Adult to Adult: Is saying "I'm proud of you" condescending?

[Anonymous]

I wrote a book and most people told me they were proud of me vs. happy for me.

To me, it indicated that they understood the amount of time and energy it took to research and write the book. I don’t find it condescending in the slightest. But, then again, I’ve never quibbled with a compliment in my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend just achieved a milestone. Another friend said "I am so proud of you, Larla!" in a group email. I'm sure she meant no harm but it came across as condescending to me. "I'm proud of you!" is what parents say to children, or what the coach says to the player, or what you say to somebody who has maintained sobriety. Peer to peer comes across as condescending.

Thoughts?

I take it as shorthand for “I am proud to know you.”

[Anonymous]

It depends on who is saying it. For example if the person saying it thinks they are better than everyone else, showboats, etc. Then yes it is condescending.

[Anonymous]

I sincerely hope OP is not one of my friends.

[Anonymous]

I like when people say it to me. It means they feel like they are somehow part of my life and my success. And I like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not condescending. Sounds like you might be carrying a ton of your own baggage/insecurities.

I’m proud of many of my friends for different things.

+1

[Anonymous]

It will depend entirely on who is saying it.

[Anonymous]

I do think it is a little condescending. I would say something like, “wow! That is great!”

[Anonymous]

You seem like you don’t give people the benefit of the doubt.

You can be proud to know someone who has done something difficult or impressive. It means you think they are amazing.

I suspect t you are an unhappy person. You imagine slights when compliments are offered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel weird saying it to adult friends but sometimes I AM so proud of them for something they did.

Impressed would be the more befitting word. Impressed shows admiration or respect. "I'm proud of you" is very paternal.

Yes better word. It actually hard to congratulate adults.

Yes. You could say, “Wow, that is very impressive. Congratulations!”

Saying you are proud often implies a power imbalance and is super awkward.

[Anonymous]

I think like others have said, who is saying it and what they are saying it about is key.

An acquaintance saying 'I'm so proud of you' to someone who lost weight? No super condescending.

A friend saying it to someone who just say, completed their college degree as an adult? Totally appropriate.

If someone worked really hard at something, struggled to achieve it, and you know that because of your personal relationship with them then it is great but if you are using it as a backhanded compliment that is where it is troublesome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend just achieved a milestone. Another friend said "I am so proud of you, Larla!" in a group email. I'm sure she meant no harm but it came across as condescending to me. "I'm proud of you!" is what parents say to children, or what the coach says to the player, or what you say to somebody who has maintained sobriety. Peer to peer comes across as condescending.

Thoughts?

No, but don't offer compliments as adults are weird and take them the wrong way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I use it all the time. It seems less clumsy than “I imagine you must be very proud and because I empathize, I feel pride on your behalf as well.”

OMG. LOL. Thanks!!!

This is the Yiddish definition of 'shepping nachas'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perfectly fine.

Perfectly racist, if a white says it to a BIPOC person.

Saying things like this teaches white people that they should avoid having BIPOC friends.

Are you a racial separatist? If so, good luck. If not, reflect on the message you send.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's condescending at all. But I have genuine friends rooting for me.

An older friend of mine told me she was proud of me and she wishes I was her daughter (she actually has two daughters). I thought it was quite the compliment and took the accolades.