my dad hit my 12-year old

[Anonymous]

Thinking of you OP. I hope your son had a better day.

[Anonymous]

At best, I think you are going to have to live with guilt over even sending him there, and especially not immediately flying out.

At worst, you are going to have to gain the trust of your child back. I hope he can trust you again and forgive you.

It will be hard to explain to your child why this is 100% not ok, while also not flying out there immediately/having your sister pick him up.

[Anonymous]

What I learned over my Winter Break:

Can't trust Grandad, he's crazy.

Can't trust mom either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I learned over my Winter Break:

Can't trust Grandad, he's crazy.

Can't trust mom either.

So true. That poor kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This isn't a 2-year old who thinks running into the street is funny. This is completely inappropriate punishment for civilized adults.

Whatever the intended effect of hitting a 2 year old would be, it wouldn't accomplish jack shit with one who thinks running into the street is funny. OP, your normal meter is busted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m white and I got smacked plenty. I really don’t think it’s a big deal and sometimes it’s deserved. I recognize most helicopter, liberal DCUM parents will not agree, but that’s why your kids are little jerks.

I don't suppose you know what the word "irony" means, do you?

Lol.

+1. If that PP is the result of hitting, then that just confirms my no spanking policy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your decision to wait until Saturday is wrong in my opinion. You’ve chosen what is convenient and cost effective but you have left your child in a bad situation, feeling unsupported. Wrong. OP, your priorities are out of whack. Actions speak louder than words. Show your son that you have his back.

x1000 All I can keep thinking is how abandoned that child must feel. The person whom he trusts most, OP, is leaving him in a place for three days after he has called for help. That poor, poor kid. Talk about setting up a kid for abandonment and trust issues going forward.

+1 OP sent her child to stay alone with a man who OP says was violent towards her growing up. That right there tells you what a selfish, poor parent OP is. The remaining decisions are consistent with that kind of personality.

[Anonymous]

I’m a little shocked at everyone who is implying the OP is a bad parent for not changing flights to go RIGHT NOW. Of course that would be ideal, but sometimes that’s just short of impossible. It would be so difficult for me to pay hundreds of dollars for an urgent but not truly emergency situation with no notice the week before Christmas. We’re not impoverished, but we’re spread really thin because of unforseeable circumstances. The kid’s life isn’t in danger, OP has contact with him, grandpa knows he’s on notice. It seems like OP is trying to be practical and make the best of a shitty situation.

On the other hand, if money is no object, and she can easily afford to change flights but chose not to because she doesn’t feel like it, then I’ll join the chorus of shamers. But sometimes in the real world, we have to make tough choices, but we middle through somehow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I don't even know where to start. I guess thank you for caring. Not sure what it matters but I come from a upper middle class family, white, and both my parents have advanced degrees.

Second, I have no animosity toward my parents but it is bringing up a lot of bad memories. I am very against spanking in general but even more so with a 12-year old young man. This isn't a 2-year old who thinks running into the street is funny. This is completely inappropriate punishment for civilized adults.

Third, I decided because I can talk to my son (he has his own phone) that it'll be okay for today and tomorrow and I'll keep my flight Saturday, but my dad will never be left alone with my son again.

Well this confirms to me that you make poor decisions and will continue to do so. Good luck to your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a little shocked at everyone who is implying the OP is a bad parent for not changing flights to go RIGHT NOW. Of course that would be ideal, but sometimes that’s just short of impossible. It would be so difficult for me to pay hundreds of dollars for an urgent but not truly emergency situation with no notice the week before Christmas. We’re not impoverished, but we’re spread really thin because of unforseeable circumstances. The kid’s life isn’t in danger, OP has contact with him, grandpa knows he’s on notice. It seems like OP is trying to be practical and make the best of a shitty situation.

On the other hand, if money is no object, and she can easily afford to change flights but chose not to because she doesn’t feel like it, then I’ll join the chorus of shamers. But sometimes in the real world, we have to make tough choices, but we middle through somehow.

Her son is being hit, deprived of food, and ordered to stay in one place.

This isn't a shifty situation, it's a danger to his physical health and surely a trauma that will stay with him. When your kid is in this situation and you have the means to buy him a plane ticket there, as well as one for yourself, you have the means to pay the fee to change the tickets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a little shocked at everyone who is implying the OP is a bad parent for not changing flights to go RIGHT NOW. Of course that would be ideal, but sometimes that’s just short of impossible. It would be so difficult for me to pay hundreds of dollars for an urgent but not truly emergency situation with no notice the week before Christmas. We’re not impoverished, but we’re spread really thin because of unforseeable circumstances. The kid’s life isn’t in danger, OP has contact with him, grandpa knows he’s on notice. It seems like OP is trying to be practical and make the best of a shitty situation.

On the other hand, if money is no object, and she can easily afford to change flights but chose not to because she doesn’t feel like it, then I’ll join the chorus of shamers. But sometimes in the real world, we have to make tough choices, but we middle through somehow.

Her son is being hit, deprived of food, and ordered to stay in one place.

This isn't a shifty situation, it's a danger to his physical health and surely a trauma that will stay with him. When your kid is in this situation and you have the means to buy him a plane ticket there, as well as one for yourself, you have the means to pay the fee to change the tickets.

It’s not just a few to change the tickets. You have to pay the difference between the fares as well. I haven’t priced out flights, but I imagine same day flights days before Christmas are pricey.

I’m totally not justifying the grandpa’s behavior. If my parents did that to my kids, the kids would be out of there within hours and would never visit unattended again. However, the child isn’t being repeatedly struck, nor is he being starved. Missing a meal is unpleasant but not the end of the world. How many parents here suggest that same remedy to parents of picky eaters? Let them miss a few meals and then they’ll eat what you serve. No one is labeling them abusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Which culture are you from OP? Unless you're white, getting smacked by one's elders isn't exactly taboo if it's well-deserved. Since you agree that your own son can be a handful, I would say that it's better not to antagonize the situation. Your son learned an important lesson, whatever it was he did to get his punishment.

I don't know any white kids that got hit growing up. I did witness black kids getting a beat down.

Exactly what I meant. Only white people would think what the OP described is taboo.

I’m white and my parents beat the hell out of me growing up.

And guess what, no one touches my kids.

OP, I would be halfway there already, not on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a little shocked at everyone who is implying the OP is a bad parent for not changing flights to go RIGHT NOW. Of course that would be ideal, but sometimes that’s just short of impossible. It would be so difficult for me to pay hundreds of dollars for an urgent but not truly emergency situation with no notice the week before Christmas. We’re not impoverished, but we’re spread really thin because of unforseeable circumstances. The kid’s life isn’t in danger, OP has contact with him, grandpa knows he’s on notice. It seems like OP is trying to be practical and make the best of a shitty situation.

On the other hand, if money is no object, and she can easily afford to change flights but chose not to because she doesn’t feel like it, then I’ll join the chorus of shamers. But sometimes in the real world, we have to make tough choices, but we middle through somehow.

Her son is being hit, deprived of food, and ordered to stay in one place.

This isn't a shifty situation, it's a danger to his physical health and surely a trauma that will stay with him. When your kid is in this situation and you have the means to buy him a plane ticket there, as well as one for yourself, you have the means to pay the fee to change the tickets.

Don't be so dramatic. OP is the one talking to her son, and she knows him best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a little shocked at everyone who is implying the OP is a bad parent for not changing flights to go RIGHT NOW. Of course that would be ideal, but sometimes that’s just short of impossible. It would be so difficult for me to pay hundreds of dollars for an urgent but not truly emergency situation with no notice the week before Christmas. We’re not impoverished, but we’re spread really thin because of unforseeable circumstances. The kid’s life isn’t in danger, OP has contact with him, grandpa knows he’s on notice. It seems like OP is trying to be practical and make the best of a shitty situation.

On the other hand, if money is no object, and she can easily afford to change flights but chose not to because she doesn’t feel like it, then I’ll join the chorus of shamers. But sometimes in the real world, we have to make tough choices, but we middle through somehow.

Her son is being hit, deprived of food, and ordered to stay in one place.

This isn't a shifty situation, it's a danger to his physical health and surely a trauma that will stay with him. When your kid is in this situation and you have the means to buy him a plane ticket there, as well as one for yourself, you have the means to pay the fee to change the tickets.

Don't be so dramatic. OP is the one talking to her son, and she knows him best.

If she knows him (and what to do with him) so we’ll, why is there even a thread about her son???

She said she grew up in a violent home and sent her son into that home alone

Sister could be asked to intervene, but that is inconvenient.

She could do to him herself, but again inconvenient.

Every adult in this story has turned a blind eye to the needs of this child

Utterly ridiculous and I can only hope this defining moment for a son turns him into a better person than any “role model” adult around him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a little shocked at everyone who is implying the OP is a bad parent for not changing flights to go RIGHT NOW. Of course that would be ideal, but sometimes that’s just short of impossible. It would be so difficult for me to pay hundreds of dollars for an urgent but not truly emergency situation with no notice the week before Christmas. We’re not impoverished, but we’re spread really thin because of unforseeable circumstances. The kid’s life isn’t in danger, OP has contact with him, grandpa knows he’s on notice. It seems like OP is trying to be practical and make the best of a shitty situation.

On the other hand, if money is no object, and she can easily afford to change flights but chose not to because she doesn’t feel like it, then I’ll join the chorus of shamers. But sometimes in the real world, we have to make tough choices, but we middle through somehow.

Her son is being hit, deprived of food, and ordered to stay in one place.

This isn't a shifty situation, it's a danger to his physical health and surely a trauma that will stay with him. When your kid is in this situation and you have the means to buy him a plane ticket there, as well as one for yourself, you have the means to pay the fee to change the tickets.

Don't be so dramatic. OP is the one talking to her son, and she knows him best.

If she knows him (and what to do with him) so we’ll, why is there even a thread about her son???

She said she grew up in a violent home and sent her son into that home alone

Sister could be asked to intervene, but that is inconvenient.

She could do to him herself, but again inconvenient.

Every adult in this story has turned a blind eye to the needs of this child

Utterly ridiculous and I can only hope this defining moment for a son turns him into a better person than any “role model” adult around him.

Yup, this OP is a giant sack of fail. She might as well be commiting a post natal abortion for how bad she it's intentionally messing her kid up.

Rest assured that he won't be trying to further inconvenience you by asking you to be a part of his adult life.