POC and resenting mixed-race relationships

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I smile at every interracial couple I see. You can't force people to like it, but you can show the couple involved that you support it.

This is very weird.

It's creepy and patronizing toward the couple. How about just treating them like everyone else instead of "smiling to show support."

I'm part of an interracial couple and I would welcome. We've been to places (not in DC) where we've received cold stares. I appreciate the support.

+1. IR couple.

+1

Smiles are better than cold stares or angry looks.

-half of an IR couple

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I smile at every interracial couple I see. You can't force people to like it, but you can show the couple involved that you support it.

This is very weird.

It's creepy and patronizing toward the couple. How about just treating them like everyone else instead of "smiling to show support."

I agree. I hate the aggressive smiles as much as pointed stares. Just leave us the hell alone and carry on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not a POC (and thus will defer to POC on this if they disagree with me), but here's what I've gleaned from reading/listening/learning.

One issue is the legacy of racism and what it means to succeed, in that for a long time so much of success for a POC is the extent to which they are accepted by and integrated into white society. In the eyes of some POC, a POC (especially an affluent/successful POC) marrying a white person can be seen as perpetuating this notion that the goal of POC is to integrate into white society (via marriage) rather than succeed in their own skin.

Another issue is what it does to communities, which still tend to be highly segregated by race. When a POC marries a white person, if they are successful/affluent enough to do so, they tend to move to a whiter/more affluent community rather than staying in a less affluent community with a higher concentration of POC (this happens with POC couples as well, but at a lesser rate than white/POC couples). One effect of this is to remove from the community exactly the kind of people who would be in the best position to invest (not just financially but also with time/effort) in the community and help improve it. Another is that the kinds of people you'd like to have in your community as role models for kids tend not to stick around, and it's a lot harder for young kids trying to find their way out of a cycle of poverty to find an example they know personally of someone who looks like them who has been successful, who's broken the cycle, and who might be able to guide them a bit as they grow up.

Also, the rates of mixed-race marriages tends not to be balanced across the genders. Black men are more likely to marry white women than black women are to marry white men; it's the reverse for hispanic and asian communities. Whatever the reason for that (and there are plenty of factors we could discuss) the end result is that, for instance, black women tend to have a harder time finding a husband/long-term partner, especially one who will contribute positively to a family (both financially and emotionally), when a disproportionate number of black men (especially black men who are more likely to be financially stable and involved partners/parents) are marrying white women, and there's not a commensurate group of white men who would provide the same looking to marry black women.

Black woman here. This an excellent analysis of things from the POC side. I would add that an explanation a black male friend of mine gave me for why black men are hostile to white men dating black women: A lot of BM feel that the love and support of BW is one of the few things they can rely on and take for granted. BW are usually hostile to dating WM as a matter of strongly-held racial loyalty to BM and a lot of BM like it that way. A lot of BM also feel threatened by WM, whom BM perceive as already having “everything.” So, seeing a BW with a WM actives a lot of envy, resentment, and fear on the part of BM. If BM have to compete with WM for BM, they do not feel they will succeed in that struggle.

This is so true. BM would rather see another BW single and unmarried than with a WM.

Black man, here. In my nearly 50 years I've never encountered a black man who appeared hostile toward, resentful, or envious of black women with white men. I'm not saying it doesn't exist, but these theories strike me as way off the mark and out of touch. Fact is, interracial relationships are a pretty popular discussion topic among black people, and harboring disdain toward black women for dating a white man, or black men feeling threatened by white men is not a part of that dialogue. I can say with a hefty degree of confidence that black men, in general, have zero fear of white men - in any capacity.

Sorry, buddy, you’re not fooling anyone. I am an Asian woman and even I have seen black men staring angrily, muttering, pointing, and even outright confronting black women with white men. No offense, but I don’t believe for a second you haven’t ever seen this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not a POC (and thus will defer to POC on this if they disagree with me), but here's what I've gleaned from reading/listening/learning.

One issue is the legacy of racism and what it means to succeed, in that for a long time so much of success for a POC is the extent to which they are accepted by and integrated into white society. In the eyes of some POC, a POC (especially an affluent/successful POC) marrying a white person can be seen as perpetuating this notion that the goal of POC is to integrate into white society (via marriage) rather than succeed in their own skin.

Another issue is what it does to communities, which still tend to be highly segregated by race. When a POC marries a white person, if they are successful/affluent enough to do so, they tend to move to a whiter/more affluent community rather than staying in a less affluent community with a higher concentration of POC (this happens with POC couples as well, but at a lesser rate than white/POC couples). One effect of this is to remove from the community exactly the kind of people who would be in the best position to invest (not just financially but also with time/effort) in the community and help improve it. Another is that the kinds of people you'd like to have in your community as role models for kids tend not to stick around, and it's a lot harder for young kids trying to find their way out of a cycle of poverty to find an example they know personally of someone who looks like them who has been successful, who's broken the cycle, and who might be able to guide them a bit as they grow up.

Also, the rates of mixed-race marriages tends not to be balanced across the genders. Black men are more likely to marry white women than black women are to marry white men; it's the reverse for hispanic and asian communities. Whatever the reason for that (and there are plenty of factors we could discuss) the end result is that, for instance, black women tend to have a harder time finding a husband/long-term partner, especially one who will contribute positively to a family (both financially and emotionally), when a disproportionate number of black men (especially black men who are more likely to be financially stable and involved partners/parents) are marrying white women, and there's not a commensurate group of white men who would provide the same looking to marry black women.

Black woman here. This an excellent analysis of things from the POC side. I would add that an explanation a black male friend of mine gave me for why black men are hostile to white men dating black women: A lot of BM feel that the love and support of BW is one of the few things they can rely on and take for granted. BW are usually hostile to dating WM as a matter of strongly-held racial loyalty to BM and a lot of BM like it that way. A lot of BM also feel threatened by WM, whom BM perceive as already having “everything.” So, seeing a BW with a WM actives a lot of envy, resentment, and fear on the part of BM. If BM have to compete with WM for BM, they do not feel they will succeed in that struggle.

This is so true. BM would rather see another BW single and unmarried than with a WM.

Black man, here. In my nearly 50 years I've never encountered a black man who appeared hostile toward, resentful, or envious of black women with white men. I'm not saying it doesn't exist, but these theories strike me as way off the mark and out of touch. Fact is, interracial relationships are a pretty popular discussion topic among black people, and harboring disdain toward black women for dating a white man, or black men feeling threatened by white men is not a part of that dialogue. I can say with a hefty degree of confidence that black men, in general, have zero fear of white men - in any capacity.

Sorry, buddy, you’re not fooling anyone. I am an Asian woman and even I have seen black men staring angrily, muttering, pointing, and even outright confronting black women with white men. No offense, but I don’t believe for a second you haven’t ever seen this.

I am white and have dated women of all the major ethnic backgrounds. Black men were an absolute nuisance when I had a black girlfriend. If we were in close proximity to a sketchy downtown area, you would hear some very ignorant comments. But if we were in the burbs or a classier area, no issues whatsoever. And never had an issue when dating women of other races.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a white man who only dates WOC. I find that women of my woman's race tend to be envious of her and very friendly to me.

Very interesting. What are the signs they show that indicate they're envious of your woman?

I have a hard time describing the envious looks, but sometimes there are comments. I'm a 6'5" Scandinavian blonde.

[Anonymous]

I’m a white woman who dated a black Hispanic guy for 2+ years in college and right after. We got some flack from whites. A lot of dumb comments about black men and penis size but also “aren’t you worried he’s going to become a domestic abuser” and stuff. non-Hispanic blacks, both men and women, were the worst about it tbh. We were publicly confronted on more than one occasion. People saying stuff right in front of me like “oh are our women not good enough for you?” My ex-BF didn’t identify as Black American at all, just Hispanic! Parents are both immigrants, still has family in DR, fluent Spanish speaker, overall deep ties to that culture. And since my ex in the past had dated White or Hispanic girls of any race, he was used to it and bitter about the harassment and became kind of racist to African- Americans himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not a POC (and thus will defer to POC on this if they disagree with me), but here's what I've gleaned from reading/listening/learning.

One issue is the legacy of racism and what it means to succeed, in that for a long time so much of success for a POC is the extent to which they are accepted by and integrated into white society. In the eyes of some POC, a POC (especially an affluent/successful POC) marrying a white person can be seen as perpetuating this notion that the goal of POC is to integrate into white society (via marriage) rather than succeed in their own skin.

Another issue is what it does to communities, which still tend to be highly segregated by race. When a POC marries a white person, if they are successful/affluent enough to do so, they tend to move to a whiter/more affluent community rather than staying in a less affluent community with a higher concentration of POC (this happens with POC couples as well, but at a lesser rate than white/POC couples). One effect of this is to remove from the community exactly the kind of people who would be in the best position to invest (not just financially but also with time/effort) in the community and help improve it. Another is that the kinds of people you'd like to have in your community as role models for kids tend not to stick around, and it's a lot harder for young kids trying to find their way out of a cycle of poverty to find an example they know personally of someone who looks like them who has been successful, who's broken the cycle, and who might be able to guide them a bit as they grow up.

Also, the rates of mixed-race marriages tends not to be balanced across the genders. Black men are more likely to marry white women than black women are to marry white men; it's the reverse for hispanic and asian communities. Whatever the reason for that (and there are plenty of factors we could discuss) the end result is that, for instance, black women tend to have a harder time finding a husband/long-term partner, especially one who will contribute positively to a family (both financially and emotionally), when a disproportionate number of black men (especially black men who are more likely to be financially stable and involved partners/parents) are marrying white women, and there's not a commensurate group of white men who would provide the same looking to marry black women.

Black woman here. This an excellent analysis of things from the POC side. I would add that an explanation a black male friend of mine gave me for why black men are hostile to white men dating black women: A lot of BM feel that the love and support of BW is one of the few things they can rely on and take for granted. BW are usually hostile to dating WM as a matter of strongly-held racial loyalty to BM and a lot of BM like it that way. A lot of BM also feel threatened by WM, whom BM perceive as already having “everything.” So, seeing a BW with a WM actives a lot of envy, resentment, and fear on the part of BM. If BM have to compete with WM for BM, they do not feel they will succeed in that struggle.

This is so true. BM would rather see another BW single and unmarried than with a WM.

Black man, here. In my nearly 50 years I've never encountered a black man who appeared hostile toward, resentful, or envious of black women with white men. I'm not saying it doesn't exist, but these theories strike me as way off the mark and out of touch. Fact is, interracial relationships are a pretty popular discussion topic among black people, and harboring disdain toward black women for dating a white man, or black men feeling threatened by white men is not a part of that dialogue. I can say with a hefty degree of confidence that black men, in general, have zero fear of white men - in any capacity.

Sorry, buddy, you’re not fooling anyone. I am an Asian woman and even I have seen black men staring angrily, muttering, pointing, and even outright confronting black women with white men. No offense, but I don’t believe for a second you haven’t ever seen this.

I am white and have dated women of all the major ethnic backgrounds. Black men were an absolute nuisance when I had a black girlfriend. If we were in close proximity to a sketchy downtown area, you would hear some very ignorant comments. But if we were in the burbs or a classier area, no issues whatsoever. And never had an issue when dating women of other races.

As an AA male (but not your "buddy), I believe I'm in the best position to tell you how I and many of us feel about black women involved in interracial relationships. Say what you like, but it simply is not a major issue for us. I am trying not to project my thoughts to all black males, because I think that would be disingenuous. But I've always been in very close contact with a wide range of black males from various backgrounds - doctors to convicted felons. We have 99 problems, but this issue ain't one.

[Anonymous]

Ahy is the black male in the thread speaking out of turn. You have never dealt with other black men while being a black woman or white man in an interracial relationship. Black men could be heckling black women and white men all day long and you wouldn’t know because you’re not the target. You’re like a white man saying whites aren’t racist towards black people because he’s never experienced it.

[Anonymous]

^^That should be “why,” not “ahy.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not a POC (and thus will defer to POC on this if they disagree with me), but here's what I've gleaned from reading/listening/learning.

One issue is the legacy of racism and what it means to succeed, in that for a long time so much of success for a POC is the extent to which they are accepted by and integrated into white society. In the eyes of some POC, a POC (especially an affluent/successful POC) marrying a white person can be seen as perpetuating this notion that the goal of POC is to integrate into white society (via marriage) rather than succeed in their own skin.

Another issue is what it does to communities, which still tend to be highly segregated by race. When a POC marries a white person, if they are successful/affluent enough to do so, they tend to move to a whiter/more affluent community rather than staying in a less affluent community with a higher concentration of POC (this happens with POC couples as well, but at a lesser rate than white/POC couples). One effect of this is to remove from the community exactly the kind of people who would be in the best position to invest (not just financially but also with time/effort) in the community and help improve it. Another is that the kinds of people you'd like to have in your community as role models for kids tend not to stick around, and it's a lot harder for young kids trying to find their way out of a cycle of poverty to find an example they know personally of someone who looks like them who has been successful, who's broken the cycle, and who might be able to guide them a bit as they grow up.

Also, the rates of mixed-race marriages tends not to be balanced across the genders. Black men are more likely to marry white women than black women are to marry white men; it's the reverse for hispanic and asian communities. Whatever the reason for that (and there are plenty of factors we could discuss) the end result is that, for instance, black women tend to have a harder time finding a husband/long-term partner, especially one who will contribute positively to a family (both financially and emotionally), when a disproportionate number of black men (especially black men who are more likely to be financially stable and involved partners/parents) are marrying white women, and there's not a commensurate group of white men who would provide the same looking to marry black women.

Black woman here. This an excellent analysis of things from the POC side. I would add that an explanation a black male friend of mine gave me for why black men are hostile to white men dating black women: A lot of BM feel that the love and support of BW is one of the few things they can rely on and take for granted. BW are usually hostile to dating WM as a matter of strongly-held racial loyalty to BM and a lot of BM like it that way. A lot of BM also feel threatened by WM, whom BM perceive as already having “everything.” So, seeing a BW with a WM actives a lot of envy, resentment, and fear on the part of BM. If BM have to compete with WM for BM, they do not feel they will succeed in that struggle.

This is so true. BM would rather see another BW single and unmarried than with a WM.

Black man, here. In my nearly 50 years I've never encountered a black man who appeared hostile toward, resentful, or envious of black women with white men. I'm not saying it doesn't exist, but these theories strike me as way off the mark and out of touch. Fact is, interracial relationships are a pretty popular discussion topic among black people, and harboring disdain toward black women for dating a white man, or black men feeling threatened by white men is not a part of that dialogue. I can say with a hefty degree of confidence that black men, in general, have zero fear of white men - in any capacity.

Sorry, buddy, you’re not fooling anyone. I am an Asian woman and even I have seen black men staring angrily, muttering, pointing, and even outright confronting black women with white men. No offense, but I don’t believe for a second you haven’t ever seen this.

I am white and have dated women of all the major ethnic backgrounds. Black men were an absolute nuisance when I had a black girlfriend. If we were in close proximity to a sketchy downtown area, you would hear some very ignorant comments. But if we were in the burbs or a classier area, no issues whatsoever. And never had an issue when dating women of other races.

As an AA male (but not your "buddy), I believe I'm in the best position to tell you how I and many of us feel about black women involved in interracial relationships. Say what you like, but it simply is not a major issue for us. I am trying not to project my thoughts to all black males, because I think that would be disingenuous. But I've always been in very close contact with a wide range of black males from various backgrounds - doctors to convicted felons. We have 99 problems, but this issue ain't one.

Ok dude. You have a bunch of AA women on here who could also know a lot of black men from different walks of life (and *gasp* may have a dad or a brother who is a black male) describing what they have ACTUALLY experienced yet you are mansplaining how that doesn’t happen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a white man who only dates WOC. I find that women of my woman's race tend to be envious of her and very friendly to me.

Very interesting. What are the signs they show that indicate they're envious of your woman?

I have a hard time describing the envious looks, but sometimes there are comments. I'm a 6'5" Scandinavian blonde.

What ethnicity is your partner? In some cultures, she would not be envied because there is the expectation people stick to their own, in fact it would be the opposite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not a POC (and thus will defer to POC on this if they disagree with me), but here's what I've gleaned from reading/listening/learning.

One issue is the legacy of racism and what it means to succeed, in that for a long time so much of success for a POC is the extent to which they are accepted by and integrated into white society. In the eyes of some POC, a POC (especially an affluent/successful POC) marrying a white person can be seen as perpetuating this notion that the goal of POC is to integrate into white society (via marriage) rather than succeed in their own skin.

Another issue is what it does to communities, which still tend to be highly segregated by race. When a POC marries a white person, if they are successful/affluent enough to do so, they tend to move to a whiter/more affluent community rather than staying in a less affluent community with a higher concentration of POC (this happens with POC couples as well, but at a lesser rate than white/POC couples). One effect of this is to remove from the community exactly the kind of people who would be in the best position to invest (not just financially but also with time/effort) in the community and help improve it. Another is that the kinds of people you'd like to have in your community as role models for kids tend not to stick around, and it's a lot harder for young kids trying to find their way out of a cycle of poverty to find an example they know personally of someone who looks like them who has been successful, who's broken the cycle, and who might be able to guide them a bit as they grow up.

Also, the rates of mixed-race marriages tends not to be balanced across the genders. Black men are more likely to marry white women than black women are to marry white men; it's the reverse for hispanic and asian communities. Whatever the reason for that (and there are plenty of factors we could discuss) the end result is that, for instance, black women tend to have a harder time finding a husband/long-term partner, especially one who will contribute positively to a family (both financially and emotionally), when a disproportionate number of black men (especially black men who are more likely to be financially stable and involved partners/parents) are marrying white women, and there's not a commensurate group of white men who would provide the same looking to marry black women.

Black woman here. This an excellent analysis of things from the POC side. I would add that an explanation a black male friend of mine gave me for why black men are hostile to white men dating black women: A lot of BM feel that the love and support of BW is one of the few things they can rely on and take for granted. BW are usually hostile to dating WM as a matter of strongly-held racial loyalty to BM and a lot of BM like it that way. A lot of BM also feel threatened by WM, whom BM perceive as already having “everything.” So, seeing a BW with a WM actives a lot of envy, resentment, and fear on the part of BM. If BM have to compete with WM for BM, they do not feel they will succeed in that struggle.

This is so true. BM would rather see another BW single and unmarried than with a WM.

Black man, here. In my nearly 50 years I've never encountered a black man who appeared hostile toward, resentful, or envious of black women with white men. I'm not saying it doesn't exist, but these theories strike me as way off the mark and out of touch. Fact is, interracial relationships are a pretty popular discussion topic among black people, and harboring disdain toward black women for dating a white man, or black men feeling threatened by white men is not a part of that dialogue. I can say with a hefty degree of confidence that black men, in general, have zero fear of white men - in any capacity.

Sorry, buddy, you’re not fooling anyone. I am an Asian woman and even I have seen black men staring angrily, muttering, pointing, and even outright confronting black women with white men. No offense, but I don’t believe for a second you haven’t ever seen this.

I am white and have dated women of all the major ethnic backgrounds. Black men were an absolute nuisance when I had a black girlfriend. If we were in close proximity to a sketchy downtown area, you would hear some very ignorant comments. But if we were in the burbs or a classier area, no issues whatsoever. And never had an issue when dating women of other races.

As an AA male (but not your "buddy), I believe I'm in the best position to tell you how I and many of us feel about black women involved in interracial relationships. Say what you like, but it simply is not a major issue for us. I am trying not to project my thoughts to all black males, because I think that would be disingenuous. But I've always been in very close contact with a wide range of black males from various backgrounds - doctors to convicted felons. We have 99 problems, but this issue ain't one.

Ok dude. You have a bunch of AA women on here who could also know a lot of black men from different walks of life (and *gasp* may have a dad or a brother who is a black male) describing what they have ACTUALLY experienced yet you are mansplaining how that doesn’t happen?

I did not say it "doesn't happen". I said it's not a prominent issue that most black men deal with. I'm not speaking against the "bunch" of black women you say are on here - I have no reason to doubt their experiences - I was simply stating that I do not believe there is a there, there. It's not. Period. Dude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a white man who only dates WOC. I find that women of my woman's race tend to be envious of her and very friendly to me.

Very interesting. What are the signs they show that indicate they're envious of your woman?

I have a hard time describing the envious looks, but sometimes there are comments. I'm a 6'5" Scandinavian blonde.

Interesting that you think “tall and blond” (no “e” on “blond” when describing a man) is synonymous with attractive. I am confident the envy is made up in your head based on how impressed you are with features of yours that are no guarantee of attractiveness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ahy is the black male in the thread speaking out of turn. You have never dealt with other black men while being a black woman or white man in an interracial relationship. Black men could be heckling black women and white men all day long and you wouldn’t know because you’re not the target. You’re like a white man saying whites aren’t racist towards black people because he’s never experienced it.

Sorry, I don't speak this language.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a white man who only dates WOC. I find that women of my woman's race tend to be envious of her and very friendly to me.

Very interesting. What are the signs they show that indicate they're envious of your woman?

I have a hard time describing the envious looks, but sometimes there are comments. I'm a 6'5" Scandinavian blonde.

Interesting that you think “tall and blond” (no “e” on “blond” when describing a man) is synonymous with attractive. I am confident the envy is made up in your head based on how impressed you are with features of yours that are no guarantee of attractiveness.

I'm thinking this too. I bet he's one of those creeps that thinks every woman, regardless of race, wants him, when they're just thinking he's a creep.