is talking about my wife the best way to deal with a crush?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you looking for here? Given how selectively you're responding, it sounds like your primary concern is with justifying not only your crush but your continued indulgence of it. I think the "yet" was a far more revealing slip than you're willing to admit.

i'm looking for advice on how to handle the feeling properly so i can continue the indulgence of the crush (spot on!) without messing up my marriage. staying far far away from her would likely not allow me the continue indulgence .

as to the word 'yet' there's nothing to it. i thought a PP's question was if I had made a move yet, so i replied no i have not made a move yet. just a bad sentence/grammar. really, it's not a slip.

You think telling your wife about this crush is a way to be able to continue indulging it without messing up your marriage? WTF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guarantee as soon as this lady makes a real move on you OP you will cave in. Never met a man who could resist an offer of any kind of sex from a woman they thought was hot.

That’s what OP is hoping for. Waiting for her to make a move rather than doing it himself is how OP gets around the “yet.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update, OP?

ok, just to answer some questions and bit more details of the 'cold and rude' incident.

no i have not made any move yet, and don't plan to. i'm NOT looking for an affair.

and no i don't really know if she's not interested, or whether i'm her type. but that's how i feel.

as i mentioned earlier i too thought she's 'cold and rude' to DW at their last encounter, i just wasn't sure if she was that way only to DW or to others too. so when i saw her again after the incident, i made a point to chat up with her trying to evaluate whether she's really a b* or she just had a bad day the other day, because it's totally uncalled for the way she made DW feel. but she was friendly and we chatted for a while, and after a few more such chats it became clear to me that i had developed a big crush on her.

isn't it kind of funny how i never really had a motive to chat with this woman before but because how she treated DW one random day, i decided to. and now this.

I think it's sad you don't have enough loyalty to your wife that after this woman mistreated your wife, rather than simply sticking by your wife and away from her you specifically sought her out for further conversation to convince yourself she wasn't such a bitch.

NP. This! What?! OMG. Sounds like OP's wife would be better off without him.

WHAT? so i have to hate everyone my wife hates and like everyone she likes? else we should not stay married? WHAT? I could tell you right now 90% of men hate their MILs but are very happy with their marriage.

We’re not talking about someone she just doesn’t connect with, we’re talking about someone who, by your own admission, actively treated your wife poorly. If you loved and respected your wife, you wouldn’t be so keen on someone who mistreated her, it would be a mark against their character in your book.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? Preschool, tweens? teens?

Kids are teens. Not sure how ages matter?

Creepster. I bet your kid can tell and what an "ick" factor. Google Ewan MacGregor and see what his DD thinks of his dish on the side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - going to the gym now but wanna clarify something quick: the 'rude and cold' incident took place BEFORE I developed a crush on her - always thought she's hot, just like other hot women, but there was definitely no 'something' there at the time.

More later. She's waiting for me at the gym... just kidding!

I hope your wife dumps your a$$. You sound like a narcissist

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - going to the gym now but wanna clarify something quick: the 'rude and cold' incident took place BEFORE I developed a crush on her - always thought she's hot, just like other hot women, but there was definitely no 'something' there at the time.

More later. She's waiting for me at the gym... just kidding!

I hope your wife dumps your a$$. You sound like a narcissist

+1

And it's really not normal for a married man to go through life thinking many other women are "hot". A spark of attraction can happen sometimes, but it shouldn't be an every day occurrence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
+1

And it's really not normal for a married man to go through life thinking many other women are "hot". A spark of attraction can happen sometimes, but it shouldn't be an every day occurrence.

Normal women don't do this either !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you looking for here? Given how selectively you're responding, it sounds like your primary concern is with justifying not only your crush but your continued indulgence of it. I think the "yet" was a far more revealing slip than you're willing to admit.

i'm looking for advice on how to handle the feeling properly so i can continue the indulgence of the crush (spot on!) without messing up my marriage. staying far far away from her would likely not allow me the continue indulgence .

as to the word 'yet' there's nothing to it. i thought a PP's question was if I had made a move yet, so i replied no i have not made a move yet. just a bad sentence/grammar. really, it's not a slip.

You think telling your wife about this crush is a way to be able to continue indulging it without messing up your marriage? WTF?

Huh? Never thought or said that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - going to the gym now but wanna clarify something quick: the 'rude and cold' incident took place BEFORE I developed a crush on her - always thought she's hot, just like other hot women, but there was definitely no 'something' there at the time.

More later. She's waiting for me at the gym... just kidding!

I hope your wife dumps your a$$. You sound like a narcissist

+1

And it's really not normal for a married man to go through life thinking many other women are "hot". A spark of attraction can happen sometimes, but it shouldn't be an every day occurrence.

Shouldn’t? Why not? There are babes all over the place. -np

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update, OP?

ok, just to answer some questions and bit more details of the 'cold and rude' incident.

no i have not made any move yet, and don't plan to. i'm NOT looking for an affair.

and no i don't really know if she's not interested, or whether i'm her type. but that's how i feel.

as i mentioned earlier i too thought she's 'cold and rude' to DW at their last encounter, i just wasn't sure if she was that way only to DW or to others too. so when i saw her again after the incident, i made a point to chat up with her trying to evaluate whether she's really a b* or she just had a bad day the other day, because it's totally uncalled for the way she made DW feel. but she was friendly and we chatted for a while, and after a few more such chats it became clear to me that i had developed a big crush on her.

isn't it kind of funny how i never really had a motive to chat with this woman before but because how she treated DW one random day, i decided to. and now this.

I think it's sad you don't have enough loyalty to your wife that after this woman mistreated your wife, rather than simply sticking by your wife and away from her you specifically sought her out for further conversation to convince yourself she wasn't such a bitch.

NP. This! What?! OMG. Sounds like OP's wife would be better off without him.

WHAT? so i have to hate everyone my wife hates and like everyone she likes? else we should not stay married? WHAT? I could tell you right now 90% of men hate their MILs but are very happy with their marriage.

We’re not talking about someone she just doesn’t connect with, we’re talking about someone who, by your own admission, actively treated your wife poorly. If you loved and respected your wife, you wouldn’t be so keen on someone who mistreated her, it would be a mark against their character in your book.

Alright I think you do have a point here. Maybe it was a poor decision or even a mistake but in all honesty I was really thinking about wanting to find out why she's cold to DW that day because it's such an odd thing to do. Part of me also thought perhaps if we got to know each other better next time she's be nicer to DW. You may think that BS but I'm not making this stuff up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update, OP?

ok, just to answer some questions and bit more details of the 'cold and rude' incident.

no i have not made any move yet, and don't plan to. i'm NOT looking for an affair.

and no i don't really know if she's not interested, or whether i'm her type. but that's how i feel.

as i mentioned earlier i too thought she's 'cold and rude' to DW at their last encounter, i just wasn't sure if she was that way only to DW or to others too. so when i saw her again after the incident, i made a point to chat up with her trying to evaluate whether she's really a b* or she just had a bad day the other day, because it's totally uncalled for the way she made DW feel. but she was friendly and we chatted for a while, and after a few more such chats it became clear to me that i had developed a big crush on her.

isn't it kind of funny how i never really had a motive to chat with this woman before but because how she treated DW one random day, i decided to. and now this.

I think it's sad you don't have enough loyalty to your wife that after this woman mistreated your wife, rather than simply sticking by your wife and away from her you specifically sought her out for further conversation to convince yourself she wasn't such a bitch.

NP. This! What?! OMG. Sounds like OP's wife would be better off without him.

WHAT? so i have to hate everyone my wife hates and like everyone she likes? else we should not stay married? WHAT? I could tell you right now 90% of men hate their MILs but are very happy with their marriage.

We’re not talking about someone she just doesn’t connect with, we’re talking about someone who, by your own admission, actively treated your wife poorly. If you loved and respected your wife, you wouldn’t be so keen on someone who mistreated her, it would be a mark against their character in your book.

Alright I think you do have a point here. Maybe it was a poor decision or even a mistake but in all honesty I was really thinking about wanting to find out why she's cold to DW that day because it's such an odd thing to do. Part of me also thought perhaps if we got to know each other better next time she's be nicer to DW. You may think that BS but I'm not making this stuff up.

So did you ask her? Why she was so cold to your wife, I mean? Or were you discussing other things?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update, OP?

ok, just to answer some questions and bit more details of the 'cold and rude' incident.

no i have not made any move yet, and don't plan to. i'm NOT looking for an affair.

and no i don't really know if she's not interested, or whether i'm her type. but that's how i feel.

as i mentioned earlier i too thought she's 'cold and rude' to DW at their last encounter, i just wasn't sure if she was that way only to DW or to others too. so when i saw her again after the incident, i made a point to chat up with her trying to evaluate whether she's really a b* or she just had a bad day the other day, because it's totally uncalled for the way she made DW feel. but she was friendly and we chatted for a while, and after a few more such chats it became clear to me that i had developed a big crush on her.

isn't it kind of funny how i never really had a motive to chat with this woman before but because how she treated DW one random day, i decided to. and now this.

I think it's sad you don't have enough loyalty to your wife that after this woman mistreated your wife, rather than simply sticking by your wife and away from her you specifically sought her out for further conversation to convince yourself she wasn't such a bitch.

NP. This! What?! OMG. Sounds like OP's wife would be better off without him.

WHAT? so i have to hate everyone my wife hates and like everyone she likes? else we should not stay married? WHAT? I could tell you right now 90% of men hate their MILs but are very happy with their marriage.

We’re not talking about someone she just doesn’t connect with, we’re talking about someone who, by your own admission, actively treated your wife poorly. If you loved and respected your wife, you wouldn’t be so keen on someone who mistreated her, it would be a mark against their character in your book.

Alright I think you do have a point here. Maybe it was a poor decision or even a mistake but in all honesty I was really thinking about wanting to find out why she's cold to DW that day because it's such an odd thing to do. Part of me also thought perhaps if we got to know each other better next time she's be nicer to DW. You may think that BS but I'm not making this stuff up.

Niicer to your wife? Dude, perhaps you should be nicer to your wife. Or hey, how about faithful?
You are crushing on this woman that your DW does not like at all and be honest, you wouldn't have followed up at all if she wasn't attractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update, OP?

ok, just to answer some questions and bit more details of the 'cold and rude' incident.

no i have not made any move yet, and don't plan to. i'm NOT looking for an affair.

and no i don't really know if she's not interested, or whether i'm her type. but that's how i feel.

as i mentioned earlier i too thought she's 'cold and rude' to DW at their last encounter, i just wasn't sure if she was that way only to DW or to others too. so when i saw her again after the incident, i made a point to chat up with her trying to evaluate whether she's really a b* or she just had a bad day the other day, because it's totally uncalled for the way she made DW feel. but she was friendly and we chatted for a while, and after a few more such chats it became clear to me that i had developed a big crush on her.

isn't it kind of funny how i never really had a motive to chat with this woman before but because how she treated DW one random day, i decided to. and now this.

I think it's sad you don't have enough loyalty to your wife that after this woman mistreated your wife, rather than simply sticking by your wife and away from her you specifically sought her out for further conversation to convince yourself she wasn't such a bitch.

NP. This! What?! OMG. Sounds like OP's wife would be better off without him.

WHAT? so i have to hate everyone my wife hates and like everyone she likes? else we should not stay married? WHAT? I could tell you right now 90% of men hate their MILs but are very happy with their marriage.

We’re not talking about someone she just doesn’t connect with, we’re talking about someone who, by your own admission, actively treated your wife poorly. If you loved and respected your wife, you wouldn’t be so keen on someone who mistreated her, it would be a mark against their character in your book.

Alright I think you do have a point here. Maybe it was a poor decision or even a mistake but in all honesty I was really thinking about wanting to find out why she's cold to DW that day because it's such an odd thing to do. Part of me also thought perhaps if we got to know each other better next time she's be nicer to DW. You may think that BS but I'm not making this stuff up.

Niicer to your wife? Dude, perhaps you should be nicer to your wife. Or hey, how about faithful?
You are crushing on this woman that your DW does not like at all and be honest, you wouldn't have followed up at all if she wasn't attractive.

I honestly think this is about some unresolved rage you have toward your wife. This lady went from cute to crazy hot by being mean to your wife. And, now you think you want to tell your wife about it. Just no. It's okay that you developed a crush, I don't think you're in control of that chemical process. But you do need to think about why it seems to revolve around causing your wife angst. Is she awful to you and you never defend yourself? Something like that? If so, work on fixing it

[Anonymous]

OP sounds like an inarticulate fool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds like an inarticulate fool.

+1

Though I don't think OP wanted to tell his wife about the crush. He's probably not that stupid.