How do American kids have so much confidence?

[Anonymous]

I recall joining high school here fresh off the boat from India. I was struck by how totally self assured, confident, assertive and independent my classmates were! In India, we focus on being subservient and respecting institutions and higher ups and older people. In high school here, the kids run the show!

How do Americans gain such confidence and independence?

[Anonymous]

Different cultures are different.

[Anonymous]

It's the culture. I know what you mean, I have seen the difference between American teens and European teens from several countries.

[Anonymous]

Because we're not taught to show deference to elders. We grow up in a throw-away society, including throwing away our elders (nursing homes), rather than seeing elders as wise and experienced.

When children here interrupt they're listened to, whereas children elsewhere are taught to be quiet and listen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because we're not taught to show deference to elders. We grow up in a throw-away society, including throwing away our elders (nursing homes), rather than seeing elders as wise and experienced.

When children here interrupt they're listened to, whereas children elsewhere are taught to be quiet and listen.

OP here.

This is what I observed. Back home, we had a very strict environment in our private school. When the bell rang everyone had to be in their seats and no one can speak until they raise their hand and the teacher calls on them. We were actually not encouraged to ask questions etc.

In America the kids just had such sheer confidence. They'd strut around the halls with attitude, talk in loud voices, laugh at the teacher, joke around etc.

I'm in my thirties and still wish this easy confidence can rub on me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because we're not taught to show deference to elders. We grow up in a throw-away society, including throwing away our elders (nursing homes), rather than seeing elders as wise and experienced.

When children here interrupt they're listened to, whereas children elsewhere are taught to be quiet and listen.

+10000! I, like the OP, is from a predominantly Asian society and I find kids here precocious. You're right to say that kids here are listened to for their input whereas when I was going up, children were seen and not heard. What I find problematic is that kids here grow up thinking that all of their opinions are automatically validated just because they have them...I know this cos I teach college students!

[Anonymous]

*growing up (not going up)

[Anonymous]

What you think is confidence is really disrespectful behavior. That might be tolerated in urban areas but not where I come from. Never has, never will.

Manners seem to be disappearing, being vulgar taking it's place. Snowflakes need melting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because we're not taught to show deference to elders. We grow up in a throw-away society, including throwing away our elders (nursing homes), rather than seeing elders as wise and experienced.

When children here interrupt they're listened to, whereas children elsewhere are taught to be quiet and listen.

OP here.

This is what I observed. Back home, we had a very strict environment in our private school. When the bell rang everyone had to be in their seats and no one can speak until they raise their hand and the teacher calls on them. We were actually not encouraged to ask questions etc.

In America the kids just had such sheer confidence. They'd strut around the halls with attitude, talk in loud voices, laugh at the teacher, joke around etc.

I'm in my thirties and still wish this easy confidence can rub on me.

I know how you feel! I'm in a doctoral program and the faculty keep on telling me to address them on a first-name basis but I can't bring myself to say "Hi Tom, how's it going?" I consider myself cosmopolitan and assimilated..and my unwillingness to adopt first names with faculty is being treated like an anomaly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What you think is confidence is really disrespectful behavior. That might be tolerated in urban areas but not where I come from. Never has, never will.

Manners seem to be disappearing, being vulgar taking it's place. Snowflakes need melting.

No, there's a difference between confidence and disrespect. I've read novels written in the 70s that also noticed this difference between American teens and European teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because we're not taught to show deference to elders. We grow up in a throw-away society, including throwing away our elders (nursing homes), rather than seeing elders as wise and experienced.

When children here interrupt they're listened to, whereas children elsewhere are taught to be quiet and listen.

OP here.

This is what I observed. Back home, we had a very strict environment in our private school. When the bell rang everyone had to be in their seats and no one can speak until they raise their hand and the teacher calls on them. We were actually not encouraged to ask questions etc.

In America the kids just had such sheer confidence. They'd strut around the halls with attitude, talk in loud voices, laugh at the teacher, joke around etc.

I'm in my thirties and still wish this easy confidence can rub on me.

It's because in other countries kids are disciplined more without the fear of being called out for child abuse. Teachers in other countries are known to physically hit kids when they misbehave and seem to have as much authority as the parents. In America kids run the show because they are more protected and parents give them what they want or don't pay attention to what their kids are doing and give them more independence at a young age hence the reason kids have sex at earlier ages and misbehave in school and are just rude all around.

[Anonymous]

Because Americans are instilled from birth that they are exceptional simply because they're Americans.

[Anonymous]

You're confusing entitlement with confidence.

[Anonymous]

This isn't a child abuse worry thing. It's cultural. I lived many years in Europe but grew up in the US.

The education systems to start are different. In the European countries I was in (and I had friends who were teachers), it was more about memorizing facts and numbers. In the US system, it's more about working on group projects, and know _how_ to find the answer, but not memorizing the answer. It's more about the why than the what.

There are pluses and minuses to this. It encourages creativity, and it's why the US tends to dominate in innovation and cultural areas (music, movies), since those require creativity and thinking outside the box. However, it also means Americans are pretty bad with facts -- ask them to find country X on a map, or who the prime minister of country Y is, and they simply won't know it. The European system is great when you need people to follow a strict set of rules, which is why the Germans are great at engineering and manufacturing for example.

You can see it even in the grading systems. In Korea and China, there's one day a year when all students in high school sit for this major exam, and their score on that one exam determines their destiny -- which university will accept them. Universities choose students almost solely based on that exam score, and don't look at the student holistically, ignoring extra-curriculars, family life, grades, etc.

On a personal side, we face this now as I'm American and DW is European and grew up under that system, where children were seen and not heard. It's striking when we go to visit her country and we see her sister's children -- afraid to talk or say anything unless asked, and then it's one-word answers. Meanwhile ours are very vocal and definitely expressive. Yes, they can be more unruly at times, but we've decided that's a worthy trade-off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're confusing entitlement with confidence.

And disrespect

Kids nowadays are absolutely horrific.