SIL does not like our potluck Christmas plans

[Anonymous]

That is the most amazing rude email I have ever seen. It’s perfection.

Your SIL will always be who she is. There’s no walking back the email and reverting to human, so why bother with asking for the apology? Just proceed with your life and manage your SIL going forward with as little emotional investment as possible.

[Anonymous]

Ignore her.
In the future do not assign dishes.

[Anonymous]

Did SIL offer to host at all during this planning process? Just wondering why the party has to be at op's house when she's clearly over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here,

I am 30, brother 34 (SIL is 33), and sister is 22. My parents are in their late 50's. We all live within 10 miles of each other. Bringing a turkey or ham over is not a big deal at all. My sister might cook the turkey and gravy at my house which is just fine. I will be in the living room with a glass of wine. I did not directly ask SIL to bring anything. I assigned my brother to bring pies.

Hah. You all live near each other. It's ridiculous that you alone are to produce turkey, ham, multiple sides, pies etc for the entire family every year. If it was 1 ham and baked sweet potatoes or crack open sme cans that's another story.

[Anonymous]

I really hope you live in the DC area and that your SIL reads here too. She needs to see that pretty much all of DCUM is in agreement that she is an ass.

[Anonymous]

Ha. What a jerk.
I would reply all to the whole family and say,

"Oh thanks dear SIL for offering to host Christmas this year, since you think it is very important for the host to make the ham, turkey, dressing, etc. It will be a nice change going to your house this year."

but I also have 0 tolerance for jerks inside or outside my family. I refuse to let others upset me, and I am 100% assertive with stupid people like your SIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family doesn't do passive aggressive, we do aggressive-aggressive, let me tell you all the ways in which you suck at life come to jesus moments if someone is being an enormous asshat. With that in mind, I would respond with "This was discussed and agreed to back in the summer with your husband being the main proponent. If you had an issue with the plan, you should have brought it up with him, not me. I suggest you do so now as we'll be proceeding with the potluck as planned and agreed to." And cc your brother (I'm assuming this is his wife since you included the detail that he was the main champion of the plan).

Perfect response

[Anonymous]

Yay for your brother for responding appropriately. Have fun at the potluck - it sounds lovely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Oh that sounds like a wonderful menu! Will you host then? That would be so thoughtful and and also a nice relief to me to have someone else share the load after all these years. "

This! "Lovely! I'll be so excited to tell the family that you've offered to host next year."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yay for your brother for responding appropriately. Have fun at the potluck - it sounds lovely.

Lol at you believing her brother said anything to his wife. He's not an idiot. Brother is placating his sister and that is all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why SIL is acting like this. We are not friends and have had prior disagreements but she has never been this outright rude. I know she loves my house and has a thing for formal dinners. I was thinking instead of bringing out the china this year we should just use paper plates and plastic cutlery. Make it a true potluck. lol

Really you don't know? I bet SIL has a completely different story to tell. I also bet you are one of those sisters DCUM wives complain about their husband's having.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have hosted Christmas the last 5 years in a row. I would get some help but I did the bulk of the cooking. We talked about Christmas at a family gathering in July. I explained that I really did not want to host this year and wanted a break from cooking. My family went on especially my brother about how it was a tradition to have the holiday at my house and they would all help with the cooking. They were like just tell us what to bring and we will bring it. This was discussed in front of everyone and they shook their head yes they would each bring a dish. I started coordinating everything this week. I meant it when I said I did not want to cook. I am making the mashed potatoes and making my house available. That's it. I made a facebook invite and I went and assigned dishes for everyone to bring. Almost everyone was so positive and saying how much they were looking forward to xmas. I got a message from my SIL.

She wrote

You have hosted very formal Christmas dinners in the past and I have always enjoyed them. I am sad you decided to host this informal potluck Christmas. If I were hosting I would still make the core dinner items such as the ham, turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes and gravy, etc. You are still hosting the event and I don't think it's in very good taste to ask your guests to bring the main courses.

How do I respond to this?! I am livid right now!!

Tell her she is welcome to host. If she doesn’t step up, stick to your potato plan

[Anonymous]

I'd ignore it for the simple fact that it would make her crazy not to hear a response.

What a bitch. Not responding is the best way to both not escalate it AND to piss her off. Win win.

[Anonymous]

Hi, OP. Your post has been nagging at me because I kept thinking I had seen something similar. And I had. Maybe it is your SIL (even though this has a different stated context): http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/686115.page

In any event, I wish you luck with your SIL. Bless her heart, she's a peach! It isn't like you came up with this idea all by yourself. Everyone in the family had input. Anyway, she definitely should be hosting next year since she has such strong feelings about how it should be done.

The mean side of me really wishes you could go back and change the assignments to make your brother responsible for a turkey or ham or a prime rib or something. In the meantime, I would have a back-up pie or two in case your brother & SIL don't bring anything except themselves since apparently their present is their presence. I think your idea about the paper products is a good one but I wouldn't stoop to her level. Go high, OP, go high.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That is the most amazing rude email I have ever seen. It’s perfection.

Your SIL will always be who she is. There’s no walking back the email and reverting to human, so why bother with asking for the apology? Just proceed with your life and manage your SIL going forward with as little emotional investment as possible.

Best advice ever.