Telling guests to clean up after themselves

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So who is this guy? Dh's BFF from college or something?

DH's half-brother who brought along his shrieking 2yo. FML.

You mean YOUR brother-in-law who brought along YOUR niece/nephew? You sound like the SIL from hell.

I don't consider him my BIL. He was DH's dad's lovechild who turned up three years ago thanks to Ancestry.com. DH has another brother who is #goals thanks to my MIL.

Wtf.

This sounds like drama city: love child bro shows up 3 yo ago, has a 2 yo, lives with you while the mom/wife is dpeoloyed, you have to listen about their impending divorce, and he’s a forgetful slob.

No way, you should not be their fall back plan. How awkward for everyone— except the new Moocher of course.

This is OP. He is leaving tomorrow but I have to get to work in the morning (thank goodness!). He initated contact three years ago. And my DH is a softie while MIL doesnt want to acknowledge him, same with the other brother (FIL and her are still married). This person's wife confided in me that she's been thinking of divorce because of his alcohol abuse problems (eventually she packed him off to rehab) but she's holding out based on hope. I like his wife but I am so surprised she ended up with him (she's the type who thinks love can change a person). So yes, it's definitely drama.

If the guy is leaving tomorrow why on earth would you create drama over the forgotten napkin? You are going to work in the morning and by the time you get home he will be gone and you'll have your house back.

Honestly, if the guy had days more at your house I might understand why you blew your top over the napkin. But the dude is leaving - TOMORROW. Ugh, Op.

It's called the straw that broke the camel's back. Honestly, I couldn't give a damn if I ever see him again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So who is this guy? Dh's BFF from college or something?

DH's half-brother who brought along his shrieking 2yo. FML.

You mean YOUR brother-in-law who brought along YOUR niece/nephew? You sound like the SIL from hell.

I don't consider him my BIL. He was DH's dad's lovechild who turned up three years ago thanks to Ancestry.com. DH has another brother who is #goals thanks to my MIL.

Wtf.

This sounds like drama city: love child bro shows up 3 yo ago, has a 2 yo, lives with you while the mom/wife is dpeoloyed, you have to listen about their impending divorce, and he’s a forgetful slob.

No way, you should not be their fall back plan. How awkward for everyone— except the new Moocher of course.

This is OP. He is leaving tomorrow but I have to get to work in the morning (thank goodness!). He initated contact three years ago. And my DH is a softie while MIL doesnt want to acknowledge him, same with the other brother (FIL and her are still married). This person's wife confided in me that she's been thinking of divorce because of his alcohol abuse problems (eventually she packed him off to rehab) but she's holding out based on hope. I like his wife but I am so surprised she ended up with him (she's the type who thinks love can change a person). So yes, it's definitely drama.

If the guy is leaving tomorrow why on earth would you create drama over the forgotten napkin? You are going to work in the morning and by the time you get home he will be gone and you'll have your house back.

Honestly, if the guy had days more at your house I might understand why you blew your top over the napkin. But the dude is leaving - TOMORROW. Ugh, Op.

It's called the straw that broke the camel's back. Honestly, I couldn't give a damn if I ever see him again.

But your poor dh.

[Anonymous]

He's not family. He's a leech. If they didn't share a sperm donor, would the DH be so dumb to be hosting the dingbat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So who is this guy? Dh's BFF from college or something?

DH's half-brother who brought along his shrieking 2yo. FML.

You mean YOUR brother-in-law who brought along YOUR niece/nephew? You sound like the SIL from hell.

I don't consider him my BIL. He was DH's dad's lovechild who turned up three years ago thanks to Ancestry.com. DH has another brother who is #goals thanks to my MIL.

Wtf.

This sounds like drama city: love child bro shows up 3 yo ago, has a 2 yo, lives with you while the mom/wife is dpeoloyed, you have to listen about their impending divorce, and he’s a forgetful slob.

No way, you should not be their fall back plan. How awkward for everyone— except the new Moocher of course.

Why on earth are you hosting him and his toddler at all?

You’ve only known OF HIM for 3 years, how do things go from 0 to houseguesting strange men and children so fast.
And who’s the alcoholic? The love child half bro or your FIL?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So who is this guy? Dh's BFF from college or something?

DH's half-brother who brought along his shrieking 2yo. FML.

You mean YOUR brother-in-law who brought along YOUR niece/nephew? You sound like the SIL from hell.

I don't consider him my BIL. He was DH's dad's lovechild who turned up three years ago thanks to Ancestry.com. DH has another brother who is #goals thanks to my MIL.

Wtf.

This sounds like drama city: love child bro shows up 3 yo ago, has a 2 yo, lives with you while the mom/wife is dpeoloyed, you have to listen about their impending divorce, and he’s a forgetful slob.

No way, you should not be their fall back plan. How awkward for everyone— except the new Moocher of course.

Why on earth are you hosting him and his toddler at all?

You’ve only known OF HIM for 3 years, how do things go from 0 to houseguesting strange men and children so fast.
And who’s the alcoholic? The love child half bro or your FIL?

The alcoholic is DH's half brother. The FIL had a forgotten affair or so that was what he told us. He actually hasn't met DH's half-brother out of loyalty to MIL. So DH is the 'only' family this guy knows because DH is a softie ("Maybe I can persuade dad to meet Dingbat someday"). BIL, DH's full bro, also isn't meeting this guy out of loyalty to MIL. DH actually said yes to hosting Dingbat a second time because "he's family" and "he's bringing his kid". We have met him three times on prior occasions (invited us to his wedding) but he and DH keep in touch more often through emails and texts. All of us except DH thinks Dingbat is out to get something from FIL (bio mom passed away and he might be angling for an inheritance). I thought Dingbat wasn't too bad but that was probably because his wife was doing all the picking up after him but I hadn't noticed. Plus, they only stayed for two nights and their kid was easier. This time, he's been here for almost a week on his own and he gets stressed about the kid who's exerting his autonomy.

[Anonymous]

Without commenting on the melodrama of napkin tossing, I would say that Op sounds really insecure and judgmental in general. I think OP is better suited to a more stratified society where she can rely on servants to manage and operate her household.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So who is this guy? Dh's BFF from college or something?

DH's half-brother who brought along his shrieking 2yo. FML.

You mean YOUR brother-in-law who brought along YOUR niece/nephew? You sound like the SIL from hell.

I don't consider him my BIL. He was DH's dad's lovechild who turned up three years ago thanks to Ancestry.com. DH has another brother who is #goals thanks to my MIL.

Wtf.

This sounds like drama city: love child bro shows up 3 yo ago, has a 2 yo, lives with you while the mom/wife is dpeoloyed, you have to listen about their impending divorce, and he’s a forgetful slob.

No way, you should not be their fall back plan. How awkward for everyone— except the new Moocher of course.

Why on earth are you hosting him and his toddler at all?

You’ve only known OF HIM for 3 years, how do things go from 0 to houseguesting strange men and children so fast.
And who’s the alcoholic? The love child half bro or your FIL?

The alcoholic is DH's half brother. The FIL had a forgotten affair or so that was what he told us. He actually hasn't met DH's half-brother out of loyalty to MIL. So DH is the 'only' family this guy knows because DH is a softie ("Maybe I can persuade dad to meet Dingbat someday"). BIL, DH's full bro, also isn't meeting this guy out of loyalty to MIL. DH actually said yes to hosting Dingbat a second time because "he's family" and "he's bringing his kid". We have met him three times on prior occasions (invited us to his wedding) but he and DH keep in touch more often through emails and texts. All of us except DH thinks Dingbat is out to get something from FIL (bio mom passed away and he might be angling for an inheritance). I thought Dingbat wasn't too bad but that was probably because his wife was doing all the picking up after him but I hadn't noticed. Plus, they only stayed for two nights and their kid was easier. This time, he's been here for almost a week on his own and he gets stressed about the kid who's exerting his autonomy.

Well, the dingbat didn't choose to be the love child of an affair, did he? I can see why he would want to meet his own father and half siblings. I can also see why your dh would want to get to know his own half brother.

This guy's mom (the woman who had the affair) has passed away so this half brother is now reaching out to his biological father's side of the family. Your dh appears to be the only person willing to acknowledge him at all.

Honestly, I think your FIL sounds like a pretty terrible person to turn his back so completely on his own son. Your MIL sounds like a fragile little pill. I think your dh is the only one of the group who sounds remotely kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So if they don’t clean up the plates stay on the table.

If it gets to be dinner time and they haven’t cleared their stuff. Then you ask your DH to do it. YOU do not pick up after them if you don’t want to.

Update: I knocked on said person's room to come and get rid of his dirty napkin. He apologized for forgetting it, came back up to the kitchen and disposed of it in the trash. I guess he'll remember next time.

So either 1) this is a troll or 2) a nut case, because no embarrasses a guest like this

[Anonymous]

Your DH sounds nice. And if half-bro is “angling” for an inheritance, isn’t he entitled to something from his father? Your FIL sounds like a terrible person, refusing to meet his own son. Talk about blaming the victim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So who is this guy? Dh's BFF from college or something?

DH's half-brother who brought along his shrieking 2yo. FML.

You mean YOUR brother-in-law who brought along YOUR niece/nephew? You sound like the SIL from hell.

I don't consider him my BIL. He was DH's dad's lovechild who turned up three years ago thanks to Ancestry.com. DH has another brother who is #goals thanks to my MIL.

Wtf.

This sounds like drama city: love child bro shows up 3 yo ago, has a 2 yo, lives with you while the mom/wife is dpeoloyed, you have to listen about their impending divorce, and he’s a forgetful slob.

No way, you should not be their fall back plan. How awkward for everyone— except the new Moocher of course.

Why on earth are you hosting him and his toddler at all?

You’ve only known OF HIM for 3 years, how do things go from 0 to houseguesting strange men and children so fast.
And who’s the alcoholic? The love child half bro or your FIL?

The alcoholic is DH's half brother. The FIL had a forgotten affair or so that was what he told us. He actually hasn't met DH's half-brother out of loyalty to MIL. So DH is the 'only' family this guy knows because DH is a softie ("Maybe I can persuade dad to meet Dingbat someday"). BIL, DH's full bro, also isn't meeting this guy out of loyalty to MIL. DH actually said yes to hosting Dingbat a second time because "he's family" and "he's bringing his kid". We have met him three times on prior occasions (invited us to his wedding) but he and DH keep in touch more often through emails and texts. All of us except DH thinks Dingbat is out to get something from FIL (bio mom passed away and he might be angling for an inheritance). I thought Dingbat wasn't too bad but that was probably because his wife was doing all the picking up after him but I hadn't noticed. Plus, they only stayed for two nights and their kid was easier. This time, he's been here for almost a week on his own and he gets stressed about the kid who's exerting his autonomy.

This is so F'd up it sounds like a scam. you attended a WEDDING of someone you barely knew just because FIL supposedly is related to him?

I'd demand DNA tests from all. Total scam. Your DH had better grow up too. Sounds like the family is taking up sides and your spouse is trying to please everyone - cheater FIL, weak MIL, real brother, and Dingbat Scammer.

Keep your sanity OP, and stop the charity @hit to Dingbat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So who is this guy? Dh's BFF from college or something?

DH's half-brother who brought along his shrieking 2yo. FML.

You mean YOUR brother-in-law who brought along YOUR niece/nephew? You sound like the SIL from hell.

I don't consider him my BIL. He was DH's dad's lovechild who turned up three years ago thanks to Ancestry.com. DH has another brother who is #goals thanks to my MIL.

Wtf.

This sounds like drama city: love child bro shows up 3 yo ago, has a 2 yo, lives with you while the mom/wife is dpeoloyed, you have to listen about their impending divorce, and he’s a forgetful slob.

No way, you should not be their fall back plan. How awkward for everyone— except the new Moocher of course.

Why on earth are you hosting him and his toddler at all?

You’ve only known OF HIM for 3 years, how do things go from 0 to houseguesting strange men and children so fast.
And who’s the alcoholic? The love child half bro or your FIL?

The alcoholic is DH's half brother. The FIL had a forgotten affair or so that was what he told us. He actually hasn't met DH's half-brother out of loyalty to MIL. So DH is the 'only' family this guy knows because DH is a softie ("Maybe I can persuade dad to meet Dingbat someday"). BIL, DH's full bro, also isn't meeting this guy out of loyalty to MIL. DH actually said yes to hosting Dingbat a second time because "he's family" and "he's bringing his kid". We have met him three times on prior occasions (invited us to his wedding) but he and DH keep in touch more often through emails and texts. All of us except DH thinks Dingbat is out to get something from FIL (bio mom passed away and he might be angling for an inheritance). I thought Dingbat wasn't too bad but that was probably because his wife was doing all the picking up after him but I hadn't noticed. Plus, they only stayed for two nights and their kid was easier. This time, he's been here for almost a week on his own and he gets stressed about the kid who's exerting his autonomy.

This is so F'd up it sounds like a scam. you attended a WEDDING of someone you barely knew just because FIL supposedly is related to him?

I'd demand DNA tests from all. Total scam. Your DH had better grow up too. Sounds like the family is taking up sides and your spouse is trying to please everyone - cheater FIL, weak MIL, real brother, and Dingbat Scammer.

Keep your sanity OP, and stop the charity @hit to Dingbat.
Who is also an alcoholic!@?!?!

[Anonymous]

DNA tests. Now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So who is this guy? Dh's BFF from college or something?

DH's half-brother who brought along his shrieking 2yo. FML.

You mean YOUR brother-in-law who brought along YOUR niece/nephew? You sound like the SIL from hell.

I don't consider him my BIL. He was DH's dad's lovechild who turned up three years ago thanks to Ancestry.com. DH has another brother who is #goals thanks to my MIL.

Wtf.

This sounds like drama city: love child bro shows up 3 yo ago, has a 2 yo, lives with you while the mom/wife is dpeoloyed, you have to listen about their impending divorce, and he’s a forgetful slob.

No way, you should not be their fall back plan. How awkward for everyone— except the new Moocher of course.

Why on earth are you hosting him and his toddler at all?

You’ve only known OF HIM for 3 years, how do things go from 0 to houseguesting strange men and children so fast.
And who’s the alcoholic? The love child half bro or your FIL?

The alcoholic is DH's half brother. The FIL had a forgotten affair or so that was what he told us. He actually hasn't met DH's half-brother out of loyalty to MIL. So DH is the 'only' family this guy knows because DH is a softie ("Maybe I can persuade dad to meet Dingbat someday"). BIL, DH's full bro, also isn't meeting this guy out of loyalty to MIL. DH actually said yes to hosting Dingbat a second time because "he's family" and "he's bringing his kid". We have met him three times on prior occasions (invited us to his wedding) but he and DH keep in touch more often through emails and texts. All of us except DH thinks Dingbat is out to get something from FIL (bio mom passed away and he might be angling for an inheritance). I thought Dingbat wasn't too bad but that was probably because his wife was doing all the picking up after him but I hadn't noticed. Plus, they only stayed for two nights and their kid was easier. This time, he's been here for almost a week on his own and he gets stressed about the kid who's exerting his autonomy.

Well, the dingbat didn't choose to be the love child of an affair, did he? I can see why he would want to meet his own father and half siblings. I can also see why your dh would want to get to know his own half brother.

This guy's mom (the woman who had the affair) has passed away so this half brother is now reaching out to his biological father's side of the family. Your dh appears to be the only person willing to acknowledge him at all.

Honestly, I think your FIL sounds like a pretty terrible person to turn his back so completely on his own son. Your MIL sounds like a fragile little pill. I think your dh is the only one of the group who sounds remotely kind.

Of the very few people I know that began relationships with a birth mother or father as married adults (as adopted kids, or affair kids), THEY TOOK IT VERY VERY SLOWLY.
Did not houseguest with step sibs or parents, did not invite them to weddings out of the blue only months after initial contact, and stated upfront what they wanted. in most cases, they just wanted to know the truth. Rarely did they seek family relations or develop a co-dependency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So who is this guy? Dh's BFF from college or something?

DH's half-brother who brought along his shrieking 2yo. FML.

You mean YOUR brother-in-law who brought along YOUR niece/nephew? You sound like the SIL from hell.

I don't consider him my BIL. He was DH's dad's lovechild who turned up three years ago thanks to Ancestry.com. DH has another brother who is #goals thanks to my MIL.

Wtf.

This sounds like drama city: love child bro shows up 3 yo ago, has a 2 yo, lives with you while the mom/wife is dpeoloyed, you have to listen about their impending divorce, and he’s a forgetful slob.

No way, you should not be their fall back plan. How awkward for everyone— except the new Moocher of course.

Why on earth are you hosting him and his toddler at all?

You’ve only known OF HIM for 3 years, how do things go from 0 to houseguesting strange men and children so fast.
And who’s the alcoholic? The love child half bro or your FIL?

The alcoholic is DH's half brother. The FIL had a forgotten affair or so that was what he told us. He actually hasn't met DH's half-brother out of loyalty to MIL. So DH is the 'only' family this guy knows because DH is a softie ("Maybe I can persuade dad to meet Dingbat someday"). BIL, DH's full bro, also isn't meeting this guy out of loyalty to MIL. DH actually said yes to hosting Dingbat a second time because "he's family" and "he's bringing his kid". We have met him three times on prior occasions (invited us to his wedding) but he and DH keep in touch more often through emails and texts. All of us except DH thinks Dingbat is out to get something from FIL (bio mom passed away and he might be angling for an inheritance). I thought Dingbat wasn't too bad but that was probably because his wife was doing all the picking up after him but I hadn't noticed. Plus, they only stayed for two nights and their kid was easier. This time, he's been here for almost a week on his own and he gets stressed about the kid who's exerting his autonomy.

Well, the dingbat didn't choose to be the love child of an affair, did he? I can see why he would want to meet his own father and half siblings. I can also see why your dh would want to get to know his own half brother.

This guy's mom (the woman who had the affair) has passed away so this half brother is now reaching out to his biological father's side of the family. Your dh appears to be the only person willing to acknowledge him at all.

Honestly, I think your FIL sounds like a pretty terrible person to turn his back so completely on his own son. Your MIL sounds like a fragile little pill. I think your dh is the only one of the group who sounds remotely kind.

Of the very few people I know that began relationships with a birth mother or father as married adults (as adopted kids, or affair kids), THEY TOOK IT VERY VERY SLOWLY.
Did not houseguest with step sibs or parents, did not invite them to weddings out of the blue only months after initial contact, and stated upfront what they wanted. in most cases, they just wanted to know the truth. Rarely did they seek family relations or develop a co-dependency.

Yeah, the whole thing with Op's DH and this long lost half brother is moving too fast. I agree with that. It would be helpful if FIL would step up and determine that this young man really is his son and thus his children's half brother. Yes, there needs to be a DNA test.

If FIL won't help out then Op's dh should ask this half brother to make things official by getting a DNA test done. Maybe if Op's dh had test results in hand proving their biological relationship the rest of the family would be more open about meeting this guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So who is this guy? Dh's BFF from college or something?

DH's half-brother who brought along his shrieking 2yo. FML.

Of the very few people I know that began relationships with a birth mother or father as married adults (as adopted kids, or affair kids), THEY TOOK IT VERY VERY SLOWLY.
Did not houseguest with step sibs or parents, did not invite them to weddings out of the blue only months after initial contact, and stated upfront what they wanted. in most cases, they just wanted to know the truth. Rarely did they seek family relations or develop a co-dependency.

NP. I would also add that we counsel people who are seeking their birth parent(s) to have low expectations. Low expectations of being welcomed, well-received, or of people disrupting their family structure or holidays or even routines to suddenly include you. We actually counsel only annual meet-ups as a starting place - not calls, texts, family events, vacations, hosting guests with various extended family members. Besides feelings that could get hurt - of all involved - but very rarely does the average elderly parent or adult sibling have the toolbox or time to process things or develop a new norm or even want or need a new norm. Paternity tests are the only way to start, particularly if one or both birth parents are deceased or denying things.