My Mother is pushing us to go to church

[Anonymous]

I'm in my 40s with kids (elementary school). My Mother keeps pushing us to go to church, saying the kids need to learn about God. She buys books for my kids but they are not interested. She makes us all say grace when they(mom and dad) visit. Now she's telling me that my nieces went to church this past weekend, and that we had better start going. She guilts us by saying stuff like we will not have the lords blessing, etc.

I personally have no interest. I found bible study boring. What's the appropriate thing to do w.r.t. the kids? Let them grow older and decide for themselves? Any thoughts on how to deal with mom?

[Anonymous]

Do you have a spouse? Discuss this with your spouse re: how you want to impart religion onto your kids.

As for your mother, when she brings it up just say say mmhmmm and change the subject or cut the call short. My mom (and MIL) have dropped hints over the years about how we should be praying more often and need more religion in our daily lives. We do the mmhmm and change the subject. They know they wont get much traction and that they won't get results by pushing harder. They still feel the impulse/duty to say it. I'm okay with them saying it (and me ignoring it).

[Anonymous]

Yes, absolutely let the kids figure it out. Since they don't appear interested and it's not something you and your husband strongly believe in yourselves, I wouldn't force them to attend church. You're the parent, she can provide her opinion but she doesn't get input on your parenting.

"Thanks mom, but attending church isn't something we plan on doing right now. We will let the kids decide if they want to learn about religion when they're older." Repeat ad nauseum.

[Anonymous]

OP here. My wife grew up in a different religion but in the same position as me. We only did it because our parents did it. She says she doesn't mind going to church (she likes the music).

We never actually discusses how or IF we should impart religion to the kids.

Everything my mom nags, I just keep silent. I know she means well but it is quite annoying sometimes.

[Anonymous]

It is your decision whether or not you go to church. Your mother should not pressure you. However, the bigger question is whether or not you want your kids to learn about God. If you never introduce religion, you already have decided how they will believe. Very few people who grow up in non-religious households will decide to go to church later in life. So, you need to decide if this is important to you. If you want them to make the decision, you should at least introduce them to the concept of faith. Maybe, you teach them about different religions and not just Christianity. But, they cannot make an educated decision if they only know your viewpoint.

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my 40s with kids (elementary school). My Mother keeps pushing us to go to church, saying the kids need to learn about God. She buys books for my kids but they are not interested. She makes us all say grace when they(mom and dad) visit. Now she's telling me that my nieces went to church this past weekend, and that we had better start going. She guilts us by saying stuff like we will not have the lords blessing, etc.

I personally have no interest. I found bible study boring. What's the appropriate thing to do w.r.t. the kids? Let them grow older and decide for themselves? Any thoughts on how to deal with mom?

[Anonymous]

I would just ignore her.

[Anonymous]

You know your Mom is right. THAT is what's bothering you.

[Anonymous]

I would get my back up if anyone told me to go to Church.

I think Christianity is a critical part of Western culture and history, and when I went to boarding school where they had a religion class, songs and assembly every morning, I loved it.

But going to Church? No. I'm a scientist and I love to dissect religions. I don't want to be absorbed in them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my 40s with kids (elementary school). My Mother keeps pushing us to go to church, saying the kids need to learn about God. She buys books for my kids but they are not interested. She makes us all say grace when they(mom and dad) visit. Now she's telling me that my nieces went to church this past weekend, and that we had better start going. She guilts us by saying stuff like we will not have the lords blessing, etc.

I personally have no interest. I found bible study boring. What's the appropriate thing to do w.r.t. the kids? Let them grow older and decide for themselves? Any thoughts on how to deal with mom?

OP, your story makes me so sad. You have no idea what church and a relationship with God could add to your family, and to your kids' lives. (Your's too, by the way.)

Your mother is another story and I have a feeling there are other issues here you haven't mentioned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my 40s with kids (elementary school). My Mother keeps pushing us to go to church, saying the kids need to learn about God. She buys books for my kids but they are not interested. She makes us all say grace when they(mom and dad) visit. Now she's telling me that my nieces went to church this past weekend, and that we had better start going. She guilts us by saying stuff like we will not have the lords blessing, etc.

I personally have no interest. I found bible study boring. What's the appropriate thing to do w.r.t. the kids? Let them grow older and decide for themselves? Any thoughts on how to deal with mom?

OP, your story makes me so sad. You have no idea what church and a relationship with God could add to your family, and to your kids' lives. (Your's too, by the way.)

Your mother is another story and I have a feeling there are other issues here you haven't mentioned.

I wish it would "hit" me too! Then I'd go to church and this won't be an issue. I've done the religion thing as a teen and an adult. I never had the thirst like those in the bible study groups. I think I'm a non believer. Any issues that arise now is only because i was brought up thinking I HAD to go to church, not because I wanted to.

As for my kids, my mom has done a lot to share with them about christianity. So they are exposed. They'll listen and all and read the books with her. But they have never once asked to attend church. After all, they are only kids. If they "find" religion later, great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know your Mom is right. THAT is what's bothering you.

Word.

[Anonymous]

You fight religious righteousness with the Bible.

You need to find some scripture about how the best way to worship is with a free and open heart, not by being coerced by an overbearing mother. Then say, when God speaks to your heart to guide you back to church, you'll listen then. In the meantime, we'll carry on as usual. Every time she brings it up say "well, I'm still waiting for God to stir the holy spirit within me". Then ask if she likes the guacamole.

[Anonymous]

Your mom has anxiety issues - this is about her, and her inability to deal with her own issues and fears.

It's not your responsibility to assuage her fears and anxiety. You and your spouse have a right to raise your kids however you want to, religion/church or not. You don't need church/religion to be good, compassionate, contributing human beings. Lots of people like the community support of church. Many people find community elsewhere. It's up to you to figure out what works for your family, and communicate, and ENFORCE those boundaries with your mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You fight religious righteousness with the Bible.

You need to find some scripture about how the best way to worship is with a free and open heart, not by being coerced by an overbearing mother. Then say, when God speaks to your heart to guide you back to church, you'll listen then. In the meantime, we'll carry on as usual. Every time she brings it up say "well, I'm still waiting for God to stir the holy spirit within me". Then ask if she likes the guacamole.

Oh this is a good one!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my 40s with kids (elementary school). My Mother keeps pushing us to go to church, saying the kids need to learn about God. She buys books for my kids but they are not interested. She makes us all say grace when they(mom and dad) visit. Now she's telling me that my nieces went to church this past weekend, and that we had better start going. She guilts us by saying stuff like we will not have the lords blessing, etc.

I personally have no interest. I found bible study boring. What's the appropriate thing to do w.r.t. the kids? Let them grow older and decide for themselves? Any thoughts on how to deal with mom?

OP, your story makes me so sad. You have no idea what church and a relationship with God could add to your family, and to your kids' lives. (Your's too, by the way.)

Your mother is another story and I have a feeling there are other issues here you haven't mentioned.

I wish it would "hit" me too! Then I'd go to church and this won't be an issue. I've done the religion thing as a teen and an adult. I never had the thirst like those in the bible study groups. I think I'm a non believer. Any issues that arise now is only because i was brought up thinking I HAD to go to church, not because I wanted to.

As for my kids, my mom has done a lot to share with them about christianity. So they are exposed. They'll listen and all and read the books with her. But they have never once asked to attend church. After all, they are only kids. If they "find" religion later, great.

OP, you're treating your kids like they're your pets or something.

It is your job as their father to provide guidance, truth and moral leadership. This is not something that you can just hope they'll stumble into at some point when they are adults. You are completely abdicating your responsibility here, as a man and as their dad.

And all because you still have mommy issues of your own.

Pathetic.