is talking about my wife the best way to deal with a crush?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update, OP?

ok, just to answer some questions and bit more details of the 'cold and rude' incident.

no i have not made any move yet, and don't plan to. i'm NOT looking for an affair.

and no i don't really know if she's not interested, or whether i'm her type. but that's how i feel.

as i mentioned earlier i too thought she's 'cold and rude' to DW at their last encounter, i just wasn't sure if she was that way only to DW or to others too. so when i saw her again after the incident, i made a point to chat up with her trying to evaluate whether she's really a b* or she just had a bad day the other day, because it's totally uncalled for the way she made DW feel. but she was friendly and we chatted for a while, and after a few more such chats it became clear to me that i had developed a big crush on her.

isn't it kind of funny how i never really had a motive to chat with this woman before but because how she treated DW one random day, i decided to. and now this.

Note your use of the word “yet” OP. And yes I read the next phrase, but your yet means you think it’s a real, viable option. You need to back far away from this woman, quickly. You are more caught up than you realize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update, OP?

ok, just to answer some questions and bit more details of the 'cold and rude' incident.

no i have not made any move yet, and don't plan to. i'm NOT looking for an affair.

and no i don't really know if she's not interested, or whether i'm her type. but that's how i feel.

as i mentioned earlier i too thought she's 'cold and rude' to DW at their last encounter, i just wasn't sure if she was that way only to DW or to others too. so when i saw her again after the incident, i made a point to chat up with her trying to evaluate whether she's really a b* or she just had a bad day the other day, because it's totally uncalled for the way she made DW feel. but she was friendly and we chatted for a while, and after a few more such chats it became clear to me that i had developed a big crush on her.

isn't it kind of funny how i never really had a motive to chat with this woman before but because how she treated DW one random day, i decided to. and now this.

I think it's sad you don't have enough loyalty to your wife that after this woman mistreated your wife, rather than simply sticking by your wife and away from her you specifically sought her out for further conversation to convince yourself she wasn't such a bitch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update, OP?

ok, just to answer some questions and bit more details of the 'cold and rude' incident.

no i have not made any move yet, and don't plan to. i'm NOT looking for an affair.

and no i don't really know if she's not interested, or whether i'm her type. but that's how i feel.

as i mentioned earlier i too thought she's 'cold and rude' to DW at their last encounter, i just wasn't sure if she was that way only to DW or to others too. so when i saw her again after the incident, i made a point to chat up with her trying to evaluate whether she's really a b* or she just had a bad day the other day, because it's totally uncalled for the way she made DW feel. but she was friendly and we chatted for a while, and after a few more such chats it became clear to me that i had developed a big crush on her.

isn't it kind of funny how i never really had a motive to chat with this woman before but because how she treated DW one random day, i decided to. and now this.

Note your use of the word “yet” OP. And yes I read the next phrase, but your yet means you think it’s a real, viable option. You need to back far away from this woman, quickly. You are more caught up than you realize.

right, that was a poorly structured sentence. writing is never my strong suit, but allow me to rewrite it here:

no i have not made any move, and don't plan to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update, OP?

ok, just to answer some questions and bit more details of the 'cold and rude' incident.

no i have not made any move yet, and don't plan to. i'm NOT looking for an affair.

and no i don't really know if she's not interested, or whether i'm her type. but that's how i feel.

as i mentioned earlier i too thought she's 'cold and rude' to DW at their last encounter, i just wasn't sure if she was that way only to DW or to others too. so when i saw her again after the incident, i made a point to chat up with her trying to evaluate whether she's really a b* or she just had a bad day the other day, because it's totally uncalled for the way she made DW feel. but she was friendly and we chatted for a while, and after a few more such chats it became clear to me that i had developed a big crush on her.

isn't it kind of funny how i never really had a motive to chat with this woman before but because how she treated DW one random day, i decided to. and now this.

I think it's sad you don't have enough loyalty to your wife that after this woman mistreated your wife, rather than simply sticking by your wife and away from her you specifically sought her out for further conversation to convince yourself she wasn't such a bitch.

sure i could've done that but made a different choice. you think it's a poor choice and a violation of loyalty and i respect that. i on the other hand don't think dismissing someone i don't know very well as a total b* after one encounter would've been the right choice.

[Anonymous]

What are you looking for here? Given how selectively you're responding, it sounds like your primary concern is with justifying not only your crush but your continued indulgence of it. I think the "yet" was a far more revealing slip than you're willing to admit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update, OP?

ok, just to answer some questions and bit more details of the 'cold and rude' incident.

no i have not made any move yet, and don't plan to. i'm NOT looking for an affair.

and no i don't really know if she's not interested, or whether i'm her type. but that's how i feel.

as i mentioned earlier i too thought she's 'cold and rude' to DW at their last encounter, i just wasn't sure if she was that way only to DW or to others too. so when i saw her again after the incident, i made a point to chat up with her trying to evaluate whether she's really a b* or she just had a bad day the other day, because it's totally uncalled for the way she made DW feel. but she was friendly and we chatted for a while, and after a few more such chats it became clear to me that i had developed a big crush on her.

isn't it kind of funny how i never really had a motive to chat with this woman before but because how she treated DW one random day, i decided to. and now this.

I think it's sad you don't have enough loyalty to your wife that after this woman mistreated your wife, rather than simply sticking by your wife and away from her you specifically sought her out for further conversation to convince yourself she wasn't such a bitch.

NP. This! What?! OMG. Sounds like OP's wife would be better off without him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are you looking for here? Given how selectively you're responding, it sounds like your primary concern is with justifying not only your crush but your continued indulgence of it. I think the "yet" was a far more revealing slip than you're willing to admit.

i'm looking for advice on how to handle the feeling properly so i can continue the indulgence of the crush (spot on!) without messing up my marriage. staying far far away from her would likely not allow me the continue indulgence .

as to the word 'yet' there's nothing to it. i thought a PP's question was if I had made a move yet, so i replied no i have not made a move yet. just a bad sentence/grammar. really, it's not a slip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update, OP?

ok, just to answer some questions and bit more details of the 'cold and rude' incident.

no i have not made any move yet, and don't plan to. i'm NOT looking for an affair.

and no i don't really know if she's not interested, or whether i'm her type. but that's how i feel.

as i mentioned earlier i too thought she's 'cold and rude' to DW at their last encounter, i just wasn't sure if she was that way only to DW or to others too. so when i saw her again after the incident, i made a point to chat up with her trying to evaluate whether she's really a b* or she just had a bad day the other day, because it's totally uncalled for the way she made DW feel. but she was friendly and we chatted for a while, and after a few more such chats it became clear to me that i had developed a big crush on her.

isn't it kind of funny how i never really had a motive to chat with this woman before but because how she treated DW one random day, i decided to. and now this.

I think it's sad you don't have enough loyalty to your wife that after this woman mistreated your wife, rather than simply sticking by your wife and away from her you specifically sought her out for further conversation to convince yourself she wasn't such a bitch.

NP. This! What?! OMG. Sounds like OP's wife would be better off without him.

WHAT? so i have to hate everyone my wife hates and like everyone she likes? else we should not stay married? WHAT? I could tell you right now 90% of men hate their MILs but are very happy with their marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:we have kids in the same activities so see each other once a week or so. do not want an affair, but need to 'put the brake on' because i've been thinking about her too much lately. is talking about my wife the way to go? other suggestions?

That's what my husband does when he finds himself in a situation like this.

Does he tell you about it? And do you think it's working for him?

[Anonymous]

Yes. Shining light into your world keeps you honest. Secrets kill a relationship. You might talk about people you think are attractive, she thinks people are attractive too. That said you will need a lot of tact and re-assurance that your wife is number one to have this discussion. While I don’t think you have to fess up at every single minor fantasy, this sounds serious enough that you should bring it in the open. Don’t expect your wife not to be mad or threatened, and don’t see this woman alone ever.

[Anonymous]

^^^protect your relationship with your wife, not your secrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Shining light into your world keeps you honest. Secrets kill a relationship. You might talk about people you think are attractive, she thinks people are attractive too. That said you will need a lot of tact and re-assurance that your wife is number one to have this discussion. While I don’t think you have to fess up at every single minor fantasy, this sounds serious enough that you should bring it in the open. Don’t expect your wife not to be mad or threatened, and don’t see this woman alone ever.

Thanks. Not sure I understand the bolded sentence though.

She's told me before which actors or athletes she thought were cute but I never did that because I know she wouldn't take it well. And these are people we see on TV not 'in real life.' I don't see how me telling her I'm attracted to 'Mrs. Cold and Rude' wouldn't get me in absolute trouble.

[Anonymous]

This dude comes off as a middle school kid. Grow. Up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't see how me telling her I'm attracted to 'Mrs. Cold and Rude' wouldn't get me in absolute trouble.

Er yeah, especially when you let her know that you ran after Mrs Cold and Rude to talk to her more after you witnessed her being obnoxious to your wife just because you couldn't believe that someone so attractive could be so rude all of the time. She's gonna love that part.

[Anonymous]

I guarantee as soon as this lady makes a real move on you OP you will cave in. Never met a man who could resist an offer of any kind of sex from a woman they thought was hot.