My Mother is pushing us to go to church

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The reason a lot of grandparents/parents try to teach religion to their children/grandchildren is not only to make them "loving, decent, purposeful, and ethical human beings." A person can be all of these things even if he/she does not believe in God. It is about giving their children/grandchildren faith to help them cope during hard times. I have chosen to bring my children to church and to teach them about Christ, but I will allow them to make their own choices about religion. I sincerely hope that as adults they have some sort of faith, even if it is different from mine, so that they have something to lean on when they face tragedy and/or life's challenges.

Anonymous wrote:
It sounds like you have a hell of a lot of anxiety about your own guidance, truth, and morality, and are projecting your insecurities on OP. I assure you, people without religion can grow up to be wonderfully loving, decent, purposeful, and ethical human beings.

Faith in God does not necessarily help people cope in hard times. It can sometimes be a detriment, when people wonder why the God they fervently prayed to has not answered their prayers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The reason a lot of grandparents/parents try to teach religion to their children/grandchildren is not only to make them "loving, decent, purposeful, and ethical human beings." A person can be all of these things even if he/she does not believe in God. It is about giving their children/grandchildren faith to help them cope during hard times. I have chosen to bring my children to church and to teach them about Christ, but I will allow them to make their own choices about religion. I sincerely hope that as adults they have some sort of faith, even if it is different from mine, so that they have something to lean on when they face tragedy and/or life's challenges.

Sounds like misusing religious doctrine solely as insurance for when something bad happens later in life. Religion teaches certain things because they are believed to be true, not because it make a might make nice crutch sometime. It might be better to save on church contributions and just pay a therapist or join a support group when something bad happens.
Don't assume that "some sort of faith" is going to be helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll give a slightly different perspective, OP. A friend was raised by a lapsed Catholic family and never learned a thing about religions. We both agree that each person should make a personal choice about religion, but friend will say that being raised with no exposure effectively took that choice away from him. He feels that as an adult it is now a bridge too far.

So he feels that the children should be raised in a faith and attend religious education, so that when they reach the age of confirmation and ultimately adulthood, the choice is 100% their to make with sufficient knowledge to guide their decision of faith. In the end, if they decline to practice a faith, they still have a decent knowledge of biblical literature, which is a great education in and of itself, and can also contribute to discussions and debates about religion in a meaningful way. This friend always feels lost in such discussions because he is smart enough to realize that he doesn't quite understands what people are talking about.

Your friend can take a course in Biblical literature any time and not feel cut off. He could send his kids to a Unitarian church where they learn about all religions and are not indoctrinated into any one religion.

There are lots of ways to learn about religion without being a member of a particular denomination.

He actually disagrees with that approach, although the Unitarian approach might cover that. But you cannot get from a class when you get from living for a while in a community of faith because there is much more to it than book learning. He gets that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll give a slightly different perspective, OP. A friend was raised by a lapsed Catholic family and never learned a thing about religions. We both agree that each person should make a personal choice about religion, but friend will say that being raised with no exposure effectively took that choice away from him. He feels that as an adult it is now a bridge too far.

So he feels that the children should be raised in a faith and attend religious education, so that when they reach the age of confirmation and ultimately adulthood, the choice is 100% their to make with sufficient knowledge to guide their decision of faith. In the end, if they decline to practice a faith, they still have a decent knowledge of biblical literature, which is a great education in and of itself, and can also contribute to discussions and debates about religion in a meaningful way. This friend always feels lost in such discussions because he is smart enough to realize that he doesn't quite understands what people are talking about.

Your friend can take a course in Biblical literature any time and not feel cut off. He could send his kids to a Unitarian church where they learn about all religions and are not indoctrinated into any one religion.

There are lots of ways to learn about religion without being a member of a particular denomination.

He actually disagrees with that approach, although the Unitarian approach might cover that. But you cannot get from a class when you get from living for a while in a community of faith because there is much more to it than book learning. He gets that.

I think I understand -- there's a culture involved in attending church that is not available when reading or attending an academic class. The potential downside, is that the culture may include teaching beliefs as facts that must be accepted to avoid dire, eternal consequences.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you have to ask, I think you should try church. I can't see what, aside from a complete change of my personality, will compel me to start attending church. No amount of nagging will have even a slightest impact. My kids never been to a service. I went out of curiosity to different ones, I felt I didn't belong, but it satisfied my interest.

[Anonymous]

Ignore and do not engage. I was raised in a very strict denomination that taught that they were the only ones who were going to heaven. I left as soon as I could, and I vowed to never put that type of pressure on my children. My mother has to respect my decisions if she wants to see her grandchildren. She is aware that it's impossible to guilt me into anything, because I know all of their tricks. I was raised in it. I taught my children to question everything, and that it is their decision whether or not they want to be religious. They've? turned out just fine. My mom learned long ago to accept me the way that I am, and to be happy that she has me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ignore and do not engage. I was raised in a very strict denomination that taught that they were the only ones who were going to heaven. I left as soon as I could, and I vowed to never put that type of pressure on my children. My mother has to respect my decisions if she wants to see her grandchildren. She is aware that it's impossible to guilt me into anything, because I know all of their tricks. I was raised in it. I taught my children to question everything, and that it is their decision whether or not they want to be religious. They've? turned out just fine. My mom learned long ago to accept me the way that I am, and to be happy that she has me.

Very assertive, positive approach

[Anonymous]

My in laws continuously encourage my kids to be more religious. I only step in if I don’t like the persuasion techniques (guilt, fear mongering) just as I would regardless of the topic. I have warned my MIL that she will ruin her relationship with them if she pushes too hard but that is her choice to make. I offer them full access to the kids and full control over their time together. Either the kids will decide to follow their grandparents religion or they’ll stay atheist little heathens (or find a different path I guess). All options are OK with me. Looks like they are going to continue to be little heathens and push back against spending time with the grandparents. The diminishing of that relationship makes me sad but maybe it’s inevitable as the kids age regardless of whether or not they pushed religious dogma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in laws continuously encourage my kids to be more religious. I only step in if I don’t like the persuasion techniques (guilt, fear mongering) just as I would regardless of the topic. I have warned my MIL that she will ruin her relationship with them if she pushes too hard but that is her choice to make. I offer them full access to the kids and full control over their time together. Either the kids will decide to follow their grandparents religion or they’ll stay atheist little heathens (or find a different path I guess). All options are OK with me. Looks like they are going to continue to be little heathens and push back against spending time with the grandparents. The diminishing of that relationship makes me sad but maybe it’s inevitable as the kids age regardless of whether or not they pushed religious dogma.

If you really don't care if your kids decide to follow their grandparents religion, why don't you encourage kids and gps to follow that religion. It sure would ease family relationships.

Somehow, I think you DO care and are betting on your kids not taking religions seriously.

[Anonymous]

She "makes" you say Grace. In your own home?

Your house. Your kids. Your decision.

Tell her to start respecting you and your choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll give a slightly different perspective, OP. A friend was raised by a lapsed Catholic family and never learned a thing about religions. We both agree that each person should make a personal choice about religion, but friend will say that being raised with no exposure effectively took that choice away from him. He feels that as an adult it is now a bridge too far.

So he feels that the children should be raised in a faith and attend religious education, so that when they reach the age of confirmation and ultimately adulthood, the choice is 100% their to make with sufficient knowledge to guide their decision of faith. In the end, if they decline to practice a faith, they still have a decent knowledge of biblical literature, which is a great education in and of itself, and can also contribute to discussions and debates about religion in a meaningful way. This friend always feels lost in such discussions because he is smart enough to realize that he doesn't quite understands what people are talking about.

Statistically speaking, he is correct. A person raised with no religion will not "decide for himself." He will do nothing, because that is what he was raised with.

Part of why I've raised my kids with religion is to give them a grounding in a faith-based view of the world. If they reject it later, or choose something else (whether that something is another religion, or nothing), then it will be on the basis of knowing what it is, and not based on ignorance.

[Anonymous]

This isn't a religion, this is a boundary issue. Be an adult and establish boundaries. Say we're not interested/don't want to and move on. If she asks again, tell her that your answer hasn't changed. Rinse, repeat.

[Anonymous]

We joined a church when our son was in fourth grade because we wanted him to be grounded in the history of the Christian religion,which is a cornerstone of Western civilization, as well as find a community of good people who have their hearts in the right place, and have a place where we can work for the greater good.

We found all of that in our current church. I sporadically went to church growing up, and I can't believe how much I am learning. Even all the phrases that are commonplace in our language that come straight out of the Bible. My son loves all the fun stuff the church groups are doing, and he is learning all the stories of the Bible. Again, so much of our culture is based on these stories. Even from a purely academic sense, it's smart to know them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll give a slightly different perspective, OP. A friend was raised by a lapsed Catholic family and never learned a thing about religions. We both agree that each person should make a personal choice about religion, but friend will say that being raised with no exposure effectively took that choice away from him. He feels that as an adult it is now a bridge too far.

So he feels that the children should be raised in a faith and attend religious education, so that when they reach the age of confirmation and ultimately adulthood, the choice is 100% their to make with sufficient knowledge to guide their decision of faith. In the end, if they decline to practice a faith, they still have a decent knowledge of biblical literature, which is a great education in and of itself, and can also contribute to discussions and debates about religion in a meaningful way. This friend always feels lost in such discussions because he is smart enough to realize that he doesn't quite understands what people are talking about.

Statistically speaking, he is correct. A person raised with no religion will not "decide for himself." He will do nothing, because that is what he was raised with.

Part of why I've raised my kids with religion is to give them a grounding in a faith-based view of the world. If they reject it later, or choose something else (whether that something is another religion, or nothing), then it will be on the basis of knowing what it is, and not based on ignorance.

Where are the statistics you reference -- I've never heard anything like this. From what I've observed (no stats available) people move in and out of religion irrespective of what they were raised with.

And what is a "faith-based view of the world" given there are so many faiths? Some are very mild - teaching of a kind and loving Jesus. - Others are harsh and punitive, enforcing belief with threats of eternal suffering. Do you mean faith based as opposed to fact-based? Or in addition to fact based?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
We joined a church when our son was in fourth grade because we wanted him to be grounded in the history of the Christian religion,which is a cornerstone of Western civilization, as well as find a community of good people who have their hearts in the right place, and have a place where we can work for the greater good.

We found all of that in our current church. I sporadically went to church growing up, and I can't believe how much I am learning. Even all the phrases that are commonplace in our language that come straight out of the Bible. My son loves all the fun stuff the church groups are doing, and he is learning all the stories of the Bible. Again, so much of our culture is based on these stories. Even from a purely academic sense, it's smart to know them.

It's possible to learn the history of the CHristian religion in a purely academic sense without being taught to believe that it's true.