my dad hit my 12-year old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You drop your child in someone's else care for more than 2-3 days you should expect them to be able to punish them to appropriate standards. Whatever your son did, he admitted he had done something.

So you're saying that hitting a kid is an appropriate standard? Is that correct? Because if your answer is no, then what exactly is your point?

Hitting, no. Spanking. Grounding. Removing privileges if possible, yes. You don't want your child disciplined, don't ask someone else to watch them.

Spanking = striking a child with your hand or a tool in order to discipline them.
Hitting = striking a child with your hand or a tool for reasons not necessarily specific to discipline.

Both are hitting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You drop your child in someone's else care for more than 2-3 days you should expect them to be able to punish them to appropriate standards. Whatever your son did, he admitted he had done something.

So you're saying that hitting a kid is an appropriate standard? Is that correct? Because if your answer is no, then what exactly is your point?

Hitting, no. Spanking. Grounding. Removing privileges if possible, yes. You don't want your child disciplined, don't ask someone else to watch them.

Uh...newsflash. Spanking is hitting. It's the exact same thing. It's just a word that you choose to use so it sounds less destructive and violent but it is the exact same thing. You are hitting[i][u] when you "spank".

Then I would say it's fine. I have nothing but disgust and irritation for parents who let their children run wild in public places or in the presence of strangers. Teach your child respect and a lot of the issues we have wouldn't be apparent.

[Anonymous]

After reading the comments my first thought was "How did this turn into a race issue?" because I was spanked with anything available when I was a kid and into my teens, and my mom was certainly not uneducated and we are white, and my second thought was "Why did you not immediately book a flight and go get your child instead of asking DCUM what to do?" I have a 12 year old son and I would NOT leave him there. You need to tell your dad that he will NOT be visiting again unless there is another adult around to supervise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be on the next plane.

Was he violent with you growing up?

Yes, which is why I believe my son and not my dad who called him a liar.

And you left your son with him!? God I hope your butt is already on a plane

[Anonymous]

Op here. I don't even know where to start. I guess thank you for caring. Not sure what it matters but I come from a upper middle class family, white, and both my parents have advanced degrees.

Second, I have no animosity toward my parents but it is bringing up a lot of bad memories. I am very against spanking in general but even more so with a 12-year old young man. This isn't a 2-year old who thinks running into the street is funny. This is completely inappropriate punishment for civilized adults.

Third, I decided because I can talk to my son (he has his own phone) that it'll be okay for today and tomorrow and I'll keep my flight Saturday, but my dad will never be left alone with my son again.

[Anonymous]

I think hitting and spanking is a southern thing, not a race thing, and since most African Americans have southern roots I agree they are more likely to spank than a white Jewish family in California or a new England Brahmin type.

-white person who was raised in the south and the north

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think hitting and spanking is a southern thing, not a race thing, and since most African Americans have southern roots I agree they are more likely to spank than a white Jewish family in California or a new England Brahmin type.

-white person who was raised in the south and the north

Growing up, most Jewish kids got spanked and hit I knew. The only difference was it was mostly done in private and not talked about. Nice try on stereotyping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Which culture are you from OP? Unless you're white, getting smacked by one's elders isn't exactly taboo if it's well-deserved. Since you agree that your own son can be a handful, I would say that it's better not to antagonize the situation. Your son learned an important lesson, whatever it was he did to get his punishment.

I don't know any white kids that got hit growing up. I did witness black kids getting a beat down.

I knew plenty. Grew up working class in a DC suburb. Lots of child abuse and sexual child abuse.

[Anonymous]

Hang in there OP.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is your child. He was hit by someone you personally know to be violent. He was/is being deprived of food and activity. His grandfather is too old to be caring for him, by your own admission.

You need to be on that plane now. And it would be best if your sister could leave immediately to get DS in the meantime. This is not a safe situation. It doesn't matter what caused your child to be hit and deprived of food/activity, it is not a safe situation for your DS.

GO. NOW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is your child. He was hit by someone you personally know to be violent. He was/is being deprived of food and activity. His grandfather is too old to be caring for him, by your own admission.

You need to be on that plane now. And it would be best if your sister could leave immediately to get DS in the meantime. This is not a safe situation. It doesn't matter what caused your child to be hit and deprived of food/activity, it is not a safe situation for your DS.

GO. NOW.

OP just responded. She’s waiting until Saturday. Until then, she is in contact with her son by phone.

[Anonymous]

^ Yep, I saw that. But the OP asked for advice and I gave it, because my advice still stands in light of what she decided to do. The kid might be fine until Saturday. The kid might not be fine until Saturday. As a parent, that is not a chance I would want to take.

[Anonymous]

Your decision to wait until Saturday is wrong in my opinion. You’ve chosen what is convenient and cost effective but you have left your child in a bad situation, feeling unsupported. Wrong. OP, your priorities are out of whack. Actions speak louder than words. Show your son that you have his back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your decision to wait until Saturday is wrong in my opinion. You’ve chosen what is convenient and cost effective but you have left your child in a bad situation, feeling unsupported. Wrong. OP, your priorities are out of whack. Actions speak louder than words. Show your son that you have his back.

x1000 All I can keep thinking is how abandoned that child must feel. The person whom he trusts most, OP, is leaving him in a place for three days after he has called for help. That poor, poor kid. Talk about setting up a kid for abandonment and trust issues going forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I don't even know where to start. I guess thank you for caring. Not sure what it matters but I come from a upper middle class family, white, and both my parents have advanced degrees.

Second, I have no animosity toward my parents but it is bringing up a lot of bad memories. I am very against spanking in general but even more so with a 12-year old young man. This isn't a 2-year old who thinks running into the street is funny. This is completely inappropriate punishment for civilized adults.

Third, I decided because I can talk to my son (he has his own phone) that it'll be okay for today and tomorrow and I'll keep my flight Saturday, but my dad will never be left alone with my son again.

Wise choice. DCUM tends to overreact.