Wife wants to hire a babysitter

[Anonymous]

My wife is a SAHM. She says she desperately needs help during the day. We have 1 toddler. He is definitely a handful. I will give her that. He will not adjust to gym childcare. She has tried a ton of times. He happier at home with a babysitter. I offer her breaks when I get home from work and weekend mornings. She rarely takes me up on the offer. She says it's hard to go out and relax somewhere else. She wants to be at home. Hiring a babysitter part time is pricey and we're solidly middle class. My income is about 90 k. We no longer live in DC metro area so 90 k is fine for us. I want to help my wife feel less stressed but I am not sure how to go about it? Also, keep in mind we have no family help at all. Both of DW parents passed away. Her mother passed away a year before we had our son. I know she's still grieving the lost of her mother. She went to therapy about a year ago and did a grieving workshop for a while. Our son will cry if she tries to leave in the evenings. She feels guilty and will ALWAYS end up taking him someone for her "break". She wants to go back to work when our son is 3 and is in all day preschool.

[Anonymous]

You're not going to win so just hire a babysitter for a few hours a week.

It will be cheaper in the long run than whatever else would happen and your toddler will turn three soon enough.

[Anonymous]

If you're not in the DC metro area I don't think this would be too expensive, particularly if she is looking for someone to come for the same 1.5-2 hours/day so she can go to the gym?

I mean, she sounds overwhelmed and you don't sound particularly helpful (offering her "breaks" when you get home, instead of taking over? Isn't this your kid? Why are you just "offering" to spell her occasionally, instead of insisting on time with your son?). The way you've written this she gets zero time off, ever, from being the parent on duty. I don't think a part-time babysitter during the day is too much to ask.

[Anonymous]

It will be great for her to get a few hours of alone time during the week. Just to read a book and drink a cup of coffee quietly. Absolutely hire a babysitter.

[Anonymous]

Well ignoring the fact that parenting your kid shouldn't be something you "offer to do", it should just be something you are doing, why don't you take your son out on your own so she can relax at home solo?

[Anonymous]

i hope she is not planning on having additional kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well ignoring the fact that parenting your kid shouldn't be something you "offer to do", it should just be something you are doing, why don't you take your son out on your own so she can relax at home solo?

This. +100. My MIL used to offer to watch the kids...if I drove them 50 minutes to her and then I hung out at her house. That isn't a break. And no...she was not obligated to do anything more but that's not a break

[Anonymous]

Get the babysitter so she doesn't continue to teach your child to be needy. Make sure she gets the hell out of the house when the sitter is over. Refuse her offer of help when you are caring for him. She needs to know other people can take care of her child just as well or she will never be able to get out of the house when he is 3.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It will be great for her to get a few hours of alone time during the week. Just to read a book and drink a cup of coffee quietly. Absolutely hire a babysitter.

+1 everyone needs personal time. I’d also suggest sending her to a hotel to rest overnight or for a weekend now and again. Being on 24/7 is exhausting even with an easy child. The few hours I’ve spent home alone when my husband has taken our child out for day have been a dream.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she wants some "her" time without having to go somewhere to have it.

The easiest solution is for you to take your child elsewhere for as many hours as you can muster without costing too much.

Example: THIS Saturday

Take toddler to breakfast - IHOP or somewhere kid friendly
Take toddler to indoor playground - BeeHive or similar; you can easily kill 3 hours doing this (you pay each 1 1/2 hr increment) between travel time and being there
Hopefully this goes into toddler nap time - so head home, take toddler to a different room from spouse (den/bedroom/backyard) or regular nap if applies
Make toddler lunch and clean up lunch after you and child
Make separate lunch for DW that you can deliver to wherever in house that she is and close the door

You've now freed up some time for her to do whatever it is that she pleases; reading/vegging out/staring into space/being on her phone - whatever and it didn't require her to get dressed or be social

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like she wants some "her" time without having to go somewhere to have it.

The easiest solution is for you to take your child elsewhere for as many hours as you can muster without costing too much.

Example: THIS Saturday

Take toddler to breakfast - IHOP or somewhere kid friendly
Take toddler to indoor playground - BeeHive or similar; you can easily kill 3 hours doing this (you pay each 1 1/2 hr increment) between travel time and being there
Hopefully this goes into toddler nap time - so head home, take toddler to a different room from spouse (den/bedroom/backyard) or regular nap if applies
Make toddler lunch and clean up lunch after you and child
Make separate lunch for DW that you can deliver to wherever in house that she is and close the door

You've now freed up some time for her to do whatever it is that she pleases; reading/vegging out/staring into space/being on her phone - whatever and it didn't require her to get dressed or be social

Good luck.

This is great. I’m an introvert stay at home mom and sometimes I just need to be in my own space without being needed.

[Anonymous]

You can also look into part-time pre-school/daycare in churches. If you live in a low-cost area these are probably pretty affordable...2 or 3 mornings/week would be perfect.

[Anonymous]

Just make sure the babysitter is young and hit on her. That'll cure your wife..

[Anonymous]

I know a lot of men take their kids to those indoor play places Saturday morning. Play 9:30-11:30 then come home and nap from 12-3pm.

[Anonymous]

I want to help my wife feel less stressed but I am not sure how to go about it

Um. She wants to hire a babysitter. She's literally telling you how to go about it.