How do American kids have so much confidence?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's the culture. I know what you mean, I have seen the difference between American teens and European teens from several countries.

What's happening to this generation's teens? You hear of them being on social media glued to their phones. Do they continue to be confident?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's the culture. I know what you mean, I have seen the difference between American teens and European teens from several countries.

What's happening to this generation's teens? You hear of them being on social media glued to their phones. Do they continue to be confident?

You bumped this thread to ask that? What do you think? Are you an immigrant like OP or a concerned mom?

[Anonymous]

American parents ( a lot of them, not all ) have NO control over their children and don't discipline. Therefore, their children run the show.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My experience is similar to the OP. I didn't really gain any confidence until I left home. My parents have been very authoritarian. I watch my own young kids assert their opinions and preferences and think back to my own upbringing. The biggest difference is that in my parents' culture, respect only goes one way, up toward your elders, teachers, people in authority. Parents respecting their kids' personhood was unheard of. For example, I have a say in how my son's haircut should look like, but I would not force him to sport a style that he loathes. My mom had no such qualms and always insisted that the hairdresser cut it extremely short so I looked like a tomboy, even well into my teenage years. It's just one small example.

I totally understand what OP is saying. I'm Indian-American and grew up here but related to what an Eastern European PP was saying. Parents don't view it as their job to pump you up and sort of self-actualize and develop socially and emotionally. They are more focused on correcting you and making you a little scared so you don't screw up

It has not served me well as an adult. It was not made for a great parent relationship as an adult. I am parenting differently. My kids' views matter too.

[Anonymous]

Confidence means nothing if you can’t deliver. Most American kids can’t deliver.

[Anonymous]

I am an American who briefly studied abroad in France during college. The French university was so different from my American university! Students waited in the hall for their professor to arrive before they filed in and took their seats. Late students were not allowed inside. Education was a one-way lecture from professor to students without much engagement between students and professors. We regurgitated facts and arguments in our essays without critical thinking or taking our own position on any issue. It was crazy to me as an American.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This isn't a child abuse worry thing. It's cultural. I lived many years in Europe but grew up in the US.

The education systems to start are different. In the European countries I was in (and I had friends who were teachers), it was more about memorizing facts and numbers. In the US system, it's more about working on group projects, and know _how_ to find the answer, but not memorizing the answer. It's more about the why than the what.

There are pluses and minuses to this. It encourages creativity, and it's why the US tends to dominate in innovation and cultural areas (music, movies), since those require creativity and thinking outside the box. However, it also means Americans are pretty bad with facts -- ask them to find country X on a map, or who the prime minister of country Y is, and they simply won't know it. The European system is great when you need people to follow a strict set of rules, which is why the Germans are great at engineering and manufacturing for example.

You can see it even in the grading systems. In Korea and China, there's one day a year when all students in high school sit for this major exam, and their score on that one exam determines their destiny -- which university will accept them. Universities choose students almost solely based on that exam score, and don't look at the student holistically, ignoring extra-curriculars, family life, grades, etc.

On a personal side, we face this now as I'm American and DW is European and grew up under that system, where children were seen and not heard. It's striking when we go to visit her country and we see her sister's children -- afraid to talk or say anything unless asked, and then it's one-word answers. Meanwhile ours are very vocal and definitely expressive. Yes, they can be more unruly at times, but we've decided that's a worthy trade-off.

I raised my kids abroad as an American and I remember noticing that parents behave differently even with toddlers. There was a really tall climbing structure in a park we liked and I remember all the Slavic parents being like “Sasha, come down from there, you are going to fall” while we were like “You’re doing great, Andrew! Keep going, you can make it to the top!” They all looked at us like we were insane.