My daughter's roommate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:hmm... pretty lucky there happened to be a single available. For next semester I guess.

Yeah, it’s soooo suspicious that someone is leaving campus for the spring to go abroad and that her room is now open! That seriously NEVER ever happens. OP, your daughter is totally lying. /s

Why wouldn't it happen?

Kids drop out.

This. ALL the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Daughter needs to change rooms asap.
'
Daughter needs to report this to whomever supervises RAs at the college. This is not normal or typical.

Agree. The iPhone smashing suggests calling the cops and/or going to small claims court more than complaining to the RA. But I would worry about retaliation if she escalated it. Her best bet is to get out of there and not escalate anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, did you advise your daughter to look for a single? What was the advice you gave her when she "came clean" to you?
You seem to become rather defensive when asked if DD could be telling the story in a way as to put herself in best light. Even if it were due to her own charged emotions blinding her for the moment to the roommate s perspective.
What was DDs reaction to having her phone taken and smashed with no preamble or known cause? Did she simply sit there and watch? Does that seem in character for her?

I don’t think it is defensive to simply state that no, I have not considered the fact that my daughter is lying, or that she’s just a drunken sorority girl looking for an excuse, etc. That’s just not the kind of parent I am, and DD has always been trustworthy. Sorry.

She called me about a week ago to fill me in and told me the FULL extent of what was going on. Prior to this, we’d heard some not great things about the roommate, but she said she didn’t want to worry us by telling us what was REALLY happening. She is very independent and I think she had hope she’d be able to fix this on her own.

I did not advise her to get a single. She said she talked to the housing office earlier that afternoon and they told her that they had an open single due to a student leaving to study abroad in the spring and that she could move in at the end of the week.

The phone throwing incident is what made her realize she needed to get out stat and no amount of attempting to reason with the roommate would make this better. I am not sure what DD’s immediate reaction was.

I didn’t give her that much advice. She told me what was happening and how this was the last straw, what her plan was, and how she was nervous the roommate would be angry. I said that if she truly felt threatened she should contact campus security, and she said OK. That’s really about it.

Your kid sounds like she has a level head on her shoulders. Until you described this, it sounded like she was too passive in the situation but this makes her sound rational and someone who is learning to take care of herself. Go, daughter!

[Anonymous]

If there is something about the roommate that would make her inclined to retaliate after your daughter moves, you might want to read Gavin deBecker's book The Gift of Fear. It's in part about dealing with obsessive people. Sometimes the best thing is to de-escalate and get away. But it's not clear from what you've written whether this is a worry with this young woman. It might be that the move is all your daughter needs to do. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:hmm... pretty lucky there happened to be a single available. For next semester I guess.

Yeah, it’s soooo suspicious that someone is leaving campus for the spring to go abroad and that her room is now open! That seriously NEVER ever happens. OP, your daughter is totally lying. /s

Why wouldn't it happen?

Kids drop out.

This. ALL the time.

Semester abroad, early graduation, drop outs all mean that college have more spaces in the spring than in the fall. This is literally why colleges like Middlebury, USC, Maryland, etc., have spring admissions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was there a disagreement? Did your daughter do something to this girl?

Really, PP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter’s roommate has mental issues. If the RA is useless, she needs to go to the RA’s supervisor or other campus official. She should take the opportunity to leave.

But the girl has to advocate for herself. This is the growing up part.

Don't agree about advocating for herself. This is a HUGE issue, not a normal spat. This girl could easily be dangerous. My sister was helping my niece move in freshman year and heard my niece's roommate-to-be plotting with another girl to 'make life hell for her to drive her out of the room'. My sister opened the door, confronted the girls, and had my niece moved to another dorm. School scrambled to accommodate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if the roommate narced on your daughter for something and your daughter is lying? What if the girl hooked up with a boy your daughter liked and it stoked tension? Teens can be super conniving to get you to take their side and get what they want (different dorm, deflect from poor grades).

I'd be really suspicious your daughter is hitting you with this so late in the semester is all.

Sorry, nope. Not going to assume the worst about my daughter or not trust her, especially when she’s never given us a reason to do so.

Her grades are fantastic. And my daughter is a lesbian.

Nor should you. YOU know your kid, not these horrible DCUMers. This area is full of hateful people.

[Anonymous]

I'm a cynic, so I'd assume my daughter was trying to lull me into forgiving a low first quarter GPA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a cynic, so I'd assume my daughter was trying to lull me into forgiving a low first quarter GPA.

How sad

[Anonymous]

Your child alerted you to a problem. You are helping her to move. Team daughter and team mom! There are a lot of crazies out there. I am sorry for your child's college experience. Hope all goes well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your child alerted you to a problem. You are helping her to move. Team daughter and team mom! There are a lot of crazies out there. I am sorry for your child's college experience. Hope all goes well.

Agree! Sounds like it was all handled well. Good job, ladies!

[Anonymous]

Op - is there another side of the story especially since the RA doesn't seem concerned?

From the other perspective (re: "smashed cellphone") - did your DD, perhaps, ask rooommate to "hey, will you toss me my phone"...as your DD was halfway out the door and the roomie accidentally tossed the phone to your DD, but missed and it hit the wall and cracked?

RE: food - did the roommate think it was communal? Maybe your DD is always offering and sharing her snacks and so the roommate thought that was an open-ended invitatoin to help yourself.

Not condoning anything, but just saying there might be 2 different sides to this and your DD is perceiving this as a roommate who steals and destroys when in reality it isn't quite so black & white.

Have there been any other incidents of anger and rage with this girl with hallmates or others?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if the roommate narced on your daughter for something and your daughter is lying? What if the girl hooked up with a boy your daughter liked and it stoked tension? Teens can be super conniving to get you to take their side and get what they want (different dorm, deflect from poor grades).

I'd be really suspicious your daughter is hitting you with this so late in the semester is all.

Sorry, nope. Not going to assume the worst about my daughter or not trust her, especially when she’s never given us a reason to do so.

Her grades are fantastic. And my daughter is a lesbian.

Nor should you. YOU know your kid, not these horrible DCUMers. This area is full of hateful people.

+1

Vivid imaginations! Maybe they should worry more about their own kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if the roommate narced on your daughter for something and your daughter is lying? What if the girl hooked up with a boy your daughter liked and it stoked tension? Teens can be super conniving to get you to take their side and get what they want (different dorm, deflect from poor grades).

I'd be really suspicious your daughter is hitting you with this so late in the semester is all.

Sorry, nope. Not going to assume the worst about my daughter or not trust her, especially when she’s never given us a reason to do so.

Her grades are fantastic. And my daughter is a lesbian.

Nor should you. YOU know your kid, not these horrible DCUMers. This area is full of hateful people.

+1

Vivid imaginations! Maybe they should worry more about their own kids.

Then why frequent the site?