Please be honest - do you ever feel jealous of mothers who have more money?

[Anonymous]

Jealous is a strong word, but yes, I am envious.

One mom I know married an older tech bro who was instrumental in developing a big company's analytics platform. He was able to retire in his 40s and made wise real estate investments in up-and-coming areas. She has never had to work and had a nanny to help out with their now 4 kids (each exactly 2 years apart). They travel all the time, live off their investments and occasional consulting work, and live in an exclusive neighborhood in southern California with grandparents nearby to help out. Hard living.

Another friend married a high earner and is able to SAH. They had good timing with real estate in this area and own a nice house in a great school district.

[Anonymous]

yes!

[Anonymous]

Every damn day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not the ones that are working hard for it. Sure for the ones that inherited it. Money makes life easier - unless the trade off is your time.

+1. I have a few friends who make a ton of money but rarely see their kids and seem to work nonstop. I have even more friends with husbands who make a ton of money but they are NEVER home. I do not envy that. But family money or the rare huge salary in a cushy job, yes, for sure.

That’s a good point ... I have two friends who are SAHM’s, one married to a Biglaw partner, the other to a higher-up in consulting. Big $$$ jobs and the dads are basically never home and also travel for work a lot. Now granted - they have a high income so the SAHM is able to hire out for this and that. Cleaning services, lots of babysitters and mothers’ helpers, meal deliveries, etc. But managing all that - ensuring that one of your babysitters can come last minute when your husband gets called out of town but you have an evening PT conference or some other obligation - is stressful in and of itself.

[i]So do I wish we had more money? Of course! But I’m also happy I get to see my husband (a GS-15 fed) on evenings and weekends, and that he likes his job, and gets to do his actual work without having to get into the politics of “supervising” or project management. Everything’s a trade-off.

That's too cute The only thing more stressful is same scenario, but you are not SAHM with high HHI.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not the ones that are working hard for it. Sure for the ones that inherited it. Money makes life easier - unless the trade off is your time.

+1000000

My sister works 60 hours a week. They have an incredible house, cars, designer clothes, and take vacations.

I am a SAHM. Our house is modest, we have one car, and my clothes are from Old Navy.

My time with my boys is more valuable.

What about the SAHMs who also have the big homes, lots of help and travel? You aren’t envious of them?

New poster here. No I’m not envious of rich SAHMs at all. I’m jealous of the women that have it all: a good marriage, a couple of kids and an interesting, stimulating career.

+1

[Anonymous]

Never in a million years. Everyone we know with more money than us has more problems, one way or another. Usually marriage problems but also spoiled brat kids, low self esteem, etc. No thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not the ones that are working hard for it. Sure for the ones that inherited it. Money makes life easier - unless the trade off is your time.

+1000000

My sister works 60 hours a week. They have an incredible house, cars, designer clothes, and take vacations.

I am a SAHM. Our house is modest, we have one car, and my clothes are from Old Navy.

My time with my boys is more valuable.

What about the SAHMs who also have the big homes, lots of help and travel? You aren’t envious of them?

New poster here. No I’m not envious of rich SAHMs at all. I’m jealous of the women that have it all: a good marriage, a couple of kids and an interesting, stimulating career.

I have yet to meet a woman who has it all. Some may think I had it all but I was barely keeping it together when I was working.

I used to be the career mom. Then I cut back my hours and was able to still earn a decent six figure income. I felt I was drowning though. I have been blessed with wonderful well behaved kids. They were great kids when they went to daycare and they are great kids now that I’m a SAHM. Truth is you can’t have this amazing successful career and always be there for your kids.

DH earns a seven figure income and is a hands on father. We hit the jackpot for daddy/husband.

[Anonymous]

I spiral a little when I think about it.

I am so stressed out. I’m sick today but life goes on.

My rich friend asked me if I want to do thid Christmas thing in the middle of December. Upon getting the info, I said I’d think about it. But in my head I’m saying nope. I’d LOVE to do this event. But my good friend has no idea what it’s like to me right now. I can’t keep basic trains going without giving my whole body and soul into my day. I just want to say no to everything extra. Even if it would take me out of my element or be fun or be Christmasy. I’m thinking of laundry, and hosting guests, and 700 things. It’s pathetic but keeping things simple and saying no keeps me more sane.

Otoh, she and dh are independently wealthy (due to extremely rich parents). She works literally to fill time. Dh does not work. They outright own their home. The aforementiomed parents (one spouses parents) live literally next door and are great helpers.

It’s nothing about her. And again I would love to go. And I didn’t take it out on her, she has no idea. But today was so very stressful, that I wished... we could have the un-fun stuff taken care of, so we can enjoy more.

Quickly want to add, we do fun things, had a wonderful weekend. Cheap haircuts are still pleasant, Free all day outdoor time, dinner out.

But how will I feel in the middle of December? I don’t know!

[Anonymous]

Of course. How is this even a question?

[Anonymous]

Sure, why not? Jealous is part of life, but it certainly doesn’t eat me up. Not just jealous of rich moms, but rich people in general. Mostly to give my kids the best life possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I know too many kids who are being raised by nannies and it’s not pretty.

You can be a rich SAHM with a nanny just to give a hand. That is what I would love!!

I am a rich SAHM with a trust-fund from my biological maternal grandmother, and I outsource as much as I can (except childcare) for three households - ours, ILs and parents. ILs and parents live close to us and we want them to be able to spend quality family time with us, take care of their health and not be stressed about doing routine stuff in their homes. We have put in place a cleaning service, yard maintenance, handyman, cooking/prep person, yoga instructor and a masseuse for our parents. They are pretty healthy and active people, financially stable, fiscally responsible, who are retired and maybe do not need all the help that we give them now, but, we want to make sure that we have thought through everything that can make their lives easier and healthier so that they spend more time with us and our kids. I think services that buys you more time with your family is a great use of money. For our income, we are pretty average materially (homes, cars, clothes). Our money is spent on less visible things like - organic food, vacations, hobbies, staffing. In another 10-15 years, if we see the need we will also hire a part-time chauffeur/attendant for them.

This is confusing. Your grandmother left you a trust fund with enough to take care of three households but didn't leave your mother, her daughter, anything? Hence the need for you to supply her lawn care service and masseuse?

Mom was initially cut off by my grandmother for marrying my dad. They eventually made up when I was born. The trust fund was created for two of her grandchildren (my cousin and I) but none of her children. The money grew thanks to the power of compounding and also I got the money when I was 32 years old. My own DH is a high earner so financially we are set even without my money.

Parents and ILs are financially doing ok and are retired. They do not think that they need lawn care or cleaning woman or other service staff. They are happy to do these things by themselves but I can see that these things wear them out sometimes. I am sure they are capable of paying for help, but when we do these things for them, we are also able to keep an eye on their health and the state of their house/living condition. I began by scheduling their lawn care by the same company that was doing our lawn care. It was easier to manage it logistically for me. Later on I used the same cleaning lady who works for me to also clean their homes. There was a bit of resistance at first but I usually gave these services to them as part of our Christmas gift to them. Same goes for their home maintainence, or adding security features to their homes. Whatever we get done for our house, we get it done for them too. This allows me to keep an eye on both set of parents and make sure that they are being looked after. The chef and masseuse was something DH wanted to put in place for both of them for health reasons and they did agree to try them out for 6 months at least. We think it is money well spent that we can take care of these things for our parents. If it buys them more leisure time to spend on their health, on their family ies, on their hobbies then it is a win for everyone. I think in some ways it is a psychological benefit too, because the families are connected and looking after each other.

[Anonymous]

Last time I checked, we were still in America. Money makes so many things easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Last time I checked, we were still in America. Money makes so many things easier.

But *too much* money makes so many things harder. You have to find the sweet spot.

[Anonymous]

We’re rich and I’m on maternity leave right now. True, I’m not stressed. I’ve known money stresses and they’re terrible.

But I am so. bored. The meaninglessness swallows you whole. Every problem, solved with money. Lacking in real problems, I find myself fixating on nonsense small things wrong with my house like a bit of missing trim or places where the paint isn’t straight. Also wildly overplanning eldest DD’s birthday party. Maybe I’m just a boring person but it’s not fun at all for me to be idle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re rich and I’m on maternity leave right now. True, I’m not stressed. I’ve known money stresses and they’re terrible.

But I am so. bored. The meaninglessness swallows you whole. Every problem, solved with money. Lacking in real problems, I find myself fixating on nonsense small things wrong with my house like a bit of missing trim or places where the paint isn’t straight. Also wildly overplanning eldest DD’s birthday party. Maybe I’m just a boring person but it’s not fun at all for me to be idle.

I am sure you know this, but: find a cause you are interested in and volunteer. For the cause and for you.