Mil never wants to leave at bedtime
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Anonymous
| I have a tricky situation between DH and his mom. We have a long standing date that she comes every other Monday for dinner and to visit her grandchildren. I already extend bedtime to make the visit longer, but the problem is bedtime. I will tell the kids it’s time for baths and bed and have them say their goodbyes to nana, then I say my goodbyes and then we head upstairs to have showers. It always happens that when we get back out, DH is still down there talking with his mom and she hasn’t left. The kids get riled up again and want to go back downstairs to nana. She keeps saying she’s leaving, but she will sit there talking to DH or fooling around on her phone, stuff like that. I have tried starting bath earlier, so they can stay up with her, but then when it’s bed time she still doesn’t want to leave and the kids still want to go downstairs because nana is here. DH doesn’t see the issue once a week, but I’m tired too and when it’s bedtime it’s bedtime. I want to settle down too and I can’t when I’m wrangling two kids. She won’t take a hint either. If I have DH come upstairs to help me, we come back down and there she is even though she said she was heading out I don’t know what to do. Help me before she comes tonight! |
Anonymous
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No weekday visits. Make it Saturday evening, or Sunday during the day (but not dinner).
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Anonymous
| Don't bring the kids back down - tell them it is Nana and Dad time. Get them into bed and go read yourself? |
Anonymous
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I’d make your DH help and then not go back downstairs. He can go down and do post dinner clean up and you can get ready for bed.
Your MIL is rude. |
Anonymous
| Do they need a bath Monday nights? Just go up and put them to bed. |
Anonymous
| Your kids should be respecting the fact that that is a time for their dad and nana to catch up and have adult conversations and not interrupt. It's not always their time with nana. Once they go upstairs, they need to understand that it's their bedtime and respect that. This isn't a MIL issue, it's a child issue and it's not fair to say to your husband, no you can't hang out with your mom and catch up with her because the kids won't stay upstairs like they are told to. |
Anonymous
| If she's coming that frequently, your kids can learn that they have to go to bed while she's there visiting with you and your husband. They'll see her again soon. I am a little puzzled as to why she has to leave in order for your kids to go to bed. |
Anonymous
| Two answers. First, once your kids go upstairs they don't come back down. Period. You can always ask MIL to come give them a kiss when its time for lights out but once they go upstairs to get ready for bed that's the end of it. Make sure to tell your kids this is the new rule before you get close to bedtime. Second, if MIL being there is really a problem for other reasons you need to get your DH on board and he need to be the one to talk to MIL and gently let her know that at XXpm you guys need to be winding down for the night and you can't have visitors after that point. It kind of sound like he enjoys visiting with her during this time so that might be harder. |
Anonymous
| OP here. It’s not just the kids, but I would like to be able to walk around in my pajamas and relax in my home after 9pm. I think the hour bedtime routine is more than enough time for DH and his mom to catch up. They can go out for dessert for all I care. But once it’s time to settle down, why can’t she leave? It’s rude. |
Anonymous
Adding, I doubt he would be happy my mom stuck around if he wanted to just lounge in his underwear and watch Netflix. |
Anonymous
9:00 pm on a week night is plenty late. I'd lose it. |
Anonymous
It’s one night a week. Just go read in your room. You sound controlling. |
Anonymous
So it's not the kids (which is solvable), it's your preference. That's fine, too, but it's a different solution. Tell your husband you'd like him to invite his mom out for dessert or coffee on Monday nights. |
Anonymous
This. I'd just plan to not come back down for the night. Or if I did, I'd make it VERY obvious I was in "relax" mode by putting on sweats. But...the issue isn't just your MIL. It's your DH's refusal to deal with this issue, or to even SEE it as an issue. I'd have a few calm discussions about this. If he won't help back you up with her leaving, then the visits need to be more spread out. Say once every three weeks. |
Anonymous
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Why can't you say something like ...We need to call it a night, mom. It was a great visit but we have to say good bye, we'll see you next week! Hug, kiss and lead her to the door. Be direct, tell her what you told us.
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