is talking about my wife the best way to deal with a crush?

[Anonymous]

Going through a hard time isn’t an excuse to be cold and rude. I think you are a bit naive, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your crush was cold and rude to your wife, it’s very likely because said crush is at least somewhat mutual and she was jealous, wanting to come off as disinterested etc.

Actually, all we know is that DW THOUGHT crush was cold and rude. Sometimes .... perceptions are skewed or just wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife knows her due to activities but don't see each other much if at all. Also DW doesn't like her thinks she's an arrangant b* (but she really isn't).

Defending her is not a good sign. Trust your wife's judgement. She's sensing something is up. Maybe it's just because you are into her and wife is trying to balance that, but slap yourself in the face for being dumb about this and move on. Yes, there are things you are attracted to about this woman. That's it. Move on.

Thanks for the post but it really isn't like that. DW thought she was cold and rude to her last time they saw each other, which was true, and even I was a bit surprised by it. But then I found out she was going through a tough time then so probably was just stressed and distracted.

I don't think slapping myself or just 'waiting it out' is going to work. It's been about nine months and the feeling is still very strong. Good thing is she's not interested and I know I'm not her type anyway.

How do you know she isn't interested if you haven't approached her, and how do you know her "type" ?

[Anonymous]

Op here - going to the gym now but wanna clarify something quick: the 'rude and cold' incident took place BEFORE I developed a crush on her - always thought she's hot, just like other hot women, but there was definitely no 'something' there at the time.

More later. She's waiting for me at the gym... just kidding!

[Anonymous]

To all the posters who say think of your kids being upset, finding out, destroying two families.....

If that worked, affairs between married folks with kids would never happen. These people are too selfish to do that. They don't care, and if they even bother to think about it, they think about their Brady bunch blended families being so happy and it's like a permanent sleepover for all their kids, always in ecstasy because of their awesome new siblings/best friends!

OP.... avoid her. Never spend alone time with her. Go no contact, and this obsession will fade. You do have a choice here. Make it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your crush was cold and rude to your wife, it’s very likely because said crush is at least somewhat mutual and she was jealous, wanting to come off as disinterested etc.

Actually, all we know is that DW THOUGHT crush was cold and rude. Sometimes .... perceptions are skewed or just wrong.

The wife’s intuition is likely telling her that this woman is an enemy. And that’s not wrong.

[Anonymous]

Update, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Update, OP?

Checkout is at 12:00 PM. Have to wait until then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update, OP?

Checkout is at 12:00 PM. Have to wait until then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update, OP?

Checkout is at 12:00 PM. Have to wait until then.

not sure i get the joke... checkout at a hotel? or a (mental) hospital?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your crush was cold and rude to your wife, it’s very likely because said crush is at least somewhat mutual and she was jealous, wanting to come off as disinterested etc.

Actually, all we know is that DW THOUGHT crush was cold and rude. Sometimes .... perceptions are skewed or just wrong.

The wife’s intuition is likely telling her that this woman is an enemy. And that’s not wrong.

It still doesn't mean she was cold and rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:we have kids in the same activities so see each other once a week or so. do not want an affair, but need to 'put the brake on' because i've been thinking about her too much lately. is talking about my wife the way to go? other suggestions?

That's what my husband does when he finds himself in a situation like this.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't understand what you think telling your wife would accomplish here. Are you looking for a hall pass or something? If this crush reflects some issue in your marriage, you can work on that issue without telling your wife about the crush. If you're just looking to unburden yourself at your wife's expense, that's terribly selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your crush was cold and rude to your wife, it’s very likely because said crush is at least somewhat mutual and she was jealous, wanting to come off as disinterested etc.

Actually, all we know is that DW THOUGHT crush was cold and rude. Sometimes .... perceptions are skewed or just wrong.

The wife’s intuition is likely telling her that this woman is an enemy. And that’s not wrong.

It still doesn't mean she was cold and rude.

Op was present and said he was also taken aback by it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Update, OP?

ok, just to answer some questions and bit more details of the 'cold and rude' incident.

no i have not made any move yet, and don't plan to. i'm NOT looking for an affair.

and no i don't really know if she's not interested, or whether i'm her type. but that's how i feel.

as i mentioned earlier i too thought she's 'cold and rude' to DW at their last encounter, i just wasn't sure if she was that way only to DW or to others too. so when i saw her again after the incident, i made a point to chat up with her trying to evaluate whether she's really a b* or she just had a bad day the other day, because it's totally uncalled for the way she made DW feel. but she was friendly and we chatted for a while, and after a few more such chats it became clear to me that i had developed a big crush on her.

isn't it kind of funny how i never really had a motive to chat with this woman before but because how she treated DW one random day, i decided to. and now this.