Wife is jealous over a conversation I had

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a total waste of 30+ mins when you're tired.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you exchange numbers?

I think the issue is that you talked for 30+ minutes, so presumably you sat down. That’s what looks bad- you left work early, then spent a long period time having a sit-down conversation with another woman. If it had been a quick 2 minute chat while waiting for your drinks, that would be entirely different. Even if your intentions were innocent, it looks like you intentionally left work early to have a long coffee date.

Next time keep the chat brief

Should also add, if you’re tired enough to leave work early, you’re tired enough to skip the long conversations over coffee.

Not really. My work is to think -- and I was tired enough where I was not thinking clearly. I knew that. I knew if I did anything more than dealing with emails and preparing for travel (next week), I would probably make mistakes and then spend hours or days trying to figure out what I was thinking. This is experience speaking. I am paid to come up with ideas and solve hard problems.

[Anonymous]

I think what’s happening is that the wife is embarrassed by the busy body friend friend telling her that - then she’s now thinking about how they haven’t been intimate in a year and alarm bells are going off and she hasn’t been able to process her feelings so she just lashed out at her husband. Pending the husband’s personality I don’t think this conversation was a big deal - ie I can’t see my husband doing that because he is more an introvert but my brother and Dad are extroverted and are always getting into long conversations with strangers. Long story short - I don’t think the professional conversation is a big deal but I think this whole situation is just a signal to try to work through the relationship stuff.

[Anonymous]

Op I agree with your last post. I’m a (married) younger woman in a time-intensive, male-dominated field and I am keenly aware at all times that all it would take is for a wife to complain about her husband’s working relationship with me to shut down opportunities and damage my career. I worked so hard through many years of school and I’ll be damned if I let another woman’s insecurities derail what I have earned. I agree that this conversation sounds completely appropriate, and If it was me I would have given you my card to give to your daughter. Sometimes women can be their own worst enemies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:if a stranger talks to me for 30 minutes it normally has a flirtatious nature

/attractive 30 year old

So she could have been flirting with me? I am clueless enough to miss it.

Probably as a means to advance her career, hoping you could give her an in somewhere. Not because she was interested in anything sexual.

Why would you even think that? He initiated the conversation. They are in the same field. Why are you accusing the young lady of possibly flirting with him to advance her career? How about just networking and talking to advance her career? Disgusting.
And you all don't understand academics. They talk for hours about their trade. It's not flirting to get ahead, it's not fake-networking to get head, it is plain talking about work. 9-to-5ers don't get this.

I never stated that this woman was speaking with OP only to advance her career. OP asked if it was possible she was flirting with him. I said that if she was flirting, it was probably for career purposes, not because she’s actually interested in a man old enough to be her father.

[Anonymous]

Your wife owes you an apology. Talking with professional colleagues in a public place close to your home is entirely appropriate. I have a very good relationship with my husband, but we are in different lines of work. I can completely understand if he wanted to casually chat with someone in his field.

[Anonymous]

OP,I’m not
Your wife, but I don’t even believe your story.

You didn’t sleep well the night before, wondering how to spin it that you were leaving work early.

And of course, the day that you just happened to not sleep and happened to leave work early, there just happened to be a young woman in a Tshirt emblazoned with the fact that she happens to work in the same branch of science as you do. Oh and wait, also the same branch as your daughter. And of course you happened to have 1/2 hour of free time to chat with her.

How fruitious. Maybe you should buy a lottery ticket, with all the coincidence following you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What I find really disgusting is how I am having a professional conversation as a scientist with a younger person in a similar (but not identical) career path. This does not happen often. But, because it was a younger woman, so many people assume it was inappropriate (including my wife). And yet, if I refuse to have the conversation, it is sexist.

That's because you're on DCUM, where it's always the man's fault and women can do no wrong.

I"m a man and I think your wife needs to settle down. You did nothing wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,I’m not
Your wife, but I don’t even believe your story.

You didn’t sleep well the night before, wondering how to spin it that you were leaving work early.

And of course, the day that you just happened to not sleep and happened to leave work early, there just happened to be a young woman in a Tshirt emblazoned with the fact that she happens to work in the same branch of science as you do. Oh and wait, also the same branch as your daughter. And of course you happened to have 1/2 hour of free time to chat with her.

How fruitious. Maybe you should buy a lottery ticket, with all the coincidence following you.

I did not sleep well the night before because my team won the Stanley Cup. DW knew it. Hell, much of DC was tired yesterday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What I find really disgusting is how I am having a professional conversation as a scientist with a younger person in a similar (but not identical) career path. This does not happen often. But, because it was a younger woman, so many people assume it was inappropriate (including my wife). And yet, if I refuse to have the conversation, it is sexist.

So had she been a 45 year old obese and balding man, would you have engaged in the same 1/2 hour of your time?

I’m guessing you may have exchanged cards and suggested to find each other on LinkedIn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What I find really disgusting is how I am having a professional conversation as a scientist with a younger person in a similar (but not identical) career path. This does not happen often. But, because it was a younger woman, so many people assume it was inappropriate (including my wife). And yet, if I refuse to have the conversation, it is sexist.

So had she been a 45 year old obese and balding man, would you have engaged in the same 1/2 hour of your time?

I’m guessing you may have exchanged cards and suggested to find each other on LinkedIn.

Nope. if I met a man, I would have had the same conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,I’m not
Your wife, but I don’t even believe your story.

You didn’t sleep well the night before, wondering how to spin it that you were leaving work early.

And of course, the day that you just happened to not sleep and happened to leave work early, there just happened to be a young woman in a Tshirt emblazoned with the fact that she happens to work in the same branch of science as you do. Oh and wait, also the same branch as your daughter. And of course you happened to have 1/2 hour of free time to chat with her.

How fruitious. Maybe you should buy a lottery ticket, with all the coincidence following you.

I did not sleep well the night before because my team won the Stanley Cup. DW knew it. Hell, much of DC was tired yesterday.

Tired? Yes. Leaving work early to magically meet someone else in a coffe shop but not bother going home tired? No.

[Anonymous]

No one else is blown alway by the fact that his wife doesn’t know his plumbing doesn’t work. Wtf dude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,I’m not
Your wife, but I don’t even believe your story.

You didn’t sleep well the night before, wondering how to spin it that you were leaving work early.

And of course, the day that you just happened to not sleep and happened to leave work early, there just happened to be a young woman in a Tshirt emblazoned with the fact that she happens to work in the same branch of science as you do. Oh and wait, also the same branch as your daughter. And of course you happened to have 1/2 hour of free time to chat with her.

How fruitious. Maybe you should buy a lottery ticket, with all the coincidence following you.

I did not sleep well the night before because my team won the Stanley Cup. DW knew it. Hell, much of DC was tired yesterday.

Tired? Yes. Leaving work early to magically meet someone else in a coffe shop but not bother going home tired? No.

I stopped to get coffee. I was going go home and drink my coffee. Is it that hard to understand?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,I’m not
Your wife, but I don’t even believe your story.

You didn’t sleep well the night before, wondering how to spin it that you were leaving work early.

And of course, the day that you just happened to not sleep and happened to leave work early, there just happened to be a young woman in a Tshirt emblazoned with the fact that she happens to work in the same branch of science as you do. Oh and wait, also the same branch as your daughter. And of course you happened to have 1/2 hour of free time to chat with her.

How fruitious. Maybe you should buy a lottery ticket, with all the coincidence following you.

I did not sleep well the night before because my team won the Stanley Cup. DW knew it. Hell, much of DC was tired yesterday.

Tired? Yes. Leaving work early to magically meet someone else in a coffe shop but not bother going home tired? No.

I stopped to get coffee. I was going go home and drink my coffee. Is it that hard to understand?

And yet, you didn’t. Just seems to me there are a lot of well paced details.

Are there other similar scenarios that have led to your wife not trusting you? Because it wouldn’t even blip on my radar if DH tried to pick up a young thing in a coffee shop.m