19 YO son came home with a tattoo!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op you need to tell us what the tattoo is of and where it is.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So my 19 YO DS has spent much of the summer in summer courses so he can graduate on time, but came home for two weeks on Sunday for the break between summer and fall classes.

He surprised us by telling us he got a tattoo a week ago. Which was completely unexpected - he never told us he was considering it or even really expressed interest in trying (outside a phase back when he was 16).

He knows me and DH don't like tattoos. They are the destruction of the human body that will, outside expensive laser removal, fixtures on the body. They also Mark a person, fairly or unfairly, as a part of the underclass, mostly associated with drugs, alcohol, and living a risky lifestyle I think most parents hope their kids never have to deal with.

I know that isn't my son - he is a smart, highly capable young man who has excelled in both school and work environments. But I just think he got wrapped up in the excitement (apparently him and several friends went and got tattoos together so I think it was just peer pressure).

At this point both me and DH are angry and hurt - DS knew our views on this well. Which is probably why he didn't tell us he was considering this action.

I'm at a loss as to what to do. My view is to stop supporting him (we pay for part of tuition + rent him an apartment off campus. I would offer to pay for room + board in official school housing, as I've always believed it was our duty as parents to provide food and housing for our kids if they can't do so themselves, but in my opinion if he sees himself as mature enough to desecrate his body, he is old enough to be responsible for his own education and spending money (which he already funds). If he can't afford school, or is unwilling to take out loans to cover his education, he knows there will always be a place at our table and a bed waiting for him at home. But I am not comfortable or in a position to pay for an apartment with "friends" who would suggest he get a tattoo.

DH thinks I'm being too harsh, but I just think DS knew what our response would be and should have considered that before getting the tattoo without even mentioning it to us.

Actually your atrocious grammar marks you as part of the underclass.

There is no way that OP has a job that requires any brain power. Her grammar and spelling are appalling.

[Anonymous]

OP, having you for a mother for 19 years has probably been punishment enough. I'm sure this isn't the first time you've gone all psycho on him for no reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are totally overreacting to this. Tattoos have become very mainstream and unless it's on his face, neck or hands it will rarely be seen.

Is the the hill you are willing to die on to destroy your family?

Exactly. Let him grow up. The whole reason he did it without telling you is because he knew you'd overreact. He knows you don't like it and he's independent enough to make his own choice. He will have to deal with the consequences if it's not a tasteful tattoo. It doesn't affect you in any way but to reinforce your prejudices about tattooed people.

What would you do if he came home with a pregnant girlfriend, a drug addiction or a pending court case? Pick your battles and this should not be one.

[Anonymous]

I have a full sleeve of music all the way down my left arm, and a treble clef on the inside of my right wrist, which I plan to turn into a full sleeve. I am 45, and female. My 24 yr old got his first tat as soon as he turned 18. My tat is some badass work, and it's also beautiful. Not everyone thinks that tattoos are horrifying. They are a way of expressing yourself. Your body, your choice.

[Anonymous]

I think tattoos are gross and mutilating and would hope, like you, my kids would never do them. If they did, however, as adults, I would bite my tongue and smile and smile away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, the bad grammar you used throughout your post marks someone as "underclass" (whatever that is) far more than a discrete tattoo. And I assume it is discrete because you said he told you he got one--not that he has the Irish flag tattooed across his face.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:lady, unless the tattoo is a swastika (or maybe a known gang symbol in a visible place), it will have roughly zero effect on his hireability. people with tattoos that I have interacted with in the last week include: prosecutors at DOJ, partner at a BigLaw firm, associates at a BigLaw firm, my kids' pediatrician, a couple of nurses, my landlord, my real estate agent, 3 different IT people, including the guy running the section, an old friend from college (who now runs a multimillion dollar business), a middle school teacher, my husband (a small business owner), a preschool teacher, and two friends from back home who are now a nurse and the other does something in publishing. And the only reason I noticed is because I'm paying attention to such things lately because I might get one myself (government lawyer).

now, I'm going to caveat that some of those are more unusual than others. I don't know many other BigLaw partners with a full sleeve, but this guy does. and that's probably the only preschool teacher I've run across with a tattoo. also, face and neck tattoos are more frowned upon generally. and tattoos with problematic content could be legit jobkillers if they are visible. So, no swastikas or naked boobs on his neck? he's fine.

Lol. Where do you live? Tattooine? Tatooville? Tatoo Town? I call troll. There is no way you know that many professionals with such a range of jobs with tattoos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:lady, unless the tattoo is a swastika (or maybe a known gang symbol in a visible place), it will have roughly zero effect on his hireability. people with tattoos that I have interacted with in the last week include: prosecutors at DOJ, partner at a BigLaw firm, associates at a BigLaw firm, my kids' pediatrician, a couple of nurses, my landlord, my real estate agent, 3 different IT people, including the guy running the section, an old friend from college (who now runs a multimillion dollar business), a middle school teacher, my husband (a small business owner), a preschool teacher, and two friends from back home who are now a nurse and the other does something in publishing. And the only reason I noticed is because I'm paying attention to such things lately because I might get one myself (government lawyer).

now, I'm going to caveat that some of those are more unusual than others. I don't know many other BigLaw partners with a full sleeve, but this guy does. and that's probably the only preschool teacher I've run across with a tattoo. also, face and neck tattoos are more frowned upon generally. and tattoos with problematic content could be legit jobkillers if they are visible. So, no swastikas or naked boobs on his neck? he's fine.

Lol. Where do you live? Tattooine? Tatooville? Tatoo Town? I call troll. There is no way you know that many professionals with such a range of jobs with tattoos.

I live in the district. My older kid is in public school. my younger in a neighborhood daycare. I work at DOJ and deal with a great many lawyers from different kinds of practices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So my 19 YO DS has spent much of the summer in summer courses so he can graduate on time, but came home for two weeks on Sunday for the break between summer and fall classes.

He surprised us by telling us he got a tattoo a week ago. Which was completely unexpected - he never told us he was considering it or even really expressed interest in trying (outside a phase back when he was 16).

He knows me and DH don't like tattoos. They are the destruction of the human body that will, outside expensive laser removal, fixtures on the body. They also Mark a person, fairly or unfairly, as a part of the underclass, mostly associated with drugs, alcohol, and living a risky lifestyle I think most parents hope their kids never have to deal with.

I know that isn't my son - he is a smart, highly capable young man who has excelled in both school and work environments. But I just think he got wrapped up in the excitement (apparently him and several friends went and got tattoos together so I think it was just peer pressure).

At this point both me and DH are angry and hurt - DS knew our views on this well. Which is probably why he didn't tell us he was considering this action.

I'm at a loss as to what to do. My view is to stop supporting him (we pay for part of tuition + rent him an apartment off campus. I would offer to pay for room + board in official school housing, as I've always believed it was our duty as parents to provide food and housing for our kids if they can't do so themselves, but in my opinion if he sees himself as mature enough to desecrate his body, he is old enough to be responsible for his own education and spending money (which he already funds). If he can't afford school, or is unwilling to take out loans to cover his education, he knows there will always be a place at our table and a bed waiting for him at home. But I am not comfortable or in a position to pay for an apartment with "friends" who would suggest he get a tattoo.

DH thinks I'm being too harsh, but I just think DS knew what our response would be and should have considered that before getting the tattoo without even mentioning it to us.

Unless they get a tattoo? You are going to be the worst mother in law. Hopefully your son will not be talking to you after he gets married. OP do you work or are you a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

"They also Mark a person, fairly or unfairly, as a part of the underclass, mostly associated with drugs, alcohol, and living a risky lifestyle I think most parents hope their kids never have to deal with. "

HAHAHAHA...OH YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

WELCOME TO THE BIG CITY, IT IS 2017, GRANDMA HAYSEED.

My spouse and I are covered in tattoos, we are stand-up tax-paying, law-abiding federal professionals, military veteran, educated, non-alcoholic, drug-free, and nowhere near being considered "the under-class."

It is JUST a TATTOO, and it is HIS BODY, and HIS life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:lady, unless the tattoo is a swastika (or maybe a known gang symbol in a visible place), it will have roughly zero effect on his hireability. people with tattoos that I have interacted with in the last week include: prosecutors at DOJ, partner at a BigLaw firm, associates at a BigLaw firm, my kids' pediatrician, a couple of nurses, my landlord, my real estate agent, 3 different IT people, including the guy running the section, an old friend from college (who now runs a multimillion dollar business), a middle school teacher, my husband (a small business owner), a preschool teacher, and two friends from back home who are now a nurse and the other does something in publishing. And the only reason I noticed is because I'm paying attention to such things lately because I might get one myself (government lawyer).

now, I'm going to caveat that some of those are more unusual than others. I don't know many other BigLaw partners with a full sleeve, but this guy does. and that's probably the only preschool teacher I've run across with a tattoo. also, face and neck tattoos are more frowned upon generally. and tattoos with problematic content could be legit jobkillers if they are visible. So, no swastikas or naked boobs on his neck? he's fine.

Lol. Where do you live? Tattooine? Tatooville? Tatoo Town? I call troll. There is no way you know that many professionals with such a range of jobs with tattoos.

I live in the district. My older kid is in public school. my younger in a neighborhood daycare. I work at DOJ and deal with a great many lawyers from different kinds of practices.

THINK AGAIN.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:lady, unless the tattoo is a swastika (or maybe a known gang symbol in a visible place), it will have roughly zero effect on his hireability. people with tattoos that I have interacted with in the last week include: prosecutors at DOJ, partner at a BigLaw firm, associates at a BigLaw firm, my kids' pediatrician, a couple of nurses, my landlord, my real estate agent, 3 different IT people, including the guy running the section, an old friend from college (who now runs a multimillion dollar business), a middle school teacher, my husband (a small business owner), a preschool teacher, and two friends from back home who are now a nurse and the other does something in publishing. And the only reason I noticed is because I'm paying attention to such things lately because I might get one myself (government lawyer).

now, I'm going to caveat that some of those are more unusual than others. I don't know many other BigLaw partners with a full sleeve, but this guy does. and that's probably the only preschool teacher I've run across with a tattoo. also, face and neck tattoos are more frowned upon generally. and tattoos with problematic content could be legit jobkillers if they are visible. So, no swastikas or naked boobs on his neck? he's fine.

Lol. Where do you live? Tattooine? Tatooville? Tatoo Town? I call troll. There is no way you know that many professionals with such a range of jobs with tattoos.

Of course you can, they aren't new or trendy anymore, they are just "some do" "some don't" in society at this point.

[Anonymous]

OP ~ since you and DH disagree, DH's approach prevails since his approach is to continue the same course. At 19 I do not think you have any say what so ever re: your son's body. I hate tattoos. Hate them, hate them. I am sorry for your pain. I would feel it too. But he is an adult. The tattoo is not about him flunking out of college or doing anything else that would warrant a change to your monetary arrangement.

[Anonymous]

W school teacher. I don't have any ink, but 3/4 of the professional staff do. Most are able to/prefer to keep them covered. Hardly the underclass. We all have at least a 4 year degree and most have grad degrees. The principal has a tattoo!