Wife is jealous over a conversation I had

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's safe to assume that op's behavior crossed a line, and that's why the friend tipped off the wife.

I don't think we can assume that at all. He had a friendly chat with someone in his line of work. Is the art of conversation so dead that we have to assume something nefarious about every interaction?

Well, I think we've all run into people we know in public and the normal response is to go over and say hello...not call the spouse and suggest something inappropriate is going on.

It's rather easy to tell the difference between two colleagues and a flirtatious couple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's safe to assume that op's behavior crossed a line, and that's why the friend tipped off the wife.

I don't think we can assume that at all. He had a friendly chat with someone in his line of work. Is the art of conversation so dead that we have to assume something nefarious about every interaction?

Well, I think we've all run into people we know in public and the normal response is to go over and say hello...not call the spouse and suggest something inappropriate is going on.

It's rather easy to tell the difference between two colleagues and a flirtatious couple.

Apparently not. Did you read pp's story about getting ratted out to his wife, when his coffee companion was actually their daughter? Busybody people see what they want to see, and they're not always right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. The lack of intamacy is not on me. After repeated rejection, about 1 year ago I told her to let me know when.

Oh, OP, I also wouldn’t be spreading my legs for a man who can’t grt to work, but can find time to chat up every coed he meets.

First of all, I was at work, from 7 AM until noon. I am paid to think -- to solve complex scientific problems. Because I was up too late, I was very tired, and was unable to concentrate. I did what I could at work, got ready for this week, and left. If I am too tired to think clearly, I will make mistakes which will need to be fixed. I would not be productive. I do not have a job where I can fake it on a bad day. I am paid quite well to do what I do, because I am good at it. I bring in the money that keeps my team working; I am the face of the team to the customer. I saw no reason to stay at work to be unproductive on a Friday afternoon when I am tired. Why was I tired? Well, I was up to one AM. I was watching hockey, and then enjoying a once (in my life time so far) experience of having my team win the championship while I am in town. I did not party like Ovi did yesterday (I am too old for that). I did not drink anything stronger than sparkling water.

As for the younger woman I saw, I decided that I should have some coffee. I ordered, and while waiting for my drink, I noted a T-shirt on someone, and said one word: [discipline]? She said yes. I then said my profession, related. It is a smaller field. In the conversation, which was friendly, but professional, I found her to be passionate about her work (as am I), she told me what she does, I talked about my work -- at least what I could talk about, where she went to school, where I went to school, etc. She was not a coed: she probably was in her 30s (as she said she graduated from college 10 years earlier). Was she my time? Well, my type is smart and funny, so yes. She also came in wearing field attire -- T-shirt, jeans, work boots.

I am not, however, trying to pick up young women in coffee shops. I go to this shop at least 1x per day, often the first customer in the morning. In there newsletter, I am actually featured a couple of times; the coffee shop is my favorite place to hang out. I know many of the regulars, and all of the employees.

As for my wife, she knows the place is my favorite place. More than anything else, it is why I like the town we live in. It is the kind of place that makes people want to talk to others.

You all should try it. It is a much nicer way to live life.

[Anonymous]

OMG OP. Quit trying to mansplain to everyone how your behavior is justified because you are a Very Intellectual Scientist with a hard job that requires *gasp* thinking! So of course your behavior is justified because this woman also has to think! And we morons just don’t understand because we aren’t in your super special field of work!

Bottom line is your wife was uncomfortable with it. Your wife should be a higher priority than a random woman at a coffee shop. Apologize, empathize with her, next time keep the conversation brief. Exchange business cards and tell your wife you are meeting with a colleague BEFORE the coffee date actually occurs. No one expects you to completely ignore the fact that other women exist, you should just have enough respect for your wife to make sure she isn’t uncomfortable with your actions.

Also, since you’re such an intellect, maybe apply those thinking skills to solving your sex problem. Here’s a hint: lose the excess weight and be nicer to your wife.

[Anonymous]

Well, were you flirting in that middle-aged to younger person way? Sometimes we are completely unaware of how our behavior comes across to others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. The lack of intamacy is not on me. After repeated rejection, about 1 year ago I told her to let me know when.

Oh, OP, I also wouldn’t be spreading my legs for a man who can’t grt to work, but can find time to chat up every coed he meets.

First of all, I was at work, from 7 AM until noon. I am paid to think -- to solve complex scientific problems. Because I was up too late, I was very tired, and was unable to concentrate. I did what I could at work, got ready for this week, and left. If I am too tired to think clearly, I will make mistakes which will need to be fixed. I would not be productive. I do not have a job where I can fake it on a bad day. I am paid quite well to do what I do, because I am good at it. I bring in the money that keeps my team working; I am the face of the team to the customer. I saw no reason to stay at work to be unproductive on a Friday afternoon when I am tired. Why was I tired? Well, I was up to one AM. I was watching hockey, and then enjoying a once (in my life time so far) experience of having my team win the championship while I am in town. I did not party like Ovi did yesterday (I am too old for that). I did not drink anything stronger than sparkling water.

As for the younger woman I saw, I decided that I should have some coffee. I ordered, and while waiting for my drink, I noted a T-shirt on someone, and said one word: [discipline]? She said yes. I then said my profession, related. It is a smaller field. In the conversation, which was friendly, but professional, I found her to be passionate about her work (as am I), she told me what she does, I talked about my work -- at least what I could talk about, where she went to school, where I went to school, etc. She was not a coed: she probably was in her 30s (as she said she graduated from college 10 years earlier). Was she my time? Well, my type is smart and funny, so yes. She also came in wearing field attire -- T-shirt, jeans, work boots.

I am not, however, trying to pick up young women in coffee shops. I go to this shop at least 1x per day, often the first customer in the morning. In there newsletter, I am actually featured a couple of times; the coffee shop is my favorite place to hang out. I know many of the regulars, and all of the employees.

As for my wife, she knows the place is my favorite place. More than anything else, it is why I like the town we live in. It is the kind of place that makes people want to talk to others.

You all should try it. It is a much nicer way to live life.

You sound insufferable. It’s a wonder your wife isn’t flirting in coffee shops. I bet you have a shaggy and graying beard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG OP. Quit trying to mansplain to everyone how your behavior is justified because you are a Very Intellectual Scientist with a hard job that requires *gasp* thinking! So of course your behavior is justified because this woman also has to think! And we morons just don’t understand because we aren’t in your super special field of work!

Bottom line is your wife was uncomfortable with it. Your wife should be a higher priority than a random woman at a coffee shop. Apologize, empathize with her, next time keep the conversation brief. Exchange business cards and tell your wife you are meeting with a colleague BEFORE the coffee date actually occurs. No one expects you to completely ignore the fact that other women exist, you should just have enough respect for your wife to make sure she isn’t uncomfortable with your actions.

Also, since you’re such an intellect, maybe apply those thinking skills to solving your sex problem. Here’s a hint: lose the excess weight and be nicer to your wife.

I am not saying anything about anyone else. Only that I need to be wide awake to do my job. There are people that can work when half asleep. Some people can even do good quality work. I can not. I know it. I choose not to charge my customers for my time when I am tired.

As for losing weight, I would love to lose 40 lbs. I have tried. But, I am on medicine that makes it virtually impossible to lose weight. As for my wife being uncomfortable with my actions, if they are appropriate, and I think they are, then it really is her problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. The lack of intamacy is not on me. After repeated rejection, about 1 year ago I told her to let me know when.

Oh, OP, I also wouldn’t be spreading my legs for a man who can’t grt to work, but can find time to chat up every coed he meets.

First of all, I was at work, from 7 AM until noon. I am paid to think -- to solve complex scientific problems. Because I was up too late, I was very tired, and was unable to concentrate. I did what I could at work, got ready for this week, and left. If I am too tired to think clearly, I will make mistakes which will need to be fixed. I would not be productive. I do not have a job where I can fake it on a bad day. I am paid quite well to do what I do, because I am good at it. I bring in the money that keeps my team working; I am the face of the team to the customer. I saw no reason to stay at work to be unproductive on a Friday afternoon when I am tired. Why was I tired? Well, I was up to one AM. I was watching hockey, and then enjoying a once (in my life time so far) experience of having my team win the championship while I am in town. I did not party like Ovi did yesterday (I am too old for that). I did not drink anything stronger than sparkling water.

As for the younger woman I saw, I decided that I should have some coffee. I ordered, and while waiting for my drink, I noted a T-shirt on someone, and said one word: [discipline]? She said yes. I then said my profession, related. It is a smaller field. In the conversation, which was friendly, but professional, I found her to be passionate about her work (as am I), she told me what she does, I talked about my work -- at least what I could talk about, where she went to school, where I went to school, etc. She was not a coed: she probably was in her 30s (as she said she graduated from college 10 years earlier). Was she my time? Well, my type is smart and funny, so yes. She also came in wearing field attire -- T-shirt, jeans, work boots.

I am not, however, trying to pick up young women in coffee shops. I go to this shop at least 1x per day, often the first customer in the morning. In there newsletter, I am actually featured a couple of times; the coffee shop is my favorite place to hang out. I know many of the regulars, and all of the employees.

As for my wife, she knows the place is my favorite place. More than anything else, it is why I like the town we live in. It is the kind of place that makes people want to talk to others.

You all should try it. It is a much nicer way to live life.

You sound insufferable. It’s a wonder your wife isn’t flirting in coffee shops. I bet you have a shaggy and graying beard.

More of a salt and pepper beard, and only in the winter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. The lack of intamacy is not on me. After repeated rejection, about 1 year ago I told her to let me know when.

Oh, OP, I also wouldn’t be spreading my legs for a man who can’t grt to work, but can find time to chat up every coed he meets.

First of all, I was at work, from 7 AM until noon. I am paid to think -- to solve complex scientific problems. Because I was up too late, I was very tired, and was unable to concentrate. I did what I could at work, got ready for this week, and left. If I am too tired to think clearly, I will make mistakes which will need to be fixed. I would not be productive. I do not have a job where I can fake it on a bad day. I am paid quite well to do what I do, because I am good at it. I bring in the money that keeps my team working; I am the face of the team to the customer. I saw no reason to stay at work to be unproductive on a Friday afternoon when I am tired. Why was I tired? Well, I was up to one AM. I was watching hockey, and then enjoying a once (in my life time so far) experience of having my team win the championship while I am in town. I did not party like Ovi did yesterday (I am too old for that). I did not drink anything stronger than sparkling water.

As for the younger woman I saw, I decided that I should have some coffee. I ordered, and while waiting for my drink, I noted a T-shirt on someone, and said one word: [discipline]? She said yes. I then said my profession, related. It is a smaller field. In the conversation, which was friendly, but professional, I found her to be passionate about her work (as am I), she told me what she does, I talked about my work -- at least what I could talk about, where she went to school, where I went to school, etc. She was not a coed: she probably was in her 30s (as she said she graduated from college 10 years earlier). Was she my time? Well, my type is smart and funny, so yes. She also came in wearing field attire -- T-shirt, jeans, work boots.

I am not, however, trying to pick up young women in coffee shops. I go to this shop at least 1x per day, often the first customer in the morning. In there newsletter, I am actually featured a couple of times; the coffee shop is my favorite place to hang out. I know many of the regulars, and all of the employees.

As for my wife, she knows the place is my favorite place. More than anything else, it is why I like the town we live in. It is the kind of place that makes people want to talk to others.

You all should try it. It is a much nicer way to live life.

You sound insufferable. It’s a wonder your wife isn’t flirting in coffee shops. I bet you have a shaggy and graying beard.

More of a salt and pepper beard, and only in the winter.

“Salt and pepper” means graying, friend.

What I think you’re saying is you’re middle aged and overweight and it felt good to chat with this attractive young woman for half an hour in a coffee shop. So why not just acknowledge that to your wife?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. The lack of intamacy is not on me. After repeated rejection, about 1 year ago I told her to let me know when.

Oh, OP, I also wouldn’t be spreading my legs for a man who can’t grt to work, but can find time to chat up every coed he meets.

First of all, I was at work, from 7 AM until noon. I am paid to think -- to solve complex scientific problems. Because I was up too late, I was very tired, and was unable to concentrate. I did what I could at work, got ready for this week, and left. If I am too tired to think clearly, I will make mistakes which will need to be fixed. I would not be productive. I do not have a job where I can fake it on a bad day. I am paid quite well to do what I do, because I am good at it. I bring in the money that keeps my team working; I am the face of the team to the customer. I saw no reason to stay at work to be unproductive on a Friday afternoon when I am tired. Why was I tired? Well, I was up to one AM. I was watching hockey, and then enjoying a once (in my life time so far) experience of having my team win the championship while I am in town. I did not party like Ovi did yesterday (I am too old for that). I did not drink anything stronger than sparkling water.

As for the younger woman I saw, I decided that I should have some coffee. I ordered, and while waiting for my drink, I noted a T-shirt on someone, and said one word: [discipline]? She said yes. I then said my profession, related. It is a smaller field. In the conversation, which was friendly, but professional, I found her to be passionate about her work (as am I), she told me what she does, I talked about my work -- at least what I could talk about, where she went to school, where I went to school, etc. She was not a coed: she probably was in her 30s (as she said she graduated from college 10 years earlier). Was she my time? Well, my type is smart and funny, so yes. She also came in wearing field attire -- T-shirt, jeans, work boots.

I am not, however, trying to pick up young women in coffee shops. I go to this shop at least 1x per day, often the first customer in the morning. In there newsletter, I am actually featured a couple of times; the coffee shop is my favorite place to hang out. I know many of the regulars, and all of the employees.

As for my wife, she knows the place is my favorite place. More than anything else, it is why I like the town we live in. It is the kind of place that makes people want to talk to others.

You all should try it. It is a much nicer way to live life.

You sound insufferable. It’s a wonder your wife isn’t flirting in coffee shops. I bet you have a shaggy and graying beard.

More of a salt and pepper beard, and only in the winter.

“Salt and pepper” means graying, friend.

What I think you’re saying is you’re middle aged and overweight and it felt good to chat with this attractive young woman for half an hour in a coffee shop. So why not just acknowledge that to your wife?

My point is, and apparently I am mansplaining. Yes. I was talking to a reasonably attractive younger woman. But, I have had similar conversations with men, young and old. And with women my age or older. Or younger. I try to mentor people when I can. I try to be friendly. With everyone. Not just younger women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. The lack of intamacy is not on me. After repeated rejection, about 1 year ago I told her to let me know when.

Oh, OP, I also wouldn’t be spreading my legs for a man who can’t grt to work, but can find time to chat up every coed he meets.

First of all, I was at work, from 7 AM until noon. I am paid to think -- to solve complex scientific problems. Because I was up too late, I was very tired, and was unable to concentrate. I did what I could at work, got ready for this week, and left. If I am too tired to think clearly, I will make mistakes which will need to be fixed. I would not be productive. I do not have a job where I can fake it on a bad day. I am paid quite well to do what I do, because I am good at it. I bring in the money that keeps my team working; I am the face of the team to the customer. I saw no reason to stay at work to be unproductive on a Friday afternoon when I am tired. Why was I tired? Well, I was up to one AM. I was watching hockey, and then enjoying a once (in my life time so far) experience of having my team win the championship while I am in town. I did not party like Ovi did yesterday (I am too old for that). I did not drink anything stronger than sparkling water.

As for the younger woman I saw, I decided that I should have some coffee. I ordered, and while waiting for my drink, I noted a T-shirt on someone, and said one word: [discipline]? She said yes. I then said my profession, related. It is a smaller field. In the conversation, which was friendly, but professional, I found her to be passionate about her work (as am I), she told me what she does, I talked about my work -- at least what I could talk about, where she went to school, where I went to school, etc. She was not a coed: she probably was in her 30s (as she said she graduated from college 10 years earlier). Was she my time? Well, my type is smart and funny, so yes. She also came in wearing field attire -- T-shirt, jeans, work boots.

I am not, however, trying to pick up young women in coffee shops. I go to this shop at least 1x per day, often the first customer in the morning. In there newsletter, I am actually featured a couple of times; the coffee shop is my favorite place to hang out. I know many of the regulars, and all of the employees.

As for my wife, she knows the place is my favorite place. More than anything else, it is why I like the town we live in. It is the kind of place that makes people want to talk to others.

You all should try it. It is a much nicer way to live life.

You sound insufferable. It’s a wonder your wife isn’t flirting in coffee shops. I bet you have a shaggy and graying beard.

More of a salt and pepper beard, and only in the winter.

“Salt and pepper” means graying, friend.

What I think you’re saying is you’re middle aged and overweight and it felt good to chat with this attractive young woman for half an hour in a coffee shop. So why not just acknowledge that to your wife?

My point is, and apparently I am mansplaining. Yes. I was talking to a reasonably attractive younger woman. But, I have had similar conversations with men, young and old. And with women my age or older. Or younger. I try to mentor people when I can. I try to be friendly. With everyone. Not just younger women.

Your half-hour conversation with an attractive young female stranger was “mentoring”? Hmmm.

I think there’s a possibility that your wife’s friend observed behavior that seemed more like flirtation than mentoring. And you seem very invested in saying otherwise, to the point of posting about it on an anonymous message board rather than considering that you might want to be a little more self aware.

[Anonymous]

You can't justify yourself to these nutjobs, op. Don't even bother trying. You're fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have these convos all the time and I don't even work. I'm married, not dead, and DH knows it. Yes, I'll flirt. Yes, I'll have talks with people I find interesting. I enjoy attention from the opposite sex but it never goes further than talk.

Really? I don’t think I have ever had a thirty minute conversation with someone I just met, ever (unless it was a planned date or interview). 5-10 minutes...the amount of time it takes to drink a cup of coffee or eat lunch or push my kid on a swing ...but 30 minutes is a long time.

Then maybe you're not as social as some of the rest of us. It's really not that out of the ordinary. I've been at conferences and met people in my line of work and had chats like that before. I don't think it's anything that strange.

That’s probably true. I am not super social. Are other people regularly having long meals or coffee with people they meet at the restaurant?

I'm chatty. I can keep up a conversation for a five hour plane ride. I chat in line with people. I could easily chat for half an hour with someone next to me at a coffee shop. If I had something major in common with them, like a specific line of work, absolutely that would happen.

OMG. If you talked to me for five hours in a plane I'd do worse things than call your wife.

This response made me laugh out loud. That situation on a plane would be my worst nightmare!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't justify yourself to these nutjobs, op. Don't even bother trying. You're fine.

I agree. Your only problem is your wife's busy body friend. Distance yourself from that biyatch. She will always be trouble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't justify yourself to these nutjobs, op. Don't even bother trying. You're fine.

I agree. Your only problem is your wife's busy body friend. Distance yourself from that biyatch. She will always be trouble.

+1

Regardless of the topic, there is a large cohort of posters here who will attack the OP of any post on any topic, and argue repeatedly that whatever the problem the post is about, it is the OP’s fault and the OP is a bad person. They must be miserable IRL, like you’re wife’s “friend.”

And if this woman had really been concerned, should would have approached you at the coffee shop, not rushed home to tell your wife what she thought she had seen and stir up trouble.