Is it poor form to request donated paid leave for childbirth recovery period?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a newish hire and will have exhausted my paid leave within 2 weeks after childbirth. My agency allows for parents to request donated leave under its leave transfer program. The program specifies that donated leave can only be used for a "medical emergency -- i.e., the mother's period of incapacitation following childbirth (usually 6-8 weeks) or the illness of a child -- and may not be used to care for a healthy child." I'm planning on taking 12 weeks of FMLA leave, so if I rely solely on what I've accrued, only the first 2 weeks will be paid. Going into "leave without pay status" would affect my ability to accrue new leave and has some other HR consequences. Leave donation requests broadcast by my agency do not specify the medical reason for the request; rather, they just say "Jane Doe has elected to participate in the leave sharing program; if you would like to donate leave please contact HR."

My spouse thinks it would be poor form to solicit leave contributions -- assuming we have an uncomplicated childbirth -- and that while the letter of the law allows for soliciting donations, the spirit of the law reserves donations for people with cancer or other serious illnesses. My feeling is 1) that I probably won't receive much, if any, donated leave so why not ask, and 2) that only people who know me and want to help out will donate anyway.

So, greater DC parenting community, what do you think: is it gauche to solicit donated annual leave for an uncomplicated childbirth?

I would not ask unless NICU complications, etc. Those are who I would want to donate time to. I do wish you had more leave however, fault US policies for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have disability insurance? For some companies that's standard and pays 2/3 of your salary for 6 or 8 weeks.

feds don't have that

This doesn't help here (probably), but people who do not get disability insurance through work should get it privately, not necessarily for childbirth but for any injury or illness that makes you disabled. People should have long-term and also get short-term until you build up an emergency fund that would cover the short-term benefit (then cancel it). People are more likely to become disabled during their working years than to die. That being said, I know a family in which the husband recently switched jobs and there was about a month period before his new life insurance kicked in at the new job. Very, very sadly, he died suddenly and unexpectedly over Christmas before the policy kicked in and now his wife and kids are in a terrible financial position on top of their emotional devastation. So, as a PSA, get insurance (life and disability) and keep it in effect even if you think it won't happen to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have disability insurance? For some companies that's standard and pays 2/3 of your salary for 6 or 8 weeks.

feds don't have that

This doesn't help here (probably), but people who do not get disability insurance through work should get it privately, not necessarily for childbirth but for any injury or illness that makes you disabled. People should have long-term and also get short-term until you build up an emergency fund that would cover the short-term benefit (then cancel it). People are more likely to become disabled during their working years than to die. That being said, I know a family in which the husband recently switched jobs and there was about a month period before his new life insurance kicked in at the new job. Very, very sadly, he died suddenly and unexpectedly over Christmas before the policy kicked in and now his wife and kids are in a terrible financial position on top of their emotional devastation. So, as a PSA, get insurance (life and disability) and keep it in effect even if you think it won't happen to you.

Feds have long term disability and life insurance, just not short term

[Anonymous]

If you’re a newish hire you may not be entitled to FMLA, although your agency might allow you to take some unpaid leave anyway.

But yes, you can participate in the leave donation program. The agency shouldn’t give your name, it should be done anonymously, so everyone here saying it’s “only for NICU babies” are wrong - they don’t know the reason for the leave, and it’s voluntary, so only people who have leave they won’t use for themselves participate.

[Anonymous]

You are able to get advance sick leave to if you don’t want to take it all unpaid. I know some people don’t like to do that, but it is an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will dissent. I was incapacitated after my vaginal births. To doctors I had minor complication. To my vagina, these were MAJOR things like a huge tear. I could not walk very far. No way I could have worked. I was not strolling to Starbucks to gaze at the baby and drink lattes. I was in MEDICAL recovery, the same way a dude who has a hernia operation is. Some of them are up and about a day or 2 later, some of them take weeks to recover. Yet, The Dude is covered with paid time off. My vagina was given no such time.

It doesn't hurt to ask. I'd do it.

+1 and I love your post PP! I had from the outside view, a healthy straightforward vaginal delivery. From my view, I had a 2nd degree tear and lacerations that made it very difficult to walk the first two weeks. OP, even if all goes well will still be recovering from a medical event. Not just the birth, but also the 9 months of growing an entirely new human and then figuring out how to keep it alive those first hazy months.

No one is requiring people to donate their leave to her specifically, but I can imagine (especially been there done that women who are with it) preferring to give and hour or two as they can over donating to an office baby shower gift.

[Anonymous]

It is DONATED leave, not taken from a pool. It is perfectly fine to request, and then it is up to individual people to decide if they want to donate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course it's fine. People generally donate use or lose leave. Maybe someday you will be in a position to pay it forward by helping someone else. It's a request, not a requirement. If people don't want to/can't, they won't and won't give it another thought. No one's gonna be like, that Jane is just so rude to even request the leave.

I donated leave to genuinely ill people with debilitating or terminal illnesses but NEVER for maternity leave unless child was in NICU or seriously ill. You are greedy and selfish.

[Anonymous]

Aren’t feds getting paid family leave for birth of a child now? Enacted end of year, when does it start?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Aren’t feds getting paid family leave for birth of a child now? Enacted end of year, when does it start?

The start of the next fiscal year - so babies born on or after October 1 2020.

OP - is there anyone at your agency you can ask about this? I remember seeing someone in my agency do this before I had kids and thinking it was a little tacky unless they had NICU or serious physical complications. But now, due to events out of my control, I won't have enough leave to cover the 6-8 week recovery period (and will just miss the October 1 2020 deadline) and my HR contact is encouraging me to request donations because apparently a lot of people in our agency have use or lose to donate and in the past have been happy to do so for women recovering from birth. I don't know if I will or just try to figure out how to get by on LWOP but her perspective on it was different than what I expected and has made me rethink my prior judgment on it (as have my prior birth recoveries). Those who don't want to donate to you, won't. So the norms on this do seem to vary agency to agency. Because you are new though, you may want to think harder about it as this may be some people's first introduction to you.

[Anonymous]

I donated to a coworker in exactly this situation and was happy to do so. I wouldn’t have wanted her to skimp on the time she spent with her new baby because of money.

At least some of your coworkers will feel like I do, OP, and those who judge are gonna judge about something else if they can’t judge you about this. I think you should ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have disability insurance? For some companies that's standard and pays 2/3 of your salary for 6 or 8 weeks.

feds don't have that

I'm a fed and my agency has short term disability which can be used for childbirth, a lot of the financial sector agencies offer this benefit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will dissent. I was incapacitated after my vaginal births. To doctors I had minor complication. To my vagina, these were MAJOR things like a huge tear. I could not walk very far. No way I could have worked. I was not strolling to Starbucks to gaze at the baby and drink lattes. I was in MEDICAL recovery, the same way a dude who has a hernia operation is. Some of them are up and about a day or 2 later, some of them take weeks to recover. Yet, The Dude is covered with paid time off. My vagina was given no such time.

It doesn't hurt to ask. I'd do it.

+1 and I love your post PP! I had from the outside view, a healthy straightforward vaginal delivery. From my view, I had a 2nd degree tear and lacerations that made it very difficult to walk the first two weeks. OP, even if all goes well will still be recovering from a medical event. Not just the birth, but also the 9 months of growing an entirely new human and then figuring out how to keep it alive those first hazy months.

No one is requiring people to donate their leave to her specifically, but I can imagine (especially been there done that women who are with it) preferring to give and hour or two as they can over donating to an office baby shower gift.

+1 I am 10 months postpartum and still amazed at how little regard our society has for women who give birth. Saying a woman who has been told by her doctors that she needs time off of work to recover from childbirth should not allowed to take a particular type of leave (in this case, donated leave) that is available to someone else with a different medical condition is textbook sex discrimination. Especially since childbirth typically happens early in a woman's career, before she can a accrue a ton of leave. The whole "but a baby is a choice" thing is so stupid. Why do people insist on making it impossible for people to have babies? We do actually need people to have babies. Otherwise, enjoy your Children of Men dystopia folks.

That being said OP I agree that for your own benefit find out what the norms are in your workplace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will dissent. I was incapacitated after my vaginal births. To doctors I had minor complication. To my vagina, these were MAJOR things like a huge tear. I could not walk very far. No way I could have worked. I was not strolling to Starbucks to gaze at the baby and drink lattes. I was in MEDICAL recovery, the same way a dude who has a hernia operation is. Some of them are up and about a day or 2 later, some of them take weeks to recover. Yet, The Dude is covered with paid time off. My vagina was given no such time.

It doesn't hurt to ask. I'd do it.

+1 and I love your post PP! I had from the outside view, a healthy straightforward vaginal delivery. From my view, I had a 2nd degree tear and lacerations that made it very difficult to walk the first two weeks. OP, even if all goes well will still be recovering from a medical event. Not just the birth, but also the 9 months of growing an entirely new human and then figuring out how to keep it alive those first hazy months.

No one is requiring people to donate their leave to her specifically, but I can imagine (especially been there done that women who are with it) preferring to give and hour or two as they can over donating to an office baby shower gift.

+1 I am 10 months postpartum and still amazed at how little regard our society has for women who give birth. Saying a woman who has been told by her doctors that she needs time off of work to recover from childbirth should not allowed to take a particular type of leave (in this case, donated leave) that is available to someone else with a different medical condition is textbook sex discrimination. Especially since childbirth typically happens early in a woman's career, before she can a accrue a ton of leave. The whole "but a baby is a choice" thing is so stupid. Why do people insist on making it impossible for people to have babies? We do actually need people to have babies. Otherwise, enjoy your Children of Men dystopia folks.

That being said OP I agree that for your own benefit find out what the norms are in your workplace.

OP had said that she will take the time off, regardless of whether anyone donates leave. The amount of time off she will take to recover will not be affected by donations. The only thing that will be affected is her wallet. She would basically be asking people to please skip a day off with their own families, in order to put some extra money in her bank account.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will dissent. I was incapacitated after my vaginal births. To doctors I had minor complication. To my vagina, these were MAJOR things like a huge tear. I could not walk very far. No way I could have worked. I was not strolling to Starbucks to gaze at the baby and drink lattes. I was in MEDICAL recovery, the same way a dude who has a hernia operation is. Some of them are up and about a day or 2 later, some of them take weeks to recover. Yet, The Dude is covered with paid time off. My vagina was given no such time.

It doesn't hurt to ask. I'd do it.

+1 and I love your post PP! I had from the outside view, a healthy straightforward vaginal delivery. From my view, I had a 2nd degree tear and lacerations that made it very difficult to walk the first two weeks. OP, even if all goes well will still be recovering from a medical event. Not just the birth, but also the 9 months of growing an entirely new human and then figuring out how to keep it alive those first hazy months.

No one is requiring people to donate their leave to her specifically, but I can imagine (especially been there done that women who are with it) preferring to give and hour or two as they can over donating to an office baby shower gift.

+1 I am 10 months postpartum and still amazed at how little regard our society has for women who give birth. Saying a woman who has been told by her doctors that she needs time off of work to recover from childbirth should not allowed to take a particular type of leave (in this case, donated leave) that is available to someone else with a different medical condition is textbook sex discrimination. Especially since childbirth typically happens early in a woman's career, before she can a accrue a ton of leave. The whole "but a baby is a choice" thing is so stupid. Why do people insist on making it impossible for people to have babies? We do actually need people to have babies. Otherwise, enjoy your Children of Men dystopia folks.

That being said OP I agree that for your own benefit find out what the norms are in your workplace.

OP had said that she will take the time off, regardless of whether anyone donates leave. The amount of time off she will take to recover will not be affected by donations. The only thing that will be affected is her wallet. She would basically be asking people to please skip a day off with their own families, in order to put some extra money in her bank account.

It's recovery from CHILDBIRTH. A major medical event for which the entire world agrees it takes 6 weeks to recover. OP only has enough leave to cover 2 weeks. TWO. If she asks for donations she may scrape together another week or two. It's not like she's asking people to fund her vacation or even the "bonding time" with the new baby. JFC!