Is it poor form to request donated paid leave for childbirth recovery period?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the unvarnished feedback - I expected nothing less! My spouse will be happy to be vindicated on this one. Just to clarify: it's the agency's policy not to give a medical reason (or any other background) for leave solicitations. And yes, my hope was to give colleagues with "use or lose leave" who were feeling particularly generous an outlet for that generosity -- not random employees who don't know me and think I might have cancer. Of course, there's no way for me to screen for that possibility.

OP, don't tell DH he is right yet! Give it more time and see other responses. It is fine. It really is.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't give you any of my days just because there is always someone literally dying of cancer who needs them. Or getting a lung transplant or going across state to bury their child etc etc. All real life examples in my agency. I save them for those in crisis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the unvarnished feedback - I expected nothing less! My spouse will be happy to be vindicated on this one. Just to clarify: it's the agency's policy not to give a medical reason (or any other background) for leave solicitations. And yes, my hope was to give colleagues with "use or lose leave" who were feeling particularly generous an outlet for that generosity -- not random employees who don't know me and think I might have cancer. Of course, there's no way for me to screen for that possibility.

NP yes there is another way. We're dual feds. I wanted my DH to donate to me so I joined the leave bank. It wasn't announced AT ALL, but then DH was able to donate. My aunt donated 2 days to me too. That's an option for you. You can join the leave bank and then ask your coworkers personally to donate to you.

[Anonymous]

You absolutely can request leave. It is up for the individuals at your agency to decide whether to donate it to you. I appreciate the idea of agencies that have leave banks where there is much less guilt involved in asking for donated leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You absolutely can request leave. It is up for the individuals at your agency to decide whether to donate it to you. I appreciate the idea of agencies that have leave banks where there is much less guilt involved in asking for donated leave.

Yes but to join the leave bank, you have to donate 8 hours a year no matter what. DH's agency has that (Treasury did too when I worked there). He always donates. I don't know that you can get 6 weeks of maternity leave though out of that bank.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am going to disagree with everyone here (except the poster who noted our maternal leave policies in this country are disgraceful) and say yes, of course it's fine to ask for leave. I have donated leave to people in all kinds of situations and have been glad to do it. Childbirth is a better reason than plenty of others. The posters screaming about it being "gauche" and unnecessary are sadly brainwashed and frankly screwed up, and the sad thing is most of them are probably women. You can and should ask for leave without feeling any guilt for this. Pregnancy and childbirth are REALLY hard on the body.

This. Our leave situation sucks for all in this country and I would gladly donate a day. I'm a mother who had an uncomplicated birth and then struggled with PPD, mastitis and a colicky baby and added financial stress would have sent me truly over the edge. Good luck.

Except there is no indication that OP is financially stressed. She would prefer to be paid, but it sounds like she will be fine either way. I think most people (or at least me, and I am a PP in this thread) would definitely understand a request for leave donations from someone who lives paycheck to paycheck. Or from someone who will feel pressed to return to work super early because they can't afford unpaid leave. I would happily donate to that person. But it doesn't sound like that is OP's situation.

[Anonymous]

God Almighty, our medical and maternity policies in this country are awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am going to disagree with everyone here (except the poster who noted our maternal leave policies in this country are disgraceful) and say yes, of course it's fine to ask for leave. I have donated leave to people in all kinds of situations and have been glad to do it. Childbirth is a better reason than plenty of others. The posters screaming about it being "gauche" and unnecessary are sadly brainwashed and frankly screwed up, and the sad thing is most of them are probably women. You can and should ask for leave without feeling any guilt for this. Pregnancy and childbirth are REALLY hard on the body.

When I was a catholic school teacher, two of my most supposedly feminist coworkers balked when we instituted an option to donate leave and a new teacher requested it for the maternity period (she only went on all of 6 weeks leave altogether, and the most that she was allowed to receive as a donation was 10 days). Not that I thought they needed to donate leave, but they took a lot of offense at it. So weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's inappropriate and I applaud you for realizing that it's in poor form and actually caring!

Actually, you applaud her husband. OP has less awareness than he does, apparently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the unvarnished feedback - I expected nothing less! My spouse will be happy to be vindicated on this one. Just to clarify: it's the agency's policy not to give a medical reason (or any other background) for leave solicitations. And yes, my hope was to give colleagues with "use or lose leave" who were feeling particularly generous an outlet for that generosity -- not random employees who don't know me and think I might have cancer. Of course, there's no way for me to screen for that possibility.

NP yes there is another way. We're dual feds. I wanted my DH to donate to me so I joined the leave bank. It wasn't announced AT ALL, but then DH was able to donate. My aunt donated 2 days to me too. That's an option for you. You can join the leave bank and then ask your coworkers personally to donate to you.

I also had my fed DH donate his use or lose leave to me, but my agency required the announcement. We made sure that he donated the full amount I could receive before anyone else could attempt a donation. Some people reached out to ask if they could donate leave to me, and I just let them know it wasn't needed. I was actually quite surprised at how many people wanted to donate for my maternity leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am going to disagree with everyone here (except the poster who noted our maternal leave policies in this country are disgraceful) and say yes, of course it's fine to ask for leave. I have donated leave to people in all kinds of situations and have been glad to do it. Childbirth is a better reason than plenty of others. The posters screaming about it being "gauche" and unnecessary are sadly brainwashed and frankly screwed up, and the sad thing is most of them are probably women. You can and should ask for leave without feeling any guilt for this. Pregnancy and childbirth are REALLY hard on the body.

This. Our leave situation sucks for all in this country and I would gladly donate a day. I'm a mother who had an uncomplicated birth and then struggled with PPD, mastitis and a colicky baby and added financial stress would have sent me truly over the edge. Good luck.

Except there is no indication that OP is financially stressed. She would prefer to be paid, but it sounds like she will be fine either way. I think most people (or at least me, and I am a PP in this thread) would definitely understand a request for leave donations from someone who lives paycheck to paycheck. Or from someone who will feel pressed to return to work super early because they can't afford unpaid leave. I would happily donate to that person. But it doesn't sound like that is OP's situation.

Whose to say that the cancer patient is financially stressed? What does it mean to be 'fine either way?" You only are willing to give if the person is going to lose their house otherwise?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the non feds on this thread don't understand it. When leave is donated for a normal birth, it will take away from leave that a cancer patient can ask for. Most people's leave is finite. My DH always has use or lose. He does donate to very needy coworkers, but of course that takes away from our family and he doesn't take as many days off around the holidays. I never have use or lose (because I used it for maternity leaves) but would donate to a coworker in need.

Also, sucks you missed the paid leave that starts in October for feds.

No it doesn't. You don't donate leave to the leave bank; you donate leave to a specific individual who has been placed on the list. The OP using donated leave is not taking away from some cancer patient. Many people don't donate to random individuals on the list; they donate to specific individuals they know or whose plight they know about. That's one of my gripes about the program. Although I know there are confidentiality concerns in play, I wish there were a way to publish the reason why someone was on the list. We have scofflaws who are on the list because they were stupid with their leave throughout their career, and when a real medical crisis hits, they all of a sudden need to rely on donated leave. On the other hand, we have people who are in some really dire situations. The only way you will know will be if you hear it through the grapevine or they are someone you work with directly.

[Anonymous]

And to add, I would donate to the OP. It wouldn't bother me at all to see her name on the list. Go for it.

[Anonymous]

People at my agency do it. I'm not sure what I think about it. I strongly support better maternity leave policies but I also have a coworker who went on a 3 week vacation while 6 months pregnant then turned around and asked for donated leave once her baby was born. That kind of rubbed me the wrong way.

[Anonymous]

I will dissent. I was incapacitated after my vaginal births. To doctors I had minor complication. To my vagina, these were MAJOR things like a huge tear. I could not walk very far. No way I could have worked. I was not strolling to Starbucks to gaze at the baby and drink lattes. I was in MEDICAL recovery, the same way a dude who has a hernia operation is. Some of them are up and about a day or 2 later, some of them take weeks to recover. Yet, The Dude is covered with paid time off. My vagina was given no such time.

It doesn't hurt to ask. I'd do it.