Is it worse to have a broken marriage because of an affair or bcs your DH/DW was gay?

[Anonymous]

I'm curious. Because this man just posted ALL the details of his coming out after being married to a woman for 15+ years.

From his post, she took it horribly. https://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Living/father-opens-coming-sons-dad/story?id=55979799

[Anonymous]

He came out at 42, so soon enough to live his life fully and enjoy his youth. But too far into a marriage to not have it devastate someone else.

"I was 42 years old when I came out to my wife. It was 15 months later that I started that same conversation with my three boys -- 9-year-old twins and an 11-year-old.

The whole experience is somewhat of a blur, mostly in part to the fact that at that point in my life there was a lot of change happening and some significant pent-up emotions. There wasn't much of a plan, no guidebook in hand, only goals that I hoped my boys would start the process of understanding and accepting their dad for whom I truly was: a gay man.

...

When the moment to break the news to my kids finally came, I had a lot of issues to navigate. Over 15 months, I had finalized the divorce, moved again and taken a new job based in Chicago, 250 miles away from my boys. The distance was to create some space between my now ex-wife, who struggled being in proximity to me."

[Anonymous]

He is a coward and not because he is gay. He left his wife to raise 3 kids by herself and to deal with the shock of a marrying a gay man. He left his 3 sons . . . Damn. I would be mad too. Who will she find to date with the baggage of that breakup and responsibility. He left them in pivotal years. He was running away because he was a coward. You don't drop a bomb and then leave your kids.

I want to beat him. And I FULLY support the LGBT community. He will never be a man.

[Anonymous]

He had a obligation to stay there and raise his children. I don't care what people say, we ALL choose our behaviors. I agree he is beneath contempt in many ways.

[Anonymous]

I would much prefer gay over an affair. I could get over that and have some sympathy for someone so deep in the closet and would support him in ultimately living his best life and being true to himself even if it rocked my world. I would NOT support moving away and breaking up the family unit that way. Being gay doesn't get him off the hook for being a more involved parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is a coward and not because he is gay. He left his wife to raise 3 kids by herself and to deal with the shock of a marrying a gay man. He left his 3 sons . . . Damn. I would be mad too. Who will she find to date with the baggage of that breakup and responsibility. He left them in pivotal years. He was running away because he was a coward. You don't drop a bomb and then leave your kids.

I want to beat him. And I FULLY support the LGBT community. He will never be a man.

He calls and facetimes four times a day and comes 'home' every weekend. I can't say he 'ran away' simply because it was his wife's request that he not inform their shared family for a year and not be around her in the intervening time.

[Anonymous]

And all he talks about are the miles he drives. Despicable. And he knew he was gay, well before coming out, and chose to put his kids in conservative Christian schools. This wasn't a new revelation. He has messed up her life. And he criticizes her request to keep the divorce reason a secret. That's the least he could do. I could understand if he had to move for a job . . . You dont traumatize your kids and leave.

Being gay is OK, running away from reality is not.

[Anonymous]

Either way I would feel lied to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is a coward and not because he is gay. He left his wife to raise 3 kids by herself and to deal with the shock of a marrying a gay man. He left his 3 sons . . . Damn. I would be mad too. Who will she find to date with the baggage of that breakup and responsibility. He left them in pivotal years. He was running away because he was a coward. You don't drop a bomb and then leave your kids.

I want to beat him. And I FULLY support the LGBT community. He will never be a man.

He calls and facetimes four times a day and comes 'home' every weekend. I can't say he 'ran away' simply because it was his wife's request that he not inform their shared family for a year and not be around her in the intervening time.

Get real. Facetime parenting? He was too shameful to face them. Why? What anti gay doctrine did he hold up only to come out as gay and leave his kids. YOU don't leave your kids and think face timing them is parenting. 3 boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is a coward and not because he is gay. He left his wife to raise 3 kids by herself and to deal with the shock of a marrying a gay man. He left his 3 sons . . . Damn. I would be mad too. Who will she find to date with the baggage of that breakup and responsibility. He left them in pivotal years. He was running away because he was a coward. You don't drop a bomb and then leave your kids.

I want to beat him. And I FULLY support the LGBT community. He will never be a man.

He calls and facetimes four times a day and comes 'home' every weekend. I can't say he 'ran away' simply because it was his wife's request that he not inform their shared family for a year and not be around her in the intervening time.

Get real. Facetime parenting? He was too shameful to face them. Why? What anti gay doctrine did he hold up only to come out as gay and leave his kids. YOU don't leave your kids and think face timing them is parenting. 3 boys.

Are parents serving in warzones 9 out of 12 months in the year less parents because they do it over Skype and Facetime?

As the doctrine, I agree. He was living in the suburbs of Detriot so the decision to be ultra-religious was a choice not a way of life.

[Anonymous]

Both of them are equally as painful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is a coward and not because he is gay. He left his wife to raise 3 kids by herself and to deal with the shock of a marrying a gay man. He left his 3 sons . . . Damn. I would be mad too. Who will she find to date with the baggage of that breakup and responsibility. He left them in pivotal years. He was running away because he was a coward. You don't drop a bomb and then leave your kids.

I want to beat him. And I FULLY support the LGBT community. He will never be a man.

He calls and facetimes four times a day and comes 'home' every weekend. I can't say he 'ran away' simply because it was his wife's request that he not inform their shared family for a year and not be around her in the intervening time.

10 hours of road time doesn't equate to the 3.5 days of shared custody. We don't have her story. I am super supportive of the community but you don't run away from your kids. He could have stayed. I am a single mom, so I know how hard it is to raise kids by yourself.

I pray that she has a great support system and can one day understand that this coward is not representative of the strength of gaybmen in the community.

Damn, he should be publicly flogged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is a coward and not because he is gay. He left his wife to raise 3 kids by herself and to deal with the shock of a marrying a gay man. He left his 3 sons . . . Damn. I would be mad too. Who will she find to date with the baggage of that breakup and responsibility. He left them in pivotal years. He was running away because he was a coward. You don't drop a bomb and then leave your kids.

I want to beat him. And I FULLY support the LGBT community. He will never be a man.

He calls and facetimes four times a day and comes 'home' every weekend. I can't say he 'ran away' simply because it was his wife's request that he not inform their shared family for a year and not be around her in the intervening time.

Get real. Facetime parenting? He was too shameful to face them. Why? What anti gay doctrine did he hold up only to come out as gay and leave his kids. YOU don't leave your kids and think face timing them is parenting. 3 boys.

Are parents serving in warzones 9 out of 12 months in the year less parents because they do it over Skype and Facetime?

As the doctrine, I agree. He was living in the suburbs of Detriot so the decision to be ultra-religious was a choice not a way of life.

You are serving our country and that is not the same as someone who chooses to move because the heat in the kitchen is too hot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And all he talks about are the miles he drives. Despicable. And he knew he was gay, well before coming out, and chose to put his kids in conservative Christian schools. This wasn't a new revelation. He has messed up her life. And he criticizes her request to keep the divorce reason a secret. That's the least he could do. I could understand if he had to move for a job . . . You dont traumatize your kids and leave.

Being gay is OK, running away from reality is not.

Being gay is okay.

Deceiving someone, committing to marriage, bringing kids into the world and then running off: these are despicable actions of a terrible person.

You don't get a free pass once you work up the courage to come out and live a new life. Sorry. Not okay.

I have no sympathy for him. None.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is a coward and not because he is gay. He left his wife to raise 3 kids by herself and to deal with the shock of a marrying a gay man. He left his 3 sons . . . Damn. I would be mad too. Who will she find to date with the baggage of that breakup and responsibility. He left them in pivotal years. He was running away because he was a coward. You don't drop a bomb and then leave your kids.

I want to beat him. And I FULLY support the LGBT community. He will never be a man.

He calls and facetimes four times a day and comes 'home' every weekend. I can't say he 'ran away' simply because it was his wife's request that he not inform their shared family for a year and not be around her in the intervening time.

Get real. Facetime parenting? He was too shameful to face them. Why? What anti gay doctrine did he hold up only to come out as gay and leave his kids. YOU don't leave your kids and think face timing them is parenting. 3 boys.

Are parents serving in warzones 9 out of 12 months in the year less parents because they do it over Skype and Facetime?

As the doctrine, I agree. He was living in the suburbs of Detriot so the decision to be ultra-religious was a choice not a way of life.

You are serving our country and that is not the same as someone who chooses to move because the heat in the kitchen is too hot.

This. Plus, most people are military pre-kids, so the kids are used to having that parent gone for long periods of time. Randomly leaving one day is going to create some serious abandonment issues.

Regardless of the reason for leaving, anyone who leaves their kids is a POS.