Please be honest - do you ever feel jealous of mothers who have more money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never in a million years. Everyone we know with more money than us has more problems, one way or another. Usually marriage problems but also spoiled brat kids, low self esteem, etc. No thanks!

+1

I do NOT understand the people who think money solves "everything". How naive! There are people whose IL's help them out in so many ways. One person I know works full time, but her ILs bought her a car, because she wanted a certain kind of car (but says the ILs wanted that kind of car - WTH). Or pays for their DC's private schooling, but still has the cujones to b*tch about their ILs - after all of the ILs generosity. Take the money or don't, but don't b*tch about them. Not saying that is what PPs are doing, because they don't seem to be, but some people really have no couth whatsover.

I am not rich, but my IL are. They are financially generous -helped us with the downpayment on the house, gifted us their used luxury SUV, and put enough money yearly in a 529 that its likely to provide for DD college. DH and I still budget, but can make ends meet comfortably because of in-laws and can work FED jobs and live in the city due to them. I am grateful. every. day. for their help, but I also sometimes regret taking it and was very hesitant to take it. It comes with strings, and the money means nothing to them, they have so much. Instead it was a subtle way to place strings. I don't say this to bitch about them (although I do so you can feel free to judge me), but to say I feel I'd rather have bought the small house in MD or even move to another place with a lower COL and not be beholden to them. Maybe your friend is just ungrateful, but sometimes money isn't just a gift, and it doesn't make everything better. It can relieve certain stressors, such, but it often brings others.

My family on the other hand, can't offer financial help. But they do offer hands on love with their grandchild. I'll take that over money any day.

I should also say the mine and DH family are a good example of why money isn't always better. I am one of four and grew up with just about what we needed and he grew up wealthy. My family is warm, close, and honest. His has a weird distance and tells each other next to nothing. DH lost his job for six months and didn't tell his parents. I would have sought my parents emotional support without hesitation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never in a million years. Everyone we know with more money than us has more problems, one way or another. Usually marriage problems but also spoiled brat kids, low self esteem, etc. No thanks!

+1

I do NOT understand the people who think money solves "everything". How naive! There are people whose IL's help them out in so many ways. One person I know works full time, but her ILs bought her a car, because she wanted a certain kind of car (but says the ILs wanted that kind of car - WTH). Or pays for their DC's private schooling, but still has the cujones to b*tch about their ILs - after all of the ILs generosity. Take the money or don't, but don't b*tch about them. Not saying that is what PPs are doing, because they don't seem to be, but some people really have no couth whatsover.

I am not rich, but my IL are. They are financially generous -helped us with the downpayment on the house, gifted us their used luxury SUV, and put enough money yearly in a 529 that its likely to provide for DD college. DH and I still budget, but can make ends meet comfortably because of in-laws and can work FED jobs and live in the city due to them. I am grateful. every. day. for their help, but I also sometimes regret taking it and was very hesitant to take it. It comes with strings, and the money means nothing to them, they have so much. Instead it was a subtle way to place strings. I don't say this to bitch about them (although I do so you can feel free to judge me), but to say I feel I'd rather have bought the small house in MD or even move to another place with a lower COL and not be beholden to them. Maybe your friend is just ungrateful, but sometimes money isn't just a gift, and it doesn't make everything better. It can relieve certain stressors, such, but it often brings others.

My family on the other hand, can't offer financial help. But they do offer hands on love with their grandchild. I'll take that over money any day.

I should also say the mine and DH family are a good example of why money isn't always better. I am one of four and grew up with just about what we needed and he grew up wealthy. My family is warm, close, and honest. His has a weird distance and tells each other next to nothing. DH lost his job for six months and didn't tell his parents. I would have sought my parents emotional support without hesitation.

+1, sort of. I think it's more about attitudes toward money. My husband and I both came from households with probably equal wealth (upper middle class), but his parents raised their kids to be entitled and wasteful, while my family was more frugal and down-to-earth. I'm close to my siblings and parents while my husband is not (but pretends like he is).

To answer the original question, I do enjoy rich moms, and rich people in general. I would still work if I was rich but I could send my son to a nicer daycare and wouldn't have to stress about which of our cars to replace and how we're going to pay for it, and we could live in a nicer home, and I could hire some help with my son - and pay for IVF to give him a sibling!!! That would be nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never in a million years. Everyone we know with more money than us has more problems, one way or another. Usually marriage problems but also spoiled brat kids, low self esteem, etc. No thanks!

+1

I do NOT understand the people who think money solves "everything". How naive! There are people whose IL's help them out in so many ways. One person I know works full time, but her ILs bought her a car, because she wanted a certain kind of car (but says the ILs wanted that kind of car - WTH). Or pays for their DC's private schooling, but still has the cujones to b*tch about their ILs - after all of the ILs generosity. Take the money or don't, but don't b*tch about them. Not saying that is what PPs are doing, because they don't seem to be, but some people really have no couth whatsover.

I am not rich, but my IL are. They are financially generous -helped us with the downpayment on the house, gifted us their used luxury SUV, and put enough money yearly in a 529 that its likely to provide for DD college. DH and I still budget, but can make ends meet comfortably because of in-laws and can work FED jobs and live in the city due to them. I am grateful. every. day. for their help, but I also sometimes regret taking it and was very hesitant to take it. It comes with strings, and the money means nothing to them, they have so much. Instead it was a subtle way to place strings. I don't say this to bitch about them (although I do so you can feel free to judge me), but to say I feel I'd rather have bought the small house in MD or even move to another place with a lower COL and not be beholden to them. Maybe your friend is just ungrateful, but sometimes money isn't just a gift, and it doesn't make everything better. It can relieve certain stressors, such, but it often brings others.

My family on the other hand, can't offer financial help. But they do offer hands on love with their grandchild. I'll take that over money any day.

+1000

I would never take money from my inlaws. I can’t imagine how many strings attached and how manipulative they would be. Also my parents raised me to support myself and my children, not ask for handouts, even from relatives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re rich and I’m on maternity leave right now. True, I’m not stressed. I’ve known money stresses and they’re terrible.

But I am so. bored. The meaninglessness swallows you whole. Every problem, solved with money. Lacking in real problems, I find myself fixating on nonsense small things wrong with my house like a bit of missing trim or places where the paint isn’t straight. Also wildly overplanning eldest DD’s birthday party. Maybe I’m just a boring person but it’s not fun at all for me to be idle.

I am sure you know this, but: find a cause you are interested in and volunteer. For the cause and for you.

Well first, as I said, I’m on maternity leave, but second, volunteers are usually just potential donors being pandered to. Rare will an organization hand over the reins for meaningful work.

This strikes me as just so sad. The problem is not that you have money. The problem is that, right now, for whatever reason, you lack the reason to find an interest to be engaged in. I SAH, and am well-off enough by most standards to be considered wealthy (private schools, part-time maid, etc). But I always have a million projects I'm genuinely interested in. When my kids were babies I was really engaged in learning about child development, I've gone through phases of being really involved in learning how to cook certain things, I've gotten into photography, I enjoy writing and I'm an avid reader. There are so many hobbies I'd love to learn about and become engaged in, my limit is definitely not money but time. Truly. Don't you have any interests to pursue? Hobbies to start? Things about the world or history or politics you want to learn about and be engaged in?

If you are bored because you are exhausted from taking care of a newborn and don't have the energy to start something new, I totally understand. But that's quite different than being bored because you have too much money!

On leave I have completed a big professional development course, done some large scale abstract paintings, perfected some recipes. But yes I am still mostly just bored despite my hobbies. Maybe I’m some sort of adrenaline junkie tho it never occurred to me before that that might be why I work.

Ever hear the term that only boring people get bored?

I am ivy educated and had a successful career. I worked hard played hard. Now I have 3 kids and DH is very successful. We are fortunate that we can pretty much afford to do anything. I am never bored. My days are absolutely full juggling 3 kids. I outsource most of our housework because I hate doing it. Hated it when I worked and hate it even more now that I’m home.

When I was working, I felt stressed and was out of shape. Now I’m back to 120 pounds and feel pretty amazing. Life is good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re rich and I’m on maternity leave right now. True, I’m not stressed. I’ve known money stresses and they’re terrible.

But I am so. bored. The meaninglessness swallows you whole. Every problem, solved with money. Lacking in real problems, I find myself fixating on nonsense small things wrong with my house like a bit of missing trim or places where the paint isn’t straight. Also wildly overplanning eldest DD’s birthday party. Maybe I’m just a boring person but it’s not fun at all for me to be idle.

I am sure you know this, but: find a cause you are interested in and volunteer. For the cause and for you.

Well first, as I said, I’m on maternity leave, but second, volunteers are usually just potential donors being pandered to. Rare will an organization hand over the reins for meaningful work.

This strikes me as just so sad. The problem is not that you have money. The problem is that, right now, for whatever reason, you lack the reason to find an interest to be engaged in. I SAH, and am well-off enough by most standards to be considered wealthy (private schools, part-time maid, etc). But I always have a million projects I'm genuinely interested in. When my kids were babies I was really engaged in learning about child development, I've gone through phases of being really involved in learning how to cook certain things, I've gotten into photography, I enjoy writing and I'm an avid reader. There are so many hobbies I'd love to learn about and become engaged in, my limit is definitely not money but time. Truly. Don't you have any interests to pursue? Hobbies to start? Things about the world or history or politics you want to learn about and be engaged in?

If you are bored because you are exhausted from taking care of a newborn and don't have the energy to start something new, I totally understand. But that's quite different than being bored because you have too much money!

On leave I have completed a big professional development course, done some large scale abstract paintings, perfected some recipes. But yes I am still mostly just bored despite my hobbies. Maybe I’m some sort of adrenaline junkie tho it never occurred to me before that that might be why I work.

Is this your first child?

I could stare at my baby all day. I would be tired and cuddle with the baby. I met up with friends with the baby.

I cried and missed my baby terribly when I went back to work. It broke my heart when baby would cry when I left. I had a demanding job that wasn’t 9-5 so I would often get home after baby was asleep. I couldn’t last and eventually stopped working.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I’m jealous of families with more money. Money, obviously, doesn’t solve all but sure would help alleviate a good amount of my stress.

[Anonymous]

Yes, absolutely. I wish I could afford to go part time (80%) or take a less demanding job (which will almost certainly pay less) while the kids are small. It wouldn’t even be that much money... but enough that we couldn’t pay the bills.

[Anonymous]

Money is helpful for certain things. But I'm not jealous in the sense of wanting to change places with people who have more. Growing up poor was an impetus to fight for every accomplishment in my life, and gave me compassion for people who struggle. I do not take the opportunities I have had for granted. I work a job that gives our family more than enough and that is meaningful to me. My children see a working parent with a sense of purpose in life. They see us putting in effort to overcome challenges and make something of what we have. Obviously you can do all that with money, too, but I certainly wouldn't want so much money that my life consisted in seeking out one optimal experience after another. I feel like that kind of life would be missing something important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Money is helpful for certain things. But I'm not jealous in the sense of wanting to change places with people who have more. Growing up poor was an impetus to fight for every accomplishment in my life, and gave me compassion for people who struggle. I do not take the opportunities I have had for granted. I work a job that gives our family more than enough and that is meaningful to me. My children see a working parent with a sense of purpose in life. They see us putting in effort to overcome challenges and make something of what we have. Obviously you can do all that with money, too, but I certainly wouldn't want so much money that my life consisted in seeking out one optimal experience after another. I feel like that kind of life would be missing something important.

+1

I grew up poor as well. I am very happy living in my 1 bedroom apartment with my family of 3. I WFM. We can afford everything we need. Sure sometimes I feel jealous of people who are rich but it's not something I think about a lot. I also live in a low cost of living city and I am not surrounded by rich people. We could afford private school here and our combined income is only 120k.

[Anonymous]

Why are the wealthy moms posting about their wealth in this thread? Money can buy a lot of things but apparently not class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I am not rich, but my IL are. They are financially generous -helped us with the downpayment on the house, gifted us their used luxury SUV, and put enough money yearly in a 529 that its likely to provide for DD college. DH and I still budget, but can make ends meet comfortably because of in-laws and can work FED jobs and live in the city due to them. I am grateful. every. day. for their help, but I also sometimes regret taking it and was very hesitant to take it. It comes with strings, and the money means nothing to them, they have so much. Instead it was a subtle way to place strings. I don't say this to bitch about them (although I do so you can feel free to judge me), but to say I feel I'd rather have bought the small house in MD or even move to another place with a lower COL and not be beholden to them. Maybe your friend is just ungrateful, but sometimes money isn't just a gift, and it doesn't make everything better. It can relieve certain stressors, such, but it often brings others.

My family on the other hand, can't offer financial help. But they do offer hands on love with their grandchild. I'll take that over money any day.

Why accept your IL's money then? You obviously have a lot of disdain for it. My parents are wealthy, and my siblings have similar attitudes toward their money which makes me cringe.

Your life is materially better because of your IL's money, yet you say you'd happily live without it. It just strikes me as odd that you would say rude things about them while accepting their money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are the wealthy moms posting about their wealth in this thread? Money can buy a lot of things but apparently not class.

+1. Thought the same thing. I also think it's very telling when people need to post the dollar amount of their HHI. Sooooo tacky and classless. People with true wealth don't talk about it, at least from my experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never in a million years. Everyone we know with more money than us has more problems, one way or another. Usually marriage problems but also spoiled brat kids, low self esteem, etc. No thanks!

+1

I do NOT understand the people who think money solves "everything". How naive! There are people whose IL's help them out in so many ways. One person I know works full time, but her ILs bought her a car, because she wanted a certain kind of car (but says the ILs wanted that kind of car - WTH). Or pays for their DC's private schooling, but still has the cujones to b*tch about their ILs - after all of the ILs generosity. Take the money or don't, but don't b*tch about them. Not saying that is what PPs are doing, because they don't seem to be, but some people really have no couth whatsover.

I am not rich, but my IL are. They are financially generous -helped us with the downpayment on the house, gifted us their used luxury SUV, and put enough money yearly in a 529 that its likely to provide for DD college. DH and I still budget, but can make ends meet comfortably because of in-laws and can work FED jobs and live in the city due to them. I am grateful. every. day. for their help, but I also sometimes regret taking it and was very hesitant to take it. It comes with strings, and the money means nothing to them, they have so much. Instead it was a subtle way to place strings. I don't say this to bitch about them (although I do so you can feel free to judge me), but to say I feel I'd rather have bought the small house in MD or even move to another place with a lower COL and not be beholden to them. Maybe your friend is just ungrateful, but sometimes money isn't just a gift, and it doesn't make everything better. It can relieve certain stressors, such, but it often brings others.

My family on the other hand, can't offer financial help. But they do offer hands on love with their grandchild. I'll take that over money any day.

+1000

I would never take money from my inlaws. I can’t imagine how many strings attached and how manipulative they would be. Also my parents raised me to support myself and my children, not ask for handouts, even from relatives.

+1000
And I will add, if parents gift money unequally to siblings, there will be tension. My in-laws give to my husband’s siblings and nothing to us. It has created a lot of problems within the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are the wealthy moms posting about their wealth in this thread? Money can buy a lot of things but apparently not class.

+1. Thought the same thing. I also think it's very telling when people need to post the dollar amount of their HHI. Sooooo tacky and classless. People with true wealth don't talk about it, at least from my experience.

ITS ANONYMOUS!! I would never in a million years have a dollar amount conversation with a friend in real life. Never. I would never talk about how we don’t have a mortgage or the insane amount of money my husband has in his 401k. Never! But you CAN talk about that stuff here! IT IS AN ANONYMOUS FORUM FULL OF People who will never, ever know who you are in real life! There is a huge difference between the information I share here and the information I share in real life.

[Anonymous]

I certainly appreciate people naming their HHI in this conversation! It's hard to put context around what it means to be "rich" or "poor" without that, as the comments above so clearly illustrate that wealth is relative to spending and location and expenses and social comparisons. So yeah, the lady who feels poor because they only make $700k...that wouldn't be nearly as telling if she said she felt poor because lots of their friends make more (or whatever her reasons are).