Teen death at Whitman?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Party with drinking was broken up by parents or cops. Kids fled. This teen never made it home. SO tragic. Many teens drink...almost none end up fleeing a party and freezing in the woods. This is tragic for this family. Just an accident.

Wow so sad for the family. Makes me angry with the party house parents that allowed the drinking to happen in their home -- either directly knowing about it or indirectly by turning a blind eye.

They may not have known. Sometimes the parents aren't even home when parties happen.

Then they should have known what their kid was up to, it's their job as parents. There are no longer excuses for these parties, especially in this area where they have been screamed about for years. You would have to be deaf, dumb and blind to not know if your kid were capable of hosting something like this.

"I will never do X, therefore Y will never happen to my kid" is a tale we all tell ourselves to make ourselves feel better about the potential for awful things happening to our children. But it's magical thinking. Awful things can happen no matter what we do or don't do.

True. But just as many parents use your reasoning to go ahead and allow their kids to party, etc. Thinking they can't stop it anyway.

No, that's different reasoning. "I always know what my kid is up to, therefore nothing bad will happen to my kid" is different from "Kids will drink no matter what we do, so there's no point in doing anything".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, what were your teens doing last weekend?

They were not at drinking parties, so what were they doing?

Mine volunteered with an animal rescue, helped decorate our Christmas Tree, studied for upcoming finals, had lunch with their grandma, did some shopping, met friends at a restaurant....

Why do you ask?

I think we need more for teens to do.

One went to the movies and ice skating.

The other was playing a sport, then watching football with his fantasy football friends.

They both did special Olympics.

Idk, there is not a whole lot of free things for teens.

I think it sounds like they had fun. My kids love to shoot hoops and they enjoy sports. They also like to work out at the gym, go mountain biking, kayaking (weather permitting)...

They find stuff to do.

It's easier for our rich kids... They have gym memberships, mountain bikes are expensive and so are kayaks.

My kids do have fun and they spend a lot of money doing thing... Concerts, Nats games, Redskins games, Caps games, movies, travel sports....

It would be nice if there was more free stuff to do.

Friday night football is a nice inexpensive community gathering. But there is not a lot of that for teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will most definitely not be the "cool" parent who allows my teen to let his friends drink at our house. Unbelievable how stupid some parents are.

We have no idea what happened here but the lack of a sheltered place to drink possibly combined with fear of a parent finding out about drinking may have been what caused this to happen. Or a kid could have been so drunk they could not get themselves home safely which was far more likely at an unattended party.

Teenagers will drink. And teenagers will have sex.

The challenge is to make sure when they do either they do it responsibly and safely.

You can be self righteous and pretend otherwise but you are far more likely to fail as a parent if you are busy pretending your lecturing is going to keep them safe rather than putting the structure in their lives to minimize the chance of something terrible happening.

NP. But they shouldn't. And I refuse to give into this "boys will be boys" mentality. I'm sure you love being the cool parent but you are doing your kids no favors.

+1. Not all high school kids drink. Not all high school kids are sexually active. And their peer group has a lot to do with whether your kids drink and have sex. You can’t choose your high school kids friends. But you can influence who they become friends with. Both by raising them to be kids who think it is more important to have friends who are nice than friends who are cool. And by making it hard for your kids to be too “cool”. Just because “everyone” has something, or does something, doesn’t mean you have to buy it for your kid or let your kid do it.

honestly you guys are kind of delusional. no - not all high school kids do this, but most do. and high school kids who do are still nice kids! I think it's better to be aware of what might be going on and make sure your kids know they can have open communication to you.

The rate of current alcohol consumption increases with age, according to the 2011 National Survey on Drug Use and Health, from 2% at age 12 to 21% at age 16, and 55% at age 20.

So 79% of 16 year old HS kids DO NOT go to drinking parties. And of the 21% that do drink, probably a lot of them don't go to drinking parties, either.

20 year old, almost legal, adults who choose to drink alcohol shouldn't be lumped in with the HS set. Or 12 year old kids for that matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will most definitely not be the "cool" parent who allows my teen to let his friends drink at our house. Unbelievable how stupid some parents are.

We have no idea what happened here but the lack of a sheltered place to drink possibly combined with fear of a parent finding out about drinking may have been what caused this to happen. Or a kid could have been so drunk they could not get themselves home safely which was far more likely at an unattended party.

Teenagers will drink. And teenagers will have sex.

The challenge is to make sure when they do either they do it responsibly and safely.

You can be self righteous and pretend otherwise but you are far more likely to fail as a parent if you are busy pretending your lecturing is going to keep them safe rather than putting the structure in their lives to minimize the chance of something terrible happening.

NP. But they shouldn't. And I refuse to give into this "boys will be boys" mentality. I'm sure you love being the cool parent but you are doing your kids no favors.

+1. Not all high school kids drink. Not all high school kids are sexually active. And their peer group has a lot to do with whether your kids drink and have sex. You can’t choose your high school kids friends. But you can influence who they become friends with. Both by raising them to be kids who think it is more important to have friends who are nice than friends who are cool. And by making it hard for your kids to be too “cool”. Just because “everyone” has something, or does something, doesn’t mean you have to buy it for your kid or let your kid do it.

honestly you guys are kind of delusional. no - not all high school kids do this, but most do. and high school kids who do are still nice kids! I think it's better to be aware of what might be going on and make sure your kids know they can have open communication to you.

The rate of current alcohol consumption increases with age, according to the 2011 National Survey on Drug Use and Health, from 2% at age 12 to 21% at age 16, and 55% at age 20.

I believe that statistic is % that drank in the last 30 days.

Stats for having ever drank is 55% for 16 yo and 80% for 18 year olds.

https://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/UnderageDrinking/UnderageFact.htm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will most definitely not be the "cool" parent who allows my teen to let his friends drink at our house. Unbelievable how stupid some parents are.

We have no idea what happened here but the lack of a sheltered place to drink possibly combined with fear of a parent finding out about drinking may have been what caused this to happen. Or a kid could have been so drunk they could not get themselves home safely which was far more likely at an unattended party.

Teenagers will drink. And teenagers will have sex.

The challenge is to make sure when they do either they do it responsibly and safely.

You can be self righteous and pretend otherwise but you are far more likely to fail as a parent if you are busy pretending your lecturing is going to keep them safe rather than putting the structure in their lives to minimize the chance of something terrible happening.

NP. But they shouldn't. And I refuse to give into this "boys will be boys" mentality. I'm sure you love being the cool parent but you are doing your kids no favors.

+1. Not all high school kids drink. Not all high school kids are sexually active. And their peer group has a lot to do with whether your kids drink and have sex. You can’t choose your high school kids friends. But you can influence who they become friends with. Both by raising them to be kids who think it is more important to have friends who are nice than friends who are cool. And by making it hard for your kids to be too “cool”. Just because “everyone” has something, or does something, doesn’t mean you have to buy it for your kid or let your kid do it.

honestly you guys are kind of delusional. no - not all high school kids do this, but most do. and high school kids who do are still nice kids! I think it's better to be aware of what might be going on and make sure your kids know they can have open communication to you.

The rate of current alcohol consumption increases with age, according to the 2011 National Survey on Drug Use and Health, from 2% at age 12 to 21% at age 16, and 55% at age 20.

I believe that statistic is % that drank in the last 30 days.

Stats for having ever drank is 55% for 16 yo and 80% for 18 year olds.

https://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/UnderageDrinking/UnderageFact.htm

Correction

33% - 16 year olds, 60% 18 year olds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, what were your teens doing last weekend?

They were not at drinking parties, so what were they doing?

Mine volunteered with an animal rescue, helped decorate our Christmas Tree, studied for upcoming finals, had lunch with their grandma, did some shopping, met friends at a restaurant....

Why do you ask?

I think we need more for teens to do.

One went to the movies and ice skating.

The other was playing a sport, then watching football with his fantasy football friends.

They both did special Olympics.

Idk, there is not a whole lot of free things for teens.

I think it sounds like they had fun. My kids love to shoot hoops and they enjoy sports. They also like to work out at the gym, go mountain biking, kayaking (weather permitting)...

They find stuff to do.

It's easier for our rich kids... They have gym memberships, mountain bikes are expensive and so are kayaks.

My kids do have fun and they spend a lot of money doing thing... Concerts, Nats games, Redskins games, Caps games, movies, travel sports....

It would be nice if there was more free stuff to do.

Friday night football is a nice inexpensive community gathering. But there is not a lot of that for teens.

My kids don't belong to an expensive gym. It's probably cheaper to belong to their gym each month than it is to drink/party every weekend.

Kayak rentals aren't that bad. And my kids got their no frills mountain bikes from Walmart for under $200 per bike - a deal considering the amount of use they get.

Kids don't go to drinking parties instead of kayaking btw. Kids go to drinking parties because they want to drink and socialize. If they were serving free lemonade instead, they would have a much smaller crowd....

[Anonymous]

NBC4 played the 911 call from a neighbor - loud music, many kids inside and outside the house, obviously drinking and obviously underage. I think it's safe to conclude no adults were present. It sounds like it had been going on for a long while. Police showed up and everyone left.

I'm willing to bet this kid had way more to drink than he could handle. Report said his friends offered to get him home but he said he was fine. Maybe he thought cutting through the woods was a faster way home. He either fell or passed out and never woke up.

If nothing else, I'll tell my kid this story, talk about judgment and outcomes, and let him know he can always, always call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NBC4 played the 911 call from a neighbor - loud music, many kids inside and outside the house, obviously drinking and obviously underage. I think it's safe to conclude no adults were present. It sounds like it had been going on for a long while. Police showed up and everyone left.

I'm willing to bet this kid had way more to drink than he could handle. Report said his friends offered to get him home but he said he was fine. Maybe he thought cutting through the woods was a faster way home. He either fell or passed out and never woke up.

If nothing else, I'll tell my kid this story, talk about judgment and outcomes, and let him know he can always, always call.

He was cutting through the woods to get away from cops who were busting up the party. Who was he going to call in the middle of the woods? Where would he tell someone to meet him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, what were your teens doing last weekend?

They were not at drinking parties, so what were they doing?

Mine volunteered with an animal rescue, helped decorate our Christmas Tree, studied for upcoming finals, had lunch with their grandma, did some shopping, met friends at a restaurant....

Why do you ask?

I think we need more for teens to do.

One went to the movies and ice skating.

The other was playing a sport, then watching football with his fantasy football friends.

They both did special Olympics.

Idk, there is not a whole lot of free things for teens.

I think it sounds like they had fun. My kids love to shoot hoops and they enjoy sports. They also like to work out at the gym, go mountain biking, kayaking (weather permitting)...

They find stuff to do.

It's easier for our rich kids... They have gym memberships, mountain bikes are expensive and so are kayaks.

My kids do have fun and they spend a lot of money doing thing... Concerts, Nats games, Redskins games, Caps games, movies, travel sports....

It would be nice if there was more free stuff to do.

Friday night football is a nice inexpensive community gathering. But there is not a lot of that for teens.

My kids don't belong to an expensive gym. It's probably cheaper to belong to their gym each month than it is to drink/party every weekend.

Kayak rentals aren't that bad. And my kids got their no frills mountain bikes from Walmart for under $200 per bike - a deal considering the amount of use they get.

Kids don't go to drinking parties instead of kayaking btw. Kids go to drinking parties because they want to drink and socialize. If they were serving free lemonade instead, they would have a much smaller crowd....

Kids will choose some this over drinking. A concert, a caps game.... But it would be nice to have some less expensive options to hanging with friends who will eventually bring alcohol to the scene.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NBC4 played the 911 call from a neighbor - loud music, many kids inside and outside the house, obviously drinking and obviously underage. I think it's safe to conclude no adults were present. It sounds like it had been going on for a long while. Police showed up and everyone left.

I'm willing to bet this kid had way more to drink than he could handle. Report said his friends offered to get him home but he said he was fine. Maybe he thought cutting through the woods was a faster way home. He either fell or passed out and never woke up.

If nothing else, I'll tell my kid this story, talk about judgment and outcomes, and let him know he can always, always call.

But will he be sober enough to know he should call?

[Anonymous]

Strict and indulgent parents tend to have binge drinking kids... Parents in the middle have kids that drink less.

https://www.npr.org/2010/12/27/132288846/parenting-style-plays-key-role-in-teen-drinking

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NBC4 played the 911 call from a neighbor - loud music, many kids inside and outside the house, obviously drinking and obviously underage. I think it's safe to conclude no adults were present. It sounds like it had been going on for a long while. Police showed up and everyone left.

I'm willing to bet this kid had way more to drink than he could handle. Report said his friends offered to get him home but he said he was fine. Maybe he thought cutting through the woods was a faster way home. He either fell or passed out and never woke up.

If nothing else, I'll tell my kid this story, talk about judgment and outcomes, and let him know he can always, always call.

He was cutting through the woods to get away from cops who were busting up the party. Who was he going to call in the middle of the woods? Where would he tell someone to meet him?

I'm telling my kid to leave parties where kids would get in trouble if the cops come, on grounds that the cops won't necessarily distinguish between kids who were breaking the law and kids who were merely present.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NBC4 played the 911 call from a neighbor - loud music, many kids inside and outside the house, obviously drinking and obviously underage. I think it's safe to conclude no adults were present. It sounds like it had been going on for a long while. Police showed up and everyone left.

I'm willing to bet this kid had way more to drink than he could handle. Report said his friends offered to get him home but he said he was fine. Maybe he thought cutting through the woods was a faster way home. He either fell or passed out and never woke up.

If nothing else, I'll tell my kid this story, talk about judgment and outcomes, and let him know he can always, always call.

He was cutting through the woods to get away from cops who were busting up the party. Who was he going to call in the middle of the woods? Where would he tell someone to meet him?

I'm telling my kid to leave parties where kids would get in trouble if the cops come, on grounds that the cops won't necessarily distinguish between kids who were breaking the law and kids who were merely present.

You could tell your kid to stay and ask the cops for a ride home and I guarantee you that your kid is not going to stay. Fleeing when the cops come to bust up these parties is like a reflex action. No one stops to text their parents about it because they are too busy running away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, what were your teens doing last weekend?

They were not at drinking parties, so what were they doing?

Mine volunteered with an animal rescue, helped decorate our Christmas Tree, studied for upcoming finals, had lunch with their grandma, did some shopping, met friends at a restaurant....

Why do you ask?

I think we need more for teens to do.

One went to the movies and ice skating.

The other was playing a sport, then watching football with his fantasy football friends.

They both did special Olympics.

Idk, there is not a whole lot of free things for teens.

I think it sounds like they had fun. My kids love to shoot hoops and they enjoy sports. They also like to work out at the gym, go mountain biking, kayaking (weather permitting)...

They find stuff to do.

It's easier for our rich kids... They have gym memberships, mountain bikes are expensive and so are kayaks.

My kids do have fun and they spend a lot of money doing thing... Concerts, Nats games, Redskins games, Caps games, movies, travel sports....

It would be nice if there was more free stuff to do.

Friday night football is a nice inexpensive community gathering. But there is not a lot of that for teens.

My kids don't belong to an expensive gym. It's probably cheaper to belong to their gym each month than it is to drink/party every weekend.

Kayak rentals aren't that bad. And my kids got their no frills mountain bikes from Walmart for under $200 per bike - a deal considering the amount of use they get.

Kids don't go to drinking parties instead of kayaking btw. Kids go to drinking parties because they want to drink and socialize. If they were serving free lemonade instead, they would have a much smaller crowd....

Kids will choose some this over drinking. A concert, a caps game.... But it would be nice to have some less expensive options to hanging with friends who will eventually bring alcohol to the scene.

+1. I rarely drank in H.S. But when I did, it was because I wanted to go to a party, and it was being served, so I had some. If the same party was alcohol free, I would have happily had a soda. (Actually, funny story about a friend that had a party when his parents were out of town. His brother had a beer-filled rager for the football team on Friday night, and my friend had a non-drinking party for our group of friends on Saturday night. Or maybe vice versa. Anyway, a neighbor saw one of us going to the party, so my friend got busted. His dad found some beer bottles in the back yard behind bushes, so his dad concluded that my friend had the beer-crazed party. My friend had to paint the house. He did not rat out his brother, but I think he made his brother help. His parents thought "Oh, what a sweetheart...helping his brother who got in trouble." I couldn't believe they didn't know which of their sons was likely to throw the crazy drinking party!) I also remember being a teen at parties that got busted by the cops, and being REALLY concerned about the fact that the police were dispersing a group of drunk, panicked kids that might not be able to get themselves home safely. As a sober teen, this always seemed crazy to me. I remember people jumping over fences and just running like mad.

But to follow on the PP's point, I remember being really at loose ends with friends as a teenager. You could go to a movie (which was sort of expensive) or maybe mini-golf, and that was about it. We often hung out at public parks just to have someplace to go, but that was illegal in my town so could result in an arrest. Some people had parents who didn't mind if they invited over 6-10 people, but most parents (including mine) weren't particularly excited about that. I'm trying to become the parent who doesn't mind having a half dozen pre-teens in my house, so that I can be the parent who provides a place for teens that want to hang out without engaging in illegal activity, but it's kind of easier said than done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm telling my kid to leave parties where kids would get in trouble if the cops come, on grounds that the cops won't necessarily distinguish between kids who were breaking the law and kids who were merely present.

You could tell your kid to stay and ask the cops for a ride home and I guarantee you that your kid is not going to stay. Fleeing when the cops come to bust up these parties is like a reflex action. No one stops to text their parents about it because they are too busy running away.

The point is that the kid should leave BEFORE the cops come.