My daughter's roommate

[Anonymous]

Your daughter’s roommate has mental issues. If the RA is useless, she needs to go to the RA’s supervisor or other campus official. She should take the opportunity to leave.

But the girl has to advocate for herself. This is the growing up part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i don't understand why you have allowed it to go this far.

DD just "came clean" about it last week.

Hmm, could DD be trying to deflect from crummy semester grades? Or just trying to justify moving towards friends or a boy in a another (more expensive?) dorm?

Not OP, but my DD had something similar and didn't tell me about it. I think she wanted to try and deal with it herself. Roommate was tweeting about the stuff she was doing. That's how we found out -- a little twitter stalking on a public twitter profile.

But I believe OP is hearing all of this from her DD's point of view, she has nothing from the college to verify any of it is 100% fact. And daughter is bringing this up at end of semester. Obviously bad roommates exist... but I'm suspicious of nothing being said until end. Makes me think grades are going to be shitty or kid could be trying to weasel out of dorm and doesn't want to come clean on why.

My BIL and SIL's son claimed roommate issues... come to find out their kid had been written up by RA for booze and wanted to switch dorms to one with rep for easy-going RAs and partying. Also, his first semester grades were shit.

[Anonymous]

I agree that your daughter and you should move beyond the RA. I’d describe the situation to security and Dean of students -call then follow up in writing and ask their advice.

My DD was in not quite as bad a situation as yours (unprovoked and unresolved) and her school was great and helped her move after repeat incident. Other student was not happy but luckily did not follow through and better she left school.

It’s sadly not uncommon so surprised your DD wasn’t being protected. First years have enough adjustments and stresses-having the refuge of your room taken away is awful.

[Anonymous]

Why are so many people intent on blaming OP of OP's DD? Sometimes people get addicted to taking stock of other people here. Instead of trying to analyze or conspiracy theorize, maybe a little more sympathy?

It's just weird, the penchant some have for picking at others.

OP, I'm sorry you & DD are going through this. I agree about cutting losses and moving on, but informing campus police isn't a bad idea to have a record going forward and to keep an eye as she moves out. Glad you will be up there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter’s roommate has mental issues. If the RA is useless, she needs to go to the RA’s supervisor or other campus official. She should take the opportunity to leave.

But the girl has to advocate for herself. This is the growing up part.

+1. You are too involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP,

You need to learn how to communicate salient points in your first post.

The breaking of the phone should have been reported to an adult at once, and police possibly contacted. That and all other events which rise to that level.

At this point, your daughter should document this with an adult in charge in order to signal that her roommate is potentially mentally disturbed, and not hesitate to move since this is affecting her sense of security.

If you wanted financial compensation, your DD should have filed a police report immediately. You should both learn from this experience.

This. Why does anything think a student RA is supposed to handle theft? RA plan little outings and movie nights, they aren't the dorm police.

[Anonymous]

An RA should intervene.
OP is NOT too involved.
Roommate clearly is unstable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i don't understand why you have allowed it to go this far.

DD just "came clean" about it last week.

Hmm, could DD be trying to deflect from crummy semester grades? Or just trying to justify moving towards friends or a boy in a another (more expensive?) dorm?

No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter’s roommate has mental issues. If the RA is useless, she needs to go to the RA’s supervisor or other campus official. She should take the opportunity to leave.

But the girl has to advocate for herself. This is the growing up part.

+1. You are too involved.

Huh? Giving your child advice is “too involved”? Uh ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Move to the single.

Growing up is hard to do.

What does this mean? And yes, she is moving in 3 days.

Going off to college is about growing up. Dealing with crazy roommates is part of that.

Umm, no. Having your belongings smashed against the wall is NOT part of growing up. What kind of college did you go to?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP,

You need to learn how to communicate salient points in your first post.

The breaking of the phone should have been reported to an adult at once, and police possibly contacted. That and all other events which rise to that level.

At this point, your daughter should document this with an adult in charge in order to signal that her roommate is potentially mentally disturbed, and not hesitate to move since this is affecting her sense of security.

If you wanted financial compensation, your DD should have filed a police report immediately. You should both learn from this experience.

This. Why does anything think a student RA is supposed to handle theft? RA plan little outings and movie nights, they aren't the dorm police.

When I was an RA, notifying the police was part of my job. Sometimes it was thefts. Sometimes for assaults. I think both are going on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP,

You need to learn how to communicate salient points in your first post.

The breaking of the phone should have been reported to an adult at once, and police possibly contacted. That and all other events which rise to that level.

At this point, your daughter should document this with an adult in charge in order to signal that her roommate is potentially mentally disturbed, and not hesitate to move since this is affecting her sense of security.

If you wanted financial compensation, your DD should have filed a police report immediately. You should both learn from this experience.

This. Why does anything think a student RA is supposed to handle theft? RA plan little outings and movie nights, they aren't the dorm police.

Mother of an RA here. This is NOT remotely true. RAs are much, much more than planning movie nights and outings.

Daughter was very smart to go to RA, but when RA blew it off she should’ve gone to the hall director, or campus security.

[Anonymous]

What if the roommate narced on your daughter for something and your daughter is lying? What if the girl hooked up with a boy your daughter liked and it stoked tension? Teens can be super conniving to get you to take their side and get what they want (different dorm, deflect from poor grades).

I'd be really suspicious your daughter is hitting you with this so late in the semester is all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if the roommate narced on your daughter for something and your daughter is lying? What if the girl hooked up with a boy your daughter liked and it stoked tension? Teens can be super conniving to get you to take their side and get what they want (different dorm, deflect from poor grades).

I'd be really suspicious your daughter is hitting you with this so late in the semester is all.

Sorry, nope. Not going to assume the worst about my daughter or not trust her, especially when she’s never given us a reason to do so.

Her grades are fantastic. And my daughter is a lesbian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure DD didn’t break her own phone and is blaming it on her roommate because she is afraid of repercussions? Have you considered this as a possibility?

No.

I know for a fact this is not the case because she took it upon herself - with her own money - to Uber to a branch of the cell service provider and get the phone fixed. We saw it on the debit card statement that gets mailed to our house.

I have a really hard time understanding people who assume the worst in their children. Sorry.