SIL does not like our potluck Christmas plans

[Anonymous]

I have hosted Christmas the last 5 years in a row. I would get some help but I did the bulk of the cooking. We talked about Christmas at a family gathering in July. I explained that I really did not want to host this year and wanted a break from cooking. My family went on especially my brother about how it was a tradition to have the holiday at my house and they would all help with the cooking. They were like just tell us what to bring and we will bring it. This was discussed in front of everyone and they shook their head yes they would each bring a dish. I started coordinating everything this week. I meant it when I said I did not want to cook. I am making the mashed potatoes and making my house available. That's it. I made a facebook invite and I went and assigned dishes for everyone to bring. Almost everyone was so positive and saying how much they were looking forward to xmas. I got a message from my SIL.

She wrote

You have hosted very formal Christmas dinners in the past and I have always enjoyed them. I am sad you decided to host this informal potluck Christmas. If I were hosting I would still make the core dinner items such as the ham, turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes and gravy, etc. You are still hosting the event and I don't think it's in very good taste to ask your guests to bring the main courses.

How do I respond to this?! I am livid right now!!

[Anonymous]

What a bitch. Tell her she's welcome to host instead. Ask her if she had vegetables in her ears during that family convo in July.

[Anonymous]

Ignore. Nothing good can come of a response. Everyone else is on board so it will be fine.

[Anonymous]

What a jerk! If my SIL sent that to me, I’d copy the entire family (or at least my brother) on my reply so that they would see her message. Well, that would be my initial impulse. Later I might come up with a more gracious response.

[Anonymous]

I understand how you feel. I’d perhaps reply to suggest that as she feels strongly about this, it would be best if she host the family dinner. Then she can prepare things as she wishes and maybe CC the rest of the family. I share your feelings about the holiday dinners; I’ve hosted for most holidays over the last 20 years. I don’t want to do it any more; in fact I’ve come to dread the holidays as all I do is clean, shop, cook and then clean up again afterwards. No one else is stepping up, but I’m done. I want to relax and enjoy some old movies, bake cookies and chill so I can enjoy them too. It’s unfair to put the burden on the same person over and over, she’s out of line.

[Anonymous]

"We've been talking about this plan since summer. If you wanted to take on the work of hosting a formal dinner, you really should have spoken up months ago. As I said last summer, it's been draining to host the formal dinner for all these years, and I don't have it in me this year. Your displeasure is noted, although I don't know what you expected to get from sending me this message besides upsetting me."

[Anonymous]

"Dear SIL,

I'm surprised that you have changed your mind. We all recall that you agreed to this plan on June 10th, when we were all together, and I would have appreciated the heads up then, instead of at the last minute. I will gladly come to you next year for Christmas, and bring a side dish, but for now, as I explained, I am tired of cooking. Thank you for understanding."

[Anonymous]

If her husband (your brother) is so serious about the holiday meal, she should offer to host. That is incredibly rude of her.

[Anonymous]

Tell her that you have hosted for 5 years and want a break. She is welcome to host a formal meal. Or, she is welcome to pay for it to be catered in BUT you are not cooking this year.

[Anonymous]

Wow. Tell her after 5 years the amount of work was too much, which U.S. why your family discussed and agreed on this approach five (FIVE!) months ago. You're sorry she's sad, but if she'd prefer to host next year and do it her way, you're happy to attend as a guest.

What a bitch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ignore. Nothing good can come of a response. Everyone else is on board so it will be fine.

This. Don’t respond. I know you want to tell her to F off. . . I sure would. She emailed you separately because she knows she would look like a complee ass to everyone else otherwise.

[Anonymous]

I would completely ignore it.

[Anonymous]

That was a very rude email from her. I would be mad if I were you. I would retract any food prep at ALL and just offer the home. It's like counting down with kids- tell a kid they have 5 minutes, and if they complain, it goes down to 3, then they are happy with 5. Your family should appreciate you offering up the space and decor, and they can provide ALL the food if they're going to be feisty.

[Anonymous]

"Oh that sounds like a wonderful menu! Will you host then? That would be so thoughtful and and also a nice relief to me to have someone else share the load after all these years. "

[Anonymous]

Completely ignore. Nothing annoys whiny people more than not getting the reaction they were hoping for.

Proceed with your plan. She can step up next year.

From one traditional hostess to another, I’m livid for you!! I hosted solo (I’m a single parent) 45 family members in my tiny house last week. After it was over I’m looking to shift the responsibilities to someone else next year.