is talking about my wife the best way to deal with a crush?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - let me just make it clear that I'm N.O.T going to tell my wife about the crush. I was thinking if taking ABOUT my wife when chatting with the crush would be an effective way to stop me from going too far. Sorry if the title wasn't clear.

Also I DON'T want an affair. Neither does she (not with me anyway). We've been chatting, all in person only no text or email etc., semi routinely over six or seven months, I get the thrill of seeing her at activities and enjoy talking to her. I admit it's a bigger than usual crush on my end but nothing more. It just bothers me I can't seem to stop thinking about her sometimes. Hence the thread.

As to whether it's right or wrong of me to seek her out after the incident, or what my intention was, is not relevant to my problem anymore, I don't think.

First off, be honest. You DO want an affair. Because you then say she doesn't, at least not with you. How do you know this?

Sounds like your chatting is not just about the weather.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - let me just make it clear that I'm N.O.T going to tell my wife about the crush. I was thinking if taking ABOUT my wife when chatting with the crush would be an effective way to stop me from going too far. Sorry if the title wasn't clear.

Also I DON'T want an affair. Neither does she (not with me anyway). We've been chatting, all in person only no text or email etc., semi routinely over six or seven months, I get the thrill of seeing her at activities and enjoy talking to her. I admit it's a bigger than usual crush on my end but nothing more. It just bothers me I can't seem to stop thinking about her sometimes. Hence the thread.

As to whether it's right or wrong of me to seek her out after the incident, or what my intention was, is not relevant to my problem anymore, I don't think.

First off, be honest. You DO want an affair. Because you then say she doesn't, at least not with you. How do you know this?

Sounds like your chatting is not just about the weather.

Ok maybe I did wonder about it but I'm not going to have one; she's never made any move either so I know she's not interested either. And if I'm being totally honest with myself I know she doesn't enjoy our chats as much as I do. But that's OK.

BTW I just thought of a great way to get her out of my mind - find a new crush! How come nobody ever suggested this?!

[Anonymous]

If you find yourself wanting to be with that woman - more than your wife - that is a danger sign.
Set up appropriate boundaries so that this attraction will not go farther. Talking about your wife is a good thing.
Work on making your own marriage so good that you are not easily tempted. Communicate with your wife about everything.
(Attractions will happen - but it is important to uphold your spouse above everyone else. It is not always easy!)
Think of attending a Marriage seminar with your wife. Weekend to Remember is one that my wife and I attend every few years.
We have found that it is easy to get into our "routines" and let our marriage go on autopilot otherwise.
We attend Marriage Seminars and Events - to keep our marriage in focus and give it the attention that it needs.
Prayers that you and your wife can have the best marriage possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you find yourself wanting to be with that woman - more than your wife - that is a danger sign.
Set up appropriate boundaries so that this attraction will not go farther. Talking about your wife is a good thing.
Work on making your own marriage so good that you are not easily tempted. Communicate with your wife about everything.
(Attractions will happen - but it is important to uphold your spouse above everyone else. It is not always easy!)
Think of attending a Marriage seminar with your wife. Weekend to Remember is one that my wife and I attend every few years.
We have found that it is easy to get into our "routines" and let our marriage go on autopilot otherwise.
We attend Marriage Seminars and Events - to keep our marriage in focus and give it the attention that it needs.
Prayers that you and your wife can have the best marriage possible.

Saw that one coming from miles away, dude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - let me just make it clear that I'm N.O.T going to tell my wife about the crush. I was thinking if taking ABOUT my wife when chatting with the crush would be an effective way to stop me from going too far. Sorry if the title wasn't clear.

Also I DON'T want an affair. Neither does she (not with me anyway). We've been chatting, all in person only no text or email etc., semi routinely over six or seven months, I get the thrill of seeing her at activities and enjoy talking to her. I admit it's a bigger than usual crush on my end but nothing more. It just bothers me I can't seem to stop thinking about her sometimes. Hence the thread.

As to whether it's right or wrong of me to seek her out after the incident, or what my intention was, is not relevant to my problem anymore, I don't think.

Let us know how trying not to think of her works out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - let me just make it clear that I'm N.O.T going to tell my wife about the crush. I was thinking if taking ABOUT my wife when chatting with the crush would be an effective way to stop me from going too far. Sorry if the title wasn't clear.

Also I DON'T want an affair. Neither does she (not with me anyway). We've been chatting, all in person only no text or email etc., semi routinely over six or seven months, I get the thrill of seeing her at activities and enjoy talking to her. I admit it's a bigger than usual crush on my end but nothing more. It just bothers me I can't seem to stop thinking about her sometimes. Hence the thread.

As to whether it's right or wrong of me to seek her out after the incident, or what my intention was, is not relevant to my problem anymore, I don't think.

First off, be honest. You DO want an affair. Because you then say she doesn't, at least not with you. How do you know this?

Sounds like your chatting is not just about the weather.

Ok maybe I did wonder about it but I'm not going to have one; she's never made any move either so I know she's not interested either. And if I'm being totally honest with myself I know she doesn't enjoy our chats as much as I do. But that's OK.

BTW I just thought of a great way to get her out of my mind - find a new crush! How come nobody ever suggested this?!

Who are you, Roger Stone??? JFC

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - let me just make it clear that I'm N.O.T going to tell my wife about the crush. I was thinking if taking ABOUT my wife when chatting with the crush would be an effective way to stop me from going too far. Sorry if the title wasn't clear.

Also I DON'T want an affair. Neither does she (not with me anyway). We've been chatting, all in person only no text or email etc., semi routinely over six or seven months, I get the thrill of seeing her at activities and enjoy talking to her. I admit it's a bigger than usual crush on my end but nothing more. It just bothers me I can't seem to stop thinking about her sometimes. Hence the thread.

As to whether it's right or wrong of me to seek her out after the incident, or what my intention was, is not relevant to my problem anymore, I don't think.

OP, looks like you have a little too much time on your hands. She clearly is not into you, maybe you even bug her a bit? The length you've gone on expounding about her and the thrill you get seeing her has crossed over to boring. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - let me just make it clear that I'm N.O.T going to tell my wife about the crush. I was thinking if taking ABOUT my wife when chatting with the crush would be an effective way to stop me from going too far. Sorry if the title wasn't clear.

Also I DON'T want an affair. Neither does she (not with me anyway). We've been chatting, all in person only no text or email etc., semi routinely over six or seven months, I get the thrill of seeing her at activities and enjoy talking to her. I admit it's a bigger than usual crush on my end but nothing more. It just bothers me I can't seem to stop thinking about her sometimes. Hence the thread.

As to whether it's right or wrong of me to seek her out after the incident, or what my intention was, is not relevant to my problem anymore, I don't think.

OP, looks like you have a little too much time on your hands. She clearly is not into you, maybe you even bug her a bit? The length you've gone on expounding about her and the thrill you get seeing her has crossed over to boring. Grow up.

How do we know for sure, or even kinda sure? How would OP know if she didn't outright tell him?

[Anonymous]

I know a couple kids that won’t be doing this activity much longer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh Christ. You’re allowed to have a crush or flirt a little, but nothing else. Don’t make a dumb fleeting attraction into some dramatic scenario.

This. I had a boss who was divorced multiple times due to affairs, as an older and wiser person he succinctly put it, “the f*ing you get is not worth the f*ing you get.”

Ha. that might be the best piece of advice on this forum