The crisis coming that is taboo to talk about

[Anonymous]

I haven't read all the replies (and people, the quote-posts are getting WAY too long to follow.) But having been on several sides of this, I wonder why the OP thinks having kids young somehow avoids these issues. My mother had me and my siblings in her early 20s and by the time I was in HS she was dealing with a parent w/Alzheimers. Sure, she was 35 but that didn't make it "easy" to care for an elderly parent; I don't think it was an easier for me when I had to deal with it in my 40s. It's awful and sad and there's not much you can do to avoid it, other than die young (which also sucks.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the replies (and people, the quote-posts are getting WAY too long to follow.) But having been on several sides of this, I wonder why the OP thinks having kids young somehow avoids these issues. My mother had me and my siblings in her early 20s and by the time I was in HS she was dealing with a parent w/Alzheimers. Sure, she was 35 but that didn't make it "easy" to care for an elderly parent; I don't think it was an easier for me when I had to deal with it in my 40s. It's awful and sad and there's not much you can do to avoid it, other than die young (which also sucks.)

it's about statistics. The chances of young people born to moms in their late 30s and early 40s dealing with aging parents in while they, they children are in their 20s and 30s is higher. They will have a far worse sandwich than those who came before them. In your 40s you are more likely to be established in a job and family. You don't risk losing your job to help mom and dad. You don't give up your young and fun single years to care for mom and dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After reading this thread, I realize I had no idea of what awaits me with aging parents.

So far, we have not had to deal with anything because DH and I are both 49 and our parents are in their late 70's and have had no health problems. They are very active, like to take international trips, work out at the gym, go on hikes and do gardening. They all do lots of volunteer work too.

My parents and in-laws have adequate financial resources, and are also very proud people. I don't anticipate them even wanting any help from us, but then again, after reading this thread, it sound like people change when they get older and demand things of their kids.

I like the idea about writing down our wishes now, and then testing our cognitive abilities as we age. I refuse to be a burden on my children. I'd rather have assisted suicide than be dependent on anyone. I just need to make sure I know when it's my time to go -- that the key.

After reading this thread, it's clear that it seems pretty traumatic to have elderly parents who need lots of care. I genuinely haven't had to deal with any of that yet. We love our parents and want to do whatever they need once they get into their 80's, but I so far cannot imagine them asking us for any help.

Well said and good summary. My parents did all the right things and never wanted to be a burden. Their personalities changed making them incredibly selfish and verbally abusive. I hope I can track things and do assisted suicide. I don't want to be in diapers making my kids miserable and having aides quit right and left.

[Anonymous]

Very good recent article on NYT and the responses are even more enlightening. https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/25/opinion/health-care-old-age-disability.html?action=click&module=Opinion&pgtype=Homepage

[Anonymous]

I am laughing at all the responses here that have the theme:
"It's time for assisted living" or " "If xxxx, then it's time for a nursing home."
Oh boy, what a reality check that will be for these guys. If the elderly parent says no, it's no. Or, if there is no money, it's also no. Many times it is both. After doing this with 3 parents, between mine and my husband's...I am here to say....Get READY for a lot of your bubble life to end.
I cannot believe some of these answers...get a grip.

[Anonymous]

I think this is your choice. Parents say “no, I won’t move to assisted living,” so you decide to become a full-time caregiver. That’s on you.

If there’s no money, that’s another thing. But in my parent’s experience, their is money, they just don’t want to spend it. Fine. But again, that’s a choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is your choice. Parents say “no, I won’t move to assisted living,” so you decide to become a full-time caregiver. That’s on you.

If there’s no money, that’s another thing. But in my parent’s experience, their is money, they just don’t want to spend it. Fine. But again, that’s a choice.

Good luck with that.

[Anonymous]

People are living too long these days. It’s not unusual for the elderly to live well into their 80s and beyond. But they’re not necessarily healthy or able to live independently as they age, creating an undue burden for younger generations. This is a ticking time bomb for society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a society, we need to rethink our family units of the future. It makes no sense to have the elderly in retirement centers and the kds in daycare. We need multi-generational households again, that all live together and yet are independent.

We cannot have our young people wiped out by student loans and debts. Pay has to be equal for both men and women and paid maternity and paternity leave should be the norm. Flexible work schedules and remote work needs to be the norm.

This country is too backwards in all of these things.

I agree 100%. We have crafted our own insanity as a culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are living too long these days. It’s not unusual for the elderly to live well into their 80s and beyond. But they’re not necessarily healthy or able to live independently as they age, creating an undue burden for younger generations. This is a ticking time bomb for society.

What are you suggesting? Required euthanasia as in The Giver? How would that work, exactly?

I think there is a big difference in prolonging life with technology even though there is no quality of life, and assuming general aging concerns and assistance is too much of a burden for others to care. Our culture is obsessed with youth, we deride aging and fear things like immobility, cancer, loss of hearing, etc.

We need a better system and a cultural paradigm shift of care...one where it doesn't bankrupt families of time and money just to care for the aging. Aging parents should still be loved and cared for, included as much as possible, and have access to assistance by caregivers who are adequately paid. Incontinence, mild memory loss, immobility are not signs of checking out. I know several people who have weathered more than one bout of aggressive cancer in their seventies and eighties, and one woman who is 97(!) and have survived completely, but needed help. Another example is something like Parkinson's...there are many types but a person can live a long time with it...and just need help.

Let'a change our bias against that which is no longer beautiful, productive for us, or easy.
We need a decent healthcare system for all, period, and a decent structure for our elderly that takes into consideration what might be reasonable for families to do and what is not considering the fact that people are working longer.
I believe this is what this thread is trying to address.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are living too long these days. It’s not unusual for the elderly to live well into their 80s and beyond. But they’re not necessarily healthy or able to live independently as they age, creating an undue burden for younger generations. This is a ticking time bomb for society.

What are you suggesting? Required euthanasia as in The Giver? How would that work, exactly?

I think there is a big difference in prolonging life with technology even though there is no quality of life, and assuming general aging concerns and assistance is too much of a burden for others to care. Our culture is obsessed with youth, we deride aging and fear things like immobility, cancer, loss of hearing, etc.

We need a better system and a cultural paradigm shift of care...one where it doesn't bankrupt families of time and money just to care for the aging. Aging parents should still be loved and cared for, included as much as possible, and have access to assistance by caregivers who are adequately paid. Incontinence, mild memory loss, immobility are not signs of checking out. I know several people who have weathered more than one bout of aggressive cancer in their seventies and eighties, and one woman who is 97(!) and have survived completely, but needed help. Another example is something like Parkinson's...there are many types but a person can live a long time with it...and just need help.

Amen.


Let'a change our bias against that which is no longer beautiful, productive for us, or easy.
We need a decent healthcare system for all, period, and a decent structure for our elderly that takes into consideration what might be reasonable for families to do and what is not considering the fact that people are working longer.
I believe this is what this thread is trying to address.

[Anonymous]

I think that some of the colleges that are failing should turn their campuses into retirement communities instead. The elderly people could live in the dormitories and there could even be a dormitory or two where the paid caregivers live.

[Anonymous]

People will find their adult kids will move away so they will have to find a way to cope. I wouldn't think children are a guarantee in elder years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that some of the colleges that are failing should turn their campuses into retirement communities instead. The elderly people could live in the dormitories and there could even be a dormitory or two where the paid caregivers live.

There aren’t failing colleges. There aren’t enough seats at colleges for kids who want to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that some of the colleges that are failing should turn their campuses into retirement communities instead. The elderly people could live in the dormitories and there could even be a dormitory or two where the paid caregivers live.

There aren’t failing colleges. There aren’t enough seats at colleges for kids who want to go.

Different poster. You are confused. Yes, there are private colleges failing. The good state schools and top private schools are the ones that are highly competitive and will always have people. Fewer people are able or willing to pay for a mediocre private.