In-laws driving from FL to RI and INSIST on seeing us on their way

[Anonymous]

I also disagree that we need to get used to this pandemic and start seeing families again. My own mom suffers from COPD and we have already talked about not seeing each other for months until there is a vaccine. This is for her safety as much as mine and my family's.

[Anonymous]

Yes, they are traveling which increases their level of risk, which is why they need to wear masks and meet outside. Doing these things, especially if ILs aren't showing any signs of illness, makes the risk of transmission very, very low. OP would be facing more risk by going to the grocery store.

By refusing ILs visit, OP should also refuse to visit other family and friends until a vaccine becomes available. OP won't be able to see ILs because either she or the IL will have to travel to see them. That's the position that she is taking. OP doesn't feel taking recommended precautions, such as wearing a mask, meeting outside, maintaining some distance, no physical contact, etc. is not enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also disagree that we need to get used to this pandemic and start seeing families again. My own mom suffers from COPD and we have already talked about not seeing each other for months until there is a vaccine. This is for her safety as much as mine and my family's.

I think every family should be able to make their own decision. What makes sense for yours may not be the same for others.

[Anonymous]

Yes, each family should make their own decisions and do what is right for them. But that means OP can't change her mind a week from now and decide to meet up with a some close friends at a park. It means she can't see her own family for the next six months to a year. We are not going to eradicate this virus any time soon so if OP maintains her stance, she is resigning herself and her family to no contact with family for the foreseeable future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, each family should make their own decisions and do what is right for them. But that means OP can't change her mind a week from now and decide to meet up with a some close friends at a park. It means she can't see her own family for the next six months to a year. We are not going to eradicate this virus any time soon so if OP maintains her stance, she is resigning herself and her family to no contact with family for the foreseeable future.

OP here - we haven't' visited any friends or family and have zero plans of visiting anyone until there's a vaccine. So yes, we've accepted this unfortunate fact that we may not visit family anytime soon. It stinks but we are choosing safety first here for everyone's sake. Plans are to see the visiting ILs driving from FL outside, they stay in their car or we will have seats set up in our driveway, 6-feet apart and we say hello from a safe distance. I appreciate everyone's advice and hope you all stay safe.

[Anonymous]

I'm very risk averse, but I think there's a way to accommodate this visit safely. Stay outside in the open air. Wear masks. Don't hug. Stay 10 feet apart from them. Serve the food on individual plates, no shared containers. Soak the serving ware and glasses in a bleach + water bath, then run them through the sanitize cycle on your dishwasher. Throw away any leftovers.

This isn't a normal Wednesday activity. It's a once a year one, a one off.

This whole thing reminds me of how many parents behave with baby #1. By baby #2 they throw out all the extreme behaviors but are still protective of their little ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm very risk averse, but I think there's a way to accommodate this visit safely. Stay outside in the open air. Wear masks. Don't hug. Stay 10 feet apart from them. Serve the food on individual plates, no shared containers. Soak the serving ware and glasses in a bleach + water bath, then run them through the sanitize cycle on your dishwasher. Throw away any leftovers.

This isn't a normal Wednesday activity. It's a once a year one, a one off.

This whole thing reminds me of how many parents behave with baby #1. By baby #2 they throw out all the extreme behaviors but are still protective of their little ones.

You were on a roll until comparing COVID-19 to having a baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a MIL and “your house, your kids, your rules”. Your husband’s parents are being pushy jerks. Push back and say absolutely no.

This! Another MIL here and I agree completely. I would never do what OP’s in-laws are doing. No means no.

[Anonymous]

OP, dont listen to the posts snarking at you to let them visit. You're in the right. All these "just wipe the bathroom after they leave" etc. posters are the types who think it's fine to have people over to visit now. You're not alone in believing visits like this with people who are in the middle of a road trip are not a good idea.

Adults like your in-laws who insist they must enter your house and interact are not going to adhere to any attempt you make at distancing once they get inside the door: "Oh, sorry, I just COULDN'T resist hugging sweet little Billy but ha ha, now it's a done deal, here's a hug for Susie too!" It'll all be a joke to them. No rules apply to grandma and grandpa's hugs--right?

This X1000. If a relative lives locally, is taking the pandemic seriously and suggests getting together on a deck or yard then you can probably trust them to maintain social distancing. If they are traveling, not taking it seriously, pushing and pouting about why they can't stay over and then reluctantly agree to visit on the desk but then throw in the drinking wine demand then it would be a hard no. OP'a parents will not maintain social distancing on their deck.

I feel bad for my grandmother. She has asked everyone to take this seriously, avoid visiting her and FaceTime her often. Two of her children are taking this very seriously. They drop groceries off at her back door, waive at her from the window and have sat 10 feet away from her on her outdoor patio with her. They always politely refuse anything she offers because they don't want to touch anything that she later touches. The other child lives with her and has not left the house since this started to avoid infecting her mother.

Her other three children are total selfish a-holes. One can't stand the idea that the closer and live in siblings gets to visit and she wasn't so now she stops by, goes into the house, makes a big pretense about social distance but has to keep being reminded to step back. She goes on and on how she doesn't have it. Another ones lives hours away by plane and expects to come stay with her mother when she travels into the area for other business in June. A third one is a Trumper who thinks the whole thing is a hoax.

[Anonymous]

Leave plastic cups outside, tell them bring your own wine and opener. Tell them if they want to sit they need to bring their own chairs. Tell them they will need to return to the hotel to use the restroom, and there will not be exceptions to this. If they "insist" on the bathroom, throw a roll of TP on the deck. And I'm not kidding.

[Anonymous]

You do know that many businesses are opening tomorrow OP, right?

If they can manage some semblance of normalcy to accommodate their customers, you can stay 6 feet apart from the inlaws for a bit to do the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP ignore the PP. You are not awful. This is a pandemic, not “just the flu” like some people like to believe. I like the meeting in the park idea. When one of your family members need to use the bathroom you go home. Your ILs are driving up the coast and have no issues with public bathrooms so no need to worry about that.

Thank you, and I am so tired of people dismissing this pandemic. It's an international crisis that is a killer and people that aren't taking it seriously are making matters worse. I like the park idea, thank you. I especially like the park idea because they can't drink at the park. They are both big drinkers and will want to stay for hours and drink and talk like normal if they come to our house. Everyone knows what happens to one's judgment when they drink. Not only will the 6 feet apart get ignored, but they also will not be wearing face masks, after traveling, staying in hotels, and eating at restaurants.. Sorry not sorry.

This is the crux. You don't want them over because they are obnoxious.

I don't really think it's a huge risk to have them over, but I think the visit is set up for failure anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP ignore the PP. You are not awful. This is a pandemic, not “just the flu” like some people like to believe. I like the meeting in the park idea. When one of your family members need to use the bathroom you go home. Your ILs are driving up the coast and have no issues with public bathrooms so no need to worry about that.

Thank you, and I am so tired of people dismissing this pandemic. It's an international crisis that is a killer and people that aren't taking it seriously are making matters worse. I like the park idea, thank you. I especially like the park idea because they can't drink at the park. They are both big drinkers and will want to stay for hours and drink and talk like normal if they come to our house. Everyone knows what happens to one's judgment when they drink. Not only will the 6 feet apart get ignored, but they also will not be wearing face masks, after traveling, staying in hotels, and eating at restaurants.. Sorry not sorry.

World's worst DIL.

Says annoying stupid MIL.

Just chiming in to say I'm a DIL and I think that you are absolutely awful. I mean really bad. Your ILs are making that long trip from FL to RI, have offered to stay in a hotel and come over and visit with you OUTSIDE and that is too much trouble for you.

+1

NP. It's not that it is too much TROUBLE, it's that it is too much of a ***RISK*** to OP's family and to her ILs for that matter. Do you get it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, each family should make their own decisions and do what is right for them. But that means OP can't change her mind a week from now and decide to meet up with a some close friends at a park. It means she can't see her own family for the next six months to a year. We are not going to eradicate this virus any time soon so if OP maintains her stance, she is resigning herself and her family to no contact with family for the foreseeable future.

OP here - we haven't' visited any friends or family and have zero plans of visiting anyone until there's a vaccine. So yes, we've accepted this unfortunate fact that we may not visit family anytime soon. It stinks but we are choosing safety first here for everyone's sake. Plans are to see the visiting ILs driving from FL outside, they stay in their car or we will have seats set up in our driveway, 6-feet apart and we say hello from a safe distance. I appreciate everyone's advice and hope you all stay safe.

I think that's a good plan, OP.

[Anonymous]

Whatever the issue! Your house = Your rules. No explanation needed. No debate.