How do American kids have so much confidence?

[Anonymous]

I think my son and his friends are polite. But, they are also taught to speak comfortably with adults. I wouldn't lump all American kids in the same group.

I grew up in a very strict, traditional Asian American home. I was miserable. My childhood was unhappy. I hope, and I believe, that my children are a lot happier than I was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you think is confidence is really disrespectful behavior. That might be tolerated in urban areas but not where I come from. Never has, never will.

Manners seem to be disappearing, being vulgar taking it's place. Snowflakes need melting.

No, there's a difference between confidence and disrespect. I've read novels written in the 70s that also noticed this difference between American teens and European teens.

European teens can be just as "confident" and/or "disrespectful" as American teens. I've lived in Europe for years and seen it first hand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because Americans are instilled from birth that they are exceptional simply because they're Americans.

I agree but it's so delusional as to actually be sad. Nothing exceptional about the US anymore (except in bad ways maybe).

I disagree. While the U.S. certainly has its flaws, so does every other country in the world. I've traveled extensively and enjoyed some of those countries; but would never want to be a citizen of any country other than the U.S. We are exceptional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Politeness and respect for elders is so ingrained in me that even now I naturally defer to my bosses and in laws and parents.

Oh for f@cksakes, it is in me and my husband as well (Ohio and NoVA Americans) because our parents raised us this way. We are raising our kids similarly.

There are plenty of kids raised with manners and proper etiquette. The ones you notice are the little, annoying sh*ts. And, trust me, they are present to some degree in all industrialized nations.

+1,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What you think is confidence is really disrespectful behavior. That might be tolerated in urban areas but not where I come from. Never has, never will.

Manners seem to be disappearing, being vulgar taking it's place. Snowflakes need melting.

+1 You can be confident and respectful at the same time, and actually, I would say, the more confident you are, the less brash you are (Trump is a perfect example of this).

I'm first gen Asian American, but grew up here. I can be confident, but it's been drilled into me to be respectful of my elders, especially teachers. My DH is from Europe, and he's the same, but I think this is also a generational thing. We have gone too far with letting kids "express" themselves and not squashing their "confidence".

I think Americans tend to be arrogant more so than confident. I think there's a difference, though it may come across as confidence. I am trying to teach my kids to be confident *and* respectful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're confusing entitlement with confidence.

And disrespect

Kids nowadays are absolutely horrific.

Funny how people have been complaining about “kids today” for literally thousands of years. But maybe this generation is the one that’s ACTUALLY a problem. Sure

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Politeness and respect for elders is so ingrained in me that even now I naturally defer to my bosses and in laws and parents.

Honestly, I think part of this is your personality. I'm an Asian immigrant, grew up here. I don't defer to anyone, much to my parents disgust. My older sister, however, is more timid and submissive and would defer to my parents more. It's a personality thing more so than culture, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ atrocities like this happen everywhere I am sorry to say, and that's not a reflection of the norm of teens and kids in any part of the world.

I grew up partly in the UK and partly on the East Coast here in the US. There were plenty of articulate, well mannered kids in my MS and HS. And there were the kids who got into fights in the corridor and got suspended. In the same way those kids existed in the UK. There were brats then as there are now, some 30 years later.

The difference I see between then and now are the kids who are raised mostly by "help". They don't learn to talk to adults in the same way. Many of them ignore parents at play dates and parties because they haven't been around adults other than those who "serve" them and as such, they are dismissive and don't engage. Its their loss and a loss for their parents who encourage such behaviors. I've seen this more on the West coast than the East I'd like to add...

+1,000,000
Completely agree about the kids who are raised by nannies, housekeepers, etc. They are so dismissive to adults - parents of their friends, teachers, and their own parents, as well. But I've seen this plenty here on the East coast.

Unfortunately, there are disrespectful teens everywhere. Anyone remember the horrific India gang rape from a few years ago? And that was just one that made the news. Rapes are commonplace in India. I believe most of the rapists were just out of their teens, except for one who was still under age. How did these kids grow into monsters?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ atrocities like this happen everywhere I am sorry to say, and that's not a reflection of the norm of teens and kids in any part of the world.

I grew up partly in the UK and partly on the East Coast here in the US. There were plenty of articulate, well mannered kids in my MS and HS. And there were the kids who got into fights in the corridor and got suspended. In the same way those kids existed in the UK. There were brats then as there are now, some 30 years later.

The difference I see between then and now are the kids who are raised mostly by "help". They don't learn to talk to adults in the same way. Many of them ignore parents at play dates and parties because they haven't been around adults other than those who "serve" them and as such, they are dismissive and don't engage. Its their loss and a loss for their parents who encourage such behaviors. I've seen this more on the West coast than the East I'd like to add...

+1,000,000
Completely agree about the kids who are raised by nannies, housekeepers, etc. They are so dismissive to adults - parents of their friends, teachers, and their own parents, as well. But I've seen this plenty here on the East coast.

Unfortunately, there are disrespectful teens everywhere. Anyone remember the horrific India gang rape from a few years ago? And that was just one that made the news. Rapes are commonplace in India. I believe most of the rapists were just out of their teens, except for one who was still under age. How did these kids grow into monsters?

Well, according to your own logic, they were raised by nannies and housekeepers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because we're not taught to show deference to elders. We grow up in a throw-away society, including throwing away our elders (nursing homes), rather than seeing elders as wise and experienced.

When children here interrupt they're listened to, whereas children elsewhere are taught to be quiet and listen.

OP here.

This is what I observed. Back home, we had a very strict environment in our private school. When the bell rang everyone had to be in their seats and no one can speak until they raise their hand and the teacher calls on them. We were actually not encouraged to ask questions etc.

In America the kids just had such sheer confidence. They'd strut around the halls with attitude, talk in loud voices, laugh at the teacher, joke around etc.

I'm in my thirties and still wish this easy confidence can rub on me.

It's because in other countries kids are disciplined more without the fear of being called out for child abuse. Teachers in other countries are known to physically hit kids when they misbehave and seem to have as much authority as the parents. In America kids run the show because they are more protected and parents give them what they want or don't pay attention to what their kids are doing and give them more independence at a young age hence the reason kids have sex at earlier ages and misbehave in school and are just rude all around.

THAT IS COMPLETELY BULSHI. I visit my friend in Budapest and kids there have full sexual relationships by 13/14. Definitely by 15. The idea that American teens are sexually active at a younger age is hogwash

Agreed. Europeans teens have sex MUCH earlier than American teens. And, in fact, American Millennial teens have been maintaining their virginity until later than their older peers. It's an interesting trend.

I'm 35 and I've dated many European women. Nearly all lost their virginity at 13 or 14. Whereas I was 17, along with most of my American friends (men and women). By the time Europeans are 17, they've usually been having sex for 3 or 4 years and have had multiple partners. At least that's what I've heard from the German, Austrian, and French women I've dated.

[Anonymous]

American teens are arrogant. They think they know best and that teachers and administration are out to get them.
I recall having classmates and friends who would snicker at teachers and laugh out loud and make fun of Kenneth Branaughs Hamlet when it was played for us for English class.

I never understood what was funny about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you think is confidence is really disrespectful behavior. That might be tolerated in urban areas but not where I come from. Never has, never will.

Manners seem to be disappearing, being vulgar taking it's place. Snowflakes need melting.

+1 You can be confident and respectful at the same time, and actually, I would say, the more confident you are, the less brash you are (Trump is a perfect example of this).

I'm first gen Asian American, but grew up here. I can be confident, but it's been drilled into me to be respectful of my elders, especially teachers. My DH is from Europe, and he's the same, but I think this is also a generational thing. We have gone too far with letting kids "express" themselves and not squashing their "confidence".

I think Americans tend to be arrogant more so than confident. I think there's a difference, though it may come across as confidence. I am trying to teach my kids to be confident *and* respectful.

This.
I was raised to be respectful to elders, parents, teachers, police officers etc. I have raised my kids the same way, use manners and be respectful to everyone. At the same time I try to instill confidence that they can achieve anything. Confidence is holding your head up being sure of yourself. Arrogance is being loud and brash and putting others down

[Anonymous]

My experience is similar to the OP. I didn't really gain any confidence until I left home. My parents have been very authoritarian. I watch my own young kids assert their opinions and preferences and think back to my own upbringing. The biggest difference is that in my parents' culture, respect only goes one way, up toward your elders, teachers, people in authority. Parents respecting their kids' personhood was unheard of. For example, I have a say in how my son's haircut should look like, but I would not force him to sport a style that he loathes. My mom had no such qualms and always insisted that the hairdresser cut it extremely short so I looked like a tomboy, even well into my teenage years. It's just one small example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Politeness and respect for elders is so ingrained in me that even now I naturally defer to my bosses and in laws and parents.

Oh for f@cksakes, it is in me and my husband as well (Ohio and NoVA Americans) because our parents raised us this way. We are raising our kids similarly.

There are plenty of kids raised with manners and proper etiquette. The ones you notice are the little, annoying sh*ts. And, trust me, they are present to some degree in all industrialized nations.

+1,000

Another +1. You notice the bad kids because they're just that - bad.

[Anonymous]

Not all American kids have confidence. It sounds like you are describing the extroverted kids.