My Mother is pushing us to go to church

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my 40s with kids (elementary school). My Mother keeps pushing us to go to church, saying the kids need to learn about God. She buys books for my kids but they are not interested. She makes us all say grace when they(mom and dad) visit. Now she's telling me that my nieces went to church this past weekend, and that we had better start going. She guilts us by saying stuff like we will not have the lords blessing, etc.

I personally have no interest. I found bible study boring. What's the appropriate thing to do w.r.t. the kids? Let them grow older and decide for themselves? Any thoughts on how to deal with mom?

OP, your story makes me so sad. You have no idea what church and a relationship with God could add to your family, and to your kids' lives. (Your's too, by the way.)

Your mother is another story and I have a feeling there are other issues here you haven't mentioned.

I wish it would "hit" me too! Then I'd go to church and this won't be an issue. I've done the religion thing as a teen and an adult. I never had the thirst like those in the bible study groups. I think I'm a non believer. Any issues that arise now is only because i was brought up thinking I HAD to go to church, not because I wanted to.

As for my kids, my mom has done a lot to share with them about christianity. So they are exposed. They'll listen and all and read the books with her. But they have never once asked to attend church. After all, they are only kids. If they "find" religion later, great.

OP, you're treating your kids like they're your pets or something.

It is your job as their father to provide guidance, truth and moral leadership. This is not something that you can just hope they'll stumble into at some point when they are adults. You are completely abdicating your responsibility here, as a man and as their dad.

And all because you still have mommy issues of your own.

Pathetic.

Do you go to Church?

Who, me? Yes. Weekly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my 40s with kids (elementary school). My Mother keeps pushing us to go to church, saying the kids need to learn about God. She buys books for my kids but they are not interested. She makes us all say grace when they(mom and dad) visit. Now she's telling me that my nieces went to church this past weekend, and that we had better start going. She guilts us by saying stuff like we will not have the lords blessing, etc.

I personally have no interest. I found bible study boring. What's the appropriate thing to do w.r.t. the kids? Let them grow older and decide for themselves? Any thoughts on how to deal with mom?

OP, your story makes me so sad. You have no idea what church and a relationship with God could add to your family, and to your kids' lives. (Your's too, by the way.)

Your mother is another story and I have a feeling there are other issues here you haven't mentioned.

I wish it would "hit" me too! Then I'd go to church and this won't be an issue. I've done the religion thing as a teen and an adult. I never had the thirst like those in the bible study groups. I think I'm a non believer. Any issues that arise now is only because i was brought up thinking I HAD to go to church, not because I wanted to.

As for my kids, my mom has done a lot to share with them about christianity. So they are exposed. They'll listen and all and read the books with her. But they have never once asked to attend church. After all, they are only kids. If they "find" religion later, great.

OP, you're treating your kids like they're your pets or something.

It is your job as their father to provide guidance, truth and moral leadership. This is not something that you can just hope they'll stumble into at some point when they are adults. You are completely abdicating your responsibility here, as a man and as their dad.

And all because you still have mommy issues of your own.

Pathetic.

What's pathetic are all of these child molesting Christian religious leaders and the congregations that shelter them. Whats pathetic are Congressmen who brag about their personal relationship with Jesus, and then spit on his teaching by cutting off food stamps and health insurance for low income kids. Most surveys of people in prison find thst the majority are Christians, and atheists are underrepresented. Going to church does not make you a decent or ethicsl person.

Of course it doesn't. Churches are full of sinners. Sinners who are redeemed by grace, we hope, but sinners none the less.

[Anonymous]

I'll give a slightly different perspective, OP. A friend was raised by a lapsed Catholic family and never learned a thing about religions. We both agree that each person should make a personal choice about religion, but friend will say that being raised with no exposure effectively took that choice away from him. He feels that as an adult it is now a bridge too far.

So he feels that the children should be raised in a faith and attend religious education, so that when they reach the age of confirmation and ultimately adulthood, the choice is 100% their to make with sufficient knowledge to guide their decision of faith. In the end, if they decline to practice a faith, they still have a decent knowledge of biblical literature, which is a great education in and of itself, and can also contribute to discussions and debates about religion in a meaningful way. This friend always feels lost in such discussions because he is smart enough to realize that he doesn't quite understands what people are talking about.

[Anonymous]

She raised her kids. Time for her to f*ck off. It's none of her business. Shut that shit down right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my 40s with kids (elementary school). My Mother keeps pushing us to go to church, saying the kids need to learn about God. She buys books for my kids but they are not interested. She makes us all say grace when they(mom and dad) visit. Now she's telling me that my nieces went to church this past weekend, and that we had better start going. She guilts us by saying stuff like we will not have the lords blessing, etc.

I personally have no interest. I found bible study boring. What's the appropriate thing to do w.r.t. the kids? Let them grow older and decide for themselves? Any thoughts on how to deal with mom?

OP, your story makes me so sad. You have no idea what church and a relationship with God could add to your family, and to your kids' lives. (Your's too, by the way.)

Your mother is another story and I have a feeling there are other issues here you haven't mentioned.

I wish it would "hit" me too! Then I'd go to church and this won't be an issue. I've done the religion thing as a teen and an adult. I never had the thirst like those in the bible study groups. I think I'm a non believer. Any issues that arise now is only because i was brought up thinking I HAD to go to church, not because I wanted to.

As for my kids, my mom has done a lot to share with them about christianity. So they are exposed. They'll listen and all and read the books with her. But they have never once asked to attend church. After all, they are only kids. If they "find" religion later, great.

OP, you're treating your kids like they're your pets or something.

It is your job as their father to provide guidance, truth and moral leadership. This is not something that you can just hope they'll stumble into at some point when they are adults. You are completely abdicating your responsibility here, as a man and as their dad.

And all because you still have mommy issues of your own.

Pathetic.

There is guidance, truth and moral leadership without God. Religion is not needed to be good person. That is quite obvious by noticing the people around you and that some who have religion are not very good people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my 40s with kids (elementary school). My Mother keeps pushing us to go to church, saying the kids need to learn about God. She buys books for my kids but they are not interested. She makes us all say grace when they(mom and dad) visit. Now she's telling me that my nieces went to church this past weekend, and that we had better start going. She guilts us by saying stuff like we will not have the lords blessing, etc.

I personally have no interest. I found bible study boring. What's the appropriate thing to do w.r.t. the kids? Let them grow older and decide for themselves? Any thoughts on how to deal with mom?

OP, your story makes me so sad. You have no idea what church and a relationship with God could add to your family, and to your kids' lives. (Your's too, by the way.)

Your mother is another story and I have a feeling there are other issues here you haven't mentioned.

I wish it would "hit" me too! Then I'd go to church and this won't be an issue. I've done the religion thing as a teen and an adult. I never had the thirst like those in the bible study groups. I think I'm a non believer. Any issues that arise now is only because i was brought up thinking I HAD to go to church, not because I wanted to.

As for my kids, my mom has done a lot to share with them about christianity. So they are exposed. They'll listen and all and read the books with her. But they have never once asked to attend church. After all, they are only kids. If they "find" religion later, great.

OP, you're treating your kids like they're your pets or something.

It is your job as their father to provide guidance, truth and moral leadership. This is not something that you can just hope they'll stumble into at some point when they are adults. You are completely abdicating your responsibility here, as a man and as their dad.

And all because you still have mommy issues of your own.

Pathetic.

It sounds like you have a hell of a lot of anxiety about your own guidance, truth, and morality, and are projecting your insecurities on OP. I assure you, people without religion can grow up to be wonderfully loving, decent, purposeful, and ethical human beings.

And what is that source of their truth and morality?

So trust an invisible deity if you want to. It's not for everyone and it certainly is no garuntee of being a good person

Humanity. Society. Treating people how you want to be treated. That we all benefit from behaving decently with each other. You could call that selfishness, but we all have it. For some people, it's selfish heavenly reward from their deity. For others, it's a selfish driven benefit from cooperating as a collective.

No, actually, we don't. Frankly, "humanity" and "society" is about the last thing I would ever want to trust as a source of truth or morality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll give a slightly different perspective, OP. A friend was raised by a lapsed Catholic family and never learned a thing about religions. We both agree that each person should make a personal choice about religion, but friend will say that being raised with no exposure effectively took that choice away from him. He feels that as an adult it is now a bridge too far.

So he feels that the children should be raised in a faith and attend religious education, so that when they reach the age of confirmation and ultimately adulthood, the choice is 100% their to make with sufficient knowledge to guide their decision of faith. In the end, if they decline to practice a faith, they still have a decent knowledge of biblical literature, which is a great education in and of itself, and can also contribute to discussions and debates about religion in a meaningful way. This friend always feels lost in such discussions because he is smart enough to realize that he doesn't quite understands what people are talking about.

Your friend can take a course in Biblical literature any time and not feel cut off. He could send his kids to a Unitarian church where they learn about all religions and are not indoctrinated into any one religion.

There are lots of ways to learn about religion without being a member of a particular denomination.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my 40s with kids (elementary school). My Mother keeps pushing us to go to church, saying the kids need to learn about God. She buys books for my kids but they are not interested. She makes us all say grace when they(mom and dad) visit. Now she's telling me that my nieces went to church this past weekend, and that we had better start going. She guilts us by saying stuff like we will not have the lords blessing, etc.

I personally have no interest. I found bible study boring. What's the appropriate thing to do w.r.t. the kids? Let them grow older and decide for themselves? Any thoughts on how to deal with mom?

OP, your story makes me so sad. You have no idea what church and a relationship with God could add to your family, and to your kids' lives. (Your's too, by the way.)

Your mother is another story and I have a feeling there are other issues here you haven't mentioned.

I wish it would "hit" me too! Then I'd go to church and this won't be an issue. I've done the religion thing as a teen and an adult. I never had the thirst like those in the bible study groups. I think I'm a non believer. Any issues that arise now is only because i was brought up thinking I HAD to go to church, not because I wanted to.

As for my kids, my mom has done a lot to share with them about christianity. So they are exposed. They'll listen and all and read the books with her. But they have never once asked to attend church. After all, they are only kids. If they "find" religion later, great.

OP, you're treating your kids like they're your pets or something.

It is your job as their father to provide guidance, truth and moral leadership. This is not something that you can just hope they'll stumble into at some point when they are adults. You are completely abdicating your responsibility here, as a man and as their dad.

And all because you still have mommy issues of your own.

Pathetic.

It sounds like you have a hell of a lot of anxiety about your own guidance, truth, and morality, and are projecting your insecurities on OP. I assure you, people without religion can grow up to be wonderfully loving, decent, purposeful, and ethical human beings.

And what is that source of their truth and morality?

Humanity. Society. Treating people how you want to be treated. That we all benefit from behaving decently with each other. You could call that selfishness, but we all have it. For some people, it's selfish heavenly reward from their deity. For others, it's a selfish driven benefit from cooperating as a collective.

No, actually, we don't. Frankly, "humanity" and "society" is about the last thing I would ever want to trust as a source of truth or morality.

So trust an invisible deity if you want to. It's not for everyone and it certainly is no garuntee of being a good person

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my 40s with kids (elementary school). My Mother keeps pushing us to go to church, saying the kids need to learn about God. She buys books for my kids but they are not interested. She makes us all say grace when they(mom and dad) visit. Now she's telling me that my nieces went to church this past weekend, and that we had better start going. She guilts us by saying stuff like we will not have the lords blessing, etc.

I personally have no interest. I found bible study boring. What's the appropriate thing to do w.r.t. the kids? Let them grow older and decide for themselves? Any thoughts on how to deal with mom?

OP, your story makes me so sad. You have no idea what church and a relationship with God could add to your family, and to your kids' lives. (Your's too, by the way.)

Your mother is another story and I have a feeling there are other issues here you haven't mentioned.

I wish it would "hit" me too! Then I'd go to church and this won't be an issue. I've done the religion thing as a teen and an adult. I never had the thirst like those in the bible study groups. I think I'm a non believer. Any issues that arise now is only because i was brought up thinking I HAD to go to church, not because I wanted to.

As for my kids, my mom has done a lot to share with them about christianity. So they are exposed. They'll listen and all and read the books with her. But they have never once asked to attend church. After all, they are only kids. If they "find" religion later, great.

OP, you're treating your kids like they're your pets or something.

It is your job as their father to provide guidance, truth and moral leadership. This is not something that you can just hope they'll stumble into at some point when they are adults. You are completely abdicating your responsibility here, as a man and as their dad.

And all because you still have mommy issues of your own.

Pathetic.

There is guidance, truth and moral leadership without God. Religion is not needed to be good person. That is quite obvious by noticing the people around you and that some who have religion are not very good people.

Sorry, but your argument makes no sense, except to acknowledge that "religion" and "God" are two different things. But there is no truth or moral underpinning without God Himself. Religion is man-made, and thus corrupted and corruptable.

[Anonymous]

It is interesting that you have such a strong reaction to your stepmother when you are no different from her. Your dictatorial form of parenting has the same effect on your child. You have decided that your daughter will be just like you and she will "not believe in Jesus or Christianity."

Anonymous wrote:I would just say no. "Mom, we're not going to church. I'm not going to discuss it with you anymore. When you're in our house if you bring it up, I'm going to have to insist you leave."

But I don't play games. I really WOULD kick her out. My stepmother tried to get my DD baptized and I wasn't having it. She was all "But I've reserved the church!" and I said, "I do not believe in Jesus or Christianity. My daughter will not be getting baptized." And DH and I never ever left her alone in a room with the baby.

[Anonymous]

Op - you want to be a good mother and set a good example, right? She's being rude. You need to care less about her feelings, and more about establishing your own family.

[Anonymous]

The reason a lot of grandparents/parents try to teach religion to their children/grandchildren is not only to make them "loving, decent, purposeful, and ethical human beings." A person can be all of these things even if he/she does not believe in God. It is about giving their children/grandchildren faith to help them cope during hard times. I have chosen to bring my children to church and to teach them about Christ, but I will allow them to make their own choices about religion. I sincerely hope that as adults they have some sort of faith, even if it is different from mine, so that they have something to lean on when they face tragedy and/or life's challenges.

Anonymous wrote:
It sounds like you have a hell of a lot of anxiety about your own guidance, truth, and morality, and are projecting your insecurities on OP. I assure you, people without religion can grow up to be wonderfully loving, decent, purposeful, and ethical human beings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my 40s with kids (elementary school). My Mother keeps pushing us to go to church, saying the kids need to learn about God. She buys books for my kids but they are not interested. She makes us all say grace when they(mom and dad) visit. Now she's telling me that my nieces went to church this past weekend, and that we had better start going. She guilts us by saying stuff like we will not have the lords blessing, etc.

I personally have no interest. I found bible study boring. What's the appropriate thing to do w.r.t. the kids? Let them grow older and decide for themselves? Any thoughts on how to deal with mom?

OP, your story makes me so sad. You have no idea what church and a relationship with God could add to your family, and to your kids' lives. (Your's too, by the way.)

Your mother is another story and I have a feeling there are other issues here you haven't mentioned.

I wish it would "hit" me too! Then I'd go to church and this won't be an issue. I've done the religion thing as a teen and an adult. I never had the thirst like those in the bible study groups. I think I'm a non believer. Any issues that arise now is only because i was brought up thinking I HAD to go to church, not because I wanted to.

As for my kids, my mom has done a lot to share with them about christianity. So they are exposed. They'll listen and all and read the books with her. But they have never once asked to attend church. After all, they are only kids. If they "find" religion later, great.

OP, you're treating your kids like they're your pets or something.

It is your job as their father to provide guidance, truth and moral leadership. This is not something that you can just hope they'll stumble into at some point when they are adults. You are completely abdicating your responsibility here, as a man and as their dad.

And all because you still have mommy issues of your own.

Pathetic.

What's pathetic are all of these child molesting Christian religious leaders and the congregations that shelter them. Whats pathetic are Congressmen who brag about their personal relationship with Jesus, and then spit on his teaching by cutting off food stamps and health insurance for low income kids. Most surveys of people in prison find thst the majority are Christians, and atheists are underrepresented. Going to church does not make you a decent or ethicsl person.

What’s pathetic are the atheists like pp who waste everybody’s time trolling on a religion forum. Ethics, where?

[Anonymous]

Rejecting church is certainly the trend among young parents. In fact, I view church as a community center that is essential in supporting families and young people seeking a moral code. Both my kids benefitted greatly. Ours is a moderate congregation with a mix of liberals and conservatives but no evangelicals. I don't know what teens do who don't have a "youth group." Many who aren't athletes or popular kids seem devoid of any support network.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rejecting church is certainly the trend among young parents. In fact, I view church as a community center that is essential in supporting families and young people seeking a moral code. Both my kids benefitted greatly. Ours is a moderate congregation with a mix of liberals and conservatives but no evangelicals. I don't know what teens do who don't have a "youth group." Many who aren't athletes or popular kids seem devoid of any support network.

It's possible to have a youth group that doesn't require belief, or at least lip service, to a deity.