Adult to Adult: Is saying "I'm proud of you" condescending?

[Anonymous]

I agree with you, OP. Normal people don’t say that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you, OP. Normal people don’t say that.

Dp. I really dont think you and op are the authority figure who can define normal for everyone!

What an ego you have pp!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend just achieved a milestone. Another friend said "I am so proud of you, Larla!" in a group email. I'm sure she meant no harm but it came across as condescending to me. "I'm proud of you!" is what parents say to children, or what the coach says to the player, or what you say to somebody who has maintained sobriety. Peer to peer comes across as condescending.

Thoughts?

I recently lost a lot of weight and had family members tell me they were proud of me. I was not insulted.

You didn’t mind because you didn’t see yourself as equal to them.

[Anonymous]

"Wow! Congrats, my friend! So proud of you!" What's wrong with that?

[Anonymous]

I don't think it is condescending at all. I am very proud of my smart and accomplished group of friends.

[Anonymous]

Were you just watching Pretty Woman? "I don't know how to say this without sounding condescending, but I'm proud of you."

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on the context. It can seem condescending to me, but I also realize that’s my issue. I take it with the intent in which it was given—not to be condescending—and roll my eyes and go on with my day. It feels clumsy and linguistically lazy—the type of thing you say when you want to say something but can’t come up with something better.

[Anonymous]

This is why we say, “I am very happy for you!” They are the one to feel proud…it was THEIR accomplishment. If you had a hand in that success then I think it is ok to say, “I am so proud of you” as it does imply that the speaker played a part. It makes sense for a mentor or parent to say this, or a friend or other who served in some coaching role.

Otherwise, if you don’t fit into any of the aforesaid categories, the correct response would be “ YOU should be proud of yourself!” Saying “I’m proud of you” when you weren’t a part of the investing is cringe-worthy.

[Anonymous]

Ummm this is so weird. I just achieved a huge milestone and people have been telling me left and right they are proud of me. Never once have I taken it as condescending.
I am proud of myself!!

[Anonymous]

I don't know what your life experience is that would lead you to question saying, 'I'm proud of you.'. There are so many reasons why one non-related adult would say that to another - 100 days sober, finding the courage to leave a bad relationship, finishing a marathon, making change for a healthier lifestyle, going back to school to complete a degree (my grandmother got her high school diploma when I was 16), etc. It is a recognition of effort and achievement.

Of course, any phrase can be made condescending based on tone and the relationship of the person - "Bless your heart" is a great one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why we say, “I am very happy for you!” They are the one to feel proud…it was THEIR accomplishment. If you had a hand in that success then I think it is ok to say, “I am so proud of you” as it does imply that the speaker played a part. It makes sense for a mentor or parent to say this, or a friend or other who served in some coaching role.

Otherwise, if you don’t fit into any of the aforesaid categories, the correct response would be “ YOU should be proud of yourself!” Saying “I’m proud of you” when you weren’t a part of the investing is cringe-worthy.

+1

You'd never say "I'm proud of you!" to the CEO of a successful company when they achieve something new. It's something you say when you don't really respect the person or you're above them in an obvious way (e.g. parent or boss).

[Anonymous]

^ excellent point

Hey go ahead and say, "I'm so proud of you!" to a Boss
and see how that's received.

[Anonymous]

I feel weird saying it to adult friends but sometimes I AM so proud of them for something they did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel weird saying it to adult friends but sometimes I AM so proud of them for something they did.

Impressed would be the more befitting word. Impressed shows admiration or respect. "I'm proud of you" is very paternal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ excellent point

Hey go ahead and say, "I'm so proud of you!" to a Boss
and see how that's received.

Yep. No one would say this to a CEO-- not even the most tone deaf amongst us. You'd say something like I'm proud to work for such an insightful boss who knows what direction to take our company.