The crisis coming that is taboo to talk about

[Anonymous]

I bet you that one selfish pp will be the worst of them all, when dementia and old age hits. Her kids will be taking meds too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s a correlation between the gene that allows long fertility (older natural pregnancy) and the gene linked to longevity.

My mom has me in her mid 40s as a “whoops” baby. She’s in her 90s and basically fine health-wise. Her mom had her in her 30’s as a first baby, and she had no dementia at all until well past 100. So genetics plays a role.

Until it doesn’t. My dad’s parents made it to 89. He got cancer at 70 w/ zero family history and was very young for his age—looked and moved better than most 50-year olds. I always assumed he’d at least see my kids graduate HS—sadly not. One was in 4th grade, the other 6th. I have to say I was a bit cavalier about our family health and longevity prior so it rocked my world when my dad went through terminal cancer.

Same my grandmother has my dad at40. She lived to be 97, and my dad died at 67, when my youngest was 1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My grandparents mostly all died before I was born to my older parents when they were 40. In some ways, if your parents pass away when you are younger you have more time to live your own life. One younger grandparent lived til age 95 and my mom and dad spent 20 (!) years taking care of her as she slowly deteriorated. I would rather have older parents..

That’s awful. My kids had such a very close and loving relationship with my dad until he died at 76 and they are close with my mom
as well. Grandparents offer so much to kids. Study after study cite the benefits of multi generational family relationships. I mourn the loss of my dad’s relationship with my boys. They were 9 and 12 when he died from cancer. My sisters’ kids were all over 18.

I can’t imagine my kids never having met my parents. They came to their games and my kids spent the night at their house once a month.

My grandparents were poor and had hard lives, and my one living grandmother tended to be mean. We couldn't ever take a family vacation again after she can to live with us, between the extra expenses and the need for care.

If there had been three more grandparents to pay to take care of, we could not have done it. I mean, I wish I had been able to experience loving middle class grandparents, but that wasn't probably going to happen anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had children not "caregivers". Of course my grown children are going to be free to live their lives. Visit me - yes. But put aside their own responsibilities to themselves, their spouse, their children, their employer to care for me? No way.

I am going to be sure to write that out, date it and sign it. I'll give each of my kids a copy of what I've written while I'm of sound mind and body - when it's ME talking.

There are far worse things in life then not getting perfect care in your old age.

This is so, painfully, naive. Have you never had an elderly relative?

If what you wrote above were possible, my husband and I certainly would have done so, as would my mother and his mother, but it's not possible. Even if you have oodles of money (which they do), live in assisted living facilities (which they do), have financial people and caregivers and support systems (which they do) and are of sound mind (one is, one isn't) managing the old ladies is a constant stream of duties big and small.

I wish you the best, I really do, but to write something like you wrote above requires an optimistic streak that is crossing the border into arrogance.

Yes I have dealt with elderly relatives. And my statement stands. There are worse things than an adult child not dropping everything and rushing to their elderly parent's side at the first sign of trouble. In fact, as a parent myself, the worst thing would be that my own adult children's health, happiness and personal freedom would suffer trying to look out for me and appease me in my old age.

I have seen some great examples of older people who simply suck it up and dealing with it. Maybe I will write myself a note that I can read later on if or when I need to be reminded of my own wishes.

+1

My elderly relatives didn’t burden the rest of the family with their illnesses. Of course, we all visited and supported the best we could but most just wanted to remain in their own homes with nurse care.