In-laws driving from FL to RI and INSIST on seeing us on their way

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not. No. No means no. If they ring the bell you don't answer it. They are being selfish idiots.

I might say, find a way to compromise if your DH wanted them to come but since he doesn't, he tells them NO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get what you're struggling with here, OP. You literally hold all the cards. It's your house. Don't let people come over if you don't want to. If they pitch a hissy, that's on them. It's not your job to make sure they never react inappropriately to things, and their feelings aren't yours to manage.

They're trying to hand you a bag of poop. Don't take it.

This. Say it's not safe for them and you don't want to be responsible for them potentially catching COVID from you all. And that you will miss them so much this year.

Op's husband has a say in this. If he wants to visit with his parents OUTSIDE in his own yard he can do it. If the kids want to play outside and visit with their grandparents they should do so.

The only one who sounds terrified is Op. She can stay inside.

Again, I think everyone is entitled to his/her own level of comfort and what's safest for themselves and their families right now. My point of view, is that we are one unit as a family. if one of us gets COVID-19, we can all get it very easily. Thankfully, my husband agrees on this and also doesn't want them visiting right now. Problem is they don't stop pushing until they get their way.

This sounds like more of an issue of you simply not wanting to see or deal with his parents. There is probably a history there that you aren't relaying. This is less about safety and more a matter of having a convenient excuse to not see your ILs.

If you gave a sh*t about these people you would find a way to visit with them safely especially since they are clearly welcome to do what they need to do to make a safe visit happen. Certainly, if they can see the clerk at the gas station, they can see their own son. But you do not want to see them. Maybe they are jerks, who knows?

Not op. What useless hyperbole. You're one of those deniers of the current pandemic and probably an overbearing mother-in-law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You are all kinds of awful, OP.

What a nut.

and you are stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP ignore the PP. You are not awful. This is a pandemic, not “just the flu” like some people like to believe. I like the meeting in the park idea. When one of your family members need to use the bathroom you go home. Your ILs are driving up the coast and have no issues with public bathrooms so no need to worry about that.

Thank you, and I am so tired of people dismissing this pandemic. It's an international crisis that is a killer and people that aren't taking it seriously are making matters worse. I like the park idea, thank you. I especially like the park idea because they can't drink at the park. They are both big drinkers and will want to stay for hours and drink and talk like normal if they come to our house. Everyone knows what happens to one's judgment when they drink. Not only will the 6 feet apart get ignored, but they also will not be wearing face masks, after traveling, staying in hotels, and eating at restaurants.. Sorry not sorry.

I agree op. My mom would love to see our kids but I know she would immediately ignore social distancing and we would have to physically restrain her. Op your in laws are truly selfish people and the the posters jumping on you are as well. There is no denying from what you have told us that they show care/concern for others. They are the types who do not respect boundaries and want what they want because they want it. We all have had to deal with people like this in life. No one "insists" their way into my home or space particularly now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get what you're struggling with here, OP. You literally hold all the cards. It's your house. Don't let people come over if you don't want to. If they pitch a hissy, that's on them. It's not your job to make sure they never react inappropriately to things, and their feelings aren't yours to manage.

They're trying to hand you a bag of poop. Don't take it.

This. Say it's not safe for them and you don't want to be responsible for them potentially catching COVID from you all. And that you will miss them so much this year.

+1

OP, dont listen to the posts snarking at you to let them visit. You're in the right. All these "just wipe the bathroom after they leave" etc. posters are the types who think it's fine to have people over to visit now. You're not alone in believing visits like this with people who are in the middle of a road trip are not a good idea.

Adults like your in-laws who insist they must enter your house and interact are not going to adhere to any attempt you make at distancing once they get inside the door: "Oh, sorry, I just COULDN'T resist hugging sweet little Billy but ha ha, now it's a done deal, here's a hug for Susie too!" It'll all be a joke to them. No rules apply to grandma and grandpa's hugs--right?

The fact they're doing a road trip that length, through many "reopened" states, is nutty anyway. They'll end up getting back to RI and find out they're infected.

The people I personally know who are very sick with the virus are these types. They laughed about it in the beginning, refused masks etc and no their relatives are on social media pleading for them. I'm disgusted by the people attacking your character for doing what is right. Let them play pretend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, each family should make their own decisions and do what is right for them. But that means OP can't change her mind a week from now and decide to meet up with a some close friends at a park. It means she can't see her own family for the next six months to a year. We are not going to eradicate this virus any time soon so if OP maintains her stance, she is resigning herself and her family to no contact with family for the foreseeable future.

OP here - we haven't' visited any friends or family and have zero plans of visiting anyone until there's a vaccine. So yes, we've accepted this unfortunate fact that we may not visit family anytime soon. It stinks but we are choosing safety first here for everyone's sake. Plans are to see the visiting ILs driving from FL outside, they stay in their car or we will have seats set up in our driveway, 6-feet apart and we say hello from a safe distance. I appreciate everyone's advice and hope you all stay safe. [/quote
]

This sounds like a good plan OP.

We have also done no socializing with family or friends since the pandemic began.

[Anonymous]

Op, are you going to the grocery store? I think going tonthe grocery store or having food delivered and. Ot cooked at home is more dangerous than having your inlaws visit on your deck. Something else is going on here. If you dont like them, so be it. Coronavirus seems like a convenient excuse. If your parents had the same sugfestion would you let them visit? Karma come back, one day you will have a daughter or son in law maybe, would you restrict your own children from visiting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, are you going to the grocery store? I think going tonthe grocery store or having food delivered and. Ot cooked at home is more dangerous than having your inlaws visit on your deck. Something else is going on here. If you dont like them, so be it. Coronavirus seems like a convenient excuse. If your parents had the same sugfestion would you let them visit? Karma come back, one day you will have a daughter or son in law maybe, would you restrict your own children from visiting?

Someone is op's family has to go to the grocery store. Your assessment that that is more dangerous than her inlaws visiting is ridiculous. My guess is you are THAT mil who insists upon doing whatever you want. Your comment re karma is idiotic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, are you going to the grocery store? I think going tonthe grocery store or having food delivered and. Ot cooked at home is more dangerous than having your inlaws visit on your deck. Something else is going on here. If you dont like them, so be it. Coronavirus seems like a convenient excuse. If your parents had the same sugfestion would you let them visit? Karma come back, one day you will have a daughter or son in law maybe, would you restrict your own children from visiting?

Someone is op's family has to go to the grocery store. Your assessment that that is more dangerous than her inlaws visiting is ridiculous. My guess is you are THAT mil who insists upon doing whatever you want. Your comment re karma is idiotic.

Not PP but yes it’s more dangerous to be at an indoor grocery store with multiple fellow customers and staff than it is to be outside on a deck with two people. Not to mention outside and keeping a six foot spacing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, are you going to the grocery store? I think going tonthe grocery store or having food delivered and. Ot cooked at home is more dangerous than having your inlaws visit on your deck. Something else is going on here. If you dont like them, so be it. Coronavirus seems like a convenient excuse. If your parents had the same sugfestion would you let them visit? Karma come back, one day you will have a daughter or son in law maybe, would you restrict your own children from visiting?

Someone is op's family has to go to the grocery store. Your assessment that that is more dangerous than her inlaws visiting is ridiculous. My guess is you are THAT mil who insists upon doing whatever you want. Your comment re karma is idiotic.

Not PP but yes it’s more dangerous to be at an indoor grocery store with multiple fellow customers and staff than it is to be outside on a deck with two people. Not to mention outside and keeping a six foot spacing.

Didn't she mention that the ils wont follow any recommendations and will do what they want when they show up.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are entitled to have things your way. Your house. Don't blame them for wanting to see you (that's the most evil thing you can do - they love you). Do your best to think creatively, a solution you can live with, but it is you, Op, who gets to decide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, are you going to the grocery store? I think going tonthe grocery store or having food delivered and. Ot cooked at home is more dangerous than having your inlaws visit on your deck. Something else is going on here. If you dont like them, so be it. Coronavirus seems like a convenient excuse. If your parents had the same sugfestion would you let them visit? Karma come back, one day you will have a daughter or son in law maybe, would you restrict your own children from visiting?

Someone is op's family has to go to the grocery store. Your assessment that that is more dangerous than her inlaws visiting is ridiculous. My guess is you are THAT mil who insists upon doing whatever you want. Your comment re karma is idiotic.

Not PP but yes it’s more dangerous to be at an indoor grocery store with multiple fellow customers and staff than it is to be outside on a deck with two people. Not to mention outside and keeping a six foot spacing.

Didn't she mention that the ils wont follow any recommendations and will do what they want when they show up.

OP agreed to an outdoor meeting with her in laws in the driveway, with chairs spaced out six feet. It’s fine!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, each family should make their own decisions and do what is right for them. But that means OP can't change her mind a week from now and decide to meet up with a some close friends at a park. It means she can't see her own family for the next six months to a year. We are not going to eradicate this virus any time soon so if OP maintains her stance, she is resigning herself and her family to no contact with family for the foreseeable future.

OP here - we haven't' visited any friends or family and have zero plans of visiting anyone until there's a vaccine. So yes, we've accepted this unfortunate fact that we may not visit family anytime soon. It stinks but we are choosing safety first here for everyone's sake. Plans are to see the visiting ILs driving from FL outside, they stay in their car or we will have seats set up in our driveway, 6-feet apart and we say hello from a safe distance. I appreciate everyone's advice and hope you all stay safe.

Do you have school aged kids? Will you be homeschooling?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, each family should make their own decisions and do what is right for them. But that means OP can't change her mind a week from now and decide to meet up with a some close friends at a park. It means she can't see her own family for the next six months to a year. We are not going to eradicate this virus any time soon so if OP maintains her stance, she is resigning herself and her family to no contact with family for the foreseeable future.

No...the op is an adult and can choose to see who they want and when they want. She does not HAVE to apply the same rules to everyone. You sound like a dysfunctional contol freak. It is none of boundary challenged in-laws business who op sees and when.

[Anonymous]

No, she doesn't have to apply the same rules to everyone but that would mean she can't be that worried about exposure to the coronavirus. Maybe she really doesn't like her in-laws enough to arrange some kind of visit. Totally okay if she finds them annoying because they drink too much or have poor boundaries. But you can't say you are self-isolating and then turn around and visit friends. It also means that she can't keep using the virus as an excuse to avoid seeing her in laws unless she plans on keeping up social distancing for the next 6-12 months. Because the virus isn't going away anytime soon. Not a control freak, just wondering if OP is using the virus as an excuse to avoid seeing people she doesn't like much.