How important is a woman's income to a guy when she's dating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not so sure of that. Lots of divorced men do care. Divorce is not only costly but I think they’re emerging as not wanting to foot the bill for another person. Of course there are exceptions to this.

Women do not want to date divorced fathers. They are broke. Hard pass!

Not me. No alimony, no child support, just paying normal kid expenses like I did before I got divorced. Didn’t change my financial situation at all. Maybe I should mention that in my dating profile. 🤔

Yeah, if the ex wife makes decent money, divorce does not impact dad’s finances much, if at all. People really need to get with the times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 30 and earn 85. I am on track to earn over 100k. My salary goes up 7k/year. I’m an RN in a private surgical clinic and working on my MSN.

I also just started getting Botox and fillers this year. I plan on getting a tummy tuck and boob job. I do get a heavy discount because of my work.

Single mom with one kid. Own my condo. No debt.

I don’t struggle to meet men to say the least but it’s not a priority right now.

Botox and fillers at 30?? 85K is a pretty modest income at 30, are you also getting child support? I am an immigrant who moved to the US at 26 with very basic English (but with a good foreign technical degree). My first salary in the US was 85K at 27 y.o. and that was 20 years ago.

Yeah, but you're an asshole, so it's not like your salary matters.

Np here. I was just thinking why a 30yo needs a tummy tuck and Botox. If she had her kid in her 20s, her body should have bounced right back.

I had my first kid at 30. Everyone said I looked the same when I went back to work, like I did not have a baby. I only gained 20 pounds throughout my pregnancy. I was so nauseous that I lost 10 pounds in my first trimester.

I had my third kid at 38. I gained over 40 pounds.

I’m now 42 and could use Botox and a tummy tuck after 3 kids and a decade of bad sleep.

I posted the initial response.. It could just be your genes - you may have a fantastic metabolism and skin. That’s definitely something to be proud of!

My recovery was not as straightforward - I had a traumatic c section and a T shaped incision that needs laser therapy to reduce the scarring. I still have a little blep on my lower stomach.

[Anonymous]

My DH makes slightly more than that range now, and I make about 200K. Even though we could theoretically live off of his income alone, he's always been very clear that he wants me to continue working and thinks it's risky to be relying on just one income.

Sure, but if he lost his job, how long could the family get by on just yours? If you couldn’t then how much risk are you really mitigating by working?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my experience it varies by age of the guy and also how much he is making. Don't hold me to the numbers strictly, but to generalize, a guy making 70k doesn't really care if the woman makes 40k and may be intimidated by someone making significantly more than him. The guy making 700k doesn't really care if the woman doesn't make much because they make enough where her income doesn't matter. The guys who make +/- 125k-300k care the most. This is prime dual income territory where your lifestyle is going to look a lot different if both people are working and making in that range vs. one medium income earner and one low. I've observed that the younger the guy, the more likely they are to care. Partially for the pure money alone, but they seem to be put off by women who don't attempt to build a career in their 20s who want to be supported. They seem to like the "power couple" ideal more than being valued primarily as breadwinners.

+1 I have noticed this as well, going back as far as 10 years ago when I was dating.

Even if they are not that calculating about it, men in the 125k-300k range want to first date and have fun before marriage, and if the woman they are dating is broke and struggling that may very well annoy him and turn him off - she can’t keep up with his striver lifestyle and he just met her so he doesn’t want to pay for everything like their first trip away together.

As a woman I didn’t fine men like this attractive at all, but they were the majority so I had to deal with it. I ultimately did find a more traditional minded man who makes in that range and he doesn’t care what I make but if I want a certain lifestyle I have to contribute a good bit, which I do. But I like knowing that he personally doesn’t care how much I earn as long as I adjust to the resulting income and sees himself as the “man” in the relationship. Too egalitarian is a sexual and emotional turn off, at least for me.

Yes, they would like to have some really awesome DINK years as well, generally. They want to be off in nice hotels traveling the world, not jump into a provider role from the get-go. These guys in my office have flat been like, "I don't want no scrub!" talking about women they're dating. They want someone who meets them (around) halfway. A lot of those guys are around the 200k mark in their late twenties/early thirties with pretty high income potential down the line, so I suspect they do attract women who are looking at that and thinking they wouldn't be a bad wagon to hitch your ride to. By and large, that's a turnoff and they're dating their (roughly speaking) equals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My DH makes slightly more than that range now, and I make about 200K. Even though we could theoretically live off of his income alone, he's always been very clear that he wants me to continue working and thinks it's risky to be relying on just one income.

Sure, but if he lost his job, how long could the family get by on just yours? If you couldn’t then how much risk are you really mitigating by working?

I mean, if you had to downsize from 500k total, would you rather try to live off of 200k or 40k?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not so sure of that. Lots of divorced men do care. Divorce is not only costly but I think they’re emerging as not wanting to foot the bill for another person. Of course there are exceptions to this.

Women do not want to date divorced fathers. They are broke. Hard pass!

Women under forty definitely tend to avoid divorced dads and they should. But mid forties on up, women will date divorced dads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my experience it varies by age of the guy and also how much he is making. Don't hold me to the numbers strictly, but to generalize, a guy making 70k doesn't really care if the woman makes 40k and may be intimidated by someone making significantly more than him. The guy making 700k doesn't really care if the woman doesn't make much because they make enough where her income doesn't matter. The guys who make +/- 125k-300k care the most. This is prime dual income territory where your lifestyle is going to look a lot different if both people are working and making in that range vs. one medium income earner and one low. I've observed that the younger the guy, the more likely they are to care. Partially for the pure money alone, but they seem to be put off by women who don't attempt to build a career in their 20s who want to be supported. They seem to like the "power couple" ideal more than being valued primarily as breadwinners.

+1

Currently living on one income(120k) but just accepted an offer of 85k. Would definitely like to stay on one income and save the other
Since our expenses are so low. I’m definitely the highest earned of my female friends but took me a lot longer to get here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My DH makes slightly more than that range now, and I make about 200K. Even though we could theoretically live off of his income alone, he's always been very clear that he wants me to continue working and thinks it's risky to be relying on just one income.

Sure, but if he lost his job, how long could the family get by on just yours? If you couldn’t then how much risk are you really mitigating by working?

I mean, if you had to downsize from 500k total, would you rather try to live off of 200k or 40k?

+1. Also, if they are not able to make lifestyle adjustments to live on $200K there are bigger problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my experience it varies by age of the guy and also how much he is making. Don't hold me to the numbers strictly, but to generalize, a guy making 70k doesn't really care if the woman makes 40k and may be intimidated by someone making significantly more than him. The guy making 700k doesn't really care if the woman doesn't make much because they make enough where her income doesn't matter. The guys who make +/- 125k-300k care the most. This is prime dual income territory where your lifestyle is going to look a lot different if both people are working and making in that range vs. one medium income earner and one low. I've observed that the younger the guy, the more likely they are to care. Partially for the pure money alone, but they seem to be put off by women who don't attempt to build a career in their 20s who want to be supported. They seem to like the "power couple" ideal more than being valued primarily as breadwinners.

+1.

You just don’t hear that much on these boards because everyone’s spouse makes over $400K 🙄

The truth is that many more men are making in this range than the high earners we hear about here. To make it in this area, most people need two salaries. My DH is in this bracket and my income was a factor when deciding to make things more serious and plan a life together. I don’t think an income can make up for other lacking criteria - looks, personality, chemistry. Those are what start things off with dating. If you want to move to more serious dating and marriage, then women who make more have more to bring to the table. Men in this bracket can see how their life will work with a woman who makes some money. Life doesn’t look so great trying to carve out a life with guy making $150K and his wife making $50K.

[Anonymous]

Life doesn’t look so great trying to carve out a life with guy making $150K and his wife making $50K.

Huh? We are close to that. I make $90k and DH $160k, and our life is just fine, thank you. We have a nice house in a good school district, kids play travel sports, we go to the mountains and the beach in the summer, and ski in the winter.

You don’t have to have a $1.3 million house and send your kids to private school to have a “great” life FFS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Life doesn’t look so great trying to carve out a life with guy making $150K and his wife making $50K.

Huh? We are close to that. I make $90k and DH $160k, and our life is just fine, thank you. We have a nice house in a good school district, kids play travel sports, we go to the mountains and the beach in the summer, and ski in the winter.

You don’t have to have a $1.3 million house and send your kids to private school to have a “great” life FFS.

You can quibble with the numbers, but the point stands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Life doesn’t look so great trying to carve out a life with guy making $150K and his wife making $50K.

Huh? We are close to that. I make $90k and DH $160k, and our life is just fine, thank you. We have a nice house in a good school district, kids play travel sports, we go to the mountains and the beach in the summer, and ski in the winter.

You don’t have to have a $1.3 million house and send your kids to private school to have a “great” life FFS.

Those are almost exactly our numbers as well and life is great. Life would still be pretty good on $150K and $50K, maybe just a little less in retirement savings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Brains and beauty are far more important than money. I’m dating an ES teacher so I know her income is low but she is incredibly smart, beautiful and committed to her work. I know it bothers her that I pay for almost everything we do but I’m happy to do it.

you're very sweet!
-another es teacher

[Anonymous]

My H said no to 6 figures but yes to the ability and desire to have a real job (selling essential oils doesn't count). Looking at my college class, everyone married another college graduate and almost everyone works, including the ones with 30+ million trust funds. Actually, the only one we know with a SAHM is conservative, has lots of kids, and doesn't make a great deal of $.
Attraction is essential for men IMO, but not what we, women, consider beautiful. However there are plenty of men who are with wealthy women for $ and cheat right and left. Look at Jesse James and Jeremy Meeks.

I think it is also class and upbringing specific. My experience, with a New England ivy education, minght be very different than the crowd from liberty university.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Normal men don't care how much a woman earns. Least important characteristic of a woman

That's not completely true. Guys do care about how much a woman makes, just not as much as a woman cares about a guy she is dating. Women, in general, are more into having finer things in life.

I am a man and I could care less. Least important thing for me.