My Mother is pushing us to go to church

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my 40s with kids (elementary school). My Mother keeps pushing us to go to church, saying the kids need to learn about God. She buys books for my kids but they are not interested. She makes us all say grace when they(mom and dad) visit. Now she's telling me that my nieces went to church this past weekend, and that we had better start going. She guilts us by saying stuff like we will not have the lords blessing, etc.

I personally have no interest. I found bible study boring. What's the appropriate thing to do w.r.t. the kids? Let them grow older and decide for themselves? Any thoughts on how to deal with mom?

OP, your story makes me so sad. You have no idea what church and a relationship with God could add to your family, and to your kids' lives. (Your's too, by the way.)

Your mother is another story and I have a feeling there are other issues here you haven't mentioned.

I wish it would "hit" me too! Then I'd go to church and this won't be an issue. I've done the religion thing as a teen and an adult. I never had the thirst like those in the bible study groups. I think I'm a non believer. Any issues that arise now is only because i was brought up thinking I HAD to go to church, not because I wanted to.

As for my kids, my mom has done a lot to share with them about christianity. So they are exposed. They'll listen and all and read the books with her. But they have never once asked to attend church. After all, they are only kids. If they "find" religion later, great.

OP, you're treating your kids like they're your pets or something.

It is your job as their father to provide guidance, truth and moral leadership. This is not something that you can just hope they'll stumble into at some point when they are adults. You are completely abdicating your responsibility here, as a man and as their dad.

And all because you still have mommy issues of your own.

Pathetic.

What's pathetic are all of these child molesting Christian religious leaders and the congregations that shelter them. Whats pathetic are Congressmen who brag about their personal relationship with Jesus, and then spit on his teaching by cutting off food stamps and health insurance for low income kids. Most surveys of people in prison find thst the majority are Christians, and atheists are underrepresented. Going to church does not make you a decent or ethicsl person.

Of course it doesn't. Churches are full of sinners. Sinners who are redeemed by grace, we hope, but sinners none the less.

Sinners? The individuals PP listed are callous sociopaths and deviants.

sociopaths and deviants are sinners too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is interesting that you have such a strong reaction to your stepmother when you are no different from her. Your dictatorial form of parenting has the same effect on your child. You have decided that your daughter will be just like you and she will "not believe in Jesus or Christianity."

Anonymous wrote:I would just say no. "Mom, we're not going to church. I'm not going to discuss it with you anymore. When you're in our house if you bring it up, I'm going to have to insist you leave."

But I don't play games. I really WOULD kick her out. My stepmother tried to get my DD baptized and I wasn't having it. She was all "But I've reserved the church!" and I said, "I do not believe in Jesus or Christianity. My daughter will not be getting baptized." And DH and I never ever left her alone in a room with the baby.

Parents are allowed to be dictatorial to their own children. Step-grandparents are not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just say no. "Mom, we're not going to church. I'm not going to discuss it with you anymore. When you're in our house if you bring it up, I'm going to have to insist you leave."

But I don't play games. I really WOULD kick her out. My stepmother tried to get my DD baptized and I wasn't having it. She was all "But I've reserved the church!" and I said, "I do not believe in Jesus or Christianity. My daughter will not be getting baptized." And DH and I never ever left her alone in a room with the baby.

Why? It was important to her. It is just water to you. Why not be kind? I could understand if your child were older. But you said "baby". A baby would only experience it as love. I guess to me, the relationship would have been more important than making a statement.

What? You would let your child participate in a meaningless ritual to please a grandparent?

Do you not understand that to a grandparent who cares about that sort of thing, it would NOT be meaningless? That they would expect the child to continue on that path? It would be countless, "now that you got baptized, how about xyz?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my 40s with kids (elementary school). My Mother keeps pushing us to go to church, saying the kids need to learn about God. She buys books for my kids but they are not interested. She makes us all say grace when they(mom and dad) visit. Now she's telling me that my nieces went to church this past weekend, and that we had better start going. She guilts us by saying stuff like we will not have the lords blessing, etc.

I personally have no interest. I found bible study boring. What's the appropriate thing to do w.r.t. the kids? Let them grow older and decide for themselves? Any thoughts on how to deal with mom?

OP, I could have written this except my parents tag-team the effort. They soft pedal it for sure, but find a way to work it into every visit. "Have you found a church yet?" "The kids are getting older and it's really important that they have a strong church foundation..." "We just keep praying that you'll could find a church home for your family"
I know they mean well, and I was raised in the church so I get it. But I just don't know that I believe what I was taught, and I'm not prepared to back it up the way that they do anymore. Once upon a time, I was pretty convicted, but I'm not there anymore.

I sort of do worry though that without giving my children any sort of foundation, they will be sucked in to some other religion by a boyfriend or eventual spouse and then we won't have that in common. Is that a strange concern? My biggest "fear" in this is that they will find some nice LDS boy and end up marrying in a temple wedding that I can't attend. LOL (yes yes, I know Mormons are nice. It's not that. They are very very nice. I just have a bazillion other issues with the faith and beliefs that I'd rather my family not be apart of.) Do I need to give them something else so they don't grasp at a religion I am not familiar with? I just don't know...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my 40s with kids (elementary school). My Mother keeps pushing us to go to church, saying the kids need to learn about God. She buys books for my kids but they are not interested. She makes us all say grace when they(mom and dad) visit. Now she's telling me that my nieces went to church this past weekend, and that we had better start going. She guilts us by saying stuff like we will not have the lords blessing, etc.

I personally have no interest. I found bible study boring. What's the appropriate thing to do w.r.t. the kids? Let them grow older and decide for themselves? Any thoughts on how to deal with mom?

OP, I could have written this except my parents tag-team the effort. They soft pedal it for sure, but find a way to work it into every visit. "Have you found a church yet?" "The kids are getting older and it's really important that they have a strong church foundation..." "We just keep praying that you'll could find a church home for your family"
I know they mean well, and I was raised in the church so I get it. But I just don't know that I believe what I was taught, and I'm not prepared to back it up the way that they do anymore. Once upon a time, I was pretty convicted, but I'm not there anymore.

I sort of do worry though that without giving my children any sort of foundation, they will be sucked in to some other religion by a boyfriend or eventual spouse and then we won't have that in common. Is that a strange concern? My biggest "fear" in this is that they will find some nice LDS boy and end up marrying in a temple wedding that I can't attend. LOL (yes yes, I know Mormons are nice. It's not that. They are very very nice. I just have a bazillion other issues with the faith and beliefs that I'd rather my family not be apart of.) Do I need to give them something else so they don't grasp at a religion I am not familiar with? I just don't know...

Correct -- you don't know and you can't predict, I don't think, given that people go in all sorts of different directions as adults based on the things you mention. I'd say give them a foundation in being good people. You don't need organized religion for that. A good church could help, but a bad church could hurt. Kids seem to go their own way when they grow up -- with you as an example.

Also, consider taking a look at a Unitarian congregation or Ethical Society. They provide a "foundation" in humanism and teach about religions without teaching a particular religious belief.