Is it poor form to request donated paid leave for childbirth recovery period?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think I would but would not judge anyone that did. I have a lot of paid leave and would donate a week to someone that really needed it.

+1

and FWIW if you have contacts in other agencies, they can transfer over leave, too. I knew someone who (making the agencies up as an example) worked at DHS and her husband at OPM donated a bunch of leave to her in a childbirth situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think the maternity leave situation in this country is atrocious. Unfortunately I don't think you can ask for donated leave because it'll take away from people who are genuinely suffering.

Pregnancy is a choice and is not an illness. There should be no tax payer free paid leave for pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's effing ridiculous that up to 6 weeks is not covered under PAID MEDICAL LEAVE. If you can take PAID TIME OFF to have your prostate operated on, I should get PAID TIME OFF when my vagina is torn up by a baby's head.

Once again, you CHOSE TO BE PREGNANT! No one chose to have cancer or any other serious illness. Personally, I do not give a damn about your vagina. As a nurse I knew once said, it felt good going in but hurts like hell coming out. Use birth control or abstain from intercourse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's effing ridiculous that up to 6 weeks is not covered under PAID MEDICAL LEAVE. If you can take PAID TIME OFF to have your prostate operated on, I should get PAID TIME OFF when my vagina is torn up by a baby's head.

Once again, you CHOSE TO BE PREGNANT! No one chose to have cancer or any other serious illness. Personally, I do not give a damn about your vagina. As a nurse I knew once said, it felt good going in but hurts like hell coming out. Use birth control or abstain from intercourse.

Do you want to deny lung cancer treatment to smokers?

New knees to the morbidly obese?

Stents to the heavy meat eater?

[Anonymous]

We have a leave bank at my agency. People use that for childbirth when everyone is healthy all the time. It’s not against the norm at all. Yes, I think it’s completely ok to ask for donations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:it literally says it can't be used to care for a healthy child, which is what you'd be doing. Correct?

I think it's poor form, but no. She can only use it during the first 6 weeks following birth. That's the part when you're not healthy. The 6-8 weeks of sick leave you can use is for your recover, not the baby's.

I'm an adoptive parent, so I have zero experience giving birth. But I've always wondered about the 6 - 8 week thing. 8 weeks is a really long time. I don't think that people get to take 6-8 weeks paid sick leave after other pretty major surgeries. Is giving birth really that much harder to recover from than those other things?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:it literally says it can't be used to care for a healthy child, which is what you'd be doing. Correct?

I think it's poor form, but no. She can only use it during the first 6 weeks following birth. That's the part when you're not healthy. The 6-8 weeks of sick leave you can use is for your recover, not the baby's.

I'm an adoptive parent, so I have zero experience giving birth. But I've always wondered about the 6 - 8 week thing. 8 weeks is a really long time. I don't think that people get to take 6-8 weeks paid sick leave after other pretty major surgeries. Is giving birth really that much harder to recover from than those other things?

I mean, I was still bleeding quite a bit at 8w after my first vaginal delivery...

And yes, 6-8w after other major surgeries, esp abdominal surgery, is not uncommon. But yeah, probably all those doctors approving 6-8w of post-partum leave don't know what they are talking about

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:it literally says it can't be used to care for a healthy child, which is what you'd be doing. Correct?

I think it's poor form, but no. She can only use it during the first 6 weeks following birth. That's the part when you're not healthy. The 6-8 weeks of sick leave you can use is for your recover, not the baby's.

I'm an adoptive parent, so I have zero experience giving birth. But I've always wondered about the 6 - 8 week thing. 8 weeks is a really long time. I don't think that people get to take 6-8 weeks paid sick leave after other pretty major surgeries. Is giving birth really that much harder to recover from than those other things?

You’re recovering from 9 months of growing a fetus and a brand new organ that does the work of another human's major bodily processes; churning out a massive volume of extra blood, sharing your body’s immune defenses, energy stores, expanding ligaments, preparing breasts to produce milk...it’s a monumental strain on the body followed by a feat of strength akin to running two or three (or more) marathons, followed by extreme sleep deprivation for weeks/months as you care for a newborn 24/7.

It takes several months, sometimes up to a year to recover and that is if all goes well (no severe tears, blood loss, surgery that cuts through layers of tissue and nerves..). The vast majority of maternal deaths occur in the first few months after birth if that’s any indication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:it literally says it can't be used to care for a healthy child, which is what you'd be doing. Correct?

I think it's poor form, but no. She can only use it during the first 6 weeks following birth. That's the part when you're not healthy. The 6-8 weeks of sick leave you can use is for your recover, not the baby's.

I'm an adoptive parent, so I have zero experience giving birth. But I've always wondered about the 6 - 8 week thing. 8 weeks is a really long time. I don't think that people get to take 6-8 weeks paid sick leave after other pretty major surgeries. Is giving birth really that much harder to recover from than those other things?

You’re recovering from 9 months of growing a fetus and a brand new organ that does the work of another human's major bodily processes; churning out a massive volume of extra blood, sharing your body’s immune defenses, energy stores, expanding ligaments, preparing breasts to produce milk...it’s a monumental strain on the body followed by a feat of strength akin to running two or three (or more) marathons, followed by extreme sleep deprivation for weeks/months as you care for a newborn 24/7.

It takes several months, sometimes up to a year to recover and that is if all goes well (no severe tears, blood loss, surgery that cuts through layers of tissue and nerves..). The vast majority of maternal deaths occur in the first few months after birth if that’s any indication.

I'm also an adoptive parent, and a parent by birth, and I've had a hysterectomy, which is nothing like a c-section other than the incision. In that case, it was open surgery and my surgeon highly recommended 6 weeks of total recovery, however, he also cleared me to resume life as normal right after 6 weeks, which doesn't seem quite right either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very. You might get a few people to donate but having a child is a voluntary choice in most situations and is in yours. You should not have started a new job if you needed the leave. Many of us save our leave for years to get that all paid for. I find it really off-putting someone uses all their leave or didn't save and asks for leave. I will gladly donate to someone I am close with for a special situation - cancer, ongoing health issues, NICU or other emergency with pregnancy but not because you want paid leave and didn't plan.

+1 You knew your were pregnant and changed jobs anyway. You must've known what would happen. And you are both feds and truly can't survive for 10 weeks on only your husband's pay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very. You might get a few people to donate but having a child is a voluntary choice in most situations and is in yours. You should not have started a new job if you needed the leave. Many of us save our leave for years to get that all paid for. I find it really off-putting someone uses all their leave or didn't save and asks for leave. I will gladly donate to someone I am close with for a special situation - cancer, ongoing health issues, NICU or other emergency with pregnancy but not because you want paid leave and didn't plan.

+1 You knew your were pregnant and changed jobs anyway. You must've known what would happen. And you are both feds and truly can't survive for 10 weeks on only your husband's pay?

What is it about our society that demands that women bear all of the costs of having babies, including the costs to their careers? The U.S. birth rate is at an all-time low. If it wasn't for international immigration we'd be in a demographic crisis. We do actually want people to have babies and raise them to be productive members of society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will dissent. I was incapacitated after my vaginal births. To doctors I had minor complication. To my vagina, these were MAJOR things like a huge tear. I could not walk very far. No way I could have worked. I was not strolling to Starbucks to gaze at the baby and drink lattes. I was in MEDICAL recovery, the same way a dude who has a hernia operation is. Some of them are up and about a day or 2 later, some of them take weeks to recover. Yet, The Dude is covered with paid time off. My vagina was given no such time.

It doesn't hurt to ask. I'd do it.

+1 and I love your post PP! I had from the outside view, a healthy straightforward vaginal delivery. From my view, I had a 2nd degree tear and lacerations that made it very difficult to walk the first two weeks. OP, even if all goes well will still be recovering from a medical event. Not just the birth, but also the 9 months of growing an entirely new human and then figuring out how to keep it alive those first hazy months.

No one is requiring people to donate their leave to her specifically, but I can imagine (especially been there done that women who are with it) preferring to give and hour or two as they can over donating to an office baby shower gift.

+1 I am 10 months postpartum and still amazed at how little regard our society has for women who give birth. Saying a woman who has been told by her doctors that she needs time off of work to recover from childbirth should not allowed to take a particular type of leave (in this case, donated leave) that is available to someone else with a different medical condition is textbook sex discrimination. Especially since childbirth typically happens early in a woman's career, before she can a accrue a ton of leave. The whole "but a baby is a choice" thing is so stupid. Why do people insist on making it impossible for people to have babies? We do actually need people to have babies. Otherwise, enjoy your Children of Men dystopia folks.

That being said OP I agree that for your own benefit find out what the norms are in your workplace.

OP had said that she will take the time off, regardless of whether anyone donates leave. The amount of time off she will take to recover will not be affected by donations. The only thing that will be affected is her wallet. She would basically be asking people to please skip a day off with their own families, in order to put some extra money in her bank account.

It's recovery from CHILDBIRTH. A major medical event for which the entire world agrees it takes 6 weeks to recover. OP only has enough leave to cover 2 weeks. TWO. If she asks for donations she may scrape together another week or two. It's not like she's asking people to fund her vacation or even the "bonding time" with the new baby. JFC!

Actually, it is exactly like that (or can be). As the PP indicated, OP is going to take leave, whether it's unpaid or not. Donated leave is not going to extend her leave time, and put an extra day's pay in her pocket. Money is fungible, and that donated day or two of salary can but used for any number of things . . . including vacation.

And I should say that I'd probably donate a day if I had it. But I'd be doing so to protest archaic maternity leave policies, not to provide much-needed extra time off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will dissent. I was incapacitated after my vaginal births. To doctors I had minor complication. To my vagina, these were MAJOR things like a huge tear. I could not walk very far. No way I could have worked. I was not strolling to Starbucks to gaze at the baby and drink lattes. I was in MEDICAL recovery, the same way a dude who has a hernia operation is. Some of them are up and about a day or 2 later, some of them take weeks to recover. Yet, The Dude is covered with paid time off. My vagina was given no such time.

It doesn't hurt to ask. I'd do it.

+1 and I love your post PP! I had from the outside view, a healthy straightforward vaginal delivery. From my view, I had a 2nd degree tear and lacerations that made it very difficult to walk the first two weeks. OP, even if all goes well will still be recovering from a medical event. Not just the birth, but also the 9 months of growing an entirely new human and then figuring out how to keep it alive those first hazy months.

No one is requiring people to donate their leave to her specifically, but I can imagine (especially been there done that women who are with it) preferring to give and hour or two as they can over donating to an office baby shower gift.

+1 I am 10 months postpartum and still amazed at how little regard our society has for women who give birth. Saying a woman who has been told by her doctors that she needs time off of work to recover from childbirth should not allowed to take a particular type of leave (in this case, donated leave) that is available to someone else with a different medical condition is textbook sex discrimination. Especially since childbirth typically happens early in a woman's career, before she can a accrue a ton of leave. The whole "but a baby is a choice" thing is so stupid. Why do people insist on making it impossible for people to have babies? We do actually need people to have babies. Otherwise, enjoy your Children of Men dystopia folks.

That being said OP I agree that for your own benefit find out what the norms are in your workplace.

OP had said that she will take the time off, regardless of whether anyone donates leave. The amount of time off she will take to recover will not be affected by donations. The only thing that will be affected is her wallet. She would basically be asking people to please skip a day off with their own families, in order to put some extra money in her bank account.

It's recovery from CHILDBIRTH. A major medical event for which the entire world agrees it takes 6 weeks to recover. OP only has enough leave to cover 2 weeks. TWO. If she asks for donations she may scrape together another week or two. It's not like she's asking people to fund her vacation or even the "bonding time" with the new baby. JFC!

Actually, it is exactly like that (or can be). As the PP indicated, OP is going to take leave, whether it's unpaid or not. Donated leave is not going to extend her leave time, and put an extra day's pay in her pocket. Money is fungible, and that donated day or two of salary can but used for any number of things . . . including vacation.

And I should say that I'd probably donate a day if I had it. But I'd be doing so to protest archaic maternity leave policies, not to provide much-needed extra time off.

People are assuming a lot about OP's financial situation. Yes, it sounds like she can take unpaid time off without going bankrupt or starving. But most people who take that amount of time off unpaid are going to face some kind of financial hardship. That's true whether the time off is for cancer or childbirth. Do people need to know the details of her finances to decide whether she deserves donated leave? If so, do you demand that of people with other medical conditions?

[Anonymous]

This is it. This is how it works.

The current U.S employer-based system is designed to pit us against each other, so people get upset and fearful that someone may get some benefit they didn't get access too instead of being upset at the system for this ridiculous debate we're locked in.

OP should have access to paid leave. The dad should have access to paid leave. The adoptive parent above should have access to paid leave. The cancer patient should have access to paid leave. The caregiver of a sick relative should have access to paid leave.

To act as if it's untenable is ridiculous. Countries all over the globe have figured out how to make it sustainable. Multiple states have successfully implemented state insurance models.

Here in the U.S., it's women by and large that pay the price in the absence of paid family leave policy. Women in color in particular, but women overall. And then we wonder why we have a #metoo problem and why women can't crack the glass ceiling.

If we're serious about solving things like sexual harassment, equal pay, reducing infant and maternal mortality, we MUST demand paid leave policy that includes everyone (meaning even a pay-in contribution option for independent contractors).

And we need to stop finger wagging at each other for daring to do something as biologically natural as have a baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is it. This is how it works.

The current U.S employer-based system is designed to pit us against each other, so people get upset and fearful that someone may get some benefit they didn't get access too instead of being upset at the system for this ridiculous debate we're locked in.

OP should have access to paid leave. The dad should have access to paid leave. The adoptive parent above should have access to paid leave. The cancer patient should have access to paid leave. The caregiver of a sick relative should have access to paid leave.

To act as if it's untenable is ridiculous. Countries all over the globe have figured out how to make it sustainable. Multiple states have successfully implemented state insurance models.

Here in the U.S., it's women by and large that pay the price in the absence of paid family leave policy. Women in color in particular, but women overall. And then we wonder why we have a #metoo problem and why women can't crack the glass ceiling.

If we're serious about solving things like sexual harassment, equal pay, reducing infant and maternal mortality, we MUST demand paid leave policy that includes everyone (meaning even a pay-in contribution option for independent contractors).

And we need to stop finger wagging at each other for daring to do something as biologically natural as have a baby.

+1000000!