with zero desire to earn a living or equivalent in volunteer/social work. Physical attraction is what got us together in our 20s—but perfect credit scores and good careers sealed the deal. I would never give up my salary or retirement.

Wait, am I reading this right? You don't respect people who do social work? Wtf?

I read this as they don't respect people who have no desire to earn a living or contribute back to society through volunteer or social work. So if they're not earning an income, they should be working without pay in some respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Normal men don't care how much a woman earns. Least important characteristic of a woman

That's not completely true. Guys do care about how much a woman makes, just not as much as a woman cares about a guy she is dating. Women, in general, are more into having finer things in life. [/quote]

I am a man and I could care less. Least important thing for me.

But how much do you make? Are you content with your lifestyle with only your salary?

See men know they have to earn money not “get some gal to pay for the finer things”. It is amazing in this day that women want men to have a high income/pay for everything and congratulate the woman for making money that the woman only see as her money. Doesn’t this strike you as wrong? I know women will jump through hoops to justify it but it is wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my experience it varies by age of the guy and also how much he is making. Don't hold me to the numbers strictly, but to generalize, a guy making 70k doesn't really care if the woman makes 40k and may be intimidated by someone making significantly more than him. The guy making 700k doesn't really care if the woman doesn't make much because they make enough where her income doesn't matter. The guys who make +/- 125k-300k care the most. This is prime dual income territory where your lifestyle is going to look a lot different if both people are working and making in that range vs. one medium income earner and one low. I've observed that the younger the guy, the more likely they are to care. Partially for the pure money alone, but they seem to be put off by women who don't attempt to build a career in their 20s who want to be supported. They seem to like the "power couple" ideal more than being valued primarily as breadwinners.

+1. I saw this back in my single days. Most men seemed to want to at least start off with another professional. Lots of dual IT professionals or attorney couples. If a guy's making $150K, then life looks a lot different with a partner making $50K who inevitably wants to be a SAHM vs. a partner making $150. I think some of the guys making $300K+ are fine with the low earning partner who wants to be a SAHM. If the guy's working long hours, then that could be a plus. He's earning enough to support the family and just needs an educated wife even if she no longer works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My DH makes slightly more than that range now, and I make about 200K. Even though we could theoretically live off of his income alone, he's always been very clear that he wants me to continue working and thinks it's risky to be relying on just one income.

Sure, but if he lost his job, how long could the family get by on just yours? If you couldn’t then how much risk are you really mitigating by working?

I'm not the PP and we do not earn as much, but we have based our financial decisions (such as buying our house) on being able to get by on the lower earner's salary alone. My husband's job is facing some uncertainty right now (series of company-wide layoffs) and it's stressful of course, but we know that we can pay the bills on my salary.

I am the original PP (DH makes a little under 400K, I make 200K) and this is how we made our major financial decisions as well - when we bought our house last year we wanted to make sure we could pay our mortgage etc on my salary alone (which is very stable b/c it is a gov't job) if something happened with DH's job. To be sure, if he lost his job outright, we would not be able to save much (if at all) but we could still get by month to month. I think his concern is less about losing his job entirely (which is unlikely) but more about what would happen if he made less money at some point (which is entirely possible now thanks to COVID - for sure he will make less this year than last). In order to hedge against that, he believes strongly I should continue working. As I said, I have no interest in being an SAHM anyway, but I did not expect him to be so insistent about it.

Smart. I make $200k and have great Fed health benefits. DH makes 350-500k depending on project or year.

We always based everything on lower salary. Two homes in two hot neighborhoods paid off and $3.6 million now.

Neither of us really respect people with zero desire to earn a living or equivalent in volunteer/social work. Physical attraction is what got us together in our 20s—but perfect credit scores and good careers sealed the deal. I would never give up my salary or retirement.

Wait, am I reading this right? You don't respect people who do social work? Wtf?

I read this as they don't respect people who have no desire to earn a living or contribute back to society through volunteer or social work. So if they're not earning an income, they should be working without pay in some respect.

That's how I read it too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, you'll find men who are into all sorts of things, but 99% of the men I know care only how pretty women are.

Lose some weight, put on lipstick and eyeliner and make your hair look cared for in some way, and you'll do better in the dating market than someone earning 6 figures who doesn't.

Really, are you serious?

So, highly educated men like surgeons, professors, attorneys, etc, would rather date pretty women than highly educated women with a 6 figure salary?

Oh, sweetie...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, you'll find men who are into all sorts of things, but 99% of the men I know care only how pretty women are.

Lose some weight, put on lipstick and eyeliner and make your hair look cared for in some way, and you'll do better in the dating market than someone earning 6 figures who doesn't.

Really, are you serious?

So, highly educated men like surgeons, professors, attorneys, etc, would rather date pretty women than highly educated women with a 6 figure salary?

They're largely dating and marrying highly educated women with 6 figure salaries who are also pretty. It's called assortative mating and it is more engrained now than it ever has been. It's part of why class lines have grown deeper and harder to cross. There are exceptions, but the surgeons, professors, attorneys, etc. are largely dating women like them. They're marrying (pretty! that still matters) women they met in school, at professional events, etc. Sure, there are some that are marrying the secretary, but that is increasingly uncommon. So will the pretty woman with a GED who tries may do better than an educated, obese slob, there are TONS of good looking women who tick all of the attractive boxes.