Future MIL Stress - Please Help!

[Anonymous]

An “award winning videographer” for a wedding? What kind of award? And WTF?

[Anonymous]

Whether your approach is perfect or not, Op, it is a shame that your MIL is showing more support than she is.

Of course you would like to have her approval and, of course, you want her to be on your side and you would hope that she would want you to look good on your wedding day. That isn't wrong of you at all.

She might very well be lukewarm to the idea of her son getting married. She might have even envisioned a totally different bride for her son. Some people get so caught up in their fantasies and dreams that they can't appreciate real life. It's a shame but it says way more about her than it does about you. She may eventually warm up to you or she may not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whether your approach is perfect or not, Op, it is a shame that your MIL is showing more support than she is.

Of course you would like to have her approval and, of course, you want her to be on your side and you would hope that she would want you to look good on your wedding day. That isn't wrong of you at all.

She might very well be lukewarm to the idea of her son getting married. She might have even envisioned a totally different bride for her son. Some people get so caught up in their fantasies and dreams that they can't appreciate real life. It's a shame but it says way more about her than it does about you. She may eventually warm up to you or she may not.

She accompanied her to look at the venue, she made interested noises when OP sent her the vendors she'd chosen (not asking for input, just telling MIL), she offered to bring alcohol to an event -- what did she do that's wrong? Other than being surprised she came to the "happy engagement" dinner that she obviously thought was not a happy engagement dinner but a sit down with only her son, none of OP's complaints seem to have any heft. She wants MIL to fawn over her for including her, but she didn't ask to be included and she's certainly not being rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whether your approach is perfect or not, Op, it is a shame that your MIL is showing more support than she is.

Of course you would like to have her approval and, of course, you want her to be on your side and you would hope that she would want you to look good on your wedding day. That isn't wrong of you at all.

She might very well be lukewarm to the idea of her son getting married. She might have even envisioned a totally different bride for her son. Some people get so caught up in their fantasies and dreams that they can't appreciate real life. It's a shame but it says way more about her than it does about you. She may eventually warm up to you or she may not.

She accompanied her to look at the venue, she made interested noises when OP sent her the vendors she'd chosen (not asking for input, just telling MIL), she offered to bring alcohol to an event -- what did she do that's wrong? Other than being surprised she came to the "happy engagement" dinner that she obviously thought was not a happy engagement dinner but a sit down with only her son, none of OP's complaints seem to have any heft. She wants MIL to fawn over her for including her, but she didn't ask to be included and she's certainly not being rude.

Maybe the groom should be coming along on these visits. Obviously, Op trying to bond with and light a spark of anticipation in MIL is not working out.

[Anonymous]

After five years of dating, the OP should be more realistic about what her SO’s mom is like. I’m like the MIL in the sense that I don’t give a damn about weddings. Just a waste of money.

[Anonymous]

I'm practical to a fault and didn't have a big wedding for a whole variety of reasons. However, I don't think that weddings are big waste of money. There is something very beautiful about getting married before a group of people who only want good things for you. Wedding receptions are fun and the beautiful dresses and decorations....very memorable.

I can totally understand the appeal of a larger, beautiful wedding. If that is something that my kids want some day, I will be supportive of them in recognition of the fact that a wedding is a (hopefully!) once in a lifetime milestone for them and a reason to celebrate.