my dad hit my 12-year old

[Anonymous]

I'm not exactly sure what happened, but my dad and my 12-year old who is visiting my dad in LA had some sort of fight. DS did not run to me but I called him on his cell when I could not get ahold of my dad. I could hear his voice cracking so I pushed to find out what happened. When I found out, I was peeved and spoke to my dad, who then refused to give DS any dinner as a punishment because "he can not be trusted" (since he told me what happened) and doesn't want him to leave the sofa. My plane to visit my dad for a week (and then pick up DS) isn't until Saturday. This is not a good situation. Can someone please help me calm down from now until Saturday, or do I get on the next plane?

[Anonymous]

Well, if it was me I would find someone else to immediately go get and take care of the kid until I could go get him and then I would go get him. Nobody hits my kid.

[Anonymous]

My kid is younger so maybe that changes things, but I'd be on the next plane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, if it was me I would find someone else to immediately go get and take care of the kid until I could go get him and then I would go get him. Nobody hits my kid.

Yes, this. And frankly, everything about what your dad said (including the punishment) would be an absolute nonstarter. I'd be on the next flight. Work would be told I have a "family emergency." That's it.

[Anonymous]

I'd be on the next plane.

Was he violent with you growing up?

[Anonymous]

I want to but I know no one there. My sister is 3 hours away. I could ask her but when I told her what happened, she said that dad had told her another story ("they were playing and he got hurt"). She also told me (which is true and I'm feeling very guilty) that I knew my dad was too old to handle watching a kid. I dismissed my fears because DS can really take care of himself but this was a huge mistake.

[Anonymous]

Did your dad hit you when you were a kid? Is this out of character for him? Is he older? Possible dementia approaching?

[Anonymous]

I would be on a plane already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be on the next plane.

Was he violent with you growing up?

Yes, which is why I believe my son and not my dad who called him a liar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to but I know no one there. My sister is 3 hours away. I could ask her but when I told her what happened, she said that dad had told her another story ("they were playing and he got hurt"). She also told me (which is true and I'm feeling very guilty) that I knew my dad was too old to handle watching a kid. I dismissed my fears because DS can really take care of himself but this was a huge mistake.

Mistakes happen. I'd head out there early if you can. The part where dad's telling different people different things would be very concerning to me. Clearly somethings not right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to but I know no one there. My sister is 3 hours away. I could ask her but when I told her what happened, she said that dad had told her another story ("they were playing and he got hurt"). She also told me (which is true and I'm feeling very guilty) that I knew my dad was too old to handle watching a kid. I dismissed my fears because DS can really take care of himself but this was a huge mistake.

Omg then ask her already. Regardless of what really happened you do know something happened. You also know your dad is too old to do this and now he is pissed so not a good situation. You also know that your son is very upset and in an unstable situation.

You go now or your sister goes now and then you arrive on Saturday. I would personally go now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be on the next plane.

Was he violent with you growing up?

Yes, which is why I believe my son and not my dad who called him a liar.

Wow, yea, you have to go. You can't leave your son alone with him. Did you think he'd be different now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be on the next plane.

Was he violent with you growing up?

Yes, which is why I believe my son and not my dad who called him a liar.

Different pp here. Then why in the heck did you let your son go solo?

[Anonymous]

Which culture are you from OP? Unless you're white, getting smacked by one's elders isn't exactly taboo if it's well-deserved. Since you agree that your own son can be a handful, I would say that it's better not to antagonize the situation. Your son learned an important lesson, whatever it was he did to get his punishment.

[Anonymous]

If it were me: Next plane. And book a hotel because you and DS should not be under your dad's roof.

You're going to get posts here saying your son lied about being hit and/or maybe son was acting out and needed discipline. That's the way on these forums. But even if your son did lie about being hit (not saying he did, but even if he did) -- you know from your dad that dad denied DS food and wanted him to stay on the couch. Both of those are ridiculous punishments even if DS was misbehaving; your dad isn't any good at dealing with a tween. And if your dad did hit DS, that's way out of line.

You're probably wondering if it's an overreaction to go out there early. I can only say that in your shoes I'd go and separate them immediately by taking DS and staying in a hotel. Whether I'd still do a week's visit with dad would depend on what I found when I got there: What happened between them? Was the whole visit tense? Does dad seem to have a shorter temper than you remember? Is this the first time DS has visited his grandfather on son's own like this? Etc. No answer can be an excuse for your dad laying hands on your son, but you need to figure out if your dad is having other issues making him less able to deal with a kid appropriately.

No more solo visits to grandpa, either.