Family members in Guatemala ask me for money

[Anonymous]

OP, I come from a developing country and my parents were also always on the hook to send money back. Here's how they set it up: they regularly sent money to my grandma and their siblings who were in need, plus special cases where a member of the younger generation goes to college (still quite rare) they get their tuition fully paid for.

But they made it clear to all our relatives back home that they were the only ones on the hook, not me or my brother. They wanted to protect us from being sucked into an endless vortex of needs, plus they recognized that to always give hand outs is actually enabling some bad behavior. When my grandma passed away, they cut back on some of their financial contributions. When my uncles and aunts started doing better, they cut back further. Basically, they gradually weaned the relatives, maybe not completely, but you get the idea.

The kicker is, when my dad was in the last few weeks of his life, we paid for all his siblings to come and see him. This was supposed to be a final visit to have some family time. One aunt was seizing the opportunity to try to secure some favor for her daughter. She was scheming and trying to wring the last drop of usefulness out of my dying father. We were all disgusted. I mean, it's not enough that my dad had provided them financial and emotional help all his life, he couldn't even be left in peace while dying. That's why I don't subscribe to the blind belief that you always help family. Some family is just leeches, plain and simple. You have to protect yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Block them on Whatsapp, unless you want to become an ATM.

That's exactly what Jesus preached.

Is Jesus going to come pay OP's bills when she needs it?

Is this a question of not being able to pay bills or not having sufficient discretionary income?

Doesn't matter. OP is not obliged to give if she doesn't want to.

No one is obliged to give, but some of us live by a different moral code to care for family and those in need.

You do you and drop the sanctimony.

Yes, I will do me and be a better person than you.

Sanctimonious and superior? Smugness is not a good look.

Better sanctimonious and superior than selfish and uncaring.

Enabling and condoendece never helped anyone- esp generations of poverty + rampant breeding.

Don’t you have a KKK meeting you’re late for?

Put your money where your mouth is. Why aren't you sending OP's relatives a check if you're so concerned?

Did Op ask us to pay for her relatives? I send thousands overseas to my own relatives as do millions of immigrants and children of immigrants. Op knows that “blocking her cousins on Facebook” isn’t the only way to deal with family.

And millions of immigrants don't or cannot afford to. Get off your high horse.

Yup, and OP can decide what type of person she wants to be. Many people sacrifice comforts to help family. Many people don't. It's all about your priorities.

[Anonymous]

This thread reminds me of Trevor Noah's biography which I've been reading. He credits his success in life to one person who reached out and helped him and talks about how raw talent doesn't get you past systematic barriers, despite what the "bring yourself up by your bootstraps" people try to say.

"Life was good, and none of it would have happened without Andrew. Without him, I would never have mastered the world of music piracy and lived a life of endless McDonald's. What he did, on a small scale, showed me how important it is to empower the dispossessed and the disenfranchised in the wake of oppression. Andrew was white. His family had access of education, resources, computers. For generations, while his people were preparing to go to university, my people were crowded into thatched huts singing. "Two times two is four. Three times two is six. La la la la." My family had been denied the things his family had taken for granted. I had a natural talent for selling to people, but without knowledge and resources, where was that going to get me? People always lecture the poor: "Take responsibility for yourself! Make something of yourself!" But with what raw materials are the poor to make something of themselves?
People love to say, "Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll eat for a lifetime. " What they don't say is, "And it would be nice if you gave him a fishing rod." That's the part of the analogy that's missing. Working with Andrew was the first time in my life I realized you need someone from the privileged world to come to you and say, "Okay, here's what you need, and here's how it works." Talent alone would have gotten me nowhere without Andrew giving me the CD writer. People say, "Oh, that's a handout. " No. I still have to work to profit by it. But I don't stand a chance without it."[b]

Trevor Noah: Born a Crime Stories from a South African Childhood

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Babies make needy people feel wanted and loved.

Wow-how profound. Did you learn that by watching “16 and pregnant”?

This is common knowledge is sociology. You are really dense and trying to provoke people for no reason other than your selfish entertainment. You must really annoy the Sht out of everyone you’re close to.

Np

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I come from a developing country and my parents were also always on the hook to send money back. Here's how they set it up: they regularly sent money to my grandma and their siblings who were in need, plus special cases where a member of the younger generation goes to college (still quite rare) they get their tuition fully paid for.

But they made it clear to all our relatives back home that they were the only ones on the hook, not me or my brother. They wanted to protect us from being sucked into an endless vortex of needs, plus they recognized that to always give hand outs is actually enabling some bad behavior. When my grandma passed away, they cut back on some of their financial contributions. When my uncles and aunts started doing better, they cut back further. Basically, they gradually weaned the relatives, maybe not completely, but you get the idea.

The kicker is, when my dad was in the last few weeks of his life, we paid for all his siblings to come and see him. This was supposed to be a final visit to have some family time. One aunt was seizing the opportunity to try to secure some favor for her daughter. She was scheming and trying to wring the last drop of usefulness out of my dying father. We were all disgusted. I mean, it's not enough that my dad had provided them financial and emotional help all his life, he couldn't even be left in peace while dying. That's why I don't subscribe to the blind belief that you always help family. Some family is just leeches, plain and simple. You have to protect yourself.

God bless him. Sorry to hear this, but every country and family has people like that. People are flawed in one way or another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Block them on Whatsapp, unless you want to become an ATM.

That's exactly what Jesus preached.

Is Jesus going to come pay OP's bills when she needs it?

Is this a question of not being able to pay bills or not having sufficient discretionary income?

Doesn't matter. OP is not obliged to give if she doesn't want to.

No one is obliged to give, but some of us live by a different moral code to care for family and those in need.

You do you and drop the sanctimony.

Yes, I will do me and be a better person than you.

Sanctimonious and superior? Smugness is not a good look.

Better sanctimonious and superior than selfish and uncaring.

Enabling and condoendece never helped anyone- esp generations of poverty + rampant breeding.

Don’t you have a KKK meeting you’re late for?

Put your money where your mouth is. Why aren't you sending OP's relatives a check if you're so concerned?

Did Op ask us to pay for her relatives? I send thousands overseas to my own relatives as do millions of immigrants and children of immigrants. Op knows that “blocking her cousins on Facebook” isn’t the only way to deal with family.

And millions of immigrants don't or cannot afford to. Get off your high horse.

Yup, and OP can decide what type of person she wants to be. Many people sacrifice comforts to help family. Many people don't. It's all about your priorities.

Let us know where we can nominate you for sainthood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Block them on Whatsapp, unless you want to become an ATM.

That's exactly what Jesus preached.

Is Jesus going to come pay OP's bills when she needs it?

Is this a question of not being able to pay bills or not having sufficient discretionary income?

Doesn't matter. OP is not obliged to give if she doesn't want to.

No one is obliged to give, but some of us live by a different moral code to care for family and those in need.

You do you and drop the sanctimony.

Yes, I will do me and be a better person than you.

Sanctimonious and superior? Smugness is not a good look.

Better sanctimonious and superior than selfish and uncaring.

Enabling and condoendece never helped anyone- esp generations of poverty + rampant breeding.

Don’t you have a KKK meeting you’re late for?

Put your money where your mouth is. Why aren't you sending OP's relatives a check if you're so concerned?

Did Op ask us to pay for her relatives? I send thousands overseas to my own relatives as do millions of immigrants and children of immigrants. Op knows that “blocking her cousins on Facebook” isn’t the only way to deal with family.

And millions of immigrants don't or cannot afford to. Get off your high horse.

Yup, and OP can decide what type of person she wants to be. Many people sacrifice comforts to help family. Many people don't. It's all about your priorities.

Let us know where we can nominate you for sainthood.

Will do. Enjoy your time watching the Kardashians and sipping those lattes and pontificating about how your life is so hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Block them on Whatsapp, unless you want to become an ATM.

That's exactly what Jesus preached.

Is Jesus going to come pay OP's bills when she needs it?

Is this a question of not being able to pay bills or not having sufficient discretionary income?

Doesn't matter. OP is not obliged to give if she doesn't want to.

No one is obliged to give, but some of us live by a different moral code to care for family and those in need.

You do you and drop the sanctimony.

Yes, I will do me and be a better person than you.

Sanctimonious and superior? Smugness is not a good look.

Better sanctimonious and superior than selfish and uncaring.

Enabling and condoendece never helped anyone- esp generations of poverty + rampant breeding.

Don’t you have a KKK meeting you’re late for?

Put your money where your mouth is. Why aren't you sending OP's relatives a check if you're so concerned?

Did Op ask us to pay for her relatives? I send thousands overseas to my own relatives as do millions of immigrants and children of immigrants. Op knows that “blocking her cousins on Facebook” isn’t the only way to deal with family.

And millions of immigrants don't or cannot afford to. Get off your high horse.

Yup, and OP can decide what type of person she wants to be. Many people sacrifice comforts to help family. Many people don't. It's all about your priorities.

Let us know where we can nominate you for sainthood.

Will do. Enjoy your time watching the Kardashians and sipping those lattes and pontificating about how your life is so hard.

I do enjoy my lattes. I'll leave the Kardashian-watching to you and your ilk. And I love my life, which I worked hard for. No complaints.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom is from Guatemala and we visited last year over Xmas. While I was there some of my cousins got my WhatsApp and one cousin has asked me for money. I said no and he now doesn’t even message me anymore. My cousins wife just messaged me asking me for money as well. I am a teacher and make $2000/k a month after taxes. It’s not like I’m swimming in money. I don’t have children but I do have my own bills to pay and have responsibilities. This cousins wife has nevertheless asked me but I feel that since they for my WhatsApp now they can’t can ask me instead of my mom. They would always ask her and my mom now says no. WWYD?

I don’t think you are in a position to give away much if any money.
You have a teachers salary (unless over 10 years in), pay your taxes, live in a high cost city, and need to save up for retirement, wedding, kids, health scares, etc.
Setting precedent is important but so is being honest and giving your cousins realistic expectations. Who knows what they expect now? But guess what, if you were making $2000 cash as a nanny you could send 20% back instead of paying your taxes. It’s not right but it happens. Huge black market in the DMV.

[Anonymous]

OP, i think a lot of people are missing the fact you are a teacher. I am one also, and know very well you aren’t having too many lattes and treating yourself to much of anything. You are giving back to society through your professional. This is the best advice you’ll get here. If there is anything you can afford to send to your relatives (and I doubt there is) put it in a 401k or high earning savings account for a down payment for a home. You are not in a position to be sending money overseas.

[Anonymous]

You say "WE visited last year over Xmas."

Who is this WE OP?

If this is your husband then what does he think? Is he also Central American and used to remitting money back? Does he have a stable job and pay?

Either way, the use our your joint household income should be a JOINT decision, and many in America would not view it fair to syphon off money to one side barring a true emergency.

If someone can't pay their utility bills they need to take a hard look at their smartphone bill. maybe start there, give up WhatzApp and $100/month smartphone to talk to the village or hit up the Americans.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I just caught up with the thread. I really like what 12:26 and 12:56 said. Everyone else high jacked my thread. I was simply asking WYYD. Not have a fight about being who’s generous and who’s not. To 15:44, “WE” is my mom myself and my sister. My partner has a job but it is not stable. He’s also Central American and he does not send money at all. Only his parents. He is also expected to send money back but denies it. He makes about the same as I do but makes bonuses off up to $2000 a month.

[Anonymous]

Agree. Give what you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Block them on Whatsapp, unless you want to become an ATM.

That's exactly what Jesus preached.

Is "Jesus" going to supplement OP'S own income to help her out?