Anonymous wrote:I'm not a POC (and thus will defer to POC on this if they disagree with me), but here's what I've gleaned from reading/listening/learning.
One issue is the legacy of racism and what it means to succeed, in that for a long time so much of success for a POC is the extent to which they are accepted by and integrated into white society. In the eyes of some POC, a POC (especially an affluent/successful POC) marrying a white person can be seen as perpetuating this notion that the goal of POC is to integrate into white society (via marriage) rather than succeed in their own skin.
Another issue is what it does to communities, which still tend to be highly segregated by race. When a POC marries a white person, if they are successful/affluent enough to do so, they tend to move to a whiter/more affluent community rather than staying in a less affluent community with a higher concentration of POC (this happens with POC couples as well, but at a lesser rate than white/POC couples). One effect of this is to remove from the community exactly the kind of people who would be in the best position to invest (not just financially but also with time/effort) in the community and help improve it. Another is that the kinds of people you'd like to have in your community as role models for kids tend not to stick around, and it's a lot harder for young kids trying to find their way out of a cycle of poverty to find an example they know personally of someone who looks like them who has been successful, who's broken the cycle, and who might be able to guide them a bit as they grow up.
Also, the rates of mixed-race marriages tends not to be balanced across the genders. Black men are more likely to marry white women than black women are to marry white men; it's the reverse for hispanic and asian communities. Whatever the reason for that (and there are plenty of factors we could discuss) the end result is that, for instance, black women tend to have a harder time finding a husband/long-term partner, especially one who will contribute positively to a family (both financially and emotionally), when a disproportionate number of black men (especially black men who are more likely to be financially stable and involved partners/parents) are marrying white women, and there's not a commensurate group of white men who would provide the same looking to marry black women.
Black woman here. This an excellent analysis of things from the POC side. I would add that an explanation a black male friend of mine gave me for why black men are hostile to white men dating black women: A lot of BM feel that the love and support of BW is one of the few things they can rely on and take for granted. BW are usually hostile to dating WM as a matter of strongly-held racial loyalty to BM and a lot of BM like it that way. A lot of BM also feel threatened by WM, whom BM perceive as already having “everything.” So, seeing a BW with a WM actives a lot of envy, resentment, and fear on the part of BM. If BM have to compete with WM for BM, they do not feel they will succeed in that struggle.
This is so true. BM would rather see another BW single and unmarried than with a WM.
Black man, here. In my nearly 50 years I've never encountered a black man who appeared hostile toward, resentful, or envious of black women with white men. I'm not saying it doesn't exist, but these theories strike me as way off the mark and out of touch. Fact is, interracial relationships are a pretty popular discussion topic among black people, and harboring disdain toward black women for dating a white man, or black men feeling threatened by white men is not a part of that dialogue. I can say with a hefty degree of confidence that black men, in general, have zero fear of white men - in any capacity.
Sorry, buddy, you’re not fooling anyone. I am an Asian woman and even I have seen black men staring angrily, muttering, pointing, and even outright confronting black women with white men. No offense, but I don’t believe for a second you haven’t ever seen this.
I am white and have dated women of all the major ethnic backgrounds. Black men were an absolute nuisance when I had a black girlfriend. If we were in close proximity to a sketchy downtown area, you would hear some very ignorant comments. But if we were in the burbs or a classier area, no issues whatsoever. And never had an issue when dating women of other races.
As an AA male (but not your "buddy), I believe I'm in the best position to tell you how I and many of us feel about black women involved in interracial relationships. Say what you like, but it simply is not a major issue for us. I am trying not to project my thoughts to all black males, because I think that would be disingenuous. But I've always been in very close contact with a wide range of black males from various backgrounds - doctors to convicted felons. We have 99 problems, but this issue ain't one.
Ok dude. You have a bunch of AA women on here who could also know a lot of black men from different walks of life (and *gasp* may have a dad or a brother who is a black male) describing what they have ACTUALLY experienced yet you are mansplaining how that doesn’t happen?
I did not say it "doesn't happen". I said it's not a prominent issue that most black men deal with. I'm not speaking against the "bunch" of black women you say are on here - I have no reason to doubt their experiences - I was simply stating that I do not believe there is a there, there. It's not. Period. Dude.
Don't bother. There is a certain subset of black women that ant o believe they are perpetually victimized by black men. That black men don't an to date them and they were forced to date hite men. My sisters played this tune when they had chose to marry hite men. They shut up about it hen I married a successful black man. Some people do exprience judgment and racism, ut I believe ea far larger amount just like drama like my sisters.
You are wayyy oversimplifying. It is literally a fact that there are not enough college educated black men for every college educated black women. That doesn’t mean that you have to date white men but that does mean that for a lot of women, if they want to be with someone with the same credentials, they do have to date non-black men.
Nope. Black women ho ant an educated black man can have one. It is that simple. People like you don't like hearing that because then you have to examine your real reasons for dating outside of your race. Please note that I think people of other races do fall in love with each other and get married and people should date who they like.
I'm a white woman married to a black man. And from my personal experience, there are still plenty of whites that don't support interracial relationships out there. I was banned from some relatives houses when I first started dating my husband. I've gotten comments from white coworkers and acquaintances. So I think framing this as an issue of POC having issues with mixed race relationships is unfair, as some people of all races still have prejudices. That being said, we have also come a long way as a society in a relatively short time on this issue.
My parents were an interracial couple in the eighties. From where I sit now, that was a bold move. It's still not easy, as far as I can tell (see: Meghan Markle).
I "pass" as white and am married to a white man, but when people learn of my background something shifts, invariably. Especially for white people ("you are not one of us!!").
Anonymous wrote:My parents were an interracial couple in the eighties. From where I sit now, that was a bold move. It's still not easy, as far as I can tell (see: Meghan Markle).
I "pass" as white and am married to a white man, but when people learn of my background something shifts, invariably. Especially for white people ("you are not one of us!!").
It's so tiresome.
I am the black mum of children who can pass as white and I know exactly what you mean. As soon as white people realize my children are half black, that shift you describe occurs. Certainly doesn’t make one fond of whites, does it?
Anonymous wrote:I'm not a POC (and thus will defer to POC on this if they disagree with me), but here's what I've gleaned from reading/listening/learning.
One issue is the legacy of racism and what it means to succeed, in that for a long time so much of success for a POC is the extent to which they are accepted by and integrated into white society. In the eyes of some POC, a POC (especially an affluent/successful POC) marrying a white person can be seen as perpetuating this notion that the goal of POC is to integrate into white society (via marriage) rather than succeed in their own skin.
Another issue is what it does to communities, which still tend to be highly segregated by race. When a POC marries a white person, if they are successful/affluent enough to do so, they tend to move to a whiter/more affluent community rather than staying in a less affluent community with a higher concentration of POC (this happens with POC couples as well, but at a lesser rate than white/POC couples). One effect of this is to remove from the community exactly the kind of people who would be in the best position to invest (not just financially but also with time/effort) in the community and help improve it. Another is that the kinds of people you'd like to have in your community as role models for kids tend not to stick around, and it's a lot harder for young kids trying to find their way out of a cycle of poverty to find an example they know personally of someone who looks like them who has been successful, who's broken the cycle, and who might be able to guide them a bit as they grow up.
Also, the rates of mixed-race marriages tends not to be balanced across the genders. Black men are more likely to marry white women than black women are to marry white men; it's the reverse for hispanic and asian communities. Whatever the reason for that (and there are plenty of factors we could discuss) the end result is that, for instance, black women tend to have a harder time finding a husband/long-term partner, especially one who will contribute positively to a family (both financially and emotionally), when a disproportionate number of black men (especially black men who are more likely to be financially stable and involved partners/parents) are marrying white women, and there's not a commensurate group of white men who would provide the same looking to marry black women.
Black woman here. This an excellent analysis of things from the POC side. I would add that an explanation a black male friend of mine gave me for why black men are hostile to white men dating black women: A lot of BM feel that the love and support of BW is one of the few things they can rely on and take for granted. BW are usually hostile to dating WM as a matter of strongly-held racial loyalty to BM and a lot of BM like it that way. A lot of BM also feel threatened by WM, whom BM perceive as already having “everything.” So, seeing a BW with a WM actives a lot of envy, resentment, and fear on the part of BM. If BM have to compete with WM for BM, they do not feel they will succeed in that struggle.
This is so true. BM would rather see another BW single and unmarried than with a WM.
Black man, here. In my nearly 50 years I've never encountered a black man who appeared hostile toward, resentful, or envious of black women with white men. I'm not saying it doesn't exist, but these theories strike me as way off the mark and out of touch. Fact is, interracial relationships are a pretty popular discussion topic among black people, and harboring disdain toward black women for dating a white man, or black men feeling threatened by white men is not a part of that dialogue. I can say with a hefty degree of confidence that black men, in general, have zero fear of white men - in any capacity.
BW here. My experience is similar to the BM above. I am married to a white man, and we have never had any issues in our over ten years of marriage. No one has looked as us funny or said anything rude. But we are in the Washington DC metro area. Maybe it is different in other regions of the country.
I'm a BW.dating a WM. Ww have had a white woman give us nasty looks, and a black man in DuPont heckle us.
" What happened sis? That white boy doesn't know what to do with all of that "
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