Telling guests to clean up after themselves
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Anonymous
| NP. I would also add that we counsel people who are seeking their birth parent(s) to have low expectations. Low expectations of being welcomed, well-received, or of people disrupting their family structure or holidays or even routines to suddenly include you. We actually counsel only annual meet-ups as a starting place - not calls, texts, family events, vacations, hosting guests with various extended family members. Besides feelings that could get hurt - of all involved - but very rarely does the average elderly parent or adult sibling have the toolbox or time to process things or develop a new norm or even want or need a new norm. Paternity tests are the only way to start, particularly if one or both birth parents are deceased or denying things. |
Anonymous
| Can't the two brothers establish that they are biologically related? Or do they need an actual paternity test? |
Anonymous
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I am confused. Who is the alcoholic in all of this?
The houseguest is an alcoholic? And you have seen this yourself of heard this from him or whom? |
Anonymous
What does that even mean, ancestry.com told me we're half-bros? So someone did a cheek swab and mailed it in and it connected with what part of whose family tree. Beyond weird. I will never do 23andMe or ancestry - just another personally invasive big data play that's leading to this bizarre stuff. BTW OP, I have to hand it to you. You're teaser post on the delinquent houseguest with a 2 yo was really just the tip of the iceberg of what's been on your chest. Hope you have some good GFs and a bottle of wine this weekend. |
Anonymous
The long lost half brother is the alcoholic. But, in all fairness, Op isn't seeing this guy in a very charitable light....so who knows how much he really drinks. |
Anonymous
I'm guessing the biological mom or another relative who knew who the biological father of this guy was put on Ancestry.com that Op's FIL is part of their family tree. Someone starting googling and lo and behold look what they found out! There probably hasn't been an actual DNA test. But that is just a guess. |
Anonymous
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You have to pay a 1 year subscription to use ancestry so someone very deliberately paid to populate the tree, and someone else very deliberately paid to access the tree later.
or they did the cheek swab. Just go up to FIL with the swab and container and mail it in OP! Only takes $100. |
Anonymous
O.k. so the biological mom or a relative populated their family tree with FIL as the biological father of the half brother. Half brother got on Ancestry.com saw FIL's name listed as his biological father and actively sought that side of the family out. I don't understand why the half brother and Op's husband can't do a test to verify that they are, in fact, biologically related. Why do they even need FIL to cooperate? |
Anonymous
| ancestry.com does dna tests too. I figure that is how the half-brother figured out who his biological father was. |
Anonymous
You think he figured it out because FIL did a dna test through ancestry.com? |
Anonymous
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Does ancestry.com link family trees like that - through DNA? If you do a DNA test can you expect to get a list of names back that are genetically related to you in same way...like a long lost cousin?
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Anonymous
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OP sounds incredibly hostile and rude for such small matters.
FIL is a horrible man. PERIOD. FIL to avoid conflict with his wife decides he doesn't want a relationship with his own child for all his life. Oh - even after the man's mother dies. OP keeps saying DH is a softie - like that's a bad thing and repeats it with venom. Her DH is doing nothing but trying to have a relationship with his brother. Trying to get to know him better. This has been a 3 year process. It's not like the man just showed up on the door dropping dirty napkins. It's less than a week - and yes some people are dirtier than others, some men rely heavily on their wives in life to manage even the smallest of things. But this particular husband is a recovering! alcoholic - went to rehab, trying to clean himself up - and apparently he's trusted enough to be alone with their child. Honestly - I find it all sad that OP is just stomping all over the place and obviously detests this man and the "shrieking" 2 year old. Calling him names like Dingbat, etc. You're horrible OP - not because you want guests to clean up after themselves - you can have a honest talk with your BIL - and YES he is your BIL because your DH has welcomed into your family. You're parsing words like half-brother and DH's brother - you are simply mean and nasty. I hope you are never in a situation wherein you need the kindness and support of others or someone simply to extend you some grace. |
Anonymous
Yes - if someone decides to do the DNA service through ancestry.com and agrees that they want people that are biologically related to have contact info - then they will. Ex - I take test, it's on ancestry, I agree that if someone is a blood match then they can have my email, someone sends me an email saying "HEY! Did you know we're related?!" |
Anonymous
How close of a blood match is considered a match, though? Are we talking siblings and half siblings? 1st cousins? 2nd cousin? Or much more distant than that? If the match results can come from very distant relations then a "match" may not mean all that much. |
Anonymous
Clearly you need answers - I'm sure the website will provide you all you need. That said, I believe they give you probabilities and percentiles if you're so inclined. |