Wife wants to hire a babysitter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes being overwhelmed by toddler = lack of socializing. Does your wife have mom friends/much social interaction during the day? Maybe what she needs is not more alone time, and when you get home, that's why she doesn't want to leave the kid with you, because she wants to socialize with you, as her only outlet?

Op here. My wife is super social. She has tons friends and activities. They swim, go to museums, the zoo, farms, friends houses, library story time and we have a membership to an indoor playground.

Have you ever been on a toddler playdate? They're typically not social outings for the adults, you get to chat a little bit but your conversation is constantly being interrupted by your child and their needs. Playdates don't really become relaxing social time for the moms until the kids are old enough to play relatively unsupervised.

This is BS. Toddler playdates are not exactly like going to a spa, but they are pretty low key and if you enjoy socializing, are perfectly pleasant to pass the time.

[Anonymous]

Why can't your wife relax a bit/time to herself during toddler's nap time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes being overwhelmed by toddler = lack of socializing. Does your wife have mom friends/much social interaction during the day? Maybe what she needs is not more alone time, and when you get home, that's why she doesn't want to leave the kid with you, because she wants to socialize with you, as her only outlet?

Op here. My wife is super social. She has tons friends and activities. They swim, go to museums, the zoo, farms, friends houses, library story time and we have a membership to an indoor playground.

Have you ever been on a toddler playdate? They're typically not social outings for the adults, you get to chat a little bit but your conversation is constantly being interrupted by your child and their needs. Playdates don't really become relaxing social time for the moms until the kids are old enough to play relatively unsupervised.

This is BS. Toddler playdates are not exactly like going to a spa, but they are pretty low key and if you enjoy socializing, are perfectly pleasant to pass the time.

Op here. Even I know this is bs. You must have an easy kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes being overwhelmed by toddler = lack of socializing. Does your wife have mom friends/much social interaction during the day? Maybe what she needs is not more alone time, and when you get home, that's why she doesn't want to leave the kid with you, because she wants to socialize with you, as her only outlet?

Op here. My wife is super social. She has tons friends and activities. They swim, go to museums, the zoo, farms, friends houses, library story time and we have a membership to an indoor playground.

Have you ever been on a toddler playdate? They're typically not social outings for the adults, you get to chat a little bit but your conversation is constantly being interrupted by your child and their needs. Playdates don't really become relaxing social time for the moms until the kids are old enough to play relatively unsupervised.

This is BS. Toddler playdates are not exactly like going to a spa, but they are pretty low key and if you enjoy socializing, are perfectly pleasant to pass the time.

Op here. Even I know this is bs. You must have an easy kid.

Perfectly pleasant? You know his kid is a handful right? That means he's difficult. No way are these play dates perfectly pleasant for his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't your wife relax a bit/time to herself during toddler's nap time?

NP, but she likely wants or feels the need to get out of the house. If you have a bad napper, ever moment of that nap is spent listening for when your kid is going to wake up. It’s not relaxing, and you don’t really feel like it’s time for you, because you’re still on duty/listening. You can’t even take a relaxed or prolonged shower because you feel like one ear has to be out “just in case”. It’s like telling someone to take a break at their work desk, and still need to answer all emails and phone calls, and calling it “time for yourself”.

I’m not a SAH, but I can appreciate how hard it is to be “on call” all time time, and be stuck in the same four walls, unless you bring your toddler out too. Depending on th toddler, it may even be a luxury for this woman to pee alone. Even a an hour alone once a week to go get a coffee and flip through a magazine BY HERSELF is so meaningful to feeling better about life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I want to help my wife feel less stressed but I am not sure how to go about it

Um. She wants to hire a babysitter. She's literally telling you how to go about it.

+1



Babysitter a few hours during the week. And you take the kid out for an outing on the weekend.

Did no one understand that is an expense that cannot be justified on the OP's current income. If the wife wants to work and earn the money for a babysitter, sure, but, sometimes we can't afford that really means that we can't afford that.

They have an income of 90K in a low cost of living place, and OP describes their financial situation as "fine." They can cut down in other areas of spending and find $100 a week for babysitting. I would not say this if their financial situation was precarious, but clearly this is an expense they can prioritize and cover. And it will be so much cheaper than divorce (been there and I know!).

[Anonymous]

NP.

Check out Montessori schools in your area with your DW. As soon as I saw a toddler program I wanted to enroll my child and return to work. You still need to take child sometimes weekends/nights so your DW can get a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes being overwhelmed by toddler = lack of socializing. Does your wife have mom friends/much social interaction during the day? Maybe what she needs is not more alone time, and when you get home, that's why she doesn't want to leave the kid with you, because she wants to socialize with you, as her only outlet?

Op here. My wife is super social. She has tons friends and activities. They swim, go to museums, the zoo, farms, friends houses, library story time and we have a membership to an indoor playground.

Have you ever been on a toddler playdate? They're typically not social outings for the adults, you get to chat a little bit but your conversation is constantly being interrupted by your child and their needs. Playdates don't really become relaxing social time for the moms until the kids are old enough to play relatively unsupervised.

This is BS. Toddler playdates are not exactly like going to a spa, but they are pretty low key and if you enjoy socializing, are perfectly pleasant to pass the time.

Says someone who has never been on a toddler playdate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes being overwhelmed by toddler = lack of socializing. Does your wife have mom friends/much social interaction during the day? Maybe what she needs is not more alone time, and when you get home, that's why she doesn't want to leave the kid with you, because she wants to socialize with you, as her only outlet?

Op here. My wife is super social. She has tons friends and activities. They swim, go to museums, the zoo, farms, friends houses, library story time and we have a membership to an indoor playground.

Have you ever been on a toddler playdate? They're typically not social outings for the adults, you get to chat a little bit but your conversation is constantly being interrupted by your child and their needs. Playdates don't really become relaxing social time for the moms until the kids are old enough to play relatively unsupervised.

This is BS. Toddler playdates are not exactly like going to a spa, but they are pretty low key and if you enjoy socializing, are perfectly pleasant to pass the time.

Says someone who has never been on a toddler playdate.

And, FWIW, it’s hardly “a break” when you re doing what you normally do all day (wrangling a toddler). Yes, you get to do it with someone else, and the socializing is nice, but it’s not a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can also look into part-time pre-school/daycare in churches. If you live in a low-cost area these are probably pretty affordable...2 or 3 mornings/week would be perfect.

[Anonymous]

Preschool or college babysitter. Not complicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I want to help my wife feel less stressed but I am not sure how to go about it

Um. She wants to hire a babysitter. She's literally telling you how to go about it.

+1



Babysitter a few hours during the week. And you take the kid out for an outing on the weekend.

Did no one understand that is an expense that cannot be justified on the OP's current income. If the wife wants to work and earn the money for a babysitter, sure, but, sometimes we can't afford that really means that we can't afford that.

They have an income of 90K in a low cost of living place, and OP describes their financial situation as "fine." They can cut down in other areas of spending and find $100 a week for babysitting. I would not say this if their financial situation was precarious, but clearly this is an expense they can prioritize and cover. And it will be so much cheaper than divorce (been there and I know!).

I have a similar HHI and $ 100 per week is absolutely a big deal. If the DW doesn't want to care for the child herself, why can't she go back to work to pay for child care? Is there just some generic assumption here that women don't need to work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I want to help my wife feel less stressed but I am not sure how to go about it

Um. She wants to hire a babysitter. She's literally telling you how to go about it.

+1



Babysitter a few hours during the week. And you take the kid out for an outing on the weekend.

Did no one understand that is an expense that cannot be justified on the OP's current income. If the wife wants to work and earn the money for a babysitter, sure, but, sometimes we can't afford that really means that we can't afford that.

They have an income of 90K in a low cost of living place, and OP describes their financial situation as "fine." They can cut down in other areas of spending and find $100 a week for babysitting. I would not say this if their financial situation was precarious, but clearly this is an expense they can prioritize and cover. And it will be so much cheaper than divorce (been there and I know!).

I have a similar HHI and $ 100 per week is absolutely a big deal. If the DW doesn't want to care for the child herself, why can't she go back to work to pay for child care? Is there just some generic assumption here that women don't need to work?

She IS working. She’s caring for a toddler full time, and after hours.

I WAH AND want her my child and I still can give props.

Daycare isn’t free. Nor should her division of the labour. A WOH spouse gets to go have lunch alone with coworkers and friends. A SAH should have the same benefit, even occasionally. No, they’re not “bringing in money”, but their work should not go without cost benefit recognition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I want to help my wife feel less stressed but I am not sure how to go about it

Um. She wants to hire a babysitter. She's literally telling you how to go about it.

+1



Babysitter a few hours during the week. And you take the kid out for an outing on the weekend.

Did no one understand that is an expense that cannot be justified on the OP's current income. If the wife wants to work and earn the money for a babysitter, sure, but, sometimes we can't afford that really means that we can't afford that.

They have an income of 90K in a low cost of living place, and OP describes their financial situation as "fine." They can cut down in other areas of spending and find $100 a week for babysitting. I would not say this if their financial situation was precarious, but clearly this is an expense they can prioritize and cover. And it will be so much cheaper than divorce (been there and I know!).

I have a similar HHI and $ 100 per week is absolutely a big deal. If the DW doesn't want to care for the child herself, why can't she go back to work to pay for child care? Is there just some generic assumption here that women don't need to work?

She IS working. She’s caring for a toddler full time, and after hours.

I WAH AND want her my child and I still can give props.

Daycare isn’t free. Nor should her division of the labour. A WOH spouse gets to go have lunch alone with coworkers and friends. A SAH should have the same benefit, even occasionally. No, they’re not “bringing in money”, but their work should not go without cost benefit recognition.

If she has a babysitter, she isn't caring for the child. A SAH parent who takes care of their child is working. One that needs a babysitter while the spouse works is just unemployed.

[Anonymous]

She could organize a babysitting coop.

5 moms with one child each. Meeting weekly from 10 -1. 2 moms stay with the 5 kids so they can keep each other company and confer on time-outs, etc... Other 3 moms get the three hours off to do whatever.

I started mine when DD was 18 months and did it until kids turned 4 I think.