Is it worse to have a broken marriage because of an affair or bcs your DH/DW was gay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Affair is MUCH worse. Gay is who you are. Affair is a character flaw.

Interesting reasoning, lol.
A gay affair is still an affair, and so it is also a character flaw. In addition, you’re gay, so you never were in love with your spouse to begin with. Ouch!! Double whammy.

When you come from an ultra religious family gay isn't even an option, and saying you weren't in love ever is a little harsh. The gay spouse was trying, and likely does LOVE spouse (but isn't attracted to him/her). I see it as growth.

My uncle is gay. He's also married to my aunt. Everybody knows he's gay. He's always had his "boys" (affairs? maybe. Maybe not I don't care to know). But he can't won't admit it because it is not how he sees himself as a Christian as a father, as a man. Yes, a lot of that is changing. But still a problem. My best friend's nephew is super religious. He's now married to an apparent dyke who is at least 15 years older than him. He's probably gay. But he can't see won't see won't admit doesn't want to be gay. I'm sure he and his wife aren't having sex. She likes women. He likes men. They found each other as a way to be respectable without being outside of their church community.

If both sides of the marriage is privy and ok with the situation then that’s one thing. But to conceal it from your partner is such a betrayal. A gay husband or wife who hides their true identity is much worse than simply cheating

I don't think they're concealing it; they more often than not haven't come to terms with it themselves. Some literally think they would be struck down by God if they even contemplated it. It's so incredibly myopic and ignorant of sexuality and society to act like staying DEEP in the closet in a hetero relationship is some consipiracy to hide your identity. Their identities are not fully formed, but the only one that is "allowed" is a straight identity. These people are generally suffering (and many do kill themselves), not hanging out drinking with the Bros at Manhole discussing PRIDE outfits and laughing about how hilarious it is one of them really pulled a fast one on Karen.

Nope, still don’t feel sorry for them. Their spouses are the victims. They are not. They are cowards and selfish in that they will ruin someone else’s whole life bc they are too afraid to be who they really are.

So divorce, "ruins your whole life?" Because straight couples divorce all the time over myriad issues, and I don't think it should generally mean you call it quits, life is OVER. In many cases within certain communities, the spouses can even border on enablers, not victims. It would ruin their spouses lives to express doubts even during courtship, better to dive in deep and get right with the lord in hetero marriage. Literally not discussed, cover your ears and say, la! la! la! I just think you have a really simplistic view on how this usually goes down. A villain and victim perpective is generally not apt. There is nuance.

I didn’t say divorce ruins your life. It’s being tricked into marrying a gay person that isn’t really in love with you that ruins your life. Your life has become a lie.

They could be very much in love with you and just not sexually attracted to you.

NP. That still means your life was basically a lie. I am not saying gay people should remain closeted married to their spouses. More like you should end the relationship as soon as you know to minimize the damage. But this is absolutely devastating to the person who thought they were romantically loved for years only to find out their partner had been hiding a huge part of themselves and that most of the relationship was a farce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Affair is MUCH worse. Gay is who you are. Affair is a character flaw.

Interesting reasoning, lol.
A gay affair is still an affair, and so it is also a character flaw. In addition, you’re gay, so you never were in love with your spouse to begin with. Ouch!! Double whammy.

When you come from an ultra religious family gay isn't even an option, and saying you weren't in love ever is a little harsh. The gay spouse was trying, and likely does LOVE spouse (but isn't attracted to him/her). I see it as growth.

My uncle is gay. He's also married to my aunt. Everybody knows he's gay. He's always had his "boys" (affairs? maybe. Maybe not I don't care to know). But he can't won't admit it because it is not how he sees himself as a Christian as a father, as a man. Yes, a lot of that is changing. But still a problem. My best friend's nephew is super religious. He's now married to an apparent dyke who is at least 15 years older than him. He's probably gay. But he can't see won't see won't admit doesn't want to be gay. I'm sure he and his wife aren't having sex. She likes women. He likes men. They found each other as a way to be respectable without being outside of their church community.

If both sides of the marriage is privy and ok with the situation then that’s one thing. But to conceal it from your partner is such a betrayal. A gay husband or wife who hides their true identity is much worse than simply cheating

I don't think they're concealing it; they more often than not haven't come to terms with it themselves. Some literally think they would be struck down by God if they even contemplated it. It's so incredibly myopic and ignorant of sexuality and society to act like staying DEEP in the closet in a hetero relationship is some consipiracy to hide your identity. Their identities are not fully formed, but the only one that is "allowed" is a straight identity. These people are generally suffering (and many do kill themselves), not hanging out drinking with the Bros at Manhole discussing PRIDE outfits and laughing about how hilarious it is one of them really pulled a fast one on Karen.

Nope, still don’t feel sorry for them. Their spouses are the victims. They are not. They are cowards and selfish in that they will ruin someone else’s whole life bc they are too afraid to be who they really are.

So divorce, "ruins your whole life?" Because straight couples divorce all the time over myriad issues, and I don't think it should generally mean you call it quits, life is OVER. In many cases within certain communities, the spouses can even border on enablers, not victims. It would ruin their spouses lives to express doubts even during courtship, better to dive in deep and get right with the lord in hetero marriage. Literally not discussed, cover your ears and say, la! la! la! I just think you have a really simplistic view on how this usually goes down. A villain and victim perpective is generally not apt. There is nuance.

I didn’t say divorce ruins your life. It’s being tricked into marrying a gay person that isn’t really in love with you that ruins your life. Your life has become a lie.

They could be very much in love with you and just not sexually attracted to you.

NP. That still means your life was basically a lie. I am not saying gay people should remain closeted married to their spouses. More like you should end the relationship as soon as you know to minimize the damage. But this is absolutely devastating to the person who thought they were romantically loved for years only to find out their partner had been hiding a huge part of themselves and that most of the relationship was a farce.

And it’s sex. You know lying about the core thing in a relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Affair is MUCH worse. Gay is who you are. Affair is a character flaw.

Interesting reasoning, lol.
A gay affair is still an affair, and so it is also a character flaw. In addition, you’re gay, so you never were in love with your spouse to begin with. Ouch!! Double whammy.

When you come from an ultra religious family gay isn't even an option, and saying you weren't in love ever is a little harsh. The gay spouse was trying, and likely does LOVE spouse (but isn't attracted to him/her). I see it as growth.

My uncle is gay. He's also married to my aunt. Everybody knows he's gay. He's always had his "boys" (affairs? maybe. Maybe not I don't care to know). But he can't won't admit it because it is not how he sees himself as a Christian as a father, as a man. Yes, a lot of that is changing. But still a problem. My best friend's nephew is super religious. He's now married to an apparent dyke who is at least 15 years older than him. He's probably gay. But he can't see won't see won't admit doesn't want to be gay. I'm sure he and his wife aren't having sex. She likes women. He likes men. They found each other as a way to be respectable without being outside of their church community.

If both sides of the marriage is privy and ok with the situation then that’s one thing. But to conceal it from your partner is such a betrayal. A gay husband or wife who hides their true identity is much worse than simply cheating

I don't think they're concealing it; they more often than not haven't come to terms with it themselves. Some literally think they would be struck down by God if they even contemplated it. It's so incredibly myopic and ignorant of sexuality and society to act like staying DEEP in the closet in a hetero relationship is some consipiracy to hide your identity. Their identities are not fully formed, but the only one that is "allowed" is a straight identity. These people are generally suffering (and many do kill themselves), not hanging out drinking with the Bros at Manhole discussing PRIDE outfits and laughing about how hilarious it is one of them really pulled a fast one on Karen.

Nope, still don’t feel sorry for them. Their spouses are the victims. They are not. They are cowards and selfish in that they will ruin someone else’s whole life bc they are too afraid to be who they really are.

So divorce, "ruins your whole life?" Because straight couples divorce all the time over myriad issues, and I don't think it should generally mean you call it quits, life is OVER. In many cases within certain communities, the spouses can even border on enablers, not victims. It would ruin their spouses lives to express doubts even during courtship, better to dive in deep and get right with the lord in hetero marriage. Literally not discussed, cover your ears and say, la! la! la! I just think you have a really simplistic view on how this usually goes down. A villain and victim perpective is generally not apt. There is nuance.

I didn’t say divorce ruins your life. It’s being tricked into marrying a gay person that isn’t really in love with you that ruins your life. Your life has become a lie.

They could be very much in love with you and just not sexually attracted to you.

NP. That still means your life was basically a lie. I am not saying gay people should remain closeted married to their spouses. More like you should end the relationship as soon as you know to minimize the damage. But this is absolutely devastating to the person who thought they were romantically loved for years only to find out their partner had been hiding a huge part of themselves and that most of the relationship was a farce.

And it’s sex. You know lying about the core thing in a relationship

Sex is not the core thing in many relationships. For many sex is not important and something that is an obligation. For others it is important. Let’s face it if you suddenly find out the person you married is gay and you are not, sex is and has not been a priority. There are those posters in relationships forum who want to wait for 6 months before having sex. Other do it much earlier like second or third date. Which one is more likely to marry someone who is gay. Love to see a study on that..lol!