My daughter's roommate

[Anonymous]

"My roommate broke my phone" sounds better than "Sorry mom, I was blackout drunk and cracked my screen like every obnoxious sorority girl ever"

[Anonymous]

OP I’m so sorry to hear what your daughter is dealing with. You sound like a good mom and I agree you shouldn’t assume the worst about your daughter if she’s been trustworthy in the past. Keep being a good support, your daughter is lucky to have you.

[Anonymous]

There seem to be a lot of trashy parents with trashy children here.

OP, I believe you that your daughter is dealing with an unhinged and unhappy roommate who probably have a terrible homelife and trashy parents.

Your kid does not have to deal with abusive situations and can absolutely choose to move out. Bravo for listening to her and helping her move.

Your daughter is lucky to have you and your support. This kind of parental support is not available to all students who go to college. Many nasty kids also end up in college and they do their level best to make others life miserable because they resent happy and well adjusted students. Your daughter needs to learn how to cut off toxic people from her life and that what this experience will teach her.

Cut your losses, though you can still make a report using her social media confessions of all the property damage and other threats this girl has made, just to create a paper trail and prevent her from terrorizing some other person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There seem to be a lot of trashy parents with trashy children here.

OP, I believe you that your daughter is dealing with an unhinged and unhappy roommate who probably have a terrible homelife and trashy parents.

Your kid does not have to deal with abusive situations and can absolutely choose to move out. Bravo for listening to her and helping her move.

Your daughter is lucky to have you and your support. This kind of parental support is not available to all students who go to college. Many nasty kids also end up in college and they do their level best to make others life miserable because they resent happy and well adjusted students. Your daughter needs to learn how to cut off toxic people from her life and that what this experience will teach her.

Cut your losses, though you can still make a report using her social media confessions of all the property damage and other threats this girl has made, just to create a paper trail and prevent her from terrorizing some other person.

Seriously! Who are these people?!

[Anonymous]

Part of going to college is figuring out how to survive without mommy and daddy. Of course these days kids never learn that and mommie likes it that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Part of going to college is figuring out how to survive without mommy and daddy. Of course these days kids never learn that and mommie likes it that way.

What are you even talking about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"My roommate broke my phone" sounds better than "Sorry mom, I was blackout drunk and cracked my screen like every obnoxious sorority girl ever"

Nice try.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter could get a restraining order. In some schools campus security can do the order.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i don't understand why you have allowed it to go this far.

DD just "came clean" about it last week.

Hmm, could DD be trying to deflect from crummy semester grades? Or just trying to justify moving towards friends or a boy in a another (more expensive?) dorm?

Not OP, but my DD had something similar and didn't tell me about it. I think she wanted to try and deal with it herself. Roommate was tweeting about the stuff she was doing. That's how we found out -- a little twitter stalking on a public twitter profile.

But I believe OP is hearing all of this from her DD's point of view, she has nothing from the college to verify any of it is 100% fact. And daughter is bringing this up at end of semester. Obviously bad roommates exist... but I'm suspicious of nothing being said until end. Makes me think grades are going to be shitty or kid could be trying to weasel out of dorm and doesn't want to come clean on why.

My BIL and SIL's son claimed roommate issues... come to find out their kid had been written up by RA for booze and wanted to switch dorms to one with rep for easy-going RAs and partying. Also, his first semester grades were shit.

Maybe we just trust our kids without needed the college to verify it as 100% fact. Feel bad for parents who don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter could get a restraining order. In some schools campus security can do the order.

Depending on how the move out goes, that is an option I may suggest to her.

[Anonymous]

OP, did you advise your daughter to look for a single? What was the advice you gave her when she "came clean" to you?
You seem to become rather defensive when asked if DD could be telling the story in a way as to put herself in best light. Even if it were due to her own charged emotions blinding her for the moment to the roommate s perspective.
What was DDs reaction to having her phone taken and smashed with no preamble or known cause? Did she simply sit there and watch? Does that seem in character for her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, did you advise your daughter to look for a single? What was the advice you gave her when she "came clean" to you?
You seem to become rather defensive when asked if DD could be telling the story in a way as to put herself in best light. Even if it were due to her own charged emotions blinding her for the moment to the roommate s perspective.
What was DDs reaction to having her phone taken and smashed with no preamble or known cause? Did she simply sit there and watch? Does that seem in character for her?

I don’t think it is defensive to simply state that no, I have not considered the fact that my daughter is lying, or that she’s just a drunken sorority girl looking for an excuse, etc. That’s just not the kind of parent I am, and DD has always been trustworthy. Sorry.

She called me about a week ago to fill me in and told me the FULL extent of what was going on. Prior to this, we’d heard some not great things about the roommate, but she said she didn’t want to worry us by telling us what was REALLY happening. She is very independent and I think she had hope she’d be able to fix this on her own.

I did not advise her to get a single. She said she talked to the housing office earlier that afternoon and they told her that they had an open single due to a student leaving to study abroad in the spring and that she could move in at the end of the week.

The phone throwing incident is what made her realize she needed to get out stat and no amount of attempting to reason with the roommate would make this better. I am not sure what DD’s immediate reaction was.

I didn’t give her that much advice. She told me what was happening and how this was the last straw, what her plan was, and how she was nervous the roommate would be angry. I said that if she truly felt threatened she should contact campus security, and she said OK. That’s really about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Part of going to college is figuring out how to survive without mommy and daddy. Of course these days kids never learn that and mommie likes it that way.

My kid had a bad roomate and we called to ask for something to be done about it and the head RA said "we encourage the students to advocate for themselves." So in other words "butt out."

And she was right of course, except that things never got better because DC doesn't like to make waves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Part of going to college is figuring out how to survive without mommy and daddy. Of course these days kids never learn that and mommie likes it that way.

My kid had a bad roomate and we called to ask for something to be done about it and the head RA said "we encourage the students to advocate for themselves." So in other words "butt out."

And she was right of course, except that things never got better because DC doesn't like to make waves.

Which is as it should be. Your coddled snowflake needs to learn how to take action to change his/her situation if needed.

[Anonymous]

You people are just weird or didn't read the OPs original post or subsequent posts. Responses like she should take care of this herself and she broke the phone because she was drunk and she is only now telling you because it is the end of the semester and she is failing are laughable. Where do you people get this crap?

The daughter did try to take care of this situation herself. She went to the RA, who was indifferent. She went to housing and found a room on her own. She only told the parents at the end of the semester because she tried all semester to handle it herself. I suppose all of your "enlightened," adult children (oxymoron?), have had all sorts of experience dealing with apparently mentally ill/potentially violent people and need no advice from you. Good for you. Not everyone's kids have been through this type of harassment while managing classes and adjusting to living on their own for the first time.

Seriously, have you all experienced every one of life's possible scenarios that you know everything about everything and you never seek advice for anything ever? I'm in my 50s and still talk to my parents/ask advice about things I know they have experienced that I am not that knowledgeable about. Who better than your parents to have your back? Sad that a lot of your kids feel they can't turn to you because you will send them away with a brush of the hand and a "handle it on your own" attitude.

OP, it sounds like you have raised a mature and responsible young adult. Be there on moving day for support and to help her get out of there as quickly as possible. Hopefully the roommate will get the message that you will be supporting your daughter fully if she decides to continue her abusive behavior.