Mil never wants to leave at bedtime

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's time for your dh to start taking the kids to Grandma's house every Monday evening.

Great solution!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's time for your dh to start taking the kids to Grandma's house every Monday evening.

Great solution!

Seems like a recipe for overtired kids.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like DH enjoys catching up with him mom twice a month. This doesn't sound like a huge burden. I don't understand why OP can't fix a cup of tea and take it upstairs to read or watch a show on her iPad. Insisting on sitting in one specific room sounds a bit unnecessary.

If DH really just does it because he feels it's "mean" to tell him mom that everyone needs to go to bed, then he needs to step up and just say that he needs to help with bedtime, thanks for coming over, see you next time, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I don’t want to have to sit prisoner in my room until she leaves. Why should I have to? And no, I don’t like parading around in pajamas with wet hair and makeup off and whatever else, that’s my preference. Why shouldn’t I be allowed that? I want to come downstairs, make a tea, sit in the living room, maybe watch a show. Why isn’t the hour I’m upstairs getting the kids to bed enough alone time? And if it’s not, why can’t they take it somewhere else! Also the kids do go to bed reluctantly because they are laughing and seems to be having fun that they think they are missing out on. It’s hard to sleep with dad and grandma laughing right below you. Why isn’t that enough time? Why can’t she leave?

Good grief, you are a diva.

+1000. With a stick up her butt. And no, I’m not a MIL.

You both sound like you have zero boundaries and no manners.

Asking guests to leave at bedtime on a weeknight is pretty standard. Overstaying your welcome every single week is obnoxious and entitled behavior.

Except there are two adults in the house and one doesn’t seem to think she’s overstaying her welcome. Having manners includes recognizing your not the only one with a say in your marriage and home. And btw, it’s every other week, so she gets 28 other days a month to walk around in her pjs and wet hair.

[Anonymous]

How much is there to catch up on weekly between MIL and DH? Get her out of there. DH needs to break the pattern. “Ok mom I’m tried so I’m heading up, too. Let me walk you out.” And why would se just be on her phone at your house. I can’t even take old people and phones. The addiction is so bad. She can go home and use it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I don’t want to have to sit prisoner in my room until she leaves. Why should I have to? And no, I don’t like parading around in pajamas with wet hair and makeup off and whatever else, that’s my preference. Why shouldn’t I be allowed that? I want to come downstairs, make a tea, sit in the living room, maybe watch a show. Why isn’t the hour I’m upstairs getting the kids to bed enough alone time? And if it’s not, why can’t they take it somewhere else! Also the kids do go to bed reluctantly because they are laughing and seems to be having fun that they think they are missing out on. It’s hard to sleep with dad and grandma laughing right below you. Why isn’t that enough time? Why can’t she leave?

Good grief, you are a diva.

+1000. With a stick up her butt. And no, I’m not a MIL.

You both sound like you have zero boundaries and no manners.

Asking guests to leave at bedtime on a weeknight is pretty standard. Overstaying your welcome every single week is obnoxious and entitled behavior.

Except there are two adults in the house and one doesn’t seem to think she’s overstaying her welcome. Having manners includes recognizing your not the only one with a say in your marriage and home. And btw, it’s every other week, so she gets 28 other days a month to walk around in her pjs and wet hair.

So you’re saying if two adults decide to be rude it’s less obnoxious?
The DH and his mom being jerks together doesn’t make their behavior any less rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I don’t want to have to sit prisoner in my room until she leaves. Why should I have to? And no, I don’t like parading around in pajamas with wet hair and makeup off and whatever else, that’s my preference. Why shouldn’t I be allowed that? I want to come downstairs, make a tea, sit in the living room, maybe watch a show. Why isn’t the hour I’m upstairs getting the kids to bed enough alone time? And if it’s not, why can’t they take it somewhere else! Also the kids do go to bed reluctantly because they are laughing and seems to be having fun that they think they are missing out on. It’s hard to sleep with dad and grandma laughing right below you. Why isn’t that enough time? Why can’t she leave?

Your entire problem is that you're uptight. It's no wonder your husband and his mom enjoy having alone time together when you are this frigid around her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I don’t want to have to sit prisoner in my room until she leaves. Why should I have to? And no, I don’t like parading around in pajamas with wet hair and makeup off and whatever else, that’s my preference. Why shouldn’t I be allowed that? I want to come downstairs, make a tea, sit in the living room, maybe watch a show. Why isn’t the hour I’m upstairs getting the kids to bed enough alone time? And if it’s not, why can’t they take it somewhere else! Also the kids do go to bed reluctantly because they are laughing and seems to be having fun that they think they are missing out on. It’s hard to sleep with dad and grandma laughing right below you. Why isn’t that enough time? Why can’t she leave?

Good grief, you are a diva.

+1000. With a stick up her butt. And no, I’m not a MIL.

You both sound like you have zero boundaries and no manners.

Asking guests to leave at bedtime on a weeknight is pretty standard. Overstaying your welcome every single week is obnoxious and entitled behavior.

Except there are two adults in the house and one doesn’t seem to think she’s overstaying her welcome. Having manners includes recognizing your not the only one with a say in your marriage and home. And btw, it’s every other week, so she gets 28 other days a month to walk around in her pjs and wet hair.

So you’re saying if two adults decide to be rude it’s less obnoxious?
The DH and his mom being jerks together doesn’t make their behavior any less rude.

Where is it decreed in stone that staying and chatting a bit after the kids go to bed is rude? Not everyone thinks the same way. If I had a guest and wanted to keep chatting and my DH didn’t, he would say goodnight and go upstairs and I would stay and talk. The reverse would also be true. The OP has decided 9 is a cutoff and it’s rude to stay longer. Her DH obviously doesn’t believe in this same cutoff. She needs to discuss it with him and figure out what each is willing to compromise to on this whopping two whole nights a month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a tricky situation between DH and his mom. We have a long standing date that she comes every other Monday for dinner and to visit her grandchildren. I already extend bedtime to make the visit longer, but the problem is bedtime. I will tell the kids it’s time for baths and bed and have them say their goodbyes to nana, then I say my goodbyes and then we head upstairs to have showers. It always happens that when we get back out, DH is still down there talking with his mom and she hasn’t left. The kids get riled up again and want to go back downstairs to nana. She keeps saying she’s leaving, but she will sit there talking to DH or fooling around on her phone, stuff like that. I have tried starting bath earlier, so they can stay up with her, but then when it’s bed time she still doesn’t want to leave and the kids still want to go downstairs because nana is here. DH doesn’t see the issue once a week, but I’m tired too and when it’s bedtime it’s bedtime. I want to settle down too and I can’t when I’m wrangling two kids. She won’t take a hint either. If I have DH come upstairs to help me, we come back down and there she is even though she said she was heading out I don’t know what to do. Help me before she comes tonight!

Maybe this is her special time with her son?? You are getting upset but, get free service from her weekly. That seems mean to me. Just tell your kids that it is time for Dad and Grandmom to talk and just like you like to talk to ( you) their dad likes to chat with his mom.
Maybe your MIL is lonely? Just control your kids and keep them upstairs or hire change your date night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a tricky situation between DH and his mom. We have a long standing date that she comes every other Monday for dinner and to visit her grandchildren. I already extend bedtime to make the visit longer, but the problem is bedtime. I will tell the kids it’s time for baths and bed and have them say their goodbyes to nana, then I say my goodbyes and then we head upstairs to have showers. It always happens that when we get back out, DH is still down there talking with his mom and she hasn’t left. The kids get riled up again and want to go back downstairs to nana. She keeps saying she’s leaving, but she will sit there talking to DH or fooling around on her phone, stuff like that. I have tried starting bath earlier, so they can stay up with her, but then when it’s bed time she still doesn’t want to leave and the kids still want to go downstairs because nana is here. DH doesn’t see the issue once a week, but I’m tired too and when it’s bedtime it’s bedtime. I want to settle down too and I can’t when I’m wrangling two kids. She won’t take a hint either. If I have DH come upstairs to help me, we come back down and there she is even though she said she was heading out I don’t know what to do. Help me before she comes tonight!

Maybe this is her special time with her son?? You are getting upset but, get free service from her weekly. That seems mean to me. Just tell your kids that it is time for Dad and Grandmom to talk and just like you like to talk to ( you) their dad likes to chat with his mom.
Maybe your MIL is lonely? Just control your kids and keep them upstairs or hire change your date night.

I’m not on OP’s side here but I don’t think OP mentioned babysitting or date night. The date is for MIL to come over for dinner. Every other week, not weekly.

[Anonymous]

Once the kids are in bed, it is adult time. Nana and Dad can do whatever they want. Teach the kids that bedtime is bedtime no matter who is in the house. And since this is a regular thing, she isn't a special guest to you on these visits, so you can go to bed too.

But why Monday?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I don’t want to have to sit prisoner in my room until she leaves. Why should I have to? And no, I don’t like parading around in pajamas with wet hair and makeup off and whatever else, that’s my preference. Why shouldn’t I be allowed that? I want to come downstairs, make a tea, sit in the living room, maybe watch a show. Why isn’t the hour I’m upstairs getting the kids to bed enough alone time? And if it’s not, why can’t they take it somewhere else! Also the kids do go to bed reluctantly because they are laughing and seems to be having fun that they think they are missing out on. It’s hard to sleep with dad and grandma laughing right below you. Why isn’t that enough time? Why can’t she leave?

Good grief, you are a diva.

+1000. With a stick up her butt. And no, I’m not a MIL.

You both sound like you have zero boundaries and no manners.

Asking guests to leave at bedtime on a weeknight is pretty standard. Overstaying your welcome every single week is obnoxious and entitled behavior.

Except there are two adults in the house and one doesn’t seem to think she’s overstaying her welcome. Having manners includes recognizing your not the only one with a say in your marriage and home. And btw, it’s every other week, so she gets 28 other days a month to walk around in her pjs and wet hair.

So you’re saying if two adults decide to be rude it’s less obnoxious?
The DH and his mom being jerks together doesn’t make their behavior any less rude.

No they aren't being rude. They are being normal adults at 9 pm. OP is being odd. Also, it is weird to think of your mom as a guest in this sense.

[Anonymous]

OP with update:

I talked to my husband and he was a little more accommodating this time. Kids went up at 8, showered and bed, mil was gone by 9:30, so I guess it was a compromise. I’m happy with it.

[Anonymous]

She is lonely and wants to talk to her son without the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP with update:

I talked to my husband and he was a little more accommodating this time. Kids went up at 8, showered and bed, mil was gone by 9:30, so I guess it was a compromise. I’m happy with it.

That's good that your DH was open to adjusting the routine. I do think that you shouldn't feel constrained by them after the kids are in bed. Get your tea, watch your show, etc.