is talking about my wife the best way to deal with a crush?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds like an inarticulate fool.

+1

Though I don't think OP wanted to tell his wife about the crush. He's probably not that stupid.

+2
It’s clear OP is no big fan of his wife. He feels controlled by her and is acting out with this woman like a child. His confidence isn’t too high so he doesn’t think the other woman would ever go for him, but if she said the word he’d drop his pants so fast our heads would spin. He wants to tell his wife to throw it in her face because he’s getting the tiniest bit of attention from someone else. It’s just pathetic at this point.

[Anonymous]

I think people are being very hard on OP. He sounds like a typical extrovert. In my perspective, it is perfectly normal for a guy to find many women other than his wife attractive, and to be more intrigued by them. That's essentially the inherent response of finding someone attractive. There's a big difference between all that and cheating. If OP wants a deterrent, I'd suggest he think of the scorn he received here by posting and multiply that by a million, which is what would happen to him if he cheated and his family found out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update, OP?

ok, just to answer some questions and bit more details of the 'cold and rude' incident.

no i have not made any move yet, and don't plan to. i'm NOT looking for an affair.

and no i don't really know if she's not interested, or whether i'm her type. but that's how i feel.

as i mentioned earlier i too thought she's 'cold and rude' to DW at their last encounter, i just wasn't sure if she was that way only to DW or to others too. so when i saw her again after the incident, i made a point to chat up with her trying to evaluate whether she's really a b* or she just had a bad day the other day, because it's totally uncalled for the way she made DW feel. but she was friendly and we chatted for a while, and after a few more such chats it became clear to me that i had developed a big crush on her.

isn't it kind of funny how i never really had a motive to chat with this woman before but because how she treated DW one random day, i decided to. and now this.

I think it's sad you don't have enough loyalty to your wife that after this woman mistreated your wife, rather than simply sticking by your wife and away from her you specifically sought her out for further conversation to convince yourself she wasn't such a bitch.

sure i could've done that but made a different choice. you think it's a poor choice and a violation of loyalty and i respect that. i on the other hand don't think dismissing someone i don't know very well as a total b* after one encounter would've been the right choice.

You’re right OP. You’re DW should update her take on this lady to total bitch with who wants what other women have.

Also your wife doesn’t want to do this total bitch so she can make a clear eyed call and move on. You, on the other hand feel the need to do more research.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think people are being very hard on OP. He sounds like a typical extrovert. In my perspective, it is perfectly normal for a guy to find many women other than his wife attractive, and to be more intrigued by them. That's essentially the inherent response of finding someone attractive. There's a big difference between all that and cheating. If OP wants a deterrent, I'd suggest he think of the scorn he received here by posting and multiply that by a million, which is what would happen to him if he cheated and his family found out.

Regarding deterrent... I recently told a friend of mine (married in 40's with 3 kids) to imagine that everyone he KNEW found out... his wife, his kids, his parents/sisters/brothers... neighbors, kids teachers and people at work. then asked how that would feel. because that I told him is all entirely possible

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think people are being very hard on OP. He sounds like a typical extrovert. In my perspective, it is perfectly normal for a guy to find many women other than his wife attractive, and to be more intrigued by them. That's essentially the inherent response of finding someone attractive. There's a big difference between all that and cheating. If OP wants a deterrent, I'd suggest he think of the scorn he received here by posting and multiply that by a million, which is what would happen to him if he cheated and his family found out.

OP doesn't want a deterrent or he'd be open to having no further contact with this woman. What he's looking for is the loophole that will let him stay close to this woman and open to an advance if she were to make one while still being a "good guy."

[Anonymous]

I don’t think affairs have the same embarrassment factor they did in past decades/generations.
I mean, look who you elected...

[Anonymous]

OP here - let me just make it clear that I'm N.O.T going to tell my wife about the crush. I was thinking if taking ABOUT my wife when chatting with the crush would be an effective way to stop me from going too far. Sorry if the title wasn't clear.

Also I DON'T want an affair. Neither does she (not with me anyway). We've been chatting, all in person only no text or email etc., semi routinely over six or seven months, I get the thrill of seeing her at activities and enjoy talking to her. I admit it's a bigger than usual crush on my end but nothing more. It just bothers me I can't seem to stop thinking about her sometimes. Hence the thread.

As to whether it's right or wrong of me to seek her out after the incident, or what my intention was, is not relevant to my problem anymore, I don't think.

[Anonymous]

I’m convinced both crush threads are by the same guy

[Anonymous]

“...I can't seem to stop thinking about her sometimes.”

i.e She’s in my spank bank.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m convinced both crush threads are by the same guy

100%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m convinced both crush threads are by the same guy

100%

believe what you want but this is incorrect.

but i won't bump into her for a couple of weeks due to vacations etc. so maybe this 'break' will solve my problem organically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think affairs have the same embarrassment factor they did in past decades/generations.
I mean, look who you elected...

Totally true. I mean, the affair is devastating to the betrayed spouse, perhaps to the kids. To everyone else, it's yawn, what's new.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - going to the gym now but wanna clarify something quick: the 'rude and cold' incident took place BEFORE I developed a crush on her - always thought she's hot, just like other hot women, but there was definitely no 'something' there at the time.

More later. She's waiting for me at the gym... just kidding!

I hope your wife dumps your a$$. You sound like a narcissist

+1

And it's really not normal for a married man to go through life thinking many other women are "hot". A spark of attraction can happen sometimes, but it shouldn't be an every day occurrence.

Shouldn’t? Why not? There are babes all over the place. -np

Ha ha, yes, men "shouldn't" crush on other women daily. Back in the real world, let me assure you, men crush on multiple women, multiple times a day. Yes, all men, every day, have these. Totally normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think affairs have the same embarrassment factor they did in past decades/generations.
I mean, look who you elected...

In 92 and 96, no less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - let me just make it clear that I'm N.O.T going to tell my wife about the crush.

p

If you change your mind, before you do, I recommend slamming your dick in a car door repeatedly so you can know what it's gonna feel like after you tell her.